"You're that waitress" -Ian
"Seating Hostess" -Tula
While Ian is being baptised in an inflateable baby pool.
Any second now he's gonna look at me and say, "You're so not worth this." -Toula
"We may be lambs in the kitchen but we are tigers in the bedroom." -Maria
"Ewwh! Please let that be the end of your speech." -Toula
"He don't eat meat?!?"
Whole party turns to look at Ian
"It's ok, i make lamb." -Aunt Voula
"Did you lose this?"
Neighbour pushes Grandmother back to Toula's father
"Keep your mother off my lawn" -Neighbour
"I cook and i clean, I raised three kids and I teach Sunday School. Lucky for me i've got you to tie my shoes." -Maria
"The man is the head, but the woman is the neck, and the neck can turn the head any way she wants." -Maria
"There are two types of people, the Greeks and everybody else who wish they was Greek." -Gus
Gus's cure for any ailment is windex.
"What's that thing?" -Gus
"Mosquito bite."
"Put some Windex"
"I had a huge zit this morning" -Ian
"What happened?" -Toula
"I put some Windex on it" -Ian
Ian: Who did your makeup?
Toula: My Aunts.
Ian: Drag Queens could get a few tips from your Aunts.
We fight and we laugh, and yes, we roast lamb on a stick in our front yard." -Toula
Toula is wearing a fancy dress for a secret date with Ian
Gus: Where are you going?
Toula: Pottery class.
"Well, well...If it isn't Mr. Pottery Class himself." -Nikki
"The only people we know are Greek because we marry Greeks to make more loud, noisy, Greek eaters." -Toula
Gus: You never once asked if you could date my daughter.
Ian: ...Can I date your daughter?
Gus: NO!
"When my people were writing philosophy your people were swinging from the trees." -Gus
"You're engaged! We never thought this would happen, never, never, ever." -Toula's Family
"We different but in the end we all fruit" -Gus
"I've never seen my sister so happy...If you hurt her i'll kill you and make it look like an accident." -Nick (Toula's brother)
"Hey Ian, we're gonna kill ya! Opah!" -Angelo
"When I was growing up, I knew I was different. The other girls were blonde and delicate, and I was a swarthy six-year-old with sideburns." -Toula
"Nice Greek girls who don't find a husband, work in the family restaurant. So here I am, day after day, year after year, thirty and way past my expiration date." -Toula
"That family is like toast, no honey, no jam...I try to put a little marmalade but nooo." -Gus
Yelled to whole party
"I have three testicles" -Ian
"I was swept off my feet my your opening line of 'hiiiii'" -Toula
"Nice Greek girls are supposed to do three things: marry Greek boys, make Greek babies and feed everyone until the day we die." -Toula
"Don't you want me to do something with my life?" -Toula
"Get Married! Have babies!" -Gus
"I had to go to Greek school, where I sat in a room translating, 'If Nick has one goat and Maria has nine how long will it be until they get married?'" -Toula
"A few years later our father brought our grandmother over from Greece because we weren't weird enough." -Toula
"Our Cousins have two volumes, loud and louder." -Toula
"We told our grandmother that the war was over but she still slept with a knife under her pillow." -Toula
"My Cousin married young and became a Greek baby breeding machine." -Toula
"My brother Nicky has two jobs, to cook and to marry a Greek virgin." -Toula