"Aren't you the guy trying to get out pretending you're a woman?" -Undertaker
"Nah, i'm the woman trying to get in pretending i'm a guy." -Klinger
"Where's the best place to look for casualties?" -Undertaker
"Try the mess tent." -Hawkeye
"Dear dad, i am not dead, hope you're not too." -Hawkeye
"Hey, cheer up. We're going to a funeral." -Trapper
"You're not sorry, that was a vicious, deliberate smudge." -Frank
"And this needs to be signed by an officer who witnessed the deceased not die." -Registration Man
"My father not realising i'm not dead is mourning his unson." -Hawkeye
"Excuse me captain, I'm late for an early grave." -Hawkeye