"Football mascot fears he may be type cast." -CNNNN
Bob: You have no idea what it's like to be descriminated against.
Jake: You're right, i'm a blind black man. I just saaail through life.
-Becker
"That girl just asked me the top 10 sexual positions and I told her the only 2 I know and began naming insects." -Elliot, Scrubs
"I would have stuck her in that trial so fast that your teeth would have fallen out all over again." -Dr Cox, Scrubs
"You just wound up in the dumb store and packed as much into your car as you could." - Dr Cox, Scrubs
"Hi Doctor" -Hot Doctor
"Oh, that's me, cos I'm a doctor, of course I'm a doctor, I got the heart curing thingy." - Elliot
"Stethoscope?" -Hot Doctor (Scrubs)
"You're what we call a 'goner'." -Janitor pretending to be doctor, Scrubs
"I'm gonna sing the doom song now! Doom Doom Doom Doom Doom Doom Doom Doom Doom Doom......" -GIR, Invader Zim
"Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. That is because most books on witchcraft are written by men." -Good Omens
There was a fax machine with the intelligence of a computer and a computer with the intelligence of a retarded ant." -Good Omens
"You're voice is like a beetle crawling around in my brain." -Girl Stuff Boy Stuff.
"Did you hear that buddy? She said i was two dimensional, one more than last year." -Girl Stuff Boy Stuff
"Obviously you've been duck taped to a bed before" -Dhama, Dhama and Greg.
"I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane while people behind me are going insane" -Denis Leary, The Asshole Song
"You said go to bed, not go to bed now. With a loophole like that you can only blame yourself." -Reece, Malcom in the middle.
"Such an approach is illegal, it's against the law." -Simon Crean (lemon sucking ALP leader)
"A friend of mine, whose name will go unmentioned said 'Eating Vegemite is like licking a cat's arse'. And i thought 'How the hell does she know that'?!? -Billy Conolly
"Women need to feel love to have sex, and men need to have sex to feel loved. We're fucked from square one." -Billy Conolly
"Imperfection, that's what makes us unique"
"Like the size of your head? It's huge." -Bicentenial Man
"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." - Groucho Marx
"Outside of a dog, a man's best friend is a book; Inside of a dog, it's very dark." - Groucho Marx
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"Your 2 minute song was one minute and 59 seconds too goddamn long" - I Hate Jimmy Page, Mindless Self Indulgence.
"There are a lot of people totally opposed to violence... They're all dead." -Doom II
"If a tree falls is the forest, i'll kill the bastard what done it!" -Baulder's Gate
"The only thing better than gold is more gold!" -Dwarf from Baulder's Gate
"May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy"
"I don't think much, therefore I might not be"
"Hello, friends. I am a perfectly normal human worm baby. You have nothing, absolutely nothing to fear from me. Just pay no attention to me and we'll get along just fine." - Invader Zim
Dib: Ms. Bitters? I think a pencil is lodged in my brain. Can I go to the nurse?
Ms. Bitters: How far in your brain?
Dib: (looking down) Pretty far.
-Invader Zim
"Human law enforcement vehicle. Markings: lighting flashy thingies on top. Defensive capabilities: minimal. Explodes on impact with giant weenies. Evaluation: pathetic! Pathetic Earth vehicle! Mwahahahahahaha!" -Zim
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - apparently from Nietzsche
"This ain't the goddamn Barney show, I'm not a goddamn purple dinosaur, and I don't give a flying fuck about your 'feelings.' I don't love you, I don't want to be your friend, and as far as I'm concerned, caring means not setting your house on fire."
"I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit."
"Apparently you have the attention span of a ferret on a double espresso."