Talking to snack machine
"Ah, a candy shop! Yes i'll take two pounds of Bristols toffee, oh and don't wrap it too tightly, I'm hungry now!
waits
You've made a powerful enemy today my friend." -Mr Burns

Mr Burns: What is this? There's some sort of force field around these vegetables.
Homer: That's the sneeze guard. You put your head under it to get food and sneeze on stuff.

"You're so much more fun than Smithers, he doesn't know the meaning of the word gay." -Mr Burns

"Aw! My Eye! I'm not supposed to get pudding in it." -Lenny

"Think of it this way, i've always been an obese man in a fat man's body." -Homer

"Instead of making sandwiches with bread, make it with with pop tarts. Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon!" -Dr Nick.

"I for one am suprised that for once homer's butt prevented the release of toxic gas." -Bart

"Yes, i may be naked and stinking of panda love but i have to stop this before it goes too far." -Homer

"What should i do with all this dirty, ill-gotten money? Throw it in the trash?" -Homer
"Noooo, there's lots of needy children out there." -Lisa
"I see what your saying, i need to get a gun." -Homer

"Well where you're going there's going to be plenty of nuns, cos you're going to hell." -Chief Wiggum

"First you torched that orphanage, then you blew up that bus with nuns in it." -Chief Wiggum
"Hey! that was in self defence." -Snake

"I need some air" -Homer
"Do you need some hot air because us congressmen are full of it." Congressmen

Bart: How could you Krusty? That was the reason I voted for you.
Krusty: I thought you were ten.
Bart: This is not about how old I am or how many times i've voted.

Krusty: I won! I'm a Senator!
Lisa: Congressman
Krusty: Whatever

"Cement! is there any sweeter sign? Well maybe high voltage." -Bart Simpson

"I can't believe you'd vandalise your own town. What would Jebadiah Springfield say?" -Marge
"I think he'd be cool with it." -Bart

"Hey! They're stealing our lemons, we can't spare a single one!"
Springfield kids begin throwing lemons at Shelbyville kids.

"Quiet kids! If you never learn your roman numerals you'll never know what date certain motion films were copyrighted" -Ms Crabapple

"If we get lost we can always find east by staring directly at the sun." -Bart

"Look, the fire hydrants are yellow." -Martin
"This place is creeping me out." -Nelson

"Nelson and Martin are together" -Bart
"Team Discovery channel!" -Martin

"I thought you said you could read lips" -Milhouse
"I assumed I could" -Bart

Bart: I don't go to school
Shelbyville Kid: Ok then, what does 2 + 2 equal?
Bart: 5
Shelbyville Kid: Ok, he's cool.

"This whole raid was as useless as that yellow lemon shaped rock over there. Wait! There's a lemon behind that rock." -Bart

"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddies, and kids with fake ID's." -Homer

Kent Brockman: How's the community dealing with the spiritual vacuum? Lets ask Arnie Pie in The Sky.
Arnie Pie: You know what I see Kent? I see a slow news day with nothing to fill it.
Kent: Arnie you're supposed to be filming people coping with the loss of their church.
Arnie: And how am I supposed to do that Kent? Do I have a magic lens that can see into peoples' souls? Well yours would be black Kent, black like the ace of spades.

Nelson: haha! Bart's so poor he has to eat cardboard.
Milhouse: What are you eating
Nelson: Drywall

"Carnies built this country! The carnival part of it anyway." -Homer

"You wrecked Hitler's car, what did he ever do to you?" -Nelson

"If a Carnie can wind up homeless it can happen to anyone." -Homer

"I've said the words Jimity Jilikers so many times they've lost all their meaning." -Milhouse

Ralph: Why don't you use real cows instead of horses? Moviemaker: Because things don't look the same on film. Ralph: What if you want to film a horse? Moviemaker: Usually we just tape a couple of cats together.

"Hey sharkie, you wanna piece of this? You call yourself the king of the jungle." -Homer

Marge: The Lord only asks for one hour a week.
Homer: Then he should have made the week an hour longer.

Homer: This is the best part of the week.
Lisa: The longest possible time before more church.

Marge: Church shouldn't be a chore. It should help people with their lives.
Homer: It should but it doesn't. Now lets go to the dump.

Homer: I'd like a phone book for Hokkaido, Japan.
Library assistant: Here's the phone book for Hokkaido Japan.
Homer: May I make a phone call?
Library Assistant: Is it local?
Homer: yyyyyes.

Saint: I've appeared in over 800 visions and that's the lamest response I've ever heard.
Reverend Lovejoy: I thought saints were supposed to be nice.
Saint: You're just lucky god isn't here.

"Don't thank me, thank Marge Simpson. She taught me there's more to religion than not caring about people." -Reverend Lovejoy.

"What am i smoking? Oh right, pot." -Otto

Moe: Ooh ooh, Garage. Aren't we all fancy and French
Homer: What do you call it?
Moe: A car-hole

"Decribe your tavern in one word"
"Is dirty craphole one word?" -Moe
"If you hypenate it."

"It's not about spite, it's about petty revenge and getting back at that traitor Moe." -Homer

"Not the face, not the face!"
Bird begins pecking crotch
"Ok, the face, the face." -Moe

"Ah, the turkey. The only creature smarter than man." -Homer

"Shut up brain, or I'll stab you with a q-tip!!" -Homer

Me fail english? That's umpossible!" -Ralph

"And that kids is why you should never try to neuter your pets with the good silverware. -Krusty the clown

Futurama Quotes