You may have been away too long when ...

... a fellow Brit talks to you about football and eventually you realise he means soccer.

... you call your mates "the guys".

... you stop taking the dill pickles out of your hamburgers.

... you actually enjoy peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

... you stop putting your trash in the mail boxes.

... you use the word "trash".

1 - 100

1. ... you don't have to repeat what you say more than once. (from Mark Sillitoe)

2. ... you are back in Britain and you decide to tip the bartender and they laugh at you! (from Mr Perkins)

3. ... you watch an English show and they're driving on the wrong side of the road! (from Zoe Masino)

4. ...It is 35 degrees Celsius on January 4th! (from Chris Hendry in Australia)

5. ... You have to keep repeating/translating everything when talking to UK friends on the telephone. (from Pam Barry in Pensylvania, US)

6. ... you order french fries instead of real CHIPS! (from Marie in NY)

7. ...You are listening to the world service on shortwave in preference to the $1,000 digital satellite system that you bought. (from Rodger Macfarlane)

8. ...You prefer cinammon buns with your bacon & eggs. (from Mike Horne, a Brit in Denver, Co)

9. ... you think it's normal to have more meat than bread in a sandwich. (Jim from North Wales)

10. ...You start hunting for MARMITE at the local store and try to describe what it is to the assistant! (Kyle from the Isle of Wight)

11. ... it's OK to wear a Fanny Pack!!! (from J. Morgan in Annapolis, MD)

12. ... you can't remember how to pronounce words in Brit talk. (Sharon from Birmingham)

13. ... you eat doughnuts for breakfast! (from Ken in Arizona)

14. ... you mistake the United Kingdom for the Magic Kingdom. (from Drew Jackson in Tennessee)

15. ... you say "hay wa s'up". (Mark Smith from Portsmouth)

16. ... you have swapped your greengrocer for a green giant. (from Thomas in the Dominican Republic)

17. ... You're not sure if it's inquiry or enquiry or both. (from Paul Fischer in Sweden)

18. ... you wonder where all the 50 year old males wearing dowdy clothes including cloth cap and tweed jackets are. (anonymous)

19. ... you start talking the american way and get a accent. (from Hayley in California)

20. ... You sew with thread rather than cotton. (Steve from Sussex)

21. ... British phone numbers don't look like British phone numbers and British coins don't look like British coins. (from Ian W Halliday in New Zealand)

22. ... You dream of being back in the British winter. (Kam from Crewe)

23. ... You put your hand over your heart, when you hear GOD SAVE THE QUEEN. (from Steven in Atlanta, Georgia)

24. ... When your more afraid of the IRS than the IRA!!!! (from William Bell in Lawrenceville, Georgia)

25. ... you take your family to the drive-through church service on Sunday morning. (from Steve in San Diego, CA)

26. ... On a trip home you try and spend the old 5p and 10p coins that you've been keeping for the last 8 years. (from David Somerville in Fort Worth, Texas USA)

28. ... You stop laughing at the uniforms American footballers wear......And you don't think baseball is a girls sport anymore. (from Doris in Georgia)

29. ... A fellow brit asks you how Terry Wogan is and you say "Terry who?" (from Felix in Canada)

30. ... Someone hands you a duvet and you get into it like a sleeping bag. (from Denise Schnurr in New York)

31. ... when on a return visit londoners look like americans wearing t-shirts and shorts. (from Julian de Leyer in Baltimore, MD)

32. ... you complain its unseasonably cold weather.... and you mean its only 65F in October. (from Paul Wain in California (originally Barnet))

33. ... you start 'touching base' , have voicemail and start pronouncing 't' as a 'd' (not). (from Linda in Boston)

34. ... you have your bags packed at a supermarket and have a choice of 7 bread times instead of brown or white... oh and you can't get a decent curry! (from Linda in Boston)

36. ... You find yourself reading Paddington bear books to your kid in an English accent. (from Garry in Sunnyvale, California)

37. ... you realise you are fixin' to visit the UK (from Graham in Texas)

38. ... you don't cringe when your very British husband says "a bunch of money"! (from Anne in Seattle)

39. ...You take the dog for a walk on a leash. (from Nancy in Frankfort, IL)

40. ...you empathise with the other comments on this web-page! (from Carl Balshaw from Lancashire (near London !))

41. ... When you associate VAT only with Scotch while doing your tax forms. (from Thomas in the Dominican Republic)

42. ... Breakfast is available 24 hours a day, in fact EVERYTHING is available 24 hours a day! (from Mark Rees in San Francisco (via Hampshire))

43. ... You tell a female acquaintance in all innocence that you'll "knock her up in the morning". Which leads you conducting a VERY flustered explanation of how we knock on doors, ring doorbells etc. etc. AND SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE A WORD OF IT. (from Andy in Anchorage)

44. ... you stop smilling as if you won the pools every time the sun comes out! (from Tom Herga in Wilmington,NC)

45. ... The smell of malt vinegar is better than any expense perfume. (from Anita in Toronto, Canada)

46. ... paying $1.00 for a can (tin?!) of REAL baked beans seems like a bargain. (from Graham in Texas)

47. ... you now weigh 200 pounds when you used to be 12 stone. (from Graham in Texas)

48. ... you can only swear in a foreign language. (Tony Matthews from Worcester, U.K.

49. ... you buy in bulk from Marks & Spencers. (from Tony Matthews in Stockholm, Sweden)

50. ... you drive 30 miles to the airport on Monday afternoon to buy a Sunday Times and are prepared to pay 5 pounds for it (without supplements!) (from Tony Matthews in Stockholm, Sweden)

51. ... you ride on a London bus just for the fun of it. (from Tony Matthews in Stockholm, Sweden)

52. ... you don't understand temperatures in Fahrenheit. (from Tony Matthews in Stockholm, Sweden)

53. ... you've lost the marmite jar. (d 007 from old blighty)

54. .. You become frustrated by Brit friends unchangeable pre-conceived misconceptions about life in the U.S. (michaeljohn from Evesham, Worcs)

55. ... You have forgotten what real cheese, bread, bacon, sausages, chips, beans, beer and television are. (from John Robson in Black Mountain NC)

56. ... The thought of real chips from a chip shop makes your mouth water. (Helen Lewis from Glasgow, Scotland)

57. ... you get in the wrong side of the car to drive!! (from shan in goldsboro, nc)

58. ... It's ok to pay a fiver for half a beer. (from James in Sweden)

59. ... you have stuff stored in more than 3 countries. (from James in Sweden)

60. ... You no longer spell colour, harbour and neighbour with a U. (from Cris Crannigan in Tennessee, USA) (orig Sussex)

61. ... You stop visiting this web site. (Mike Hoy from Pembroke)

62. ... You know exactly what you want at the deli, and the bloke behind the counter understands your order first time. (from Grant Jonas in New York) (Gt Dunmow, Essex)

63. ... Your parents no longer speak the same language. (from Grant Jonas in New York) (Gt Dunmow, Essex)

65. ... You stop thinking - "I bet it's really cold outside" when you look out of the window when it's raining. (from Rob Welsby in Singapore)

66. ... you start watching nature programs on TV, just because the narrator has an English accent. (from Rob Welsby in Singapore)

67. ... you actually sing the star spangled banner (without changing it as I do). (anonymous)

68. ... You no longer think: "Look! The black's lifted - it's grey outside. Let's drive to the beach and lie on some gravel". (from Kevin in Austin, TX)

69. ... The large diet coke you ordered arrives in a 62oz cup!!! (Jonathan West from London)

70. ... You actually prefer Vegemite to Marmite (from David in Bali)

71. ... you start liking cloudy weather ! (from Willis in South Africa)

72. ... When you stop saying to your husband when he's driving "Keep right! Keep right! Keep right!" (from Janette McClure in Johannesburg via Glasgow, etc.)

73. ... the waitress in a restaurant asks "Souporsalad?" and you don't say "Yes". (from Steve McClure in San Diego via Glasgow)

74. ... The constant interruption of TV Programmes by commercial breaks, doesn't bother you anymore (anonymous)

75. ... You stop buying rounds at the pub and nobody calls you a tight a*se. (from Terry Cox in Vancouver via Elstree Herts)

76. ... you become a walking currency conversion table ... (by the way is the pound still at $1.6707 and 511.42 drachmas today?) (from Paul in Qatar, Arabian Gulf)

77. ... you know that when they say the job will get done bukra, insh'allah, they really mean malish. (bukra - tomorrow insh'allah - God willing malish, never) (from Paul in Qatar, Arabian Gulf)

78. ... you pull on your dungarees, and head for the annual Prune Festival. (Groan!) (from Tracey Fuschich in California)

79. ... you start entering competitions to win a trip to England. (from Tracey Fuschich in California)

80. ... you find yourself looking forward to watching a "Miss Marple" mystery. Sad, or what? (from Tracey Fuschich in California)

81. ... When your Main Course in an English Restaurant looks like a small tasty morsel! (not) ! (from Carol in Indiana USA)

82. ... the sales clerk says, "come on back, y'hear", and you don't turn curiously and ask, Huh? (from Bill Macdonald in Arizona, USA)

83. ... You are not called a Pom anymore. (from Eve in Perth, Australia)

84. ... you ask for a bag of chips not crisps. (Judy from Darlington, Co. Durham)

85. ... You have to ask who's in the cup final (Norman Thomas from Manchester)

86. ... Your first stop on the Internet is the update on Coronation Street, East Enders or the Archers, which you normally wouldn't bother with! (Susan from Woodford, Essex)

87. ... there's a local football derby and you couldn't care less who wins. (Ian in Sarajevo from Hull, East Yorks)

88. ... You are getting desperate to be with anyone British just so you can relate....... (Sheena from Portsmouth)

89. ... You look at yourself in the mirror and see your turning an unusal shade of brown. Definatley unlike the bright red you turned in Spain 12 years ago when still living in England. (Trevor Gilmour from Pepin, Wisconsin. Via Bristol)

90. ... you start to miss the taste of toast and beans. (Lisa in Sweden)

91. ... when you complain about the LACK of rain! (Erica in Singapore)

92. ... You automatically call a "waistcoat" a "vest", and no longer think a tanktop is some sort of military hardware. (Darren Lacey in Owings Mills, MD)

93. ... someone asks to "knock you up" and you want to smack them. (anon.)

94. ...you go home and get upset when the shop assistants dont smile and talk to you. (from Samantha Brady in Atlanta; orig. Manchester UK)

95. ... you call your Mum "MOM". (from Samantha Brady in Atlanta; orig. Manchester UK)

96. ... You want you parents to come and stay!!! (just kidding Mum and Dad!!) (from Samantha Brady in Atlanta; orig. Manchester UK)

97. ... You don't have to stop and think when a shop assistant says "paperorplastic?" (from Melissa Bean in Hendersonville, NC, USA)

98. ... When you go back home, and go into a pub, order a round, then the barman/girl/person gives a strange look at you trying to see what change you can give them, yet you still have a Brit accent!!! (from Dave Elliott in Brockton MA, orig' Loughboroug)

99. ... When the "Lemonade" tastes funny to you. (Mahesh from London)

100. ... the locals ask if you are an Australian. (Mick Evans from Epsom , Surrey, UK)

101 onwards

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