(This article appeared in the Wednesday, February 19, 1997 Kansai & West
section of The Daily Yomiuri, one of Japan's English language
newspapers.)
Disclaimer: It has been brought to my attention that this piece fails to recognize the individual strengths and characteristics of Japanese women, and in fact perpetuates the traditional stereotype of Japanese women being passive and subordinate. The writing is based on a single experience and subsequent conversations with women in the Kobe area, and it may not accurately reflect the experiences or "dreams" of all Japanese women. For a broader portrayal, please visit Stories of Japanese women and please feel free to submit your own stories, encounters, musings to kclifelogues@oocities.com
I'm sure many foreign residents of Japan, especially junior high school English teachers,
have occasionally experienced that mysterious tugging at the back
of their heads, only to turn around and find three or four young girls
touching and examining their hair.
Recently I responded to the tug and found one of my second grade
girls holding my brownish locks up to the light. She then asked me
shyly if I thought she was pretty. I told her she was beautiful. She's
fourteen years old, has a sweet smile, and a light sprinkling of
freckles on her cheeks.
"But I have black hair," she protested.
I insisted that hair of any color could be beautiful.
"Do you think I'll be pretty when I get to high school?" she asked.
I told her I was sure of it.
"Do you want to get married, sensei?" she asked.
I told her I did, but I wasn't in a hurry and I wasn't worried about it
yet. Her mouth dropped a little in surprise. She knew I was 28.
"I want to get married," she asserted, "when I'm 22."
As I walked away I thought about the Japanese adage about women
and Christmas cake, which says neither is good after 25. I am familiar
with the cultural and societal circumstances that work against
women in Japan, and I realize that the security provided by a husband
and family are of utmost importance to a lot of women. Yet I was
saddened by this 14-year-old, whose only dream in life is toi be pretty
and to get married.
I have other female students who claim they will be doctors,
translators, artists--I don't doubt that they will follow those
dreams, unless of course, they get distracted by the Christmas
cake reference.
In my experience of speaking to young women in their early 20s, most of them
confess they are eager to find a "handsome boy" so they can settle down for
the "happily-ever-after." But even within the dream of marriage,
many young women will lower their standards of personal happiness. A foreign
friend of mind asked her English conversation students, all young women, if they would marry for
anything but love. She was surprised that most held onto the romantic
ideal that they would find a love relationship, but when it came
down to choosing a husband, they would not marry a guy--even if they
loved him--who didn't have a good job. The fear of family instability
outweighed the virtue of love.
When I asked another group of young Japanese women, as well as several
others in their 40s, what their dreams were, they unanimously responded that getting married,
having children and making sure their children did well in school
were the most important components of their dreams.
It dawned on me that their dreams seemed indicative of the Japanese societal
dream--that happiness for them comes from attaining that which everyone else is
attaining. Not one woman told me she wanted to have her own business, travel around
the world or work for the government. Yet from an American standpoint, it
is our individual dreams that make our lives significant, and the
possibility of achieving them helps us to persevere.
Unfortunately, it is difficult for Japanese to forge alternative
frontiers for themselves, even more so for Japanese women.
I think back to my student, fascinated by the color of my hair, and I imagine
that its very difference represented something unimaginable and impossible
to obtain. She seemed to be asking not only for acceptance of her looks and
the color of her hair, but also for my approval of her dream. But as I am
a foreigner here, my lifestyle, my dreams and views--no matter
how much they are sought after by Japanese--are readily dismissed
by a young woman whose dream already fits the mold of her society.
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