Broadcast date: 11/30/98
Episode #204
Location: Lake Piru, Las Vegas
Summary
Dang! I'm such a idiot! I mentioned just about everything that happened in last weeks analysis, except Janet. This time around, I'll be sure to mention Janet, along with the episodes other interesting events.
Now on with the show.
Last week we left off with Preppie informing the teams on what they have to do to win. And everyone took a dive except Janet who decided to freeze up atop a seven story crane.
* * *
We get a wide angle view of the towering crane with the current scores, RW 4 RR 4. And it's easy to figure out why anyone would get butterflies in their stomach if called apond to dive from that!
Never the less Janet is one of those people who can't handle high altitudes. The guys are cheering Janet on. And Jason's like "Janet's taking a lot of time up there. So we're wondering what's wrong." Let's see shall we? Atop the crane we see Janet's hands shaking, so she ask Preppie to comfort her. And oh crap, I should have seen this one coming. She's baiting Preepie in hopes that he'll take her out on his party boat for a midnight cruise.
The whole while, the guys are still trying to convince her to jump pointing out if Neil can jump anyone can. I'll hold them to their word when we come to the terrible twos if yall know what I mean!
Preppie rises to the bait and tries to reassure her that everything will be ok, and that he's here to keep her safe. So she accepts temporary defeat knowing that she just score a date.
And Janet's not on the ground 2 second when Beth immediately starts complaining about (what else!) her poor ankle.
Apparently, Beth's complaints starts a chain-reaction because after hearing the news that Janet isn't jumping pisses Kefla and Roni off. They state that "if they had to jump, then Janet has to jump also." Even though she has a fear of hights combined with a hidden agenda to cozy up with a certain instructor. Kefla and Roni aren't taking this, and show it with an affirmative "Hell no!".
Then Neil jumps in Kefla's face (Neil's uppity these days!) and tells him that Janet's freaking out and doesn't need the bashing. Jason joins in on the verbal assault while Mark plays referee.
Things finally settle down when Preppie tells everyone that he gave the call for Janet to sit on the side lines for a while.
RR's up next and Kalle climbs onto the platform and makes a screaming-gracious dive only to come up empty handed. The pity irony is she shook her head in disgust when Roni failed to retrieve any rings. And ahh, now the shoe's on the other foot.
So it's time for team RW to choose who's jumping next. And now Montana's jumping on whining band wagon. Her reason? She just don't wanna go! Really! There are A LOT of thing I don't want to do either, but I have to. The pressure is now on Ole Anne since both Roni and Kalle came up empty handed. However, she knows how to add a pinch of humor to a stressful situation with a simple, "No pressure!" followed by a silly smirk. Anne takes a deep breath, then a deep dive and manages to scoop up a ring. Bravo Anne!
So where does it stand right now? RW 4 RR 5.
Ok! let's check in on Janet who's now pumped and ready to go after a few cop a feels by Preppie. And damn! Janet's not even on the crane 2 seconds when Beth and Montana start bitching back and forth at each other. More so to one up each other. Nate assures her that her darn ankle is fine, but Beth has had the easy life over the past few weeks and is not going to give it up with out fight!
Then Montana's states the obvious, "that Beth has been using her ankle as an excuse for a lot of thing." Well Duh! It took you 3 lost events to figure that out! For all practical purposes beside the obvious genetic differences, these two are sisters. The same selfcentered-selfish sisters that fight over a guy and end up losing him to a more attractive, smarter girl. Then they blame each other for their lost!
Where were we? Oh ya, the terrible twos continue to whine.
Meanwhile, Janet's asserts herself above the two misfits by saying that they need to cut the crap and work together for a change. But to no a vale when Beth sums it up with "I don't care if it's 50 to 1. If I jump, you're going with me!" in her best make my day speech. Check mate! Montana has nothing more to say while she cranes her head high knowing that the world "will" be watching.
Janet prepares for her jump by mediating. She's doing it for herself not some much for her team anymore (can you blame her?). She concentrates, arms facing forward like an experienced diver. Then she slowly dives off but doesn't manage to retrieve any ring. "But that doesn't matter." Jason says. He's just happy she over-came her fear and jumped.
Now It's decision time!
Preppie whistles and announces in a Rob Rody voice...."I need a RealWorlder up on the platform right now! " Come oooooon up!
Those same words echo terror in the thick pink undeveloped masses of Beth and Montana. Ok! Now it's time for some pep talk folks! Nate and Jason begin acting in a fashion like football coaches at the end of the forth quarter with a score of 40 to 1. But not even Howie Mandel or Peewee Herman could drum up enough enthusiasm for these two. Montana takes another look at the crane and that's it! Montana totally freaks out. She's not getting on that darn thing even if they put a gun to her head!
So the pep rally turns to Beth who still looks uneasy. Nate and Jason point out that this is the last time she'll have to do this for the team. This still doesn't set well for Beth, then Preppie jumps in and tells her that she has to make a decision or RR wins.
* *
Preppie gives RW one last chance. Jason pleads with Beth one last time. (but you know that ain't gonna happen) She gets up to take a look at the crane, then she smiles and says she just can't do it!
So Nate has the duty of passing along the bad news to Preppie who tells him "that's cool.". Then he announces that RR has won yet another event. Nate says that they could have won. At least one of them should've jumped. The rest of the RW looks rightfully pissed.
Now it's time to play some Black Jack! Preppie gives Mark a deck of card. However, one of them contains a CD/disk, (ahh, clue time) so they pop it in the player and we hear the voice of Mr. Big telling them to get ready to roll the dice (guess where there're going next?) in Las Vegas.
Everyone jumps for joy over hearing the news. Then (Hypocrite) Montana shows up in a cameo saying that they need to win this event, even though she's partly to blame for them losing the last one. She's then followed by a smiling Kefla who says they'll have a clean sweep.
You have to admit, even if you're a RW fan, you gotta root for RR at this point!
And since RR won the event, they retain the right to cruise into Las Vegas in their Mondo-tour luxury bus. Preppie tells RW that they have a new winnie waiting for them. And to clarify things a bit more, Nate informs us that Ron (23 minutes since his introduction and we finally get a name) said that Betsy's dead, so there're giving them a new winnie to use. Are these troopers thick or what! Anyone with half a brain could realize Betsy was on her last legs before she began chauffeuring the misfits!
RW rushes over to check out their new ride. It's not as bad as Betsy, but still not the posh luxury liner ride either. It's more or less one of those winnies for grampa and granny to cruise across country in, in their golden years.
Jason isn't too thrilled with his new ride. Probably because of the lack of life in it. So BMP thinking ahead, posted a sticker on the blinder warning against exterior vandalism just in case Mr. VanGogh gets any smart ideals.
And just to be on the safe side, RW checks to see if the winnie will start. Ahh, success! They give RR the thumbs up, and soon both teams are on their way.
Willie Nelson's On the road again would've made a far better soundtrack choice as apposed to this lame Tex/Mex traveling music we're forced to listen to. But you can't fault the RW for there poor taste in music.
On the flip side, RR has better taste. And as we peer into their domain, there's one person I don't recognize. Hey! who's that thin white guy with the guitar? Oh ya, Flying Noah, where have you been? he wasn't shown until 15 minutes into the show! Either the BMP editing buffs screwed up again, or he decided to skip out on a date when Beth and Montana took way too long to do nothing.
Anyway, RR has decided to make a song in tribute to their reign of success, and RW lack thereof. Noah sets his guitar in motion and Kefla sings.
Well, right now it seems like it's 3 and 4,
and I don't think they even know.
They don't have a chance, a chance in the world
They got three boys and two and A HALF GIRLS
Guess who the 1/2 girl is?
Then Neil pops up in a cameo (for those playing the home game, Neil has asserted himself as team RW's spokesman) to utter another Mightier than thou speech where he states that RR is money hungry and will do anything to get it as apposed to RW who's here to have a good time. What's that old phrase....."All work and no play". Apparently that doesn't apply here where the RW has a heated conversation about (what else) sex!
Nate shares a chat with the girls about not wanting to screw up a friendship with a girl by mixing sex in. Then Jason jumps in and says that it's ok to be friends with a girl. He and Nate both hang with pretty girls. They wouldn't have any other way. There're in agreement until Jason spills the beans and says he's friends with Kalle. Nate's eyes go wide. Then he starts fantasizing about his latest conquest. Ahhhh, Kalle
They finally arrive in Las Vegas where they are greeted by the many exotic vistas and happening places. Note: The BMP camera buff makes sure to get a shot of the "SEX" billboard, and I got a hunch he's with RW.
They arrive at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino where they meet Schad (Schad, What the heck do you think you are, French!) who'll be their city guide for the next few days. He also tells them that they'll be putting their acting skill to the test for their Las Vegas on stage performance. Everyone's excited to hear the news especially RW.
This is right up RW's alley. After all, there're use to acting for the camera. So there're sure to win!
* *
Schad takes both teams on a tour of the phat hotel and shows them where they will be performing tomorrow. He tells them that the most entertaining performance wins, so be original! After that, there're escorted to their penthouse bedrooms that only celebs and phat cats get to scrounge in with a spectacular view of the city.
Later that night, Kefla and Roni explore Las Vegas. Absorbing the atmosphere and taking pictures of the many glamorous spectacles: The Empire State Building of NY and The Magical Kingdom of Disneyland to name a few.
Meanwhile, the rest of the gang spends the remainder of the evening humping each other at a local disco club. [If I sound old fashion and out of date, so be it!] Remember all that ranting I did about RR not following up on relationships? The producers have gotta stop reading my reviews! this week we're back on track. We hear commentary about Jason and Janet coming surprisingly from Noah, while Nate and Kalle get their groove on, down on the dance floor. My hat goes off to Kalle. The girl knows how to move!
The next morning, both teams recover from the hangovers they acquired the night before. Team RW gets down to business figuring out what kind of show they'll put on. They finally decide on a trash talk show since that would provide lively conflict, and Comedy. But Jason's wondering if Beth will be funny enough. Take this anyway you want folks!
As usual, RR is one step head of them. They arrive first at the costume shop to choose their attire. Noah's got his eye on a flashy Elvis number from his latter years while everyone else is deciding on which celebrity is easy to imitate. At the moment, everyone's mind appears to be on the show. Everyone that is except a concerned Anne who ask, "did anyone lock the winnie?".
I pondered....."why would she say that?" Then the terrifying realization hit me!
Da da Da-Dum.........It's back!
RW pulls up and are astonished that their rivals were able to over come their hangovers, get out of bed early, and get there ahead of them on time! Then they notice that they left their door unlocked and realize they have a perfect opportunity to go and retrieve their bear back. That's right folks, you hear me. The darn things back!
While team RR is busy posing in silly costumes, team RW sends Beth (who's sprinting pretty well on her cop-out excuse "broken ankle") to bribe Wayne (RR's bus driver) to keep his trap shut while she swipes an extra 3,000 bucks!
Then Jason slides in the shop, trying his best to conceal a We put one over on ya! wicked smirk. But Anne ain't so easily fooled by his cheap humor. She makes a bee-line for the bus to find Wayne lying down on the job and the fuzzy critter gone. Then she and Mark get pissed because he didn't stay up all morning and keep watch like they told him to.
To come to Wayne's defense. He's not here to choose sides. MTV's only paying him to chauffeur these twerps around. The rest is up to them.
It's deadline people!
Both teams arrive at the Hard rock talent show where they meet a packed auditorium filled with people who've spent their hard earn money for some good entertainment. And as Mark puts it...."It's either money time or crying time!" So don't screw up twerps!
Acouple no-names introduce (Hey! He's back!) Mr. Big who decides to give the crowd a appetizer before the main course. The crowd is largely unimpressed until he makes acouple sexual joke in reference to acouple RealWorld/RoadRules junkies who adorn their upper bodies in RW/RR body paint.
Mr. Big knows a good joke when he sees one! He compliments the woman who has "Road Rules" painted on her breast and mocks the dude who has "Real World" plastered on his.......well, Richard. Pointing out that his wiener says "Real Fake!". The poor sap is caught off guard by this because he was feeding a line of BS to the girl who does free hand jobs at the bingo table just the night before.
His job done, Mr. Big thanks the crowd for having him, now it's time to get on with the show!
Big introduces team RR....and hey kids! It's time to play "Name that Celebrity"!. I have no ideal who the girls are supposed to be, but Kefla's doing his best James Brown impression with the slick moves, fried hair, and seductive voice. He's an ace minus the scrappy clothing. I guess Mr. Big already rented out all the flashy suits in town!
Noah's donning that Elvis number he was eyeing earlier, but unfortunately we don't get to see much of his performance. But maybe that's a good thing considering the editors didn't bother airing it.
And last but not least we have Mark. And just when you thought you had enough of the teenybopper BackStreetBoys and N'Sync. Here comes a blonde Markie Mark with all the cheap imitation moves and rap lyrics that ultimately ended his career before it began. Mark, don't quite your day job!
Jason's as clueless as I am as to what kind of show RR is putting on.
Now it's time for team RW to show their stuff.
Out comes (I'm guessing) Neil who looks like a cross between Austin Powers and Jerry Springer. Ah, it's the Jerry Springer Show RealWorld style! Out comes the rest of the parade, first the girls. Beth and Montana look like acouple of hookers hanging out on Hollywood Blv. Janet's the only normal looking one of the three.
Then come the guys and ad whoa folks! It must be white bread hip hop wanna-be night because Nate swaggers out donning a big ass afro wig, sporting gold chains borrowed from Ole Dirty Bastard, and some fly kicks from K-Mart.
But that's not all folks! Nate's here to confess his love to another man. Then here comes Jason in another Elvis costume. He strolls up to Nate where the two lock lips. What some people will do for money. The crowd goes wild. Then to finish the act, RW breaks out into a song and dance which receives more applause from the roundy audience.
Anne's figuring they've (RR) lost the competition and I'm inclined to agree with her. They put on one heck of a performance and the judges agree.
Mr. Big calls both teams out to announce the winner. "And the winners are Real
Wooooooorld!!"
Analysis
WOW! This episode seemed a lot "shorter" than a half hour, but it had a lot to offer.
I guess the top headline is that RW finally won an event thus earning them some time in the money machine. Winning this event places RW back in the game and thus giving them at least a chance to tie the amount of time each team spends scooping up the cash. For some, this was long over due. Taking 4 events to win shows some major problems in the team it self. But I've ranted on long enough in the past few analysis's about what's wrong with team RW.
RW won this event because they were on familiar ground. The first three challenges required physical and mental preparation. Not that team RW doesn't have that, but team RR is more accustomed to those sort of mission, and it showed.
When Schad mentioned that they were going to be competing in a talent show, I knew RW had it wrapped up! This is their turf. On the Real World, they adorn themselves in Mascara while skipping around in their best Tommy Hil-figers to pose pretty for the camera.
But jokes aside, RW performance was more entertaining and organized than RR's. The trash tv theme set far better with the crowd than the celebrity hasbeen act. Although both Kefla and Mark were hilarious, I couldn't figure out who or what the girls were doing.
Janet really asserted herself by over coming her own personal challenge, the fear of hights. Last week I suspected she would take the jump, but I didn't know how many times she would back out. She only made one cop out as opposed to Effie who made not one, not two, but three cop outs before putting her fears aside realizing that this probably would be the only chance she may get to do this.
What is it with Janet and high altitudes that she tends to screw up? She was already dizzy and lightheaded from the lack of oxygen when she stepped off the helicopter. Then two seconds later, she decides to light up a smoke at 29,000ft. An act which at the very least would've caused some brain damage. Then she decided to take a snooze through (in her view) a boring skydiving seminar and misses the most important part of the procedure "don't forget to turn on the damn radio!". Then she takes a walk in the clouds and wonders why she not receiving any directions. She really didn't take her well-being seriously, flipping out and screaming all the way down. And if she had as so much as sprained her ankle, she would've cried "Lawsuit!".
But in the past couple episodes Janet has shown improvement. Drifting away from her shallowness that she exerted on RW 7. Nate has also evolved in the past few shows. I mention in Bed Sores that he became more aware of what's wrong and what's right with his team. Although some may believe he began this change towards the end of Money Changes Everything, I didn't see it.
Never the less this week, Nate and Kalle are back on track and BMP offered me some ketchup to go on my words. Still, we didn't hear that much on any developments between Jason and Janet except for a commentary given by Noah. We have two more episodes to go, so hopefully we'll see some major developments.
As for the rest of the cast. Jason's also showing some development. He's now seeing Nate's point of view as to their teams performance. He along with Nate trying to coach Beth and Montana to score them some points and he in effect conducting their talent show act shows some real determination to win.
Neil's a bit iffy. I still get the feeling he doesn't want to be on the show and is only sticking around to be a good sport. The reason I'm saying this is because in next weeks teaser, Neil's thinking about leaving the show. But BMP has done this sort of stuff in the past to drum up some gossip. So until I see it actually take place, I'm not going to say anymore about it.
Then there are the terrible twos Beth and Montana. These two maybe in their mid to late 20's but they have the maturity of acouple sweet sixteens! RW could've made two for two if they would've gotten over themselves.
Like Nate said.....at least one of them could've jumped. At the very least, it would've tied the event. But giving Beth the benefit of the doubt, there was nothing hindering Montana except her own personal fear not to give into peer pressure.
As for fear its self, hogwash! Janet was more shaky than Montana but she was able to put her fears aside. Not only for the team, but for her self. And if she could do it, Montana could!
Next Week
Apparently American society with its roller durbies, soap-box bed races, unfamilar NBA stars, unusual outdoor sports, and now working for Uncle Sam is just too much for Neil to take!
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