Broadcast Date: 12/07/98
Episode #205
Location: Las Vegas, Camp Pendleton, Beverly Hills
Summary
In our opening scenes from last week (that many people will be talking about for some time to come) we're reminded of just how RW was really able to pull off the talent show, followed by team RW giving a victory speech.
* * *
The famous landmark of the Hard Rock hotel (the guitar) gives way to RW/RR sucking up fame at a mock celebrity sighing with Marky Mark, Elvis, and Dolly Parton. (Hey! she was the only blonde hasbeen that came to mind) And forget Elvis! These hormone pumped girls are screeching for a piece of Marky Mark's beef cakes! Mark's weak performance may not have turned a few heads, but his body sure did.
Back stage, Mr. Big gives Beth a metal box. Inside, she finds a tape player (clue time!). She plays it and we hear the classical marching orders given by drill sergeants, Left, left....left right left!. Meanwhile reactions are mixed. Nate and Roni are excited and ready to go while Kalle has a OhMyGodNotAgain look of disbelief on her face.
One small commentary. Yes, Kalle may pout when it comes to certain missions, but she'll bite her tongue and go along with it knowing that her teams success is at stake. And she's also aware that it may be the only chance in her life that she'll get to do it. She showed this behavior in season 4: paint ball, Coast Guard, and airplane acrobatics missions just to name a few. Beth and Montana could take a few pointers!
Ok on with the show.
Turns out that both teams are now headed for the Marine Corps in Ocean Plate California. Neil's a bit squeamish to the mission pointing out that he doesn't want to play any war games!
Later that night, both teams hit the clubs. And remember that little battle between the sexes we saw in "Getting Dunked"? Apparently Noah and Montana exchanged a lot more than just insults because now there're doing the Salsa with Noah as Donwaun Demarco. Montana admits that she's not attracted to Noah physically, but will get some anyway she can. And as the camera shot gets fuzzy, we can assume that's Noah's visual perspective after gulping down a drink with acouple knock out pills provided by his one night stand.
We suddenly jump to next morning and find Roni looking for Noah in RW's penthouse. She points out that she already went to the police, but you know the rule. A friend or loved one has to be missing for at least 24 hours before the guys in blue stop bench pressing donuts and drag their butts out of the station.
Nate says that he hasn't seen casanova since last night. Then he thinks for a few seconds, putting two and two together. Then he tells her to check the girls room. As it turns out, Montana's missing too. But before anyone can get out of their bed gear, Montana comes staggering out of the bathroom in the same clothes she wore last night. Obviously under heavy medication, she doesn't know where she is, what day is it, who am I? You get the ideal!
And when asked, "what happened between you and Noah last night?" She pulls the same age old line that other cast mate have used on both shows after getting it on the night before. BMP's equivalent of "I plead the 5th", "I ugh, don't know what happen!"
But the gang isn't that stupid. They themselves have been in the same hole, so they don't bother pressing the issue any further. Attention now turns to the whereabouts of Noah. Montana tells them to take a pill, he's chilling in the luxury liner. At least they know the right places to get their woopy on!
The love liner's windows are still fogged up from all the action it witnessed the night before. Inside they find the poor sap passed out, snoozing like a baby.
Soon both teams head for Ocean Plate. On their way, Montana's travelmates continues to mock her with such lines as "Trailer Trash" and "You've christened the winne!". In the luxury liner, Noah shows a bashful smirk and says nothing while the girls giggle like little 5th graders after seeing their first kiss. Back on the geriatric winnie, Montana continues to deny the accusations with "I swear to God, I don't remember anything!" However, her travelmates know better, so they accept her lame story all the while giving a universal eye wink.
After a while, the sight of a Hewy helicopter alerts us that they've arrive at Camp Pendleton U.S Marine Corps (AKA Boot Camp) where they are greeted by some mean looking MP's. Nate announces that this is the perfect opportunity for the other 11 people to get a feel at what kind of life style he leads at VMI. And he waste no time with getting his travelmate suited for military life. He instructs Jason on how to properly salute, and thank goodness! Jason was just 2 seconds away from getting his butt kick by doing a Hi-Hitler!
Neil's not liking the new surrounding, and least likes the residents. He's saying that army soldier are broken human beings that are trained to kill. He may be exaggerating on that!
Both teams meet their drill instructor and once again, the editors fail to give us a name! The guy looks like he's more than a pain in the butt, so I'll call him "Major Pain". A female brunet also accompanies him and looks like a pain deal with as well!
Pain escorts the guys to their bunker and the brunet takes the girls to theirs. And it's here where double standards are put to the extreme. It's time for them to change out of their civilian clothes and into prison attire.....I mean military attire!
And what the hell is this crap! The guys get grilled by Mj. Pain and the girls (under no supervision) take their sweet old time marveling over the cool marine digs and footwear like there in Riches.
Pain tells the guys to strip down to their undies. The tone in his voice rumbles, "Don't screw with me or I'll cause you serious harm!". Jason, not one who usually pipes up to authority figures pipes up! He says that he doesn't wear any underwear. "We'll deal with that later, now get going" Pain replies. During the scene, I got flashbacks to that one scene in season 4 where Oscar almost says under the same breath "I don't wear underwear Bro!". "Ugh bro?" That drill inspector cut Oscar a little slack for his lack of respect at first. Needless to say if Jason had called Mj. Pain "Bro" he would've been scrubbing down the bathrooms with a toothbrush for the rest of the mission!
Neil's body language speaks for its self. His gaze remains locked on the Major while he slips on his red top. Soon the guys are drawn outside by the sound of gun fire. Nate ask "What's going on?", Pain tells him that the recruits are target practicing with live rounds.
While the rest of the guys are in ahh over the display of fire power, Neil retreats to a deck by himself where he contemplates backing out of the mission.
* *
At the crack of dawn, both teams (or sexes since the guys and girls are separated) are rudely awakened by Mj. Pain and his right arm brunet. And Damn! Either the military life is already too much for them or the ugly stick paid them an early visit!
Neil immediately starts whinning before he's out of bed. And soon his whinning turns to paranoia at breakfast where he's force to sit and eat next to these scary eyed shaved-head killing machine freaks! Ok! "Now" he's exssagerating!
Not at all happy with his surrounding company, Neil shows a little british arrogance when he jumps in Mj. Pain's face to protest his involvement in the mission, and the military's conduct on training soldiers.
Pain matches his gaze and tells him that he has a duty to support his team and that winning the mission rest on his shoulders. Neil stutters and tries to change the subject, but Pain cuts him off. Furthermore, he scold Neil on his narrow view on the military. Pain doesn't blink!
While this debate is going on, Neil's peers are slumped over the table looking on at Neil like he's the one kid in grade school who dared talk back to the principal during lunch.
Neil sensing he's losing the argument, wisely bids a hasty retreat before Mj. Pain decides to give him more than tongue lashing!
After breakfast, Neil's travelmates (minus RR) comfort him. He tells them that he doesn't feel comfortable with the mission, but will do it for the team's sake, not for Pain!
Afterwards, both teams are dragged out onto the course for a series of challenges that will test their mental and physical abilities. Nate's already feeling the pressure not to screw up. The first event is the Infiltration Course which looks like a battle field. Both teams will have to carry water, food, and other supplies through the maze of barb wire, mud, and sinkholes. The first team to get their supplies across and in the hole wins.
Beth's bummed that she can't compete in any of the challenges because of her sprained ankle. And for a split second, I feel just a bit sympathetic for her.
A marine private gives both teams the go ahead and soon everyone's attacking the course, driven by the sound of gunfire and bombs going off. Running through smoke, crawling under barb wire, and through tunnels. And like on every battle field there are casualties, and this ones no exception. Anne gets her jacket caught on some barb wire, so she calls to Noah for some help. But it's every man for them selves. So she takes the liberty of removing it. But she's not getting off that easy! Just in time, a army dude jumps in and tell her to get back in shape!
Both teams continue to drag their supplies like there're 100lb weights until all of team RR's in the box hole. Neil got there first: However, since the rest of his team wasn't with him they lose.
Strike 1! Winner, RoadRules!
RW 0 RR 1.
The next event is the React Station where the fastest team to build a bridge across wins. And since RW lost the last the event, they have the choice to either go first or second. Figuring they need some time to prepare, they give RR the go ahead.
Take five RW.
Under a tent, a concerned Neil ask Beth how long will she continue to use injury as an excuse. Beth tells him that she wouldn't have any problem performing the missions if she could see what she's up against or something like that. Following Beth's lead, Montana states that if you don't complete a mission, then it's like you're a loser. Nate, turning into moral officer now tells everyone to keep their team spirit up or it's over. Pointing out that the reason they beat RR in the last event was because of a marine code structure (I disagree with that!) that RR lacked this time around when they left Anne behind to fend for herself.
RR gets down to work deciding just how they'll get their boards across. Mark's taking it with a grain of salt pointing out that he did this sort of thing before. (which he did in "Clowns and marines" season 1) Note that Kalle asked the army type (Mj. Pain I'm guessing?. Hey all these military dudes look alike!) what blocks are ok to use and which are not. He tells her that the red blocks are off limits!
With that, RR deciphers a simple plan to get them and their boards across. They measure the station and decide to start off with the shortest board and work there way up and out. They end up crossing to the other side in 4 minutes.
RW's up next, and right away they shoot themselves in the foot when Nate is clearly seen tossing the instructions away like it's a frisbee.
Nate sees the row of black and red blocks just waiting to be concord, so he thinks they have a clean sweep! Jason gets right to work connecting planks until he reaches the red one and the army private stops him in his tracks.
This gets a rise out of Jason "Hey, what do ya mean bro!" The army private ask the thickheaded troopers "can't you read?", and points them to the instruction padd laying in the dirt.
Strike 2! Disqualified. RW 0 RR 2.
Nate looks more pissed than anyone, and Jason kicks the ground angrily while in reality, he should be kicking Nate's butt for such poor display of leadership.
Nate's showing his VMI training pretty well, and Noah clarifies that assumption with "His buddies at VMI are gonna give him a lot of crap for his pitiful performance."
The next event is the Obstacle Course which requires physical strength. It's time for both teams to choose their best players. RR naturally picks Kefla although Mark and Noah could do it, Kefla has more stamina to get the job done. On the flip side, Nate's the only guy on RW who's physically fit. Both Jason and Neil would putter out before finishing the hurtle jumps, never mind the wall or the pull up bars!
Not wanting to lose another event, Nate mediates in the back of the truck while his worried travelmates look on. Kefla's not afraid of Nate's elite training one bit. He spouts off that he'll give Nate a run for his money, in other words...."Don't mess with me dude! I'm the one who beat the double dork team rescuing a 100 lb dummy from an apartment fire while baby-sitting a ditzy little blonde and a paranoid Piglet, drop-kicked a guy (with a doo that even Don King would admire) breaking more than his pride, and showed some southern hospitality to a little lass who volunteered to be the sacrificial lamb in the first place!".
Nate's taking this event very seriously because if they lose this one, RW's out for good!
* *
Nate's concentrated and is ready to go! He gives Kefla a final handshake before the private gives them the go ahead, and there're off!
Kefla and Nate attack the course full speed, jumping hurtles, swinging from monkey bars, over walls, and down logs. At times they seemed to be neck in neck, but Nate soon takes the lead and crosses the finish line leaving Kefla in a cloud of dust.
RW 1 RR 2
Nate collapses on the ground then leaps into a jumping frenzy, head-butting Kefla while chanting, "Who da man, who da man!"
Apparently beating Kefla sent his testosterone levels into high boost because he's breaking out his getto talk he displayed in the talent show. "all right, let's win this bitch!" A pumped Nate says...ready to take on the world.
Then Montana spoils the mood by admitting she would've liked for Nate to lose so they could go home! I knew this chick was dead weight to begin with! Fear not Montana, you'll get your wish soon enough!
The final event is called the The Two Line Bridge. The private explains the first team to get them and their supplies across the wire first wins. Naturally Beth can't compete, and to make things fair Anne's told to park herself on the sidelines.
Team RW surveys the wire bridge and equipment. "Visually it looks like it may work." a confident Jason says.
The private gives the go head, and both teams get right to work. Team RR puts a little elbow grease into hauling the supplies across while Team RW tries to take the easy way out by using the line to transport their goods over.
But before they can get their first water canister on the wire, team RR and their supplies are already waiting for them on the other side!
Strike 3! RW 1 RR 3 winner RoadRules!
Kefla shows up to prove to Neil and the rest of the RW that they used their brains along with their bron.
Bummed, team RW drags their feet and hangs their heads in shame. However, the negative vibes don't phase Roni or Anne who already have Fifths Plaza targeted!
Major Pain shows up accompanied by a few extra uniforms with stripes to congratulate both teams on their performance under pressure. Neil's just happy he's leaving. And as the background music suggest, both teams look pleased that there're getting the hell out of dodge!
The marines gives them a marching farewell salute. Both teams waste no time putting the pedal to the medal nearly running over a MP at the gate. Leaving a trail of dust as they fly down the highway not daring to look back!
Relieved that hell day is over, Jason's ready to put his feet up at a plush pad and sip a martini. The feeling is mutual to Beth who's wondering where there're going.
The scenery quickly changes from congested smoky highways to a two lane marble road in a upscale Beverly Hills neighborhood. Roni's thinking Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
They soon drive up to an estate and Mark who has already appeared in a few issues of Playgirl, immediately recognizes the palace as the Playboy mansion.
They pull up in the driveway which is occupied by a black stretch limo, and a gray Benz. Beth, hungry for some pampering moans..."I hope they have some hot guys here." They don't call it Play "Boy" for nothing. Beth is soon disappointed when they meet......Oh my God! It's Anna Nicole Smith with a reduction job, or Pamela Anderson's older sister. Take your pick!
Victoria's her name! She's 6 feet tall, her legs alone are 4ft, waist length flowing hair with a shade of blonde, so loud it would maroon Kalle's locks to a dull amber. Modeling a jet black mini-skirt and to top it off, sporting the latest inflatable silicone fashion!
The only thing you can attach "real" to on this bombshell is right next to "fake"! She looks so animated that you could undo her in back and find the little door with the "on" and "off" switch!
The producers have really gone out of their way to give every short, overweight, flat-chested fatigue girl who doesn't fit into a size 3 the ultimate slap in the face, and more of a reason to starve themselves.
Reactions are mixed, Nate has to literally pick his jaw off the ground: in fact, if this were a cartoon, Nate's eyes would grow as large as saucers and pop out. While a drooling Mark lets out a "Yahoooo Baby!" Hey cool it hair boy, She's not your type!
The girls are ahh strucked in a different manner Montana looks like she's gonna puke! And you can practically see the line multiply on Montana's face. Janet thinks they've been gypped while Roni's not phased one bit. She's like "Whatever! While she has bigger boobs, I have a bigger ass!". And Beth's trying her best not to fall on the grass and die laughing!
Montana, who has been the butt of paleface and overweight jokes in her RW career is not looking
forward to her accommodations. In closing, she sums it up with...."There best be something better
than this bimbo!
Analysis
Just when you think we have a good character driven show, BMP kicks over the bucket of milk! The episode was pretty enjoyable up until they stole a scrip from Silk Stalkings.
Let's start at the beginning shall we.
Many people probably will be gossiping over this Noah/Montana thing for some time to come. Don't waste your time! This was another one of those classical sleep with the enemy one night stand fling. And like that little rest room incident that happened between Sean and Erika in P.R, it's most likely the first and last time we'll hear anything about it.
I doubt that there was any romance between them. They both were so flushed with alcohol Noah probably thought he was getting it on with Kate Moss. They say too much boos that do that to a guy! And as for Montana, she was probably thrilled that a man was final paying attention to her, so she willing went along with it!
From there, the troopers inlisted in the marines. And this was a perfect opportunity for Nate to show off his elite military training he received at VMI. And instead, he blew it! Noah's statement that he's gonna receive a lot crap from the guys back at VMI for losing to RR was a bit of an understatement. If Nate's conduct on the RW Seattle was any indication, he's up for a dishonorable discharge.
Apparently he was trying so hard to impress his teammates, the tough uniforms, and ultimately the guys back home, he couldn't clearly focus on the challenges at hand. Not bothering to read the instructions or ask what the rules were was just plain stupid on his part. However, for one shining moment, Nate wasn't handicapped by his teammates and was able to beat Kefla on the obstacle course.
Reality check! Not to say that Nate isn't fit. But Kefla has shown his physical stamina many times in the past, both on this show and RR Aussie. Kefla could've easily won, but my guess is he showed a little humility by giving Nate his fifthteen minutes.
Neil was the other major headline of the episode. From the beginning he showed hostility towards the marine corps. Calling them scary eyed killing machines. He showed his reluctance to the military when keeping his gaze locked on Mj. Pain while dressing. And later confronting him in the mess hall where he expressed his personal narrow-minded opinions on the military in general.
I'm no shrink, but I get the feeling Neil's had a bad experience with the military in the past. Under what circumstances I have no ideal. And apparently he never had or desired to resolve the issue. This was a perfect opportunity for Neil to if not heal, patch up his fears. But he didn't take advantage of it, instead he decided to turn the other cheek and put his resentment towards the military on the back burner so he could focus on a more important issue, helping his team win. Again Beth and Montana could take a few pointers!
As for Major Pain. Once again the BMP editing staff screws up. We didn't hear Preppie's real name "Ron" until the end of his on air screen time. Kudos to Nate or we would've still been guessing. This time around we got nadda. All those marine types, we could've gotten a name out of one of them! At least RW introduces people with a white pencil-like scribbly line by or above their heads. RR plays a teaser. Giving some characters a name (9 times out of 10 it's via audio), and leaving us to guess who the others are.
Ok. I ranted on about that long enough. Where we were? Oh ya, Mjr. Pain.
We didn't get a lot of info on Pain. Heck we didn't even get his rank! We know he takes his job seriously. And he doesn't take things lightly when a cocky redcoat shows up to challenge both the branch he serves under, and his own ethics.
Then we come to the meat and potatoes, The Playboy Palace and it's bimbo escort service. What kind of mission does MTV have in store for the roadies? I have no ideal, but my guess is they'll do a photo shoot. Or, this could be a rest stop for everyone to jump in the hot tub for a group orgy. But just how racy either prospect will get before the FCC steps in is anyone's guess!
Victoria herself is a playboy model and MTV's latest sex craz! And as if Beth and Montana didn't need another reason to whine, they now have to contend with hairspray and big boobs. The other girls didn't seem concerned with the blonde bombshell soaking up their camera time. However, Beth and Montana are either a bit bulkier, or a bit paler. So they (especially Montana) will have an ax to grind with the new competition.
Speaking of which!
Relationship developments are put on hold this week while the guys drool over the new toys. Especially look for Mark and Nate to slobber over the Victoria Secret collection next week. Kalle's got her work cut for her, and is gonna have to pull some overtime to draw Nate's attention away from her taller, bustier opponent.
And although we don't hear that much commentary on the Kefla/Roni relationship, actions speak
louder than words! Roni sticks to Kefla like glue. Man I haven't seen a girl leach onto a guy like this
since the Devin/Emily fling! Roni is defiantly making it clear to any other prospecting skirt that Kefla's
her claim!
Next Week
Montana gets hot under the collar. And it's not due to Noah.
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