Daphne-Claire Mitchell of Oceanside, California

What you need to do is "borrow" your neighbours' small child, cover him head to toe with fresh, juicy steak and tell the dog to attack. If the dog licks the child or leaves him alone, you have a friendly dachshund and should return it to the kennel where you bought it and demand a refund. If the dog attacks the child, clean up the mess, keep the dog, and tell your neighbours you don't know where their child is.
-Ryan Thompson

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