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06.29.04
I've just learned from experience that "The Biz Vs. The Nuge" by The Beastie Boys is a perfect prelude to "Time is Running Out" by Muse provided you have the transition time on your mp3 player set to zero. My thoughts are becoming more muddied. All of my intentions, beliefs, allegiances have all been garbled into a cacophonous jumble of mixed emotions and fickle ambitions. I rarely know what I'm doing or how to act anymore, where my feelings come from or how to process them. I have always felt that my heart was deceitful, untrustworthy, but sometimes its demands seem to make a frightening amount of sense. Frightening, because they threaten to disrupt my otherwise stable life. I only want all of this to blow over in the morning, for the landscapes of my mind to be as uncluttered as the wide expanses of mountain foothills or the oceans or any one of a number of the insipid sort of nature scenes people use for their screensavers. What was/am I even trying to say? That I'm confused, nonplussed about all those life avenues that come prepackaged like those triangular gas station sandwhiches? I ought to have realized by now that this nagging dread is not unique. It's all too homogonous among those of us with the luxury to construct our own destinies one wardrobe at a time. I'm being vague My parents are arriving tomorrow for an extended visit and will be staying in my apartment. I am probably too excited about this. It will be like my safe, childhood abode shrunk to efficiency size, thick with the aromas of pancakes and my dad's shaving cream. They are going to be using my car and, possibly, cooking me a lot of food. I am trying to convince them to join me in attending an acoustic Red Monroe show tomorrow evening. The chances of this happening can be likened to those of my presidential candidate winning Florida. Besides, my mom's ears aren't as well as they used to be so maybe I shouldn't subject her to undue rock and roll punishment, even if it is acoustic punishment. I just bought tickets to the Pixies. So surreal. |