Tender Moments.....

Here I sit, shocked and dismayed.

I trusted in latex, and it let me down.

Lambskin, you have forsaken me.

Now, the sorrow begins.

With my luck, she'll be pregnant & i will have to hit the road.

Thanks for nothing, trojan man.

I weep & hit the bottle.

I dream of angry lawyers coming after me for child support.

Die, latex bastard.

Because of you, I hit the road.

Lovely Sunshine

U.V rays, scorching my skin.

I have no sunblock.

I am charred, as your rays penetrate my caucasian skin.

And I have no sunblock.

I sweat and curse the yellow ball of death.

How could you be so far away, yet cause so much misery?

Damned fools with their beachballs & towels.

Want to kill you, sunshine. You deserve to die.

My wife

So I am a worthless drunkard.

Why do you have to point it out?

So I do not provide for you, my dear.

Why must you point it out?

And sometimes in bed, I am done way too swiftly.

Why do you point it out?

And sometimes I come home & puke on the rug because I am soused.

Why must you point it out?

We only got married because you got pregnant.

You know this, you bitch, so leave me alone.

Sensitive Gangsta Pimp

You're strapped with your gat,

Your chronic,

Your homies,

A copy of Shakespeare you hide in your ride.

You act hard, you creep.

You bus' caps in suckas, But nobody sees your sweet, tender side.

You wish you could come out & tell all your niggas,

You'd rather plant flowers than shoot a foo' dead.

You'd rather crochet

Or watch "All My Children",

Than take a lead pipe to some poor fellow's head.

But you cannot tell, for you will be branded

A sucka, a 'ho, a mark & a trick.

So you go with the flow, throwin' up gang signs,

Drinking Old English,

Wishing it was a Quik.

Quiet Times With Dagoberto

Hello Dagoberto.

I am sorry to hear you have caught the AIDS.

Goodbye, Dagoberto.

Sharing needles- No good.

So I'm Not Too Appealing

I may have scars, yes this is true,

My hair is not in style.

I scare you with my skull tattoos.

Quite crooked is my smile.

Im not in shape, I sport a gut,

Im not too educated.

My back is hunched, my nostrils- huge.

My clothes are kinda dated.

I drink too much, my lungs are black,

from 7 packs a day.

When I show my face outside my home,

The children run away.

Im not too big on Hygiene, I shower once a year.

Im not that thrilled with the way I look,

But i'm much too bored to care.

Well, my baby, yeah- she loves me,

For better or for worse!

'Cause she's been dead for 7 years.

I stole her from a hearse.

Long Hours In The Sweat Box Funky

Forsaken by Christ,

Aboard a speeding metal coffin,

I commute.

Asian peddlers,

And their neon yo-yo's,

Blind me.

While the stench of a wino fouls the air.

I commute.

The homeless beg for cookies.

The over weight crowd my tiny orange seat.

This is my hell.

Undaunted,

I commute.

A red signal up ahead.

The ride will last longer.

No one has used deodorant.

My head is on fire with angst.

Conductor, conductor,

How i long for your death.

Please god,

Strike him down.

Next stop-

No where!

With my head hung low,

I commute.

Chavez Wept

Satchmo had a tiny mule named Dave.

Feeble from the gout,

It does not get around much anymore.

Fallen Homies

Yo, you alright?

What did you trip on? That manhole cover?

Getup, man- the cars are comin'.

Gotta stop the madness.

Fallen Homies.

Crusty Loaves

Yeast.

Yeast.

Yeast i say.

The doughy spackle of being.

I love it like a disembodied partner.

I swim in the vaginal concubine of ooze infinity.

I am the center of my own machismo.

Corrosive Semen

Gorged upon by Tunisian dust mites,

We must surrender to Obi Wan,

With no guilt.

I set my shorts ablaze,

And laugh in the face of torment.

Ho Ho.

Gingerly i flaunt my sac in the face of society,

My spite knows no bounds.

The Wood Gnomes Frolic

14 pounds of the devils funkpump Johnson.

Everyones wild about Harry.

Yanni no longer commands respect.

Blasphemy.

Duckies.

Duckies.

The feathered fiends,

Cause much discomfort for Elmer.

Feel for Elmer.

Pink berries with a schmear of Avocado.

All is black.

Tucking In Baby

Hush lil baby,

dont you cry.

Or daddys gonna give you a kick in the eye.

Shut the hell up and go to sleep,

the neighbors are complainin'.

G'nite, tiny antagonist.

Clowns Lament

Rubber nose.

Oversized shoes.

Polka-dot tie.

Rainbow wig.

Bucket o' confetti.

Im quite the retard.

Who laughs at this crap?

Wish I was dead.

A New Day

The sun spreads its glow across the fruited plain.

Another day is here, giving its beauty to the people.

To me, the morning glory is a sure sign

That the Nuclear Holocaust

Hasnt hit yet.

I sigh, draw the shades,

And go back to bed & dream of Roseanne's breasts on the back of my neck.

God, what are you waiting for?

Eradicate us from this hellish existance.

No more sunrises.

No more sunsets.

Just Nuclear death.

I'll pay you 5 bucks.

Acid Rain

The jalapenos mock me.

I curse the firey peppers.

My cheeks are bleeding,

Flaming discomfort damnation.

Neither the double ply,

Nor the cotton soft,

Can quell the burning rage,

That seeps painfully from my anus.

Damned be my poor choice of foods.

Old Man, Look At My Life (I've Got Wrinkles On My Penis)

Gepetto brews java,

In celebration of his fez.

The dead bowl for dollars,

Popping uppers like Pez™.

He kneels by the road,

To rub gravel in his hair.

Consecration,

Baptism,

Hate and despair.

The world stares in horror,

As he vents all his rage.

Ranting and spewing,

He succumbs to his age.

Clutching his chest,

A cold lonely death,

Cursing the gods,

He gives his last breath.

Feh.

Loner Spooge

My large bulbous mound,

How low it can hang.

Brimming with funk,

Awaiting the bang.

Smothered in darkness,

For most of the day.

Dormant at times,

Untouched my dismay.

A primal scream from my loins,

Rings out in the night.

My looms no longer fit,

I curse this new plight.

Libido,

Libido,

I weep till the end,

Swollen and blue,

The pain,

My best friend.

Big House Blues

Damn my stupidity for getting caught.

Stuck here doin 6-to-10.

My life of crime was all for naught.

Regrets are now my only friends.

The walls are cold, and so's the food.

I'm really quite frustrated.

And on my head, from the top bunk,

My cellmate masturbated.

The guards are kinda nasty,

And minutes seem like days.

But I only have myself to blame

For all my wicked ways.

If they would turn me loose, I swear

I'd forget my life of crime!

I'd help the old to cross the street

And get to church on time.

But Alas, Im stuck in Rikers.

Doin' 6 to 10.

Gettin' bad tattoos.

And gettin' raped by men.

I Dare You To Hit Me

C'mon! Hit me!

I dare you!

You Started.

Take your shot!

Whattya Scared?

OWW!

Sunamabitch!

Get Off My Jock, You're Wearing Out The Elastic

Try to do what I do,

Try to say what I say.

Try to go where I go,

Hope to be me someday.

Get off my jock,

You're wearing out the elastic.

Damn You Mason

With bad intent,

You ring my bells.

Mocking me.

Incessant yells.

You never stop,

You mock me still,

I'd rather croak,

than pay your bill.

I escape,

I hit the road.

Mexico my new abode.

I beat you, fiend!

You'll never find me.

Up your brown,

You're far behind me.

Then from the states,

The news has come,

Instead of me,

You've bled my mom.

Now shes lives out on the street.

I feel like shit!

Have you no shame?

Where is my noose?

Please Stop Hooking.

I love you, dear, you know it's true.

You've always been my #1.

Both me and you, against the world.

We had good times, we've had some fun.

But now's the time for you to stop

Having sex for cash.

And if you don't, Im sad to say

I'll call the cops & trash your apartment.

It Aint Over Til The Fat Lady Sits On My Face

BURN IN HELL, NO-GOODNIK!

I've mocked you with my waterpistol.

You have laughed at my attempts to gnaw at your facade.

We cannot tolerate the Reagans stepping on our tits.

Im lost in a landscape of losers.

Ask Henny Penny

He knows all too well.

Urinate on my face, you portly swine.

The charade has ended. I am once again flaccid.

Nathaniel Robinson & The Sugar Cane

It was a cold & dreary day,

This glum November morn.

Nathaniel rose up from his bed,

Kicked aside his kiddie porn.

Went to the stove, warmed up some tea,

AND REALIZED HIS WIFE FORGOT TO BUY THE DAMN SUGAR!

Distraught, he killed himself for spite.

Consequentos Maximus

Sitting in soot.

Castrated and alone.

Watching the gauge.

Giovanni,

You are the bastard.

Invocation Of Intoxication

Holy screaming Christ.

You rouse me with a swift upsy daisy.

How long have i been in this alley man?

I had to hit the bottle.

Kick in my ass,

Coarse sandaled foot.

Whats the big idea?

Whattaya so pissed about?

I had to hit the bottle.

It's time again for siesta.

Tijuana.

The dark anus.

The locals bear feathers.

Sweet Jesus you've damned me again.

I had to hit the bottle.

My booze.

My bible.

Its all I have.

Dont like it, Lord?

Then strike me down.

Kill You

How many times have I seen your face?

One too many, I wish you dead.

Crawl and plead for your life,

I'll baptise you with my urine as I twist the knife in your neck.

Your disease festers, and I am repulsed at your very being.

To kill you now would be utopia.

To see you twitch as life slips from your veins would fill my heart with glee.

You are the living mistake,

I will correct the wrong.

Goodbye, Dick.

Baby Jesus & The Mime

They were an odd pair, baby Jesus and the Mime.

One was always trapped inside an imaginary box,

One was always wearin' cloth diapers.

One grew up to die for our sins.

The other was crucified.

Baby Jesus & The Mime.

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