Angry frenchmen

Taunting me, haunting me.

Angry frenchmen

Bringing me down.

Black berets, wispy goatees

Bad attitudes, flaky croissants.

Hiding in the shadows of the Eiffel tower

Skulking in the corridors of the Louvre.

I've done you no harm, so leave me alone.

Ska Sucks

Blow your horns

Porkpie hat

Jump around

Time to die!

Gwen Stefani

Reel big fish

Mighty Bosstones

I'll take out your friggin' eye!

Doctor's Office

The waiting

The waiting

The waiting

The waiting

The waiting

The waiting...

The Bill.

Puffy, You Dance Like A Fag

Tinfoil suit

Saggy lower lip.

Your moves are girlish, at best.

Droopy-eyelid sidekick

Mumblin' Dunce

Lookin' real femminine on my MTV.

Quiet Times With Dagoberto REDUX!

Hello Dagoberto-

I am happy to hear the anti-HIV medication is working.

Goodbye, Dagoberto-

The government will fund it- no more.

Tumor Kitty

(Inspired by actual events)

Little black kitten.

Cancer of the eye.

Why'd you have to die?

Why'd you make me cry?

Though your time was limited,

We had some fun indeed!

I fed you Fancy Feast

May you forever rest in peace.

Tumor Kitty-
Buried deep in my backyard.

Wino

Wino-

Left-over scrambled eggs in your beard.

99 cents on a roll

99 cents on a roll.

Wino-

Your breath hits like nuclear death.

Embrace me one time... before you nod off.

Yuppie On A Car Phone

Stupid yuppie

Motorola

Not watchin' the road.

Yappin' to his yuppie girlfriend-

Rancid, putrid load.

Hit my car & I'll bust your kneecaps

Hands upon the wheel!

Stab you repeatedly in the groin

With a dirty AIDS-infected needle.

Die, yuppie motorist...

Hope Polo™ makes a death shroud.

Whistle

When i'm feeling sad and blue,

I often tend to whistle.

Now, I whistle all the time-

'Cause my life sucks.

Despair At The Titty bar

Jiggly asses

Neon light

Hide your veins and cellulite.

Good thing you work in the dark

Seedy bar near Tompkin's park.

Hate to see you in the day

Lap dance chick- please go away.

I'm only here to get my dad!

That filthy drunk- my mom is mad!

That he would waste his paycheck here

Buying 7 dollar beers.

Coppin' feels & Coppin' blow...

C'mon, Pop- it's time to go...

Drop that tit...

Let's hit the road.

Ode To Disco

Flashing Lights

Wide lapels

Chest hair exposed

Feelin' good

Lets all boogie

Time to get down

Disco Inferno!

You know we should.

Goodnight, Deney Terio.... Wherever you are

Pubic Hair In My Cola

Wayward strand of forbidden love

How'd you get into my cola?

Was it dropped in by an angel?

Or a Haitian with Ebola?

Away, coarse intruder- You have fouled my day.

No, Lil' Johnny! Put Down That Firearm!

I'll cut ya down, ya lil freak

You & your pimples

You tiny geek

Grandpas erect

No time to reflect

So now take a seat

Don't do it, don't do it...

Oh, screw it- blow your friggin' brains out

This world sucks.

Thank you.

Tiny Bundle of Misery

The day is here

The time has come

Today's the day,

I become a mom

No labor too painful

No suffering too long

But then it came, and now its gone

Shoulda cut back on the cigs and booze

It's newborn life was bound to lose

Give back the presents

Repaint the room

No more reminders of my child's doom.

Still born- the stork wore black

Slice of Agony

C'mon... gimme a piece!

No reply

Cut me some

You look the other way

Just a little piece?

Im ignored

Stomach cancer on you

Greedy prick

Nettiquette, Shmettiquette

I use caps

I AM SHOUTING!

I use caps

I AM SHOUTING!

I use caps

I AM SHOUTING!

Mrs. Manners will spin in her grave.

6 Feet Deep

Down here in the ground

The worms- my only friend

So now it's come to this

My life came to an end

It's really not that bad

This fine pine box o' mine

My only gripe's the smell

So throw me down some lime.

Thanks, M'man

The Khaki Supreme

Sample my sac

Yuppie scum

Pants with sandals

Really dumb

And then the teens

The baggy jeans

The stocking caps

The tough guy dreams

In a herd

They go the flow

Afraid to be

An average Joe

Enough of this shit

I'm callin' you out Hilfiger!

See this gun?

I pull the trigger

Designer doom

Brain matter flying like pigeons

F#ck The Gap™

Presidential Lovestain

Lovely beads of white

Smelly reminder of shame

Sweep it under the rug...

Pass the buck & pass the blame.

Fat chick- black beret

What man could resist?

Now DNA's an issue-

'cuz I didnt have a tissue.

Blissful Silence

*Crickets*

Hot Cup O' Lipton

I sneeze

I drip

Only you can wipe my nose

Congestion, congestion

I'm running, yet full

Only you can clear the passage

Aches and pains

My misery reigns

Saucer of steam- my only friend!

Only you can ease my plight

My chicken stock-

My tunnel's end light.

Then it happens

Chicken-flavored savior... NO MORE!!

You've stolen my air

You shut the door

Real diced white meat

Stuck in my throat

Only you can hear my muffled scream

The end is near

The reaper comes

Choking sets tempo

My funeral drums

Now i'm gone

But born again

Into somebody's

Feathered friend

And then i'll wait so patiently

The axe will fall

And then i'll be

The main ingrediant

That seals your doom

I'll block your throat

I'll leave no room

My act of spite

I'm so fulfilled

I beam with joy!

It's you i've killed

Cya on the worm farm, Sonny

Franklin Mocks Me

8 A.M.

I punch in

Take it in my ass for the green

12 P.M.

Lunch time

1 P.M.

Take it in the ass for the green

5 P.M.

I punch out

Screw the workforce

Where did I put my gun?

8 A.M.

I punch in

Ok, so I couldnt do it...

Let's see YOU pull the trigger!

Oh shit...

*Rapidly dialing 911*

Burning Turban

You trust in Allah

Suicide's your game

Setting forth your bombs

Invoke his name

Where is he now?

Your so-called savior?

Laughin' hard

At your behavior

You hoped to sit

And bask in glory

Right by his side

To tell your story

But he aint listening

Your belief's a sham

Mass murderer-

Your souls been damned

And all that's left

You're just a stain

Some bloody chunks

Washed down the drain

No top story

No evening news

Burning turbans

Born to lose

Next time try missles!**

**HINT: Point them this way! We'll pay you.

Praise For The Chinaman

You ride your bike

Nothing stops you

Hot steaming bag

Blurring your vision

Burning your finger tips

In a race to fill my belly

Too bad ya didn't see that car coming

Bloody won tons

Broken spokes

Farewell, flatened friend

Your tip will be in the casket

Bodega

Though your products have expired

And you charge twice what they're worth

I love going to Bodega

My corner store of mirth.

Fluorescent fixures trapping

All the bugs in town

When i'm in Bodega-

I never wear a frown!

Thanks, dark-skinned merchant-

where else could I get a 40 at 3 A.M.?

Fatman

HuFf* PuFf

I'm so out of shape- I labor to breathe

My door is too narrow

I'm trapped in my home.

PuFf* HuFf

I'm so overweight- Can't call Richard Simmons

Fingers too fat to dial the phone.

My Femminine Side

I like beer

I like sports

I like my car

Like chicks in shorts

Yet I can't help peekin' in the locker room.

I blame mom.

The End.

So this is it.

I now say Farewell!

Ive had enough shit.

My Wikinson awaits.

Slash! Slash! say my wrists.

I'm bleeding to death.

I'm making a mess.

And.... *GrOan..* THUD!

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