For those of you who are into horror films, Tom Savini needs no introduction. He created all those things that make life worth living- flesh-eating ghouls, a homicidal maniac with a hockey mask, more rotting corpses than you can shake a stick at (though we don't know why you'd taunt the dead like that), and our personal favorite- the infamous Dick Gun™ (used in "From Dusk Til Dawn" and unlike Bob Dole, that thing aint shootin' blanks!). If you're not a horror fan, however- you suck and should get the hell off this page ASAP, ya friggin' pantywaist! ...*Ahem*... Anyways, proving that he's not just another one trick Hollywood pony, Savini can also be seen showcasing his acting skills in many movies including "Dawn of the Dead", "Knightriders", and most recently as the lovable Sex Machine in "From Dusk Till Dawn". So without further ado, we bring to you the interview with the scariest man in the movie biz (as evidenced by the fact that he gave us the time of day), and the favorite(!) target of those commie pinko scumbag censors over at the M.P.A.A. (Motion Picture Association of America)- TOM SAVINI! *20 minutes of ear-splitting fanfare*

1) 'SUP?
"Vests don't have sleeves"
*25 minutes of awkward silence*

2) More Fun: Dreidel or Dingus?
"Dingus...if that means hanging string over your head and attaching it to a coat hanger that you bang with a fork....stoned, of course"
Are you coming on to us?
*Threatens us with prop machete*

3) Were you driving the car that hit Stone Cold?
"No, but I shoveled up his gonads afterward."

4) Finish the rap, Tom: "G's Up, Hoe's Down ... __________"
"Your mother's an idiot....your father's a clown"
Note: Sorry, we were looking for "And if that bitch can't swim, she about to driz-own!"
*Frown*

5) Being the master of special effects that you are, have you ever created a life sized prop of yourself to sit in for you at Jury Duty?
"Only dummies report for jury duty, so they wouldn't know the difference anyway."

6) Will you join us and our webpage readers in a tearful rendition of "We Are The World"?
*singing* "We are the world...*sniff* ...we are the magpies."

7) Ever wake up in the loving embrace of a mustachioed manchild wearing nothing more than a codpiece and a grin?
"Yeah, but it turned out to be me!"

8) We want to send you some coupons. Lucky Charms™ or Aim™?
"Lucky Charms with an Aim coating. Fat free, of course"

9) *Putting on special Goggles* I see you! ... Chocolate man!
"Whatever it is I think I see... becomes a Tootsie Roll to me"

10) Heads or tails?
"Heads from Monica.... Tails from Judy"

11) What's so friggin' scary about a guy pissing in the corner? (you know- the Blair Witch Project's oh-so-terrifying finale)
"Absolutely nothing....unless you are sitting in that corner."

12) For the love of God, why didn't the M.P.A.A. have the common decency and good taste enough to censor Markie Mark's prosthetic wee-wee?
"Wait....you are asking why the M.P.A.A. does NOT have common sense? I duplicated that scene myself in my mirror, and in that movie, it looked like a penis....only smaller."

13) Did you get caught up in the "Vogue"-ing fad of the early 90's, and if so, is there really "nothing to it" as the song claims?
"I tried it and kept hitting myself in the face."

14) Yo, check out this skull! "That skull is not anatomically correct, and could use a little more yellow."
*Highly insulted* Ohh!... Mister expert!!

15) Scarier: Death by zombie or chick with A-cups?
"Zombie chick with A cups!"

16) In your lengthy and illustrious career we know that you have often used latex to bring your creations to life. We were wondering how much you would charge us to whip up a batch of custom made condoms with Hockey Mask reservoir tips?
"I only make condoms with clown faces on the end with long protruding tongues. Sorry."

17) Less humorous- Veronica's Closet or premature ejaculation?
"Premature ejaculation while watching Veronica's Closet."
We've been there, dude!

18) If we handed you a loaded gun and 3 separate suicide notes, would you please be kind enough to put us outta our f#@king misery already?
"Yes, as long as when I put you out of you misery only one note is found saying that You couldn't be in the world anymore with such  stupid people."
One Note. Mass Suicide. Intriguing! May we refer to you as "Do"?

19) How much do you regret accepting this interview?
"See my suicide note.....same as above."
We're starting to get the impression that you DON'T like us! But we know better than that!
*Loads Dick Gun™*

20) Can we get a hug?
"Hugs cost money....how about a kiss?"

If ya wanna know more about Tom (as if this all-encompassing interview wasn't enough), click on his handsome mug....