By James Chang

Nikken@erols.com

http://www.oocities.org/TimesSquare/Battlefield/2740

Note: According to Shinra (and possibly Square, of which all of these characters, places, etc. is copyright) officials, none of this ever happened. Shinra would also like to acknowledge that this fan fic contains many spoilers to FFVII, so you are advised to read at your own discretion. Finally, the author assumes no responsibility for people who read this story but hate a certain optional young lady in FFVII and do not believe in a certain love relationship which really does, in fact, exist within the content of the game, FFVII. Hey, writing this legal stuff is pretty fun.

The five-story pagoda towered majestically over the small village. A village with a long history. Although this small village seems insignificant to the world right now, that will all change. Inside on of the pagoda’s plain wooden rooms with a rug, something was going on...

“Wow!” The young female teenager stared intently with a look of excitement at the piece of paper she was holding. She immediately ripped open the box nearby to reveal a saucer-shaped object with a long handle and a bunch of “pretty lights.” The little lady herself could be regarded as pretty by some, but that was a matter of taste. She had short dark hair, a bandanna with two back “prongs,” a very strange flexible blade of metal shielding her arm, and the camouflage garb that all hunters wear. However, Yuffie was not just any hunter. She was the great materia hunter! Although materia has stopped being produced ever since everyone realized that it sucked the life out of the planet, much of it was still lying around. It was Yuffie’s duty as a patriot of Wutai to find this materia for the better of her homeland. “For the better of my homeland...” Yuffie thought out loud. “HELLO!!! HEY! Air-headed bimbo!!! Are you alive!?” “Huh?” was Yuffie’s only response. Yuffie turned to see a vertically challenged girl bonking her on the head. “Ow ow ow!!! Shake! What the hell are you doing!?” Shake stopped bonking Yuffie on the head. “Just as I thought. Hollow.” Yuffie was annoyed with the insult. Yuffie glared at Shake angrily. “Just tell me what you want, punk!” Shake replied, “Well, I came to ask you if I could borrow that Knights of the Round Materia that you swiped from your friends.” “SHH!” Yuffie put her hand over Shake’s mouth. “Idiot! No one is supposed to know that! Oh, and NO! You can’t borrow it.” Shake no happy. Shake decided to change the subject. “What’s that?” Shake looked intently at the metal detector look alike. “This? This is the SquaresoftTM materia detector!” “Why would you need that!?” “Simple,” Yuffie replied. “I plan to use it to find the ULTIMATE materia!” “Say what?” “Don’t you see?” Yuffie sighed. “I recently received this notice in the mail from an anonymous source stating that, somewhere on this world, there was a materia that was more powerful than... say... the Knights of the Round! I’m going to use this detector to find it! And you’re not coming!” Yuffie sprinted upstairs. Shake wondered. “Gee, what a weirdo. How did Godo end up with a daughter like her?”

“Father! Father!” Yuffie dashed into the top floor of the pagoda, happily eager to tell her dad about the discovery. Yuffie was at constant odds with her dad, but they were very similar. For one thing, they were both annoying brats at heart, and they also shared a love for materia. “Dad! Look at what I found!” Godo’s only reply was “ZZZ...” Yuffie stared at her sleeping father. Although he promised to make Wutai great again, nothing much has changed, and he still spends all his time sleeping. Not one to be discouraged, Yuffie runs down to the fourth floor of the pagoda to find another companion. “Staniv! Staniv!” The master of weaponry was working on a strange device. “Not now, Yuffie! I’m busy developing a new weapon! Today dawns the age of technology for Wutai!” Staniv looked into the barrel of the device. Suddenly, the device, a bazooka, went off, blowing Staniv’s head off. “Ouch.” The headless Staniv turned to Yuffie. “So, was there something you wanted to ask me?” “Umm, never mind.” Yuffie replied nervously as she slowly backed away to the stairs. “Chekhov! Chekhov! Yuffie eagerly greeted the next member of the pagoda five. Chekhov was dressed in the traditional red kimono that all Wutai women (Except Yuffie) wear. “Pardon me, Yuffie. But I am currently deeply engrossed in my meditation of the astrological conclusions that will predict the horoscope of not just Wutai’s star, but the cosmos of the entire galaxy.” “Wha...?” Yuffie was confused. Chekhov’s mental vibes always freaked her out. “Forget it. Bye.” Yuffie dashed down to the next floor. “Hi.” said Shake. Yuffie dashed right past Shake. “Dumb bimbo.” “Gorky! Gorky! Guess what!” Gorky looked at Yuffie with his face stuffed with rice. He was eating, like always. “Canft ftalks, eabtinfg!” “Dammit!” Yuffie was getting ticked off. Shake walked over to her. Shake thought to herself. “Heh heh.”

“Why!? Why, god! Why have you forsaken me, Da-Chao!” “Oh shut-up!” Shake was REALLY getting annoyed at the fact that Yuffie thought she was damned by the gods by being given Shake as a companion in her quest for the ultimate materia. “Okay, pip-squeak! Just keep to yourself! I set the materia detector to find the ultimate materia.” “Hey,” Shake looked at the device. “It’s blinking. It seems to be pointing to Da-Chao.” Yuffie eyed the mountains behind Wutai. Da-Chao and his many faces just stared, like always. “What are we waiting for!? Let’s go!” Finally, at the top of the mountain, the materia detector started beeping. “It’s here!” Yuffie screamed with delight. “Come on! Hand me my shovel!” Shake stared questioningly at Yuffie. “Are you sure it’s okay to desecrate Da-Chao like this?” “Don’t worry! It’s for the good of Wutai!” Yuffie started digging with a shovel. Coincidentally, X’s appeared in Da-Chao’s eyes, and a loud scream was heard for miles. Shake was worried. “What was that!?” “Here it is!!! THE ULTIMATE MATERIA!” Yuffie triumphantly tore the materia from Da-Chao’s brains. “Great! What is it?” Both Shake and Yuffie anxiously stared at the materia. Yuffie’s smile went upside down. “Chocobo Lure.” What a worthless materia. Yuffie gave the materia to Shake. “Hold on to this. We’ll find that ultimate materia yet!” Yuffie and Shake dashed down the mountain.

One of Da-Chao’s heads groaned. His eyes opened and he blinked.

Da-Chao is now officially pissed off.

“Shera! I’m home!” The jolly not-so-fat (although he acted like a fat person) middle-aged man wore the jacket and medals of a pilot. Cid slammed the door shut as he entered. “Cid, you were always home, remember?” Shera, the girl with the glasses and the lab coat, looked at Cid with wonder. “Oh yeah, that’s right.” A truly husky man with a tan business suit interrupted. “When’s dinner ready!?”. Shera glared at Palmer. “It’ll be ready, so shut up!” “Just don’t forget the lard!” Ever since the company he worked for went out of business (with a BANG, I might add...), Palmer has been mooching off Cid for food. In return, he... does nothing. Anyway, Cid was really not very happy with Palmer. “(%&@)$ Fatman! Get out of my house!” Cid picked up Palmer and threw him out the window. “AAAAAH!” Cid looked at Shera. The two were engaged to be married... if I remember correctly. That’s irrelevant right now, so at any rate, Cid loved Shera with all of his heart, even though he treated her like a piece of dirt. Actually, Cid is much nicer to Shera, now. “Dinner is on the table. I’m going to check out the new rocket!” “Must you always do a quadruple check on everything!? Forget the ($)&@ rocket!” “Don’t worry.” Shera left the house. Cid tasted his dinner. “What the ^&#)% is this!?” Palmer dashed back into the house. “NOOOOOOO! You ate my lard!!!”

“The materia detector points to this town!” Yes, we now continue with Yuffie and Shake’s quest. Shake looked at the rocket. “Hey, cool. A spaceship.” “Who cares about that!? Let’s just get that materia!” Yuffie and Shake dashed into the town. “Here, here!” Yuffie and Shake ran directly underneath the rocket. Shake looked up the rocket’s engine. “Um, Yuffie?” It would certainly be a bad thing if the rocket’s engines were to go off right now. That would burn the two to a crisp. “Shaddup and help me dig!” Yuffie handed Shake a shovel. “We did it! We did it! The ultimate materia!” Shake and Yuffie stared at their new prize, but they weren’t happy for long. “Chocobo lure.” Yuffie no le gusta! Disappointed, Yuffie gave Shake the materia to hold on to as they left the town. “We’ll find that special materia, yet!” As they left, Shake looked behind herself. She could have sworn that she saw a chocobo following her.

Shera entered the rocket. “I’ll just make sure everything is all right.”

With it’s base support gone, the rocket collapses and falls down with a resounding crash. Cid screamed. “SHEEEEEEERRRRRAAAA!”

“Here, Cloud. Have a drink.” The beautiful (almost too much, almost as if some god had designed her to show off her beauty) lady with the long dark hair handed Cloud another drink. “Thanks, Tifa.” Cloud sighed. This was so depressing. Ever since Nibelheim was burned down by Sephiroth long ago and then rebuilt, the town has been very desolate. But, it was Cloud’s and Tifa’s hometown, so they stayed there. “Tifa, I’m going out for a while.” “Why?” “I need a walk to clear my head.” Cloud left the bar. “Well,” Tifa thought to herself. “Now I can get back to work on making my newest drink.” Tifa went out to the back room, where she experimented on making better tasting cocktails and beer.

“Here! Here!” Yup. Annoying brat and punk midget are back. “Nibelheim!” Yuffie and Shake dashed into the village. Shake was bored. “I am REALLY getting tired of this.” Yuffie explored the town. “Don’t worry about it! A bar!!! BEER!!!” Yuffie ran over to the new Seventh Heaven bar. Shake commented, “You’re too young to drink, remember!?” Yuffie looked at the sign. 18 or older. ID must be present. “Hmm...” Yuffie took out the ID that she stole from Chekhov, tied her bandanna into a pony tail, and slapped a red curtain over her shoulder. “I look exactly like Chekhov!” “No you don’t.” “Who cares? Let’s go!” Before Shake could stop her, Yuffie dashed into the bar. “ALCOHOL! GIMME, GIMME, GIMME!” But no one was in. “Drat! I’ll just have to mix my own drink!” Yuffie went behind the counter. “Shake! The ultimate materia!” Yuffie pulled out a materia from underneath the counter. “Let me guess...” Shake said. “Chocobo lure, right?” “Right. Sigh... Oh well! I’m making my drink!” Yuffie grabbed out a bunch of ingredients without checking to see what they were and mixed them all together in a cup. “OOPS! I dropped the materia into the cup!” Yuffie pulled out the materia, gave it to Shake, then took a zip from her new creation. She promptly spitted to the floor. “GROSSNESS! That’s awful! Let’s leave!” Yuffie and Shake left the bar. Surely enough, when Shake looked behind, a chocobo was staring at her. “YIPE!” Shake grabbed Yuffie and dashed away.

“WHO TOUCHED MY DRINKS!” Tifa angrily checked the counter top. The cup bubbled.

With a flash, the Seventh Heaven exploded.

“DAMMIT! Chocobo lure!” Yuffie glared at the materia they found in Cosmo Cannon. Many Chocobos were eyeing Shake intently by now. Yuffie handed the materia to Shake, and they left.

A spirit rose from the depths. A good man in his life, he was now an evil being in his death.

Bugenhagen grinned wickedly.

Midgar. Once a thriving metropolis and a hell-ghetto at the same time, it was deserted after being blasted by meteor. It was here that the Shinra Company started, and ended. Scientists say that in 500 years, Midgar will be covered with a bunch of green foliage, but who cares?

Yeah. Yuffie and Shake found more Chocobo lure in the remains of Midgar. “HELP!” Shake screamed as she was buried alive by chocobos.

An eye flashed. “Where am I?” “What happened?” Rufus Shinra woke up.

Rufus looked at his dad, Scarlet, Heideggar, and Hojo. Why were they alive, again?

“Aeris! No!” With a flash, Sephiroth came descending down, and the life of the last Cetra came to an end. Cloud still remembered the moment vividly as he looked at the ancient city. He sighed. “Aeris...” He longed to have her back. He longed to see her again, to see the look in her eyes whenever she was happy. He wished she was still alive. He wished there was a way to save her. But there was no way. There was no way to prevent what happened, and there was no way to bring her back. He would never be with Aeris again on this mortal coil. Cloud looked out onto the lake of the ancient city and remembered the last special moments he had with Aeris. Knowing that living in the past was stupid, Cloud left the ancient city.

Yuffie and Shake donned scuba gear! And so did the chocobos! Yuffie pointed down into the water. “The materia detector says that the ultimate materia is here!” They dived in. “Wow...” The lake was beautiful. The two entrepreneurs continued to search the lake’s vast emtiness. “EEEECK! Dead body!” Shake screamed and pointed to the body of a lovely young lady clad in pink, lying on the bottom of the lake. Yuffie went over to the body of her friend. “Ugh, grossness. You’d think this thing would have decomposed by now. Hey!” Yuffie’s attention turned elsewhere. “The ultimate materia!” Yuffie grabbed the sparkling white orb. The two swam back up. “What do you think it does?” asked Shake. Suddenly, a white chocobo came over to Shake, who was holding the white materia. Shake and Yuffie frowned. “White Chocobo Lure.” “We’ll find that ultimate materia, yet!” The two adventurers left the city, with a myriad of Chocobos (and a white one) following.

“Cloud... Zacks... The last member of the Cetra.”

A hand reached up from the lakes of the ancient city.

OMNISLASH! With that scream, Sephiroth was cut to ribbons, banished forever from Cloud’s mind. The quest was over. Game players everywhere cursed at that god-awful ending (or, in the eyes of some, that god-awesome ending). The quest was over. Am I repeating myself?

Yuffie and Shake dug frantically at the rubble in the mako pit. “ULTIMATE MATERIA!” Yuffie yanked out the dark black orb. The two happily left the rubble, as an army of chocobos, a white one, and a new black one followed them.

Sephiroth winced. “I am alive again. My plan worked. Everyone must die...”

Across the world, five huge monstrosities came back to life. Weapon.

“This sucks.” Yuffie and Shake returned to Wutai, empty handed, with nothing to show for their journey except a bunch of assorted Chocobo Lure materia. Suddenly, the black and white chocobos walked up to Yuffie. Shake was no where to be seen (Actually, being very short, Shake was quickly buried in the large group of chocobos when they charged her and grabbed all of the chocobo lure). The black chocobo looked at Yuffie, and talked! “We, the great chocobos of the world, would like to thank you for finding our chocobo lure. Now, we will give you something as a reward.” The white chocobo looked at Yuffie, and said, “Here is the ultimate materia. This materia has the power to cure the world of strife. Use it well...” All of the chocobos disappeared. Yuffie and Shake looked at each other and stared for a minute. All Yuffie could say was “What the hell was that!?”

“We can’t use this!” Yuffie glared at the materia she received. “Who cares about the rest of the world!!! I just wanted something to help Wutai! Curing the world of strife won’t do a thing for Wutai! Yuffie slammed the materia into the trash can. “You go, girl!” screamed Shake. Disgruntled, Yuffie left to take her afternoon nap. She was as selfish as always, and only cared about herself. Yuffie pondered about that. She turned, and reached back into the trash can.

Cloud did not head directly back to Nibelheim. He was still taking his walk. He was now in Kalm Town. Cloud was still not in a good mood. He’s been that way ever since Yuffie stole his Knights of the Round materia. Cloud sighed to himself. Doesn’t that girl care about anything? If she had a chance to help the world, she wouldn’t do it unless there was something in it for her. Suddenly, a messenger ran up to Cloud. “Cloud?” Cloud looked at the messenger. “How did you find me?” he asked. The messenger looked at Cloud. “Who cares? I just have to give you this package.” The messenger handed Cloud a package. Cloud opened up the package, and took out the materia orb and a letter. “Dear Cloud, you can use this materia to help out the world. Yuffie.” Cloud looked at the materia. Suddenly, there was a huge flash. As the town disintegrated into nothingness, a huge flash filled the sky. When it was over, Cloud was gone.

The congregation of the unholy met on the moon. Zeromus grinned. “Now I will conquer!” But that happened in a far away place. Now, anyway...

“What a great nap!” Godo yawned. He looked at his watch. “Bedtime, already? Can’t be late for that!” Godo promptly went back to sleep. In his dream, however...

Godo looked around. Wutai was winning! They were going to beat Shinra in this war! Ha ha ha! No one could stand against Wutai’s might and its warriors. Suddenly... a man came. A man wearing black with long gray hair. Sephiroth. His coming brought devastation to Wutai, and the tide turned in favor of the Shinra. His power crushed the Wutaians, despite their fighting skill. Soldier after soldier was slaughtered by Sephiroth. Godo watched in horror as Sephiroth ran a sword through some of his dearest friends. Sephiroth promptly put Wutai on fire, as Godo watched helplessly. “NOOOOOOO!!!” Godo stared in disbelief. “Da-Chao, why have you forsaken us?” Godo put his head down in his arms.

“Because I hate your guts.”

Godo woke up abruptly. “What?” “You heard me. I hate your guts.” Godo stared. He couldn’t believe his eyes. There, in front of him, was Da-Chao. “Why do you hate my guts?” “I just do.” Da-Chao approached Godo. “Now I will kill you.” Godo backed off, and found that he was cornered against a wall. “Uh oh. Staniv! Chekhov! Shake! Gorky! Yuffie! ANYONE!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!” But no one came.

“Ride the gondola with me!” Yuffie screamed happily as she dragged Cloud to the round square of the Golden Saucer. For once in her life, Yuffie could forget about always being tormented by everyone as a nuisance, about the fact that she was only an optional character who was completely unimportant to stopping Sephiroth and saving the world, and about being one of the last place people on everybody’s “favorite FF7 character vote.” Now, on her date with Cloud, she was finally finally one of a kind, was finally something special.

“HELLO!” Shake grabbed Yuffie and threw her out of her bed. Yuffie woke up, and looked around. A dream. Of course. Cloud would never like her, and why the heck would she fall in love with Cloud, anyway? What did Cloud do on that day? Why, he went out with Aeris, didn’t he? Or was it Tifa? Yuffie really wasn’t sure. Odds are that he went out with Aeris. But the dream seemed so real... Shake slammed a big metal pipe into Yuffie’s head. “OUCH!” Yuffie screamed. “Stop staring into space!” Shake glared at Yuffie. “You’re freaking me out.” Yuffie sighed, and left her house without a word. Shake wondered where she was going.

“Cloud could never like me. He loved Aeris (I think). When Aeris left us, there was still Tifa. And now he loves her. Even if Tifa was gone, he will still never love me. Why the hell am I talking to myself? I don’t love Cloud! But, why am I going to see him, then? Oh yeah! I just have to make sure that he received the materia I sent him.”

“Yipes!” Palmer ran away as fast as he could, along with the rest of the denizens of Cid’s town. Ever since Shera was lost, Cid went psycho. Cid howled in pain. “When I find out what &$()@ did that to Shera, I’ll kill him!!!” Suddenly, Cid came across a revelation. He saw Yuffie going to the rocket, with a shovel. Yuffie must have destroyed his rocket and killed Shera. “I will kill Yuffie.” Cid smiled to himself. His eyes were almost pupil-less.

Vincent woke from his coffin with a start. “ARGH!” He screamed in agony. “Sleeping in a coffin is hell on your back!” he commented, rubbing his back. “Wait...” Vincent looked around. “Something is wrong!” Vincent leaped out of his coffin.

“He couldn’t save me. In fact, he tried to kill me. When Sephiroth came down, all he could do was stare. It is his fault that I died. I must return the favor...” Aeris looked around the Ancient City. Her eyes had an empty, far-away look.

“I must kill Cloud! He ruined my company!” Rufus slammed his hand on the rotten desk. “You mean my company!” screamed President Shinra. Hojo, Scarlet, and Heideggar decided to kill Cloud, too, after all, he was also their enemy. Heideggar shouted into the air and laughed.. “Gya ha ha! Cloud will die!” Suddenly, Rufus, saw something sparkling on the floor. He picked it up. “What is it?” asked Heideggar. “A gil.” replied Rufus. Rufus looked at the gil. Oh, how he misses being rich. Scarlet, Heideggar, and the President all began to miss being corrupt executives who were rich. Hojo just wanted to go back into doing mad scientist stuff again. “Hmm...” They all stared at the gil. “Well...” though Rufus, searching for an excuse. “Technically, Cloud didn’t kill me. Sephiroth did, with his weapon.” “Ditto.” said the President. “I meant his weapon beasts, not his sword.” “What the hell are you talking about?” They all stared at the gil, again. Heideggar finally resolved this enlightening moment. “Maybe killing Cloud can wait.” The Shinra executives left Midgar.
 
 
 

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