TO FAR AWAY TIMES
08/28
Well that was awfully quick. After a mere four months(skipping included), summer is almost over. Melancholia will now set in and I'll be moping about extensively, wasting my last few minutes of time I could be doing nothing wishing I could be doing nothing. It's really a rather self-defeating way to do things, but hell, I have nothing better to amuse myself with. Anyhow, I don't really know if I have very much to say here, but you never know what might come spilling out, so let's just give it a shot. Oh, and incidentally, did you know that the point where two rivers converge is known as a confluence? Newspapers teach you the darndest things you don't even care about.
Lonely? Depressed? Oh well.
Bored? Ugly? Look no further.
THAT WENT OFF WITHOUT A HITCH
Well, I actually did something I planned to do, and better yet, I did it to its full extent. What I did was get my student card, as well as take care of my financial situation (at least until October) and for once, it worked out perfectly... well, aside from my hair. That's a small problem I have, unfortunately. I can't seem to get a decent picture taken. This is not to suggest that I'm devastatingly attractive or anything, but it further confuses the issue when every picture I get taken of me has some sort of problem with it that achieves the effect of making me look dumb. For instance, all my high school pictures suck. Grade 9 makes me look like a chipmunk, grade 10 like some sort of mad scientist protege geek waiting to blow up the world, grade 11 I blinked(that one was by far the worst, although I also did that in grade 8, the first year the schools switched photography companies), grade 12 I look like some sort of warmed-over goth in disguise(and I'm certainly not a goth) and in grade 13 I look like a cancer patient. So you see, cameras and me don't get along. This is why it didn't surprise me when I actually got a decent smile- and had hair that looked like someone had put it through a cyclone. Oh, well. Nobody's gonna be looking too closely at that card anyway. On the plus side, my hair's usually a little dishevelled anyway, so at least it's a more accurate representation of what I look like. Then there's also the fact that I got to smile. Just about the only downside was how ridiculous I must've looked, because I'm just a little too tall for the stupid backdrops that they shot the photo against, so I had to bend my knees and slouch backwards. All this notwithstanding, things still went off without a hitch, although the organization of the place makes me wonder. Is it REALLY necessary to have two separate offices dealing with finances, particularly in view of the fact that they both do exactly the same thing, save for the fact that one of them can't do it quite as well? I guess government institutions will be government institutions, but some organization could've saved me a bit of walking. Then again, I'm lazy, so a little exercise probably can't do any harm.
This rabbit may not look like a hitch, but that's only because you can't see the fangs. Those holes took weeks to wash out!
BASEBALL: YOU KNEW I'D COME CRAWLING BACK EVENTUALLY...
You know, baseball is a sport uniquely tailored to a) those with incredibly long attention spans, b) old people, and c) those doing other things at the same time. This has long been recognized as a problem, since the baseball people have gone out of their way to provide all manner of little diversions while play is underway. Mostly, these take the form of statistics, either keeping or mindlessly reciting them. Those who recite them are usually broadcasters, some of them good at it, some of them bad. Really, it lies in your delivery. Nobody really cares how many doubles a player has hit while wearing grey socks on October nights with full moons while his sister was pregnant; broadcasters who rattle off junk like this generally suck. The sad thing is, there's a lot of them. There are those, however, who have the sense to leave silence as it is, and these are the good ones. At any rate, the other form, keeping the statistics, usually involves a scorecard of some sort, whereby you keep score while watching/listening to the game. This also works well. Anyhow, I bring this up because Majorleaguebaseball.com has combined everything into one neat glut of statistical heaven(or hell, depending on your preferences). Not only can you get updates pretty much constantly as to what's going on in the game, they also have every imaginable statistic right there to be looked at. If that wasn't enough, they also have scorecards you can print out and lovingly keep score on. I like MLB.com. It's nice.
Well, not MLB.com... that's a law office's site. But the other one... that's cool. </unpaid propaganda>
Went 0/46 last year in resisting hot dogs, but had an excellent sauerkraut evasion average of .436.
THE FLAMING RUSSIAN TOWER
Good old Russia. It seems to me I said that just a few days ago, and in this very spot. It'd be nice not to be repeating myself, but for some reason, quirky Russian news keeps popping up, mostly involving trapped people in impossible situations. This time, it's a giant flaming tower, which is(or was) the world's second-tallest free-standing structure. I say was, because as of this morning, the flames had effectively rendered it null and void... or at least burnt in half, with impending fallapart and ensuing catastrophe. Even better is the elevator inside with... you guessed it, people stuck in it! Wasn't the submarine lesson enough for these people? Don't go inside something built in Russia! The whole country is a giant deathtrap! At least there's a little suspense here. The people in the elevator can a) die a horrible death when the cable snaps and the car plummets to its grisly demise in the shaft below b) wait for the building to collapse and get crushed by a giant pile of flaming rubble or c) copy the submarine and wait for the oxygen supply to give out. Of course, if that happened, the fire would probably be closing in anyway, but you just can't have only two horrible, horrible death options. Three is the only way to go. Moving along, this picture was splashed across the front pages of several newspapers this morning, for the sole reason that it looks eerily similar to the CN Tower going up in flames. I can just imagine that... buy a paper, see the picture, look up in horror, and then look back at the paper when the CN Tower is still there. Newspapers will do anything for a lame headline...
Not unlike me, come to think of it. It can only be hoped that Russia stops going up in flames, down in smoke, and generally into the garbage. If they're gonna be a superpower, they should at least look the part.
Eerie similarity may not be exactly as advertised.
AND IN CONCLUSION
Anyone wanna lend me 8500 dollars? If so, email me.
Otherwise, if you're sending email, make sure it's paragraphs for that other section!
INTREPID BABY SAYS:
Muhaha! At this rate, taking over Russia will be a breeze! The citizens will all be trapped inside inescapable locations, dying slow, excruciating deaths. Why, I'll be the cock of the walk! And the very first thing I'll do is get reupholstered. This white just doesn't go with my hair.... maybe something in a deep blue. Yes, deep blue is the ticket.... why didn't I think of that before?
INTREPID MINION ROSA PETULOSO SAYS:
Because Russia wasn't going to hell in a handbasket, you numbskull! Now quickly! Let's get to the intercontinental babyplane of Intrepidity!
INTREPID BABY SAYS:
INTREPID MINION ROSA PETULOSO SAYS:
Muah! Muah!
Go Home! Inmediately!