Cockney Rhyming Slang

ALL DAYER	LEO SAYER	Let’s make it a Leo Sayer. (ALL DAY DRINKING SESSION)
ALONE, ON ONE'S OWN	JACK JONES	He went to the pub all Jack.
ALONE, ON ONE'S OWN	PAT MALONE	I'm all pat tonight.
ALONE, ON ONE'S OWN	TODD SLOAN	Looks like I'm on my Todd tonight.
ALSATIAN (DOG)	ALL STATIONS
ARM	CHALK FARM	He broke his chalk.
ARM, ARMS	WARWICK FARM, WARWICKS	WHIFFY UNDER WARWICKS="SMELLY UNDER ARMS"
ARMY	DAFT AND BARMY	He was promoted in the daft.
ARMY	KATE KARNEY	He's off and joined the Kate.
ARSE	ARIS
ARSE	BOTTLE AND GLASS	I gave him a good kick up the bottle.
ARSE	KHYBER PASS, KHYBER	Stick it up your khyber.
ARSE	ARISTOTLE	I gave him a good kick up the Aris. See also bottle. (ARISTOTLE=BOTTLE=BOTTLE AND GLASS=ARSE; THEREFORE, ARIS=ARSE)
ARSE-HOLE	ELEPHANT & CASTLE
AUNT	MRS. CHANT	He didn’t know what to get his Mrs. Chant for Christmas
AURORA AUSTRALIS	ROARING HORSETAILS

BABY	BASIN OF GRAVY
BACK	CILLA (BLACK)
BACK	HAMMER AND TACK
BACK	HAY (STACK)
BACK	JUMPING JACK
BACK	ROOF RACK
BAD	SHEPHERD'S PLAID
BAD	SORRY AND SAD	That dinner was a bit sorry.
BALLS, TESTICLES, OR BALLS!, RUBBISH!, NONSENCE!	COBBLER'S (AWLS)	Go on! Kick him in the cobblers!
BALLS, TESTICLES, OR BALLS!, RUBBISH!, NONSENCE!	NIAGARA FALLS	I got him in his niagara
BALLS, TESTICLES, OR BALLS!, RUBBISH!, NONSENCE!	ORCHESTRA STALLS	He nearly got hit in the orchestra
BALLS, TESTICLES, OR BALLS!, RUBBISH!, NONSENCE!	TOWN HALLS
BANANA	GERTIE GITANA	I like a gertie on my cereal
BANK	CAB RANK	I won't be long - just going to the cab rank
BANK	IRON TANK	He lost his house to the iron.
BANK	TIN TANK
BANK	TOMMY TANK	I’m going ‘round the tommy to pay in a gooses.
BAR	BAZAAR
BAR (PUB)	JACK (TAR)	I'm off to the Jack.
BAR (PUB)	NEAR AND FAR	I saw him at the near.
BARBER	COFFS HARBOUR
BARBER	SYDNEY HARBOUR
BARROW	BOW AND ARROW
BARROW	COCK SPARROW	He's wheeling his cock 'round the market.
BASS	BEGGAR BOY'S ASS
BAT, FOR CRICKET	THIS AND THAT
BATH (" LARF" RHYMES WIV "BARF")	LAUGH
BATTERY	TONY SLATTERY
BEARD	STRANGE'N'WEIRD
BED	ROSES RED
BED	SKEIN OF THREAD
BED	UNCLE NED
BED	UNCLE TED	I'm off to Uncle Ted.
BEEF	ITCHY TEETH
BEEF	STOP THIEF
BEER	GERMAINE GREER
BEER	OH MY DEAR
BEER	PIG'S EAR	Can I buy you a pig?
BEERS	BRITTNEY SPEARS	‘ow about a Brittney?"
BEERS (STELLAS)	NELSON (MANDELAS)	A couple of nelsons please
BELIEVE	ADAM AND EVE	I don't Adam and Eve it!
BELIEVE	CHRISTMAS EVE
BELL	HAIR GEL
BELLY	AUNTIE NELLIE	I punched him in the Auntie but he didn't even notice.
BELLY	DERBY KELLY	That’s the stuff for you Derby Kell; makes you fit and it makes you well
BELLY	NED KELLY
BELLY	NELLY KELLY
BELT	DARK FELT
BENDER (HOMOSEXUAL)	LEO FENDER	That blokes a bit leo after all.
BENT (CRIMINAL)	STOKE ON TRENT	‘e’s stoke he is.
BEST	MAE WEST
BET	HOUSE TO LET
BIGOT	LESTER PIGGOT
BIKE	CLEVER MIKE
BILL (STATEMENT)	BEECHAM PILL
BILL (STATEMENT)	BEECHAM'S PILL	I got my Beecham's from the tax people.
BILL (STATEMENT)	JACK AND JILL	I'm going home - can I have my Jack?
BILLY (USED TO BOIL WATER)	KNOCK ME SILLY, KNOCK-ME
BIRD	RICHARD THE THIRD	Look what that bloody Richard's done to my car!
BIRD (LIME)	PRISON TIME
BIT OF A STATE	HARRY TATE (IN A ~)
BITTER	GIGGLE AND TITTER	‘ere. I could use a giggle.
BITTER	LAUGH AND TITTER
BITTER (BEER)	APPLE FRITTER	I've tried that new apple but I prefer my salmon
BLAZER	RAZOR
BLOKE	HEAP OF COKE
BLOOD	CLARET (RED WINE)
BLOTTO (DRUNK)	SANTA'S GROTTO
BOAT	NANNY GOAT	I took my nanny out on the river.
BOB (SHILLING)	TOUCH ME ON THE KNOB
BOIL	CAN OF OIL	‘e’d be nice looking once his canov’s clear up.
BOIL	CONAN DOYLE	‘e’s got a conan on his bottle the size of me fist!
BOLLOCKS	JACKSON POLLOCKS	This modern art’s a load of old Jacksons
BOLT	HAROLD HOLT	HE DONE HAROLD HOLT
BOMB	DERRY AND TOM
BOOB LAIR, JAIL DANDY	YOGI BEAR
BOOK	CAPTAIN HOOK	I've read this captain.
BOOK	FISH HOOK	I've read the new fish by Deighton.
BOOK	JOE HOOK
BOOK	DOCKER'S HOOK	MAKE DOCKER'S HOOK; TO LAY THE ODDS OR MAKE BOOK.
BOOKIES	CREAM COOKIES
BOOTS	DAISY ROOTS	You can't go out in the rain without your daisies.
BOOTS	FIDDLES AND FLUTES
BOOZE	MUD AND OOZE
BOOZE	RIVER OUSE
BOOZER	ALL TIME LOSER
BOOZER (BAR)(LIQUOR STORE)	BATTLE CRUISER	I've got to get to the battle before I go to the party
BOSS	PITCH AND TOSS	My bloody pitch kept me late again.
BOTTLE	ARISTOTLE, ARIS	If you want milk, put the Ari on the doorstep.
BOTTLE	JERRY (COTTLE)
BOWLER	BOTTLE OF KOLA
BOWLER, IN CRICKET	COCA COLA
BOX	DARKY COX
BOY	MARK FOY
BOY	MOTHER'S JOY
BOY	ROB ROY
BOY	SAN TOY
BOY SCOUT	GIDDY GOUT
BRA	MASTER MCGRATH
BRACES	AIRS AND GRACES	He's got his new airs on.
BRACES	FLEMINGTON RACES
BRAINS	DOWN THE DRAINS
BRANDY	AMOS AND ANDY
BRANDY	FINE AND DANDY	A small drop of fine would suit me.
BRANDY	JACK THE DANDY
BREAD	LUMP OF LEAD
BREAD	UNCLE FRED	Hey, mum. Can I have some Uncle Fred with this?
BREAD	UNCLE NED
BREATH	KING DEATH
BROKE	COALS AND COKE
BROKE (FINANCIAL)	HEARTS OF OAK	I'm skint mate. Bleedin' hearts.
BROKERS	ENGINEERS AND STOKERS
BROTHER	MANHOLE COVER	My manhole cover is coming for a visit.
BROTHER	ONE AND T’OTHER	‘ere’s me one and t’other now.
BROTHER	ONE ANOTHER
BUCKET	DIP AND CHUCK IT
BUCKET	DIP AND DUCK IT
BUCKET	MRS DUCKETT
BUG(S)	STEAM TUG(S)
BUM	DEAF AND DUMB
BUM	KINGDOM COME	He just sat on his kingdom all day
BUM	QUEEN MUM
BUNK	PINEAPPLE CHUNK
BURST (URINATE)	GEOFF HURST	I’m dying for a Geoff.
BUTTER	CHUCK ME IN THE GUTTER
BUTTER	JOHNNIE RUTTER
BUTTER	KERB AND GUTTER
BUTTER	LISP AND STUTTER
BUTTER	MUTTER AND STUTTER
BUTTER	PULL DOWN THE SHUTTER
BUTTER	ROLL ME IN THE GUTTER
BUTTER	STAMMER AND STUTTER	Extra stammer for me.

CAB	SMASH AND GRAB
CAB (TAXI)	SHERBERT (DAB)	‘e’s been on the sherbert for five years (driving a cab).
CADGE	COAT AND BADGE
CAKE	SEXTON BLAKE	‘ow about a nice slice of sexton?
CANCER	JACK THE DANCER
CANCER	JIMMY DANCER
CANDLE	HARRY RANDALL	Look at all the Harry's on his cake.
CANDLE	SAUCEPAN HANDLE
CAR	JAM JAR	Bloody jam is down again.
CAR	KAREEM ABDUL JABBAR	Bloody kareem is down again.
CAR (FLASH ONE)	DANNY MARR
CARTON	BOBBY MARTIN
CASH	BANGERS AND MASH
CASH	DOT & DASH
CASH	OSCAR ASH
CASH	OSCAR ASCHE
CASH	OSCAR NASH
CASH	OSCAR
CASH	OKKER
CASH	SAUSAGE AND MASH	AIN'T GOT A SAUSAGE
CAT	THIS & THAT
CATALOGUE	CATTLE DOG
CATHOLICS	CATTLE TICKS
CELL (PRISON)	FLOWERY DELL	I've got three more years in this flower.
CHAIR	FRED ASTAIRE
CHAIR	LION'S LAIR	Have a lion's while you wait.
CHALK	DUKE OF YORK	All I got for my birthday is a bit of duke.
CHANCER (SOMEONE NOT QUALIFIED)	BENGAL LANCER	News paper adds would state no bengal lancers when advertising for tradesmen.
CHANGE	RIFLE RANGE
CHANGE (MONEY)	HOME ON THE RANGE
CHAPEL	PINEAPPLE
CHARLIE (COCAINE)	BOUTROUS (BOUTROUS GALI)
CHAT	NATTER
CHAT	TOP HAT
CHEEK	MILD AND MEEK
CHEEK	ONCE A WEEK
CHEESE	ANNIE LOUISE
CHEESE	BENDED (KNEES)
CHEESE	COUGH AND SNEEZE
CHEESE	JOHN CLEESE
CHEESE	STAND AT EASE	Wouldn't mind a bit of ease. .
CHEQUE	DUCK'S NECK
CHEQUE	GOOSE'S (NECK)	He stuck me with a bouncing goose.
CHEQUE	GREGORY (PECK)	I 'ad to pay by Gregory
CHEQUE	NERVOUS WRECK
CHEST	BIRD’S NEST	I had to punch him in the bird’s nest.
CHIEF, BOSS	CHUNK OF BEEF, CHUNKA
CHILLY	UNCLE BILLY
CHIN	HARRY LIN
CHIN	VERA LYNN
CHINK (CHINESE)	RINK-A-DINK	We're going to get rinky take-away.
CHIPS	JOCKEYS (WHIPS)	I’ll have a large plate of jockey’s
CHORUS (OF A SONG)	COALBOX
CHUNDER, TO VOMIT	UP AND UNDER
CHURCH	LEFT IN THE LURCH
CHURCH	ROCK AND LURCH
CIDER	DEEP SEA GLIDER
CIGAR	LA-DI-DA	I enjoy a good la-di-da after me meal
CIGAR	LAR-DEE-DAR
CIGARETTE	FORGIVE AND FORGET
CIGARETTE	SNOUT
CIGARETTE (FAG)	OILY RAG	Give us an oily.
CLASS	BOTTLE AND GLASS
CLINER, A GIRL	OCEAN LINER
CLINK (JAIL)	KITCHEN SINK	After that last episode he’ll be in the kitchen for a while
CLOCK	DICKORY DOCK	What's the time on the dickory?
CLOCK	TICK-TOCK
CLUE	DANNY LARUE	He ain’t got a danny.
CLUE	POT (OF GLUE)
CLUE	SCOOBY (DO)
COAT	NANNY GOAT	Put your nannies on – it’s taters out.
COAT	QUAKER OAT
COAT	WEASEL & STOAT
COAT	WEASEL AND STOAT	I left my weasel in the pub.
COBBER (FRIEND)	THIEF AND ROBBER
COFFEE	STICKY TOFFEE
COLD	BORIS (THE BOLD)
COLD	BRAVE AND BOLD
COLD	CHELTENHAM BOLD
COLD	POTATOES/TATERS (IN THE MOULD)	Cor, taters out there init?
COLD SHIVERS	HAWKESBURY RIVERS
COLLAR	HOLLOA BOYS HOLLOA
CONCERTINA	CONSTANT SCREAMER
COOK	BABBLING BROOK, BABBLER	My missus couldn't babble to save her life.
COP, COPS, POLICE	JOHN HOP, A JOHN, THE JOHNS
COP, POLICEMAN	GREASY (MOP)
COPPER (POLICE)	BOTTLE AND STOPPER
COPPER (POLICE)	GRASSHOPPER	He got nabbed by the grasshoppers.
COPPERS (POLICE)	BOTTLES AND STOPPERS	Blimey - I think the bottles are on to me!
COPS	COZZER'S
COPS	GATHERS
CORNER	JOHNNIE HORNER	I'll meet you 'round the Johnnie.
CRABS (BODY LICE)	DIBS AND DABS
CRABS, BODY LICE	DRIBS AND DRABS
CRABS, BODY LICE	SANDY MACNABS
CRANKY, SILLY	HANKY PANKY
CRAP	HORSE AND TRAP
CRAP	PONY AND TRAP	Ang on, mate. Just gotta 'ave a pony. That’s a bit pony mate!
CRAP	VON TRAPPE
CRAP, TO DEFECATE	ANDY CAPP
CRASH	SAUSAGE AND MASH	He was in a fearsome sausage.
CRIME	LEMON AND LIME
CRIME	LEMON LIME	Not one lemon reported all night
CRIPPLE	RASPBERRY RIPPLE	The old boy’s a raspberry
CROOK	BABBLING BROOK	He's always on the babble.
CROOK	JOE ROOK
CRUST	YOU MUST
CRUST (ON A PIE)	DIRT GRIME AND DUST
CRUTCH (GROIN)	MISTER MUTCH
CRY	PIPE YOUR EYE
CRYSTAL PALACE	SCREAMING ALICE
CUB, BOY SCOUT	WITCHETTY GRUB
CUP	DOWN AND UP
CUPBOARD	MOTHER HUBBARD	There's nothing in the mother.
CURRY	RUBY MURRAY	I'm going for a ruby.

DAFT	FORE & AFT
DAME JUDY (DENCH)	STENCH
DARLIN'	BRINEY MARLIN	You look lovely tonight, me old briney.
DARLINGHURST	DARLING IT HURTS
DAUGHTER	BOTTLE OF PORTER
DAUGHTER	BRICKS AND MORTAR	I’m taking me bricks and mortar shopping.
DAUGHTER	SOAP AND WATER
DAUGHTER (A MILE AND A QUARTER)	TEN FURLONGS
DEAD	BROWN BREAD	I'm telling you, mate. He's brown bread
DEAD, HORS DE COMBAT	WOMBAT
DEAF	A.I.F.
DEAF	MUTT AND JEFF	Poor buggers mutt and jeff.
DICE	CATS AND MICE
DICE	RATS AND MICE
DIET	BRIXTON RIOT
DILL, FOOL	BEECHAM'S PILL
DILL, FOOL	JACK AND JILL
DINNER	DERBY WINNER
DINNER	JIM SKINNER	Is my Jim ready yet?
DINNER	JOHN SKINNER
DIP = PICKPOCKET, OR SWIM	COCKIES' CLIP
DIRTY	TWO-THIRTY
DISH	LILLIAN GISH
DO SO	ROBINSON CRUSOE
DODDLE (EASY OR STRAIGHT FORWARD)	GLENN HODDLE	That jobs a Glen Hoddle.
DOG	CHERRY HOGG	My bloody cherry is off again.
DOG	CHOCK AND LOG
DOLE	HORSE AND FOAL
DOLE	NAT KING COLE
DOLE	ROCK'N'ROLL
DOLE	STRUM AND STROLL
DOLE (WELFARE)	ROCK AND ROLL	‘e hasn’t worked a day in ‘is life... ‘e’s always been on the rock and roll.
DOLE (WELFARE)	SAUSAGE ROLL	He ain’t worked in years – he’s on the sausage.
DOLLAR	OXFORD SCHOLAR	Stupid horse cost me an Oxford.
DOOR	HENRY MOORE	They broke the ‘enry down at number thirty two
DOOR	ROGER MOORE
DOOR	RORY O'MORE
DRAUGHT (DRAFT)	GEORGE RAFT
DRAWERS (PAIR OF)	EARLY DOORS
DRINK	CUFF LINK
DRINK	KITCHEN SINK
DRINK	SALVADOR DALI
DRINK	TIDDLEY WINK	Just one more tiddley and I'm off; or, He's popped down to the pub for a tiddle.
DRINK	TUMBLE DOWN THE SINK
DRUM, INSIDE INFORMATION	DEAF AND DUMB	I'll give you deaf and dumb
DRUM, INSIDE INFORMATION	TOM THUMB
DRUNK	ELEPHANT'S (TRUNK)	He shouldn't be driving! He's bloody elephant's.
DUMP	FOREST (GUMP)	"Off out in 10 minutes?" "Yeah, just got to have a Forrest first".
DUMP (SHIT)	DONALD TRUMP	I’ve got to go for a donald
DUMPER, CIGARETTE BUTT	VICTOR TRUMPER
DUMPS	GRAVY LUMPS
DUNNY, LAVATORY	DON'T BE FUNNY

EAR	KING LEAR
EARS	GINGER BEERS
EARS	LORDS AND PEERS
EASY	BRIGHT AND BREEZY
EASY	HAM AND CHEESY
EASY	LEMON SQUEESY
EGG	CLOTHES PEG
EGG	SCOTCH PEG
ELBOW	SPANISH ARCHER
ENGINEER	GINGER BEER	He knows his stuff. He is a ginger, after all.
EVENS (BETTING)	MAJOR STEVENS
EYE(S)	LAMB'S FRY (FRIES) (2)
EYE(S)	MINCES, MINCE PIE(S)	She got beatiful minces.
EYE(S)	NELLY BLIGH(S) (2)
EYES	MUD PIES

FACE	BOAT (RACE)	Nice legs, shame about the boat.
FACE	CHEVY CHASE	You can wipe that smile off your Chevy Chase
FACE	DRUM AND BASS
FACE	MARTIN PLACE
FACES	AIRS AND GRACES
FACTS	BRASS TACKS	‘Ere, you’ve got your brass wrong!
FAG (CIGARETTE)	HARRY WRAGG	Have you got a harry?
FAG (CIGARETTE)	TOE-RAG	Lend us a sprarsy
FAIRY TALE, LIE	POST AND RAIL
FAKE	SEXTON BLAKE
FANNY	JACK 'N' DANNY
FARE	GREY MARE
FART	HORSE AND CART	Have you just horse & carted?
FART	RASPBERRY TART	He blew a raspberry.
FART (HE APPLE TARTED)	APPLE TART
FAVOUR	CHEESY QUAVER	Do us a cheesy, put it on your web site.
FAX	NAILS AND TACKS
FEEL	ORANGE PEEL	I fancy an orange of her Bristols! [Thanks to Chris Webb)
FEELING CROOK	BUTCHER'S HOOK (1)
FEET	PLATES (OF MEAT)	Get your plates of the table.
FENCE POSTS	HOLY GHOSTS
FEVER	ROBINSON AND CLEAVER
FIDDLE	HEY DIDDLE DIDDLE
FIGHT	READ AND WRITE	He'd rather read than walk away.
FIGHTER	TYPEWRITER
FINE	CALVIN KLEIN	I’m calvin today.
FINGER	ONKAPARINGA, ONKA
FINGERS	LONGERS AND LINGERS
FIRE	ANDY MAGUIRE
FIRE	AVE MARIA
FIRE	BARNEY MAGUIRE
FIRE	JEREMIAH
FIRE	MOLLY MAGUIRE
FIRE	OBEDIAH
FIREWOOD	DO ME GOOD
FISH	DIRTY DISH
FISH	LILIAN GISH	Good day at the stream. Got a pair of Lilian's.
FIST	OLIVER TWIST	Next thing I know he's got his Oliver in my face.
FIT	CHARLIE BRITT	throw Charlie
FIVE	JACK'S ALIVE
FIVER	PAM SHRIVER
FIVER	SKIN DIVER (OR DEEP SEA DIVER)	LEND US A DEEP SEA 'TIL PAYDAY
FLARES (WIDE BOTTOM TROUSERS)	LIONELS (BLAIR)	Got on his best lionels for the evening.
FLASH (NATTY)	HARRY DASH	‘e was alway a bit of a flash
FLEA, OR KEY	JENNY LEE
FLEAS	JACK REES
FLEAS	TWO UES (2UES)
FLOOR	RORY O'MOORE
FLOWER	COBAR SHOWER
FLOWER	EARLY HOUR
FLOWERS	APRIL SHOWERS	I forgot it was my anniversary, so I picked some aprils on the way home.
FLUSH, AS IN POKER	BARMAID'S BLUSH
FLYING SQUAD	SWEENEY TODD	Here comes the Sweeney
FOOD	IN THE NUDE
FORK	ROAST PORK

GAME	MICKY SPILLANE
GARGLE (DRINK)	ARTHUR SCARGILL
GATE	RICKETY KATE
GAY	TED RAY	He’s a bit Ted.
GAY (HOMOSEXUAL)	BALE OF HAY	Don’t bother Britany – he’s bale.
GEEZER	FRIDGE FREEZER
GEEZER	ICE-CREAM FREEZER
GEEZER	LEMON SQUEEZER
GIG, FIZZGIG, AN INFORMER	A MORETON BAY
GIG, FIZZGIG, AN INFORMER	MORETON BAY FIG
GIGGLES	FLIGHT LIEUTENANT BIGGLES
GIN	HUCKLEBERRY FINN
GIN	MOTHER'S RUIN	Another mothers would sit well.
GIN	NEEDLE AND PIN	I'll have a small needle and tonic.
GIN	VERA LYNN	I’ll have one more Vera before I hit the frog and toad.
GIN (DRINK)	GUNGHA DIN
GIN AND TONIC	PHILHARMONIC
GIRL	L-RIG
GIRL	MOTHER OF PEARL
GIRL	OCEAN PEARL
GIRL	TWIST AND TWIRL	She looks like a nice twist
GIRLFRIEND	LEMON (CURD)
GIRO	NIGHTBOAT TO CAIRO
GLASS	HACKNEY MARSH
GLASS	PIG'S ARSE
GLOVES	TURTLE DOVES
GO	SCAPA FLOW	Scapa!
GOAL	SAUSAGE ROLL	KICKED SAUSAGE
GOOD	PLUM PUD
GOOD	ROBIN HOOD	That sounds like it’s robin
GOON, SILLY PERSON	EGG AND SPOON
GOUT	IN AND OUT
GOUT	SALMON TROUT
GRASS	ERNIE MARSH
GRAVY	ARMY (AND NAVY)	Can I have some army for my mashed?
GREEK	BUBBLE (AND SQUEAK)	He's a bubble.
GREEK	WERRIS (CREEK)
GRIEF	OMAR SHARIF
GROUND	PENNY A POUND
GROUSE, GOOD-OH (GREAT)	MICKEY MOUSE
GUTS	COMIC CUTS
GUTS (STOMACH)	NEWINGTON BUTTS	My newingtons are giving me some gyp today.
GUTTER	BREAD AND BUTTER	Found him laying in the bread and butter.

HADDOCK	FANNY CRADDOCK
HAIR	BARNET (FAIR)	She must be going out - she's got her Barnet done.
HAIR	BONNEY FAIR	She's got beautiful shiny bonney.
HAIR	DUBLIN FAIR
HAIR	FRED ASTAIRE
HALF A DOLLAR	HALF AN OXFORD SCHOLAR
HALF INCH	PINCH (STEAL)	Someone’s half-inched me pint!
HAMMER	WINDJAMMER
HAND	BRASS BAND
HAND	GERMAN BAND
HAND	IVORY BAND
HAND	ST. MARTINS-LE-GRAND	I had it in my St. Martins a minute ago
HANDS	GERMAN BANDS	Get your germans off my missus.
HANDY	SUGAR CANDY
HANKY	WIDOW TWANKY
HASH (HASHEESH)	JACK FLASH
HASH (HASHEESH)	JOHNNY CASH
HAT	BARREL OF FAT
HAT	TIT FOR TAT (TITFER)	Lovely titfer.
HAVE A BET	CAST A NET
HAVE A SHAVE	DIG A GRAVE
HEAD	CRUST OF BREAD	Use your crust mate.
HEAD	KELLY NED
HEAD	LOAF OF BREAD	Don't just stand there - use your loaf.
HEAD	LUMP OF LEAD
HEAD	UNCLE NED
HEAD (FELLATIO)	BLOOD RED	She likes to give blood.
HEART	GROCER'S CART
HEART	HORSE AND CART
HEART	RASPBERRY TART
HEART (!)	JAM TART
HELL	GYPSY NELL	My knee is giving me gyp today.
HEMORRHOIDS	EMMA FREUDS	Me Emma’s are playing me up.
HIDE	DUCK AND DIVE
HILL	JACK AND JILL	The store is up the jack.
HILL	RHUBARB PILL
HOLE	DRUM ROLL	Let’s pop ‘round to my drum (referring to someone’s house).
HOME	GATES OF ROME
HOME	POPE IN ROME	Let's pop 'round his pope and fetch him.
HOOKER	ONE TIME LOOKER
HORSE	APPLE SAUCE
HORSE	BOTTLE OF SAUCE
HORSE	CHARING CROSS
HORSE	TOMATO SAUCE
HORSES, HORSE RACES	TOMATO SAUCES
HOT	PEAS IN THE POT (PEASY)	Don't touch that - it's bloody peasy.
HOUSE	CAT AND MOUSE	Went 'round to his cat to wake him up.
HOUSE	MICKEY MOUSE	I'm taking my missus to the mickey tonight.
HOUSE	MINNIE MOUSE
HOUSE	RAT AND MOUSE
HUSBAND	OLD POT AND PAN
HYMNS	HERS AND HIMS

ICE	WHITE MICE
IMMIGRANT	JIMMY GRANT, JIMMY
IN THE KNOW	BROWN JOE

JACKET	DESMOND HACKETT
JAIL	BUCKET AND PAIL	One drink too many and I get seven days in the bucket.
JAIL	GINGER ALE	‘e’s doing time in the ginger.
JAIL	RUSTY NAIL
JAM	TOM AND SAM
JEANS	DIXIE DEANS
JEANS	MILTON (KEENES)
JEW	FIVE TO TWO	If you're a fiver then today's your Sabbath.
JEW	FOUR BY TWO	He's not from around here - he's a four.
JEWELLERY	TOM FOOLERY	That bloke looks a flash, look at all his tom.
JOB	CORN ON THE COB	e can't afford it - 'e ain't got a corn
JOCK (SCOT)	SWEATY SOCK	There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a sweaty on a boat...
JOCKEY	HICKEY HOCKEY
JUDGE	BARNABY RUDGE	I'm up in front of the Barnaby tomorrow morning.
JUDGE	CHOCOLATE (FUDGE)

KEEK	MOZAMBIQUE
KEG, KEG OF BEER	AUNTIE MEG
KEYS	DANCING FLEAS
KEYS	KNOBBLY KNEES	Have you got your knobblies with you?
KID(S)	DUSTBIN(S) LID(S)	A nice girl but too many dustbin's.
KID(S)	GOD FORBID(S) GODFOR'S	Couldn't hear a thing 'cause of all the Godfor's.
KID(S)	SAUCEPAN(S) LID(S)	I'm forever buy clothes for the saucepan lids
KID(S)	TEAPOT(S) LID(S)	I'm taking my little teapot to country.
KID(S)	TIN(S) LID(S)	I can’t put me foot down without stepping on one of the tin lids.
KIDNEY	NORTH SYDNEY
KIDNEY	SOUTH SYDNEY
KIDNEY	SYDNEY
KING	DINGALING
KIP	FEATHER AND FLIP
KIP	JOCKEY'S WHIP
KIPPER	JACK (THE RIPPER)
KNACKERED (TIRED)	CREAM CRACKERED	I'm cream crackered, mate.
KNEES	BISCUITS AND CHEESE	I've been on my biscuits all day.
KNICKERS	ALAN WHICKERS	The 'lastics gone in me alans.
KNIFE	DRUM AND FIFE
KNIFE & FORK	DRUMMOND & ROCE
KRAUT (GERMAN)	RAINBOW TROUT	Bloody rainbows beat us at football last night!

LADY OF BRISTOL	PISTOL
LAGER	FORSYTE SAGA
LAIR, DANDY	FRED ASTAIRE
LAIR, DANDY	TEDDY BEAR
LATER	BAKED POTATO	I'll see ya baked.
LATER	CHRISTIAN SLATER
LATER (PRONOUNCED THAT WAY)	HOT POTATER
LATHER	HOW'S YOUR FATHER?
LAUGH	BUBBLE BATH	You’re ‘avin a bubble aren’t ya?
LAUGH	GIRAFFE	You’re havin’ a giraffe, mate.
LAUGH	STEFFI (GRAFF)	You’re having a Steffi
LAUGH	TIN BATH
LAUGH	TURKISH (BATH)	He’s havin’ a turkish.
LEAK, TO URINATE	BUBBLE AND SQUEAK
LEECHES	CRIES AND SCREECHES
LEG	GREGORY PEG
LEG	MYSTIC MEG
LEG(S)	DUTCH PEG(S)
LEGS	BACON AND EGGS	Lovely set of bacons.
LEGS	CLOTHES PEGS
LEGS	HAM AND EGGS
LEGS	SCOTCH PEGS	Sit down and take a load off your pegs.
LEGS	SCOTCHES (PEGS)
LESBIAN	WEST END THESPIAN	She’s a lovely girl but she is west end, you know.
LETTER	NEVER BETTER
LIAR	DUNLOP TYRE
LIAR	HOLY FRIAR
LIES	PORK PIES	Blimey - he gets two pigs (beers) in him and he starts telling porkies.
LIES	PORKY PIES
LIGHT (ALE)	DAY AND NIGHT
LIP, CHEEKINESS	SLIPPERY DIP
LIVER	CHEERFUL GIVER	Lovely - cheerful for dinner tonight.
LOAN	DARBY AND JOAN
LODGER	ARTFUL DODGER	She's taken in an artful to help pay the way.
LOOK	BUTCHER'S (HOOK)	Here - take a butcher's at this.
LOOK	CAPTAIN COOK
LOST IT	KATE MOSSED IT
LOT (SERVING OR SHARE)	HOPPING POT	That’s your hopping mate.
LOT OF BULL, PACK OF LIES	THREE BAGS FULL
LOVE	RUBBER GLOVE
LUCK	DONALD DUCK	How’s your Donald?

M\'DARLIN	BARNEY MARLIN
MAD	MUM AND DAD	He's a bit mum and dad.
MAN, OLD MAN (FATHER or HUSBAND)	POT AND PAN	I was talking to me old pot just yesterday.
MARK	FINSBURY (PARK)
MARKER (PEN)	RONNIE BARKER
MARRIED	CASH AND CARRIED	Poor bloke got cashed on the weekend.
MATCHES	CUTS AND SCRATCHES	Do you have any cuts?
MATCHES	FLEAS AND SCRATCHES
MATCHES	JACK SCRATCHES
MATE	CHINA (PLATE)	How are you, my old china?
MATE	GARDEN GATE
MEAT PIE	NAZI SPY
MEETING	BUSTER KEATON
MENTAL	RADIO RENTAL	He's a bit radio
MENU	ME AND YOU
MERCY	PICCADILLY PERCY
MIDDLE	HEY DIDDLE DIDDLE
MILK	ACKER BILK
MILK	SOFT AS SILK
MILK	TOM SILK
MIND	CHINESE BLIND	You’re out of you little chinese mate.
MINGE	EDINBURGH FRINGE
MINUTE	COCK LINNET
MISS	CUDDLE AND KISS	She's a cute little cuddle.
MISS; MISSED CATCH AT CRICKET	CHEESY KISS
MISSUS	CHEESE AND KISSES	old cheese
MISSUS (MRS)	LOVE AND KISSES	Where did your love and kisses go?
MISSUS (MRS)	PLATES AND DISHES	How’s the plates getting on then?
MOAN	ONE ALONE
MONEY	BEES AND HONEY	Can't go in there without any bees.
MONEY	BREAD AND HONEY	Let's drink with him - he's got bread.
MONEY	BUGS BUNNY	I’ve got some Bugs bunny in me sky rocket and I'm off down the rub-a-dub-dub.
MOON	SILVER SPOON
MORNING	DAY'S DAWNING
MORNING	GIPSY'S WARNING
MOTHER	STRANGLE AND SMOTHER
MOTOR	HADDOCK & BLOATER
MOTOR	TEA, TWO, AND A BLOATER
MOUTH	NORTH AND SOUTH	I gave him a punch up the north.
MRS.	LOVE & KISSES
MUG (FOOL)	STEAM TUG

NARK	GRASS (IN THE PARK)
NAVY	SOUP AND GRAVY
NECK	BUSHEL AND PECK	He's got a bushel like tree trunk.
NECK	GREGORY PECK	down the Gregory
NECK TIE	LAMB'S FRY
NEWS	NAILS AND SCREWS
NEWSPAPER	JOHNNY RAPER, A JOHNNY
NICE	CHICKEN AND RICE
NICK (PRISON)	SHOVEL AND PICK	He’s spending a bit of time in the shovel.
NIGHTMARE	LIONEL BLAIR
NIGHTMARE	WESTON (SUPER-MARE)
NIPPLE	RASPBERRY RIPPLE	Look at the thup'neys on her, raspberries like cigar buts!
NOISE	BOX OF TOYS	Hold your box - they can hear you miles away!
NOSE	BUGLE
NOSE	I SUPPOSE	That rotten drunk gave me a clip on me I suppose.
NOSE	IRISH ROSE	She gave me a kiss on my Irish.
NUMBER	CUCUMBER
NUN	CURRANT BUN	My meanest teachers were currents
NUN	HOT CROSS BUN

OFF	FRANK BOUGH
OLD MATE	OLD CHINA PLATE, OLD CHINA
ONE'S PAY, PAY PACKET, WAGES	ZANE GREY
ORGAN	MOLLY O'MORGAN
OUT OF ORDER	ALAN BORDER
OUT OF ORDER	BANG ALLAN BORDER	He’s Bang Allan
OVERCOAT	I'M AFLOAT

PAIR OF SOCKS	BOBBY ROCKS
PAKISTANI	BACON SARNIE	They’ve hired a new bloke at the shop – he’s a bacon
PANTS	ADAM\'S
PANTS	INSECTS AND ANTS
PANTS	SAINT VITUS DANCE
PAPER, NEWSPAPER	LINEN DRAPER	Has the morning linen come yet?
PARK	LIGHT AND DARK
PARK	NOAH'S ARK	I'm taking my misses to the Noah.
PARK	PLIMSOLL MARK
PARSON (PRIEST)	WINCHCOMBE CARSON
PARTY	GAY AND HEARTY
PARTY	RUSSEL HARTY
PAWN (IN-PAWN)	BULLOCK'S HORN
PEE	KEN SMEE
PEE, URINATE	YOU AND ME
PEELERS (POLICE)	PITTSBURG STEELERS
PEICE (LUNCH)	MERLYN REES
PENNY	ABERGAVENNY
PENNY	COALHEAVER (FROM GIVER)
PENNY	KILKENNY
PEOPLE	SPIRE AND STEEPLE
PHONE	DOG AND BONE	She's always on the dog.
PHONE	EAU DE COLOGNE
PHONE	STRAWBERRY RHONE
PHONE	TROMBONE
PHONE, TELEPHONE	AL CAPONE
PIANO	JOANNA	He sparkles on the joanna.
PICK	MAD MICK
PICKLE	HARVEY NICHOL
PICTURES, CINEMA	FLEAS AND ITCHES
PIDDLE	JIMMY (RIDDLE)	I've had three pints - I could use a jimmy.
PIDDLE	NELSON (RIDDLE)
PIDDLE, TO URINATE	GERRY RIDDLE
PIDDLE, TO URINATE	HI-DIDDLE-DIDDLE
PILES	CHALFONTS (ST. GILES)
PILES	DUKE OF ARGYLES
PILES	LAUGHS AND SMILES
PILES	METRIC MILES
PILES	MICHAEL MILES
PILES	NUREMBERG TRIALS
PILES (HEMORRHOIDS)	CHALFONT ST GILES	Me chalfonts are playing up.
PILES (HEMORRHOIDS)	FARMER GILES	Blimey, I ain’t ‘alf suffering from me farmers
PILES (HEMORRHOIDS)	NOBBY STILES	Me nobbies are acting up again
PILES (HEMORRHOIDS)	ROCKFORD FILES	Me Jim Rockford's are giving me gip!
PILES (HEMORRHOIDS)	SIEG HEILS	I’ll stand if you don’t mind - me sieg heils are acting up today.
PILES (HEMORRHOIDS)	SLAY ‘EM IN THE AISLES	Me slay ‘ems are playing me up.
PILL	JIMMY HILL
PILL (BIRTH CONTROL)	JACK AND JILL	She’s on the Jack
PILLOW	TIT WILLOW
PILLOW	WEEPING WILLOW
PINCH (STEAL)	HALF-INCH
PINCHED	HALF INCHED
PISH	LILLIAN GISH
PISS	ANGEL'S KISS
PISS	ARTHUR BLISS	I’m just popping out for an Arthur
PISS	GYPSY'S (KISS)	Blimey - no more beer till I've 'ad a gypsy's.
PISS	HIT AND MISS	I've got to have a hit before we go out.
PISS, URINATE	SNAKE'S HISS, SNAKE'S
PISSED	BRAHMS AND LIZST
PISSED	SCHINDLER'S LIST
PISSED (DRUNK)	BRAHMS AND LISZT	He's well Brahms and Liszt , don't give him any more to drink.
PISSED (DRUNK)	OLIVER TWIST	I 'ad one over the eight last night and got completely Olivered.
PISSED (DRUNK)	SCOTCH MIST	‘e was completely scotch mist last night.
PISSED, DRUNK	ADRIAN QUIST
PISTOL	LADY FROM BRISTOL
PITCH (STALL OR STAND)	HEDGE AND DITCH
PLONK, CHEAP WINE	HONKY TONK
PLONK, VIN BLANC, ANY WINE	PINKITY PLONK
POCKET	LUCY LOCKET	Keep it in your Lucy.
POCKET	SKY ROCKET	I've got nothing in my skies.
POLICE	DUCKS AND GEESE
POM, POMMY	TO AND FROM
PONCE	CHARLIE RONCE
PONY (25 SOVS, 26POUNDS25, OR ANIMAL)	MACARONI
POOF (HOMOSEXUAL)	IRON HOOF	He's a bit of an iron.
PORK	MICKEY ROURKE
POST, MAIL	HOLY GHOST
POUND NOTE	READIES (NELSON EDDY'S)
POUNDS (CURRENCY)	QUID
POUNDS (CURRENCY)	SOVS
POX	BOOTS AND SOCKS
POX	SURREY DOCKS
PRICE	CURRY AND RICE
PRICE	FRIED RICE
PRICK	HAMPTON WICK	He gets on my wick.
PRIEST	BAG OF YEAST
PRIEST	FAR EAST
PRINCE	PEAR AND QUINCE
PRISON	BOOM AND MIZZEN	‘e’s off to the boom for a bit.
PROSTITUTE	MALLEE ROOT
PUB	NUCLEAR SUB	I’ll meet you down the nuclear at 5 o’clock
PUB	RUB-A-DUB-DUB	I'm off to the rub-a-dub-dub.
PUB	RUDDITY DUB, RUBBITY
PUB (OR CLUB)	RUB-A-DUB
PUFF (MARIJUANA)	MICKEY DUFF	Here, mate. Got any Mickey?
PUG, PRIZE FIGHTER	STEAM TUG
PUNTERS	HILLMAN HUNTERS
PURSE	GREY NURSE

QUARTER	FARMER'S DAUGHTER
QUEEN	IN BETWEEN
QUEER	BRIGHTON PIER
QUEER	GINGER BEER	I don't know about that - sounds a bit ginger.
QUEER (GAY)	KING LEAR	e’s a bit King Lear.
QUID	SAUCEPAN LID
QUID	TEAPOT LID	I'm down a teapot already.
QUID, ONE POUND STERLING (OBS.)	FIDDLEY-DID

RACE	CHARLIE CHASE	not in the Charlie = not worthy of consideration
RACING DOUBLE, THE DAILY DOUBLE	FROTH AND BUBBLE
RAILWAY LINE	BALL OF TWINE
RAIN	ANDY CAIN
RAIN	KING OF SPAIN
RAIN	PLEASURE AND PAIN	Any more pleasure and we'll be swimming.
RAT, AN INFORMER	CABBAGE TREE HAT
RAT, NON-UNIONIST	TIT FOR TAT (2)
RAW	BALE OF STRAW
RAZOR	DAWN FRAZER
READIES (CASH)	DUANE EDDIES
READIES (POUND NOTES)	NELSON EDDY’S	‘e’s got a pile of nelsons!
REASONS	FOUR SEASONS
REDDIES	NELSON EDDIES
REEK	ANCIENT GREEK
REMEMBERANCE DAY POPPY (FLANDERS POPPY)	XEROX COPY
RENT	BURTON ON TRENT	They've raised my burton again.
RENT	BURTON-ON-TRENT
RENT	DUKE OF KENT	I can't afford to pay the Duke of Kent this week
RHYMING SLANG	OLD JACK LANG
RIDE	CHARLIE PRIDE
RIDE	VIRGIN BRIDE
RING	HIGHLAND FLING
RIVER	BULLOCK'S LIVER
RIVER	SHAKE AND SHIVER	He jumped right into the shake
ROAD	FROG AND TOAD	Hit the frog, Don't ride your bike on the frog. [See Road => Kermit]
ROAD	KERMIT	‘e took off down the kermit. [From Kermit the Frog => frog and toad => road.]
ROTTEN	GONE AND FORGOTTEN
ROTTEN	REELS OF COTTON
ROUGH	BRIAN (CLOUGH)
ROW (ARGUMENT)	BARN OWL	Went up to the dole office today. 'Ad a bit of a barney with the geezer behind the desk.
ROW (ARGUMENT)	BULL AND COW	Had a right bull with my misses last night.
RUM	FINGER AND THUMB
RUM	TOM THUMB	A wee bit of Tom and I'm off.
RUM	TOM THUMB (1)
RUM, BONOX AND RUM	DAD AND MUM

SACK	TIN TACK
SACK, BED, E.G. "HIT ROBERTA"	ROBERTA FLACK
SALOON BAR	BALLOON CAR	I'll be at the balloon.
SALT	HAROLD HOLT (1)
SAUCE	DEAD HORSE
SAUCE	ROCKING HORSE
SCAB, NON-UNIONIST	HANSOM CAB
SCAR	MARS BAR
SCARF	CRY AND LAUGH
SCHOONER, BEER	LILY OF LAGOONA
SCORE	APPLE CORE
SCORE	BOBBY MOORE
SCOT	SWEATY SOCK
SCOTCH	GOLD WATCH
SCOTCH	PIMPLE AND BOTCH	He enjoys a good pimple.
SCOTCH (WHISKEY)	POCKET WATCH
SCOUTS	BRUSSEL SPROUTS	He's always been a brussel.
SEA	HOUSEMAID'S KNEE
SEE YA LATER	BAKED POTATA
SEEN	PEARLY QUEEN
SENSE	EIGHTEEN PENCE
SEX	OEDIPUS REX
SHABBY	WESTMINSTER ABBEY	He’s turned out a bit westminster today
SHADOW	MUM AND DADDO
SHAGGED	MELVYN BRAGGED
SHAKES, D.T.S	DUCKS AND DRAKES
SHAKES, D.T.S	JOE BLAKES
SHAKY	CURRANT CAKEY
SHANDY (BEER AND LEMONADE)	NAPPER TANDY
SHARK	MARCUS CLARK
SHARK	NOAH\'S ARK
SHARK	NOAH'S ARK
SHAVE	ALL NIGHT RAVE
SHAVE	CHAS AND DAVE	I’m off for a chas
SHAVE	CHAS 'N' DAVE
SHAVE	DAD AND DAVE
SHAVE	DIG IN THE GRAVE	A quick shower and dig and I'll be ready to go.
SHAVE	DIG THE GRAVE
SHAVE	MISBEHAVE
SHAVE	OCEAN WAVE
SHEILA	CHARLIE WHEELER, CHARLIE
SHEILA	TWO WHEELER
SHILLING	THOMAS TILLING
SHIP	'APPENY DIP
SHIRT	DICKY (DIRT)	Put your dicky dirt on before the company gets here.
SHIRT	UNCLE BERT	I've got to press my uncle.
SHIT	BRAD PITT
SHIT	EARTHA KITT	I'm going for an Eartha
SHIT	TOM TIT	I'm going for a Tom Tit.
SHIT	TWO BOB BIT
SHIT, TO DEFECATE	EDGAR BRITT
SHITE	BARRY WHITE
SHITE	BEN CARTWRIGHT
SHITE	TURKISH DELIGHT
SHITS	JIMMY BRITTS
SHITTER	LIGHT AND BITTER
SHITTER (ARSE)	GARY GLITTER	He kicked him right up the Gary
SHITTER (RECTUM)	COUNCIL GRITTER	When I sat down there was a pin on my chair! Right up the council gritter!
SHITTER (TOILET OR RECTUM)	RICK WHITTER	Back in a sec - I’m off to the rick
SHIVERS	SWANNEE RIVERS (SWANNEES)
SHOCKER	BARRY CROCKER
SHOE	HOW D'YOU DO
SHOES	ONES AND TWOS
SHOES	RHYTHM AND BLUES	Get your rhythm and blues on
SHOES	SAINT LOUIS BLUES
SHOES	TENS AND TWOS
SHOP	LOLLIPOP
SHOUT (ROUND)	WALLY GROUT	It’s your wally, mate (ie. It’s your turn to buy a round of drinks).
SHOVEL	LORD LOVEL
SHOWER	DAVID GOWER
SHOWER	EIFFEL TOWER
SHOWER	FAIRY BOWER
SHOWER	HAPPY HOUR
SHOWER	TYRONE POWER
SICK	MOBY DICK
SICK	PAT AND MICK
SICK	TOM AND DICK	He's feeling a bit Tom.
SICK	TOM DICK
SICK	UNCLE DICK	I can't come out tonight - I'm feeling a bit Uncle Dick
SILLY	DAFFY DOWN DILLY	‘e’s a bit daffy.
SILLY	PICCADILLY	I’ve always said he was piccadilly
SILLY	UNCLE (WILLY)
SISTER	BLOOD BLISTER
SISTER	KID BLISTER
SISTER	SKIN AND BLISTER	She may be his blister but she's nothing like him.
SISTER	SOCK & BLISTER
SIX, IN CRICKET	DOROTHY DIX
SIXPENCE	TANNER
SIXPENCE	TILBURY
SKIN	THICK AND THIN
SKIN (CIGARETTE PAPER)	VERA LYNN	Got any vera’s?
SKINS (CIGARETTE PAPERS)	VERAS (VERA LYNN)
SKINT	BERNIE FLINT
SKINT (BROKE)	BORASSIC LINT	He's right boric.
SLASH	CHARLIE NASH
SLASH	PIE AND MASH
SLAUGHTERED	SON 'N DAUGHTER'D
SLEEP	BO-PEEP	What I need is a good bo-peep.
SLEEP	ROLLING DEEP
SLEEP (KIP)	FEATHER AND FLIP, OR BO-PEEP
SLIPPERS	BIG DIPPERS
SMALL CHANGE	KEMBLA GRANGE, KEMBLA
SMOKING PIPE	CHERRY RIPE
SNAKE	JOE BLAKE
SNEEZE	BREAD AND CHEESE	I hate allergies - one good bread after another.
SNOUT (CIGARETTE)	SALMON AND TROUT	Ere mate, give us a salmon, I'm right out. - See "ins and outs"
SNOUTS (CIGARETTES)	INS AND OUTS	‘ere mate, got any ins and outs? (See Salmon and Trout)
SOAP	BAND OF HOPE
SOAP	BOB HOPE
SOAP	CAPE OF GOOD HOPE	Go wash yourself - and use the cape.
SOAP	FAITH AND HOPE	Where's the faith and hope, I wanna wash me 'ands
SOAP	JOE HOPE
SOCK, OR FROCK	ALMOND ROCK
SOCKS	CURLY LOCKS
SOCKS	JOE ROCKS
SOCKS	TON O' MY ROCKS
SOCKS, PAIR OF SOCKS	ALMOND ROCKS	Wouldn't it be nice if your almonds matched?
SODA	MAJOR LODA
SON	BATH BUN
SON	CURRANT BUN	He's awfully proud of his currant.
SONG	DING DONG	Everyone gather round the piano for a ding dong.
SORES	DUDLEY MOORE'S
SOT	KENNEDY ROT
SOUP	LOOP DE LOOP	Nothing like a good loop on a cold day.
SOUP	LOOP THE LOOP
SOUP	LOOPY THE LOOP
SOVEREIGN	JIMMY O'GOBLIN
SPANNER (WRENCH)	ELSIE TANNER	Can I borrow your elsie
SPARROW	BOW AND ARROW	Little bow and arrow fell out of the nest.
SPECS (GLASSES)	GREGORY PECKS
SPINE	LAGER AND LIME
SPOON	RUDY MOON
SPOT (ACNE)	RANDOLPH SCOTT	I've got a great big randolph on my chin
SPOUSE	BOILER HOUSE	Me boiler’s always yammerin’ on.
SPUDS	ROY HUDD\'S
SPUDS, POTATOES	CAPTAINS BLOODS
SPUDS, POTATOES	STEELE RUDDS
SPUNK	HARRY MONK
STAIRS	APPLES AND PEARS	Get yourself up the apples and pears.
STAR	LAH-DI-DAH
START	HORSE AND CART
STARVED	PEAR HALVED	"Lunch in a bit?" "Yeah, I’m a bit pear."
STARVIN’	HANK MARVIN	I’m bloody Hank Marvin. I haven’t eaten all day
STARVIN’	LEE MARVIN	I’m Lee Marvin
STATE	TWO & EIGHT
STATE (ANGUISH)	TWO AND EIGHT	He's in a two and eight over it.
STEAK	JOE BLAKE
STEAK	KATE
STEAK	QUIVER AND SHAKE
STEAK AND KIDNEY	KATE AND SYDNEY	A lovely Kate and Sydney pie
STELLA (PINT OF)	PAUL WELLER
STEW	BATTLE OF WATERLOO
STICK	CLICKETY-CLICK
STILSONS (PIPE WRENCHES)	HAROLD WILSON'S
STINK	PEN AND INK	That's a bit of a pen and ink.
STORY	GRIM AND GORY
STORY	JACKANORY
STOUT (BEER)	SALMON AND TROUT	Stop by and have a salmon.
STOVE	LANE COVE
STOVE	PURPLE AND MAUVE
STRAY	GAMMA RAY	That Mary’s a bit of a gamma
STREET	FIELD OF WHEAT	He out standing in the field, waiting for a bus.
STRING	HIGHLAND FLING
STRONG	PING PONG
SUB	RUBBER DUB
SUB (PAY ADVANCE)	RUB A DUB	Guvnor Give us a rub a dub till pay day.
SUGAR, AFTER TATE AND LYLE	HARRY TATE (FETCH SOME ~)
SUIT	BAG OF FRUIT
SUIT	WHISTLE AND FLUTE	He bought himself a new whistle for the wedding.
SUIT	WHISTLE AND FLUTE, WHISTLE
SULKY (HORSE DRAWN CARRIAGE)	BIG AND BULKY
SULTANAS	SALTY BANANAS
SUN	CURRANT BUN	Old current bun's out today
SUN	HOT CROSS BUN
SUPPER	TOMMY TUCKER	You can sing for your Tommy.
SURE	BOBBY (MOORE)
SWAG	WILLY WAG
SWEAR	LORD MAYOR
SWIM	DARK AND DIM
SWIM	TIGER TIM, TIGER
SYDNEY	STEAK AND KIDNEY

TABLE	BETTY GRABLE
TABLE	CAIN AND ABEL	Sit yourself at the cain and I'll bring you your Tommy (Tommy Tucker - supper).
TAIL	ALDERMAN'S NAIL	He's always wagging his alderman's.
TAILOR	SINBAD THE SAILOR
TALE	NEWGATE GAOL
TALK	RABBIT (& PORK)
TALK	RABBIT AND PORK	He's always rabbitting on about something.
TALK	ROAST PORK
TAN	CHARLIE (CHAN)
TAN	PETER PAN
TANNER	TARTAN BANNER
TANNER (SIXPENCE)	LORD OF THE MANOR
TANNER (SIXPENCE)	SPRARSY ANNA	LEND US A SPRARSY
TAP (BORROW)	STAR'S NAP
TAP (BORROW, ASK FOR A LOAN)	CELLARFLAP
TAP (FAUCET)	TREE AND SAP
TART	LIONEL BART
TART (SWEETHEART)	MERRYHEART
TATS, TEETH	CRICKET BATS
TAX	SEALING WAX
TAXI	JOE (BAXI)
TAXI	SLAPSIE MAXIE
TEA	DICKY LEE
TEA	GYPSIE LEE
TEA	JIMMY LEE
TEA	MOTHER MACHREE
TEA	ROSY LEA	I've just put the rosy on.
TEA	ROSY LEE
TEA	WASP AND BEE
TEA	YOU AND ME
TEETH	HAMPSTEAD HEATH	His hampsteads (hamps) are a crime.
TELLY	NED KELLY
TELLY	WOBBLY JELLY
TELLY (TV)	CUSTARD AND JELLY	As usual, nothing on the custard tonight.
TEN	BIG BEN
TEN	COCK & HEN
TEN	COCK AND HEN	I didn't get much change back from a cock
TENNER	PAUL MCKENNA
TENNER (10 POUND NOTE)	LOUISE WENER	‘ere, lend us a louise.
TENT	PAY ME RENT
TERRIFIED	BONA FIDE
THANK-YOU	SANDSHOE
THE HERALD (NEWSPAPER)	JIM GERALD
THIEF	TEA LEAF	He's always been a bit of a tea leaf.
THIEVING	TEA LEAFING
THINK-BOX, HEAD	BUNDLE OF SOCKS
THIRST	GEOFF (HURST)
THROAT	NANNY GOAT
TICKET	BAT AND WICKET	I've got a bat for tonight's train.
TIE	PECKHAM RYE	I’m putting on me best whistle and me new peckham.
TIGHTS	FLY-BY-NIGHTS
TIME	BIRD (LIME)
TIME	BIRD LIME	What's the bird?
TIME	BIRD'S LIME
TIP, IN HORSE RACING	EGG FLIP
TITS	THRI'PENNY BITS
TITS (BREASTS)	BRACE AND BITS	Blimey - what a brace!
TITS (BREASTS)	BRAD PITTS	Nice pair of brads
TITS (BREASTS)	EARTHA KITTS	Nice Eartha's
TITS (BREASTS)	THR'PENNY BIT	Look at the Thr'penny's on her.
TITTIES	BRISTOL CITIES, BRISTOLS
TITTIES	BRISTOLS (CITIES)
TITTIES	MANCHESTER CITIES
TITTIES (BREASTS)	BRISTOL CITIES	She's got a lovely pair of Bristols.
TO BASH	FANCY SASH
TO MARRY	CASH AND CARRY
TO PINCH, TO STEAL	HALF INCH
TO RUN AWAY	BOTANY BAY	do a Botany
TO STAY	JACK SHAY
TOAST	HOLY GHOST	How about another round of ‘oly.
TOES	BROMLEY BY BOW\'S
TOES	BUTTONS AND BOWS
TOES	OLD BLACK JOES
TOES	THESE AND THOSE
TOSS	IRON HORSE
TOSS	KATE MOSS	I couldn’t give a Kate Moss.
TOTE	CANAL BOAT
TOTE, TOTALISATOR	GIDDY GOAT
TOWEL	BADEN POWELL
TOWEL	MORTAR AND TROWEL
TOWEL. SEE ALSO BADEN POWELL	BOB POWELL
TOWN	PENNY BROWN
TRAIN	ROARING RAIN
TRAIN	SHOWER OF RAIN
TRAIN	THUNDER AND RAIN
TRAIN GUARD	CHRISTMAS CARD
TRAINERS	CLAIRES (RAYNOR)
TRAINERS (RUNNING SHOES)	CLAIRE RAYNERS	I’ve got me new Claire Rayners on
TRAM	BAA LAMB
TRAM	BREAD AND JAM
TRAMP	PARAFFIN LAMP
TRAMP	PARRAFIN LAMP
TREY, THREEPENCE (OBS.)	ALMA GREY
TROTS, DYSENTERY	RED HOTS
TROUBLE	BARNEY RUBBLE (FLINTSTONES)	Stay away from him. He's really Barney.
TROUSERS	DEAD WOWSERS
TROUSERS	LESLEY CROWTHERS
TROUSERS	RAMMY ROUSERS
TROUSERS	ROUND THE HOUSES	‘e’s got hisself a new set of round the houses
TROUSERS FLY	NELLY BLIGH (1)
TRUNKS	CHIPMUNKS
TUB	BIB AND BUB	to have bib and bub; take bath
TUBE (UNDERGROUND RAILWAY)	OXO CUBE
TUMBLE, TAKE A TUMBLE, TO UNDERSTAND	VIOLET CRUMBLE
TUNE	STEWED PRUNE
TURD	DOUGLAS HURD
TURD	RICHARD THE 3RD
TURD (SHIT)	RICHARD THE THIRD	He's a bit of a Richard.
TURKEY	PINKY & PERKY
TWIG	EARWIG

UGLY	FUG(LY)
UGLY FACE	CAMBRIDGE & OXFORD
UMBRELLA	AUNTIE ELLA	Wonderful - it's starting to rain and me without my Auntie Ella.
UNDIES	EDDIE GRUNDIES
UNDIES	REG GRUNDY'S (REGGY'S)

VARSOVIENNA, DANCE	ARSE OVER HEADER
VEG	UNCLE REG
VICAR	PIE AND LIQUOR
VODA (MOBILE PHONE)	WHISKEY (AND SODA)
VOICE	HOBSON'S CHOICE
VOICE	LET'S REJOICE
VOMIT	WALLACE AND GROMMIT

WAGER (BET)	JOHN MAJOR
WAGES	CAT AND CAGES
WAGES	GREEN GAGES
WAGES	GREENGAGES	I've blown the greengages down at the dogs
WAGES	ROCK OF AGES
WAISTCOAT	CHARLIE PRESCOT
WAITER	HOT POTATO
WALK	BALL OF CHALK	After a heavy meal I like quick ball round the square.
WALK	PICKLED PORK
WALK	STICK OF CHALK
WALL	BAT AND BALL
WANK	PEDDLE & CRANK
WANK	TOM TANK
WANK (MASTURBATE)	BARCLAYS BANK	He's having a barclays.
WANK (MASTURBATE)	J. ARTHUR RANK	e's off having a J. Arthur
WANK (MASTURBATE)	PEDDLE AND CRANK	I’m off for a peddle!
WANK (MASTURBATE)	SHERMAN TANK	e’s a right sherman
WANK (MASTURBATE)	TOMMY TANK	She’s probably at home doing a tommy.
WANKER	JODERALL BANKER
WANKER	KUWAITY TANKER
WANKER	MERCHANT BANKER	He’s a right merchant
WANKER	RAVI SHANKAR	That referee is a right Ravi
WASH	BOB SQUASH
WASH	LEMON SQUASH
WATCH	BOTTLE OF SCOTCH
WATCH	GORDON AND GOTCH
WATCH (FOB WATCH)	KETTLE (AND HOB)	That's a lovely kettle
WATER	FISHERMAN'S DAUGHTER
WATER	MOTHER AND DAUGHTER
WATER	SQUATTER'S DAUGHTER
WEEK	BUBBLE AND SQUEAK
WHISKY	GAY AND FRISKY	I'll have a gay and I'm off.
WHISKY	YOUNG AND FRISKY
WHORE	DOUG MCCLURE
WIFE	BREAD KNIFE
WIFE	DUCHESS OF FIFE	Now my old dutch, where are we off to tonight?
WIFE	FORK AND KNIFE
WIFE	TROUBLE AND STRIFE	I'm taking my trouble dancing tonight.
WIFE (WOMAN)	GOOSEBERRY PUDDIN'
WIG	IRISH JIG
WIG	SYRUP (OF FIG)	What a syrup.
WINDOW	BURNT CINDER	Close the bloody burnt
WINDY	MORK AND MINDY	Cor, it’s bloody mork today
WISHES	POTS AND DISHES
WOOD	DOME GOOD
WORD	DICKY BIRD	He left without so much as a dicky.
WORD	RICHARD THE THIRD
WORK	DODGE AND SHIRK
WORRIES	FRED MCMURRAYS
WRIST	OLIVER TWIST
WRONG	PETE TONG	It’s all gone a bit Pete

YANK	SEPTIC (TANK)	He's not very bright... septic, you know.
YANK	SHERMAN TANK
YANK	WOODEN PLANK
YANKS	PETROL (TANKS)
YEARS	DONKEY'S EARS	Ain't seen you in donkeys mate.
YID (JEW)	FRONT WHEEL SKID	He's a front wheel.

ZAC, SIXPENCE (OBS.)

HAMMER AND TACK

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