Several of the thousand new secret agents employed by the M.O.D. have been working undercover in Belfast, their missions officially related to the ongoing violence between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland. However, as a sideline to their official tasks, they have discovered a secret plot by the Irish Republic Anti Terrorism Elite (I.R.A.T.E.) to deploy Weapons of Mass Silliness (W.O.M.S.) over Northern Ireland and possibly the rest of the world’s terrorism hotspots. I.R.A.T.E. scientists have discovered a means to combine all the silliest comic achievements in the UK with non-harmful forms of Mescaline, Valium and Cannabis Sativa. Not only that, but they have developed this ridiculous compound into a form that can be dispersed over a 200 kilometre radius from an air burst missile. Although clinical trials of the compound resulted in a 99.7% success rate in turning even the most violent people into peaceful, harmless gibbering idiots, the weapon itself is as yet untested. An I.R.A.T.E. spokesman told us that if atmospheric deployment of the prototype weapon was successful over Northern Ireland, then full scale production will go ahead. Possible international targets include Pyongyang, Baghdad, Washington D.C. and Berlin. When we asked them why Berlin was a target even though it was clearly not a terrorism hotspot, their reply was that the people of Berlin would benefit from an additional dose of humour. London is apparently not on their hit list, but we pleaded with them to include Brussels. Apparently, Brussels had been considered, but I.R.A.T.E. told us that they had concerns over whether their compound would have any effect on Belgians. The Irish Prime Minister Bertie Ahern was unavailable for comment.