So he asked me to write some stuff, and here it is. Feel free to copy and use these articles - I can't very well stop you now that I've published them to the web, can I?
A word of warning to the terminally dense: These are entirely fictitious.
For those of you with low vocabulary (or those that can't be arsed to pick up a dictionary, here is the definition of "fictitious":
Accepted or assumed for the sake of convention: a fictitious belief.
Adopted or assumed in order to deceive: a fictitious name.
Not genuinely believed or felt; sham: greeted me with a fictitious enthusiasm.
Anyway, enough bollocks, here are the articles:
Knives banned from kitchens - - Irish W.O.M.S.