Average Joe?!

March 8, 2004 11:49 PM

Weird-ass dream I had. I was in a huge room full of sexy naked chicks. They were all getting it on, but for some reason, I just couldn't move... all I could do was watch. Heh, whatever, nude women in my dreams are always a pleasure.

Then there was this contest. Myself and a few of the compsci guys were on one side of the room, and a whole bunch were on the other. A little later, this woman came out, and gave us all a description of an area where we may find a prize... kinda like a scavenger hunt, or like that Real World/Road Rules Challenge thingy. We all run outside, and start running through a huge field to get to the parking lot. Once there, our group settles down, and tries to figure who will ride with who, since only four of us were driving. It all got sorted out, and I end up driving my friend Marites. I let her into my car, and walk over to the driver's side, but I don't enter just yet. I toss the keys on the roof, and do something.

When I'm finally ready to go, I there's this punk next to me, and he has unhooked all the keys from my keychain. The ring and keys were still on the roof, so I didn't think too much of it. I grab it all, but realize that I'm a key short. I see him holding on to a small plastic case. I snatch it from his hands, and open the cover. It had like earrings and stuff on this soft foam. I then lifted the foam, and found the key to my car laying right below. I throw the case to his face after taking back my key, and gently tug on his lip ring, saying, "Next time I see you, I'm gonna rip this off". Then, he took off all his jewelry, and got into his fighting stance. Marites was calling to me, but I just smiled, and got into my stance as well.

He took a few jabs at me, but I easily dodged them. Then, he came around with a right hook. I rolled into it, grabbed his arm, and let his momentum take him to the ground. I then put him in an evil armlock, hyperextending his elbow AND shoulder. He cried for mercy, so I let him go, stood up, and dusted myself off. I look back down to him and say:

"You have been owned, and no crime has been committed by me."

I woke up right after I said that.....

What the fuck kinda line was that?! I just hope that when I get into a real fight, I never utter that line... ever... in fact, forget I even mentioned it..... it's just so stupid.

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Today I skipped out on Calc 2 again... I've already taken it before, so I already know most everything there, just trying to get a better grade this time around. I planned to go, but just when I was going to shower and get ready, The Price is Right came on, and it was their 6000th show. They had a big prize in the first game, so I just decided to stay at home, and just study later.

Got lazy around 2pm, but once 3 came around, I just got up and dressed. Made it in time for my database class, where my professor was lecturing on normalization... if there was a class I should have skipped out today, it should have been this one.

Went to the lab immediately afterwards to set everything up for the Charter Day exhibit. I just installed Need for Speed Underground and Street Fighter 2 Turbo, so that'll be the games portion. I just hope I don't have to present too much... I get panic attacks from public speaking.

Anyways, tonight was Blue Night, which originally had boobs.... and music.... but mostly boobs. Since the new Prez of the University took over, he turned Blue Night into Triton Night. Instead of tits and music, all we had was music... and crappy music at that. Most everyone was there with their significant other, so seeing that I was one of few single guys around, I just booked. If I'm going to be alone, I'd rather be alone in the comfort of my own home.

So I'm at home. I grab a little something to eat, and watch a bit of TV... Ed Edd and Eddy. I used to watch that cartoon just about all the time last summer. It's okay, but I've seen every episode, so I stopped after a while. I was going to call it a night,but I decided to do a bit of channel surfing. Lo and behold, Average Joe 2 was showing on channel 8.

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Now I'm not hardcore into reality TV, but this is kinda interesting. It has 20 average-looking guys trying to fight for the affection of this goddess of a woman. Today was the last episode where the field was run down to two guys. One was a 30-year old Boston guy, about as average as you can get. The second was some mid-20's guy from Florida, I believe... definitely above average in looks, but subpar on intelligence.

Anyways, today had both guys with the girl for a full day in their hometown. I missed all of the Florida guy's portion, so I really can't comment on that. What I came to was when the Boston guy took her to Fenway Park, where they met one of the Boston Red Sox players. They kiss there, all happy and shit. Boston guy then takes her to see his friends at a bar. They're having a good time, and the friends a just amazed at this woman. After, they go to dinner, just the two of them. More kissing, talking and stuff... but get this... the guy is so fuckin sweet, that she cries. Holy fuck... I need to learn how to do that.

End of date, the woman must decide. The show goes into a monologue, where she discusses the pros and cons of each guy. She's physically attracted to the Florida kid, but she says he lacks depth, and holds back a bit. The Boston guy on the other hand is just the opposite.... and he makes her feel absolutely wonderful. (I don't remember exactly what she said... like I'm supposed to remember that shit verbatim...).

Okay okay, so at this point, I'm convinced Boston guy has this won. Just then, a limo pulls up, and out comes the Florida guy. They hold hands, look into each other's eyes, and she talks. Blah blah blah you seem to be holding out. Yak yak yak yak at this point I have to follow my instincts. Yadda yadda yadda I choose you.

WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?! coughcoughcoughcoughcoughSHALLOWWHOREcoughcoughcoughcoughcough

I'm laughin my ass off as the guy enters the plane, and Boston rides up in his limo. He's all smiles, thinking he has a good shot of winning... I mean he made her squirt tears of happiness, for crying out loud! Blah blah blah, you need someone to tell you that she loves you... I can't be that woman.

The guy took it rather well, but when he entered the bus, you just knew he tried to keep his composure because the camera was on him.

Okay okay, so they forward ahead to Larissa and Florida guy's exotic date in Cabo San Lucas. They're happy and all, but into the 4th day, the chick makes a confession to Florida.

She dated Fabio prior to Average Joe 2.

Oh fuck, the guy just goes nuts. He's kicking rocks with his bare foot on the beach, then he walks into shin-high water, looking at Larissa, yelling inaudibly at her, just pissed. Forward to the next day, and Florida had packed, and left, not even giving Larissa a goodbye hug. His last few words were: "If you were a guy, and you were in the same situation, you'd feel like I do."

Bullshit.

It must be Beautiful People policy to never date anyone that had gone out with someone sexier than yourself... but being a Below Average Joe, that fucking rule means nothing to me. Sure, she probably sampled Fabio's sausage, maybe even had it for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner... but that ain't stopping me from getting some of her... she's a GODDESS, for crying out loud! So she slept with the coverboy of just about every women's romance novel (female equivalent of porn). BIG FUCKING DEAL! Larissa, if you're reading this, come on down to Guam... I'll give you lovin' like no other.

To think, if she had chosen Boston, she wouldn't have had this problem. There's a saying we have here for this kinda situation... now what was it? Oh yeah...

BURN! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

 

Thought I Had Gone? Bwahahaha! Suckers!!!

Sunday, February 29, 2004 7:48 PM

Wazzap, peepz?! I know I said that I would post soon after Christmas.

I lied.

Hehe, not like anything important was missed. Really, most of my time was spent playing games like Need for Speed Underground, Prince of Persia, and Call of Duty. I got Max Payne 2 as well, but I never really got into it... I think shooters should be from the first-person perspective, not third like MP2.

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I was so hooked on these games, that I totally forgot that I needed to register for spring semester classes. So much like last semester, I had a crappy schedule for this one too. Monday and Wednesday I have calculus from 11 to 12:15. After that, I break until 4 to 5:20, which is my database class. Tuesday and Thursday is very similar, calc again from 11 to 12:15, compiler class from 2 till 3:15, and then Guam history from 4 till 5:20. Add a physics lab every Thursday from the ungodly time of 8am till 10:50, and you have my entire schedule. I gotta start registering early, so I don't get these shitty times again.

You'd think that I could just go to the computer lab and chill like I did last year... but then you'd be wrong. Now that we have a projector and whiteboard, EVERY professor is claiming it as their classroom. There's no worse feeling than having to surrender your workstation to some CS 201 n00b that will just do html coding... fuckin pansy bullshit, I tell ya. I loved the old days when we would do some killer progs with Java in MY CS 201 class. Now the admins are dumbing down the Computer Science program because too many are complaining that it's too hard. Bunch of pussies...

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SO now a bunch of us don't have a workstation to work on. What ends up happening is we all go to the lounge, and just talk shit. I am serious, we talk about crap that just doesn't make any fucking sense. My friend Earv brought up how he'd like to round up a bunch of boonie dogs, and make a dog sled with them. Imagine if you will, a mangy dog team, with barely any meat on their bones, pulling a 300+ pound guy on a sled over asphalt, in the heat and humidity of Guam. I've heard of cruel and unusual, but fuck, that just blows it away.

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Okay, so that's my off-hours. My classtimes... shit... I just don't know. There's just too many secksie beeches in my classes, that I miss too much of what my professors say. The two in calc... that one chick in my compiler class... and my Guam history class. Damn, there's some sweet milfs there... they're just like... hooooooooly shiiiiiiiiiiiit. And there's my physics lab... that chick with the rack that wears those low-cut tops... *drool*. Oh, and the compsci lab... well, best not say too much... one of them might read this, and then I'll be in some shit, hehehehe.

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Well, that's my first update for the new year. If you hadn't noticed the new design, then close up your browser window, block my site from your mind, and never... ever... come back again. If you're new to my page...

Welcome, and I hope you enjoyed your visit.

If you didn't...

Then you can fuck off.

 

 

Just kidding.

-Joe