Planet
Nintendo
Part
I,
Which is trying to explain all
this.
The curtain opens and the audience, which is
principally made of side characters from various games start
shouting: Yes! Yeaaah! Uuuuuuuh! Go,go, Power Rangers ... Oops!
Mario: Mamma mia, welcome everybody to
today’s discussion. We will name me president and soberane
lord of all Nintendo, thank you.
Diddy: Eeeek! No, that’s not right.
You’ve been the main person here for too much time, now
I’m going to rule.
Robo: That announcement is incorrect.
Logical processement indicates that I will be elected for
president of the Nintendo community.
Kirby: That’s not cute! Nintendo
needs a boss like me.
An explosion appears on the platform. Somebody
comes out of the hole.
Megaman X: The mandatary shall be ME!
I’m the one with the most power.
Everybody: Booooo! You went to PlayStation
so get outta here.
Another explosion happens and sends him through
the roof. It’ssssssssss Bomberman!
Bomberman: Thank you, thank you, thank you
very much.
Locke: Welcome everyone. Today we are
deciding who is going to be president, emperor, dictator or
whatever of the Nintendo Planet. My name’s Locke Efefthree
(FFIII) and I’m going to be your host. Your lost wallets are
mere coincidence.
Almost everyone: My wallet! You Thief!
Locke: CALL ME A TREASURE HUNTER! (Begins
to cast Ultima)
Person #1: It’s okay, I think I left
it in my house.
Person #2: I just lost it.
Person #3: Another thief, I mean treasure
hunter must have taken it. (Everybody sits down)
Locke: Now we can begin with the debate.
It’s one of the few times so many important Nintendo
characters are gathered together.
Mario: Thank you, and remember guys, after
the debate come to our campaign party in THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM
CASTLE!
Diddy: Oh, no. The BIG party will be at
Kong Island, hosted by Donkey and Dixie Kong.
Robo: Ladies and gentlemen, anyone who
votes for me will have a free trip on the Epoch.
Everybody: Yeah! Great! Cool! ROBO! ROBO!
ROBO!
Kirby: That’s unfair! (Starts
inhaling. Some electronic pieces come flying from a window and
are swallowed by Kirby)
Lucca: (enters the room running) Robo! The
Epoch has broken down, some parts were just sucked to this room!
Everybody: Aaaaaaaaaah! (sits down)
Locke: Now here come the guests, who will
ask questions to the candidates.
Link: What do you plan to do for the
enviroment?
Mario: I’ll get a pipe what sends
trash to the center of earth.
Robo: Descompose the garbage in its
primary components, so they return to nature.
Kirby: I’ll swallow it all.
Diddy: I will conserve the rainforests (of
course, I live in there).
Ness: What do you plan for the children?
Mario: They’ll be busy playing all my
incredible games.
Kirby: The warp star will be used to give
them flying rides.
Robo: Teach them about computers. They are
the future.
Diddy: I’ll take them to a giant zoo.
Samus: What about space exploral?
Robo: The first rocket was already sent in
year 2047 AD.
Everybody: What?
Robo: Sorry, I was talking about my game.
Diddy: We’ll place K.Rool over many
barrels of TNT and send him to the moon.
Kirby: Use the Warp Star for space travel.
Locke: Where’s Mario??
Everybody: Yes! Where’s Mario?
?????: Yahooo! (Crashes through ceiling)
All: MARIO!
Mario: There you are, rocks of the moon.
(Drops some rocks.)
Locke: (Astonished) Mario, how on earth
did you do that?
Mario: Mamma mia, I just jumped to the
moon.
All: WHAT! THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!
Mario: All right. I used the cannon and
the Wing Cap.
Robo: You had seen it, Ladies and
Gentlemen, do you want a president who lies to you?
Locke: Well, let’s continue with the
guests.
Dr. Wright (from Simcity): Do you
have any experience on city planning?
All the candidates: Oh, uh, well... not
exactly...
Yoshi: What do you plan to do with
animals? Especially dinosauric co-stars.
Mario: GIVE THEM THEIR OWN GAME!
Bunch of yoshis at the end of the audience:
Yes! Great! Incredible! Mario is the best! Surprising! Mario for
president! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
Part
II,
Which begins with Ganon’s
appearring.
The other candidates are too surprised for
talking.
Ganon appears.
All: Ganon! LINK GET HIM!
Link draws the Master Sword and the Silver bow
and arrows, but Ganon tells him to calm down.
Ganon: I come in peace. I want to know
what will happen to bad guys.
Mario: Kept prisoner in places they
can’t escape.
Diddy: Sent to unknown faraway places.
Robo: Thrown into the nowhere of the End
of Time.
Kirby: Swallow them?
Ganon: So you all think you should dispose
of villians. Then, tell me what will be games about without bad
guys?
Ryu: (Stands up) Fight between ourselves
to win the title of champion!
Everybody: YEAH!
Locke: (Starts casting Flare) Do you think
so?
Everybody: Not really. (Calms down again)
Ganon: As you see, bad boys are necessary,
SO THEY ARE GOING TO RULE! (Ganon lifts his trident and fireballs
start raining on everybody)
Link: Ganon! Now suffer the power of the
legendary Master Sword!
????: No! Ganon, I will stop you!
All: Who is this?
Saul: I’m Saul.
All: Saul? Who is Saul?
The other Saul who wrote this: He’s
the character from Secret of Mana. I got to give him my name
because he didn’t have one.
All: Ah! Hello Saul! (Seems that everybody
belongs to some group therapy).
Link: This is my threat! I shall slay him!
Saul: No, you won’t. My Mana Sword is
the most powerful.
Link: I think you don’t know I hold
THE MASTER SWORD!
Saul: No, I think you don’t know the
power of THE SWORD OF MANA, also known as EXCALIBUR!
Link: At any rate, you will need SILVER
ARROWS to defeat Ganon!
Saul: And what do you think THIS is!
(shows a silver bow and arrows)
Link: I’M the legendary HERO OF
HYRULE. I got to be the MOST POWERFUL! Not a NOBODY who got the
sword by casuality. (Meanwhile Ganon slips away)
Saul: So you wanna test MY POWER!
Link: YES I DO!
Saul: THEN COME HERE!
Ken: Round 1! FIGHT!
Reptile: Remember to execute Mercy before
doing the Animality.
Everybody stares at Reptile. He felts embarrased
and dissapears.
Link & Saul: AAARGHHH!
Both blades crash. Blast of energy come from the
heroes. They are sorrounded by a intense light. The sphere of
light explodes and becomes a beam that destroys (again) the roof.
Gigantic explosions can be heard. When the dust clears, none of
the two are there.
Zelda & Linda (from SOM also):
NOOOOOOOOO!
Zelda: Link! Where are you? You can’t
die! I didn’t... I really... (fells to the ground and starts
sobbing)
Then the two warriors break through the ceiling
(which at the time was really full of hole) and hit the ground,
unconscious.
Linda: Saul! Thank godness you’re
safe! I though you could die before I...
Zelda and Linda notice everybody is looking at
them with a funny face.
Zelda: Well, what are you looking at.
Can’t we worry about our FRIENDS? Come, Linda, let’s
get our FRIENDS back.
Linda and Zelda take Saul and Link and drag them
to a side of the platform.
Zelda: Link, I told you to not to go on
unneccesary fights!
Link: (waking up) Yes, princess. (like on
the comic in the Super Mario Bros Super Show.)
Linda: Oh, I haven’t got any candy!
Zelda: Here, take some red potion.
Saul: (waking up) Uhhh. Sprite, you should
try to aim your spells at the enemies.
Link: (falling unconscious again) Oh
Marin, sing to me!
Zelda: WHAT!
Part
III,
A BIG fight.
Locke: After this face to face of Saul and
Link, who by the way carried 430 rupees, we continue our
questions. The next guest, please.
A pair of cloaked beings step into the room.
Cloaked man # 1: I would like to know who
of you is the most powerful.
Mario, Diddy, Robo, Kirby, Locke & Link:
ME of course!
Cloaked man # 2: But we don’t see
anything that proofs any of you is more powerful than the others.
Locke: (Now initiates casting Meteor) I
can take all of them at once. It’s only I’m not
interested on the charge of president.
Mario: What? I’m definitively the
most capable. I’ve defeated Bowser about a hundred times.
Robo: The koopa Bowser is no comparative
in attack power to the alien Lavos, whom I defeated in order to
save the world. The logical result is that I am the being with
higher attacking and defensive power.
Diddy: All that robotic fuzzy worths
nothing. Try fighting monkey style. That’s power!
Link: I guess I have to remember you again
that I’m the Legendary Hero who holds the ultimate Master
Sword. Thus, I shall be declared the most powerful.
Kirby: The ability to do the unexpected,
to skeak in places inimaginable and to change in unbelievable
forms is what gives me the most power.
Cloaked # 1: I think you all are
presuming.
Locke: OK! Have it! YOU ALL DIE!!!
......... MERTON!!!
A gigantic wall of fire creates over the room, it
begins to shake and the temperature gets really hot. Melting
balls of red fire begins to rain down from it... then all
disappears.
Locke: Oh, great! I ran out of MP! Excuse,
I going to buy some Ether. (Runs out of the hall.)
Link: It just us now...Quake Medallion!Attack!
A great earthquake send everyone to the ground as
Link drives his sword through the ground, but Kirby floats up.
Kirby: Here I go! Stone!
Kirby turns into a stone and drops over
Link’s head.
Link: OOOOOUCH!!
Robo: It is sufficient of this unnecesary
dispute. I’ll finish it at this instant... Shock!
Robo opens itself and from his generator
incountable bolts of electricity hurt everyone.
All: AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
Robo is easily dominating, but suddenly Mario
jumps on Robo’s generator 64 times and destroys it.
Mario: Haha! That was my Super Jump!
Robo: (Assembles himself again) I’ve
learned another emotion... ANGER!
Robo Uzzi-punches Mario.
Mario:
UuuuuughhghtkiisiaiiakaaaaaaaAAAAApppppppp P (Falls to the
ground)
Diddy throws a barrel in Link’s head, where
he still has a bump.
Link: AAAAAAAOUCH! You darn monkey!!!! Ice Rod! (Diddy is turned into an
ice statue) Fire Rod! (The
statue melts and the water evaporates)
Dixie: NOOOO! You killed him! You son of a
[naughty words]!!!
Dixie grabs Link with her ponytail and swings him
around.
Link: AIIEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
(He is sent out of the room by a window)
Kirby: That’s a good idea! Ice! Fffffffffffffff
(Blows and starts freezing everyone).
Mario: Oh, no. You won’t do that. Super Flame! (Starts shooting
fire balls that counter Kirby’s Ice).
Dixie: You! Don’t! Dare! To! Freeze!
Me! AGAIN! (Throws Kirby in the air then...) WHACK! (...bats him
with her ponytail. He breaks a stained-glass window and is sent
flying away.) Home Run! (She runs around the hall in a diamond
shaped trayectory)
Robo: The number of fighters is
decreasing. In a short lapse of time only I will remain. Robo Tackle!
Robo sends Mario flying, but he Wall Kicks and jumps back to
Robo.
Mario: You forgetting who I am? Super Jump!
Robo: Ouch! Yikes! Mal! Func! Tion! Eeek!
Help! Not! Bad! Arg! Yuck! This! Not! My! Liking! Again! Ooop!
Ap! HP! Loss! Bzzz! (Every time Mario jumps on him)
Mario: Ma-mma-mi-a (Says jumping the 23th,
24th, 25th and 26th time.)
Suddenly, Dixie turns into a ugly creature with a
desfigurated face and a rotten skin.
Dixie: Aaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeee. (Faints)
Link: Hahaha! (He’s in the Ceiling) I
dropped Magic Powder in you!
(Jumps down.)
Dixie: You-no-good-man! (Slaps him with
the remains of her ponytail)
Mario: Yahoo! (Mario does a Slide Attack but slams into
Robo) Ouch!
Robo: It seems that you like the action of
being thrown.
Robo throws Mario to Dixie, she grabs him with
the ponytail and throws him back, and that way they make a Beast Toss.
Mario: IAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
Ouch! (He has landed)
A wheel enters through the door, jumps up a ramp
and drives at full speed to Robo.
?????: Porcupine!
The wheel grows spikes and stabs into Robo’s
brass body. It’s Kirby.
Robo:
Bzzzzzzt...that....bzzzzzzzz...hurts...bzzzzzz...ouch...
Link: Hey!
All: Key!
Link: What? Forget it. Are you guys
noticing that we’re not taking real damage?
Kirby: (Turns back to normal self) Someone
must have popped a Game Shark.
Robo: Incorrect. That’s not the
cause. The real data is that: As we are in no game, no damage
points are being taked into account.
Mario: This fight is totally useless...
Maybe someone just wanted us to fight.
Dixie: YOU!! (Points to the two cloaked
figures)
The cloaked men turn around, but Luigi gets into
the control room and makes some stell walls to fall around the
guys.
Luigi: Gotcha! Hey, I finally got to say
something.
Robo: Reveal your identity! Laser Spin!
The laser beams burn the men’s clothes,
showing their true identities. They’re Crash Bandicoot and
Sonic the Hedgehog!
Crash: Damn it. Those fools discovered us.
Sonic: What are we going to do now?
Link: Be defeated! Turbo N Position!
Everyone gets on a line. Mario, Dixie, Robo, Link
and Kirby.
Robo: (Gets a spare generator) Get Ready!
4...3...(Crash and Sonic are really scared)2...1...NOW! Conjuntion
N attack!
Mario runs and starts his Triple Jump "Ya!... Hoo!..." He
lands on Dixie and she quickly throws him with her ponytail to
incredible height. "YUHOOOO". Robo executes Shock and the energy sorrounds Mario. Link
throws the Master Sword,
Mario catches it with his feet. Kirby gets in Mario’s head,
then turns into a Stone
and they fall towards the ground at incredible speed...
All: The Shocking Stone Sword
Impulsed Triple Pound!
Sonic: AAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Sonic takes Crash and uses him as shield, but at
the same time tries to step away.
KABOOM!!!!
Nothing of Crash can be seen, and Sonic is
heavily damaged.
Sonic: Hahaha...cough... I
survived...argh...and I got rid of that stupid...gggg...I’m
a genius...this is not over...
The lights turn off, but it can be seen how Tails
takes Sonic out by one of the holes in the ceiling.
Luigi: Mmmhhhhhgggggmmm. (He is able to
flip the light swicht with his nose)
Luigi is tied and has a big bump on his head.
Mario: Luigi! What did they do to you?
Rocky (The Nopino from "Pocky &
Rocky") climbs up to the control room and frees him.
Luigi: They took me by surprise. Sorry
Mario.
Mario: What were they planning?
Continued on Part IV, where
this starts to get weird
