From the Journal of Laura Holt

August 30, 1974-May 5, 1975

August 30, 1974

I'm here. Stanford. On 4 East. that's what they call my dorm. 4 East. My roommate seems very sweet. She is very striking. Her name is Bernice Foxe. Our suitemates are sophomores. They are pretty cool too. I hope I can survive it here. I must admit I am a little scared.

It's funny. Bernice is very much like my friends back home. A little more wild I think, but alot like Gracie. Just out there. Having a good time. Smart too. She is majoring in Business Administration. I am majoring in Math of course, but I think I'll minor is Criminology. If Mother finds out I'm dead.

March 12, 1975

Well, I made it thru the first semester. Lord help me. Bernice says I worry too much. I say she parties too much. Now I'll admit I do my share of parties and dates. But not like her. She is out every single night. I don't know. I still feel pretty uncomfortable around most guys. Like they can look inside and see I'm still a virgin. Bernice says I'm being silly. That no one cares if I'm a virgin or not. Ty did.

May 5, 1975

I hate myself. I can't believe what I've done. I ran into Alex in San Francisco. A bunch of us went up there this weekend. It really is a very romantic city. Alex was there on business, funny business no doubt. Cristabel wasn't with him. I saw him first at the Top of the Mark. With a spectacular blonde. Actually my "date" Evan saw them first. Her, not them. I've been seeing Evan off and on. He's a English Lit major, very refined and all that. Well, a couple of the guys got a little raunchy and started drawing quite a crowd. Including Alex. The manager told us to leave, and we did. But outside, Chris, Bernice's latest got into it with some rookie cop. Not that Chris was totally innocent, but this cop, Jack Something. Bernice made a point to find out his name. She thinks he's cute. This Jack was really obnoxious. Big chip on his shoulder. Anyway, this starts a real fight between Chris and Bernice. She flounces off. Chris takes off after her. Clarissa and her boyfriend duck back into the hotel, and Evan freaks and runs off. This leaves yours truly to deal with a ticked cop. Well, Alex shows up, dumps the blonde in a taxi and flashes some ID in the cop's face. The cop backs off and Alex takes me back upstairs, for a drink, or two, or seven or eight. We ordered champagne at one point. Alex tells me the blonde is his secretary. Yeah right. And that he and the suitable one are getting a D-I-V-O-R-C-E. I am soooo dense. Alejandro Jose' Ramon de luna Diaz is a Catholic. A Spanish don. They don't get divorces. But last night. I believed him. Frankly I don't know what all the fuss is about. Maybe if I had been sober. Don't get me wrong it was terrific, after the first time. I didn't know you could do it more than once a night, nice concept. Alex is a wonderful lover, I suppose. I have no comparison, yet. He seems to know what he is doing. And exactly what buttons to push. Oh my yes! I just never imagined my first time quite like this. Frankly yes, I have imagined myself with Alex. But in my fantasies we were always married, to each other. And I'd float into the room in a shear white negligee. Not rolling around a hotel room floor. A first class hotel, Mother'll be pleased. The floor mind you. We eventually made it to the bed, but yes America, Laura Holt's first time was on the floor. Better than the backseat of a car. Or some dive. But a MARRIED man. Oh my god! He is still married. No doubt about that. Mrs. Perfectly Suitable called this morning. At least I didn't answer the phone. Yes, this morning. Needless to say, Evan and I are no longer dating. In fact we aren't speaking. It was a long drive back. Alex was very sweet and gentle at the end. He told me he always loved me, and always would. I do believe that, at least I want to. Alex will always be very special to me. But this isn't the way I wanted it to happen.