From the Journal of Amanda West King

December 29, 1978-May 7, 1979

December 29, 1978

There's no use pretending any longer that we haven't made a mess of things. Tonight I asked Joe point blank if there was somebody else, and he nearly went crazy. He swears there's never been anyone else, and that he still loves me. I don't know what else I'm supposed to think - he hasn't come near me in months, in fact not since the weekend we spent with Char and Simms, actually, except for taking care of Jamie and Philip, he stays away from the house as often as he can. Of course when he is here all we do is fight. I promise myself I'm not going to be a nag, but I always seem to say the wrong thing and we're off again. The thing is, we never fight about anything important, just stupid petty things like missing dinner, or blowing the weekly bridge game. We talked ourselves hoarse tonight until we decided maybe we need a time out. Joe's moving in with Scotty for now, while we sort things out.

December 31, 1978

Susz and Len just left. They came over to convince me to come to the New Year Party tonight, but I just can't face everybody yet. They settled for a toast to the New Year and made me promise to call if I need anything. The house seems so strange without my family here. I'm glad I'm driving up to Annapolis tomorrow to pick up Philip and Jamie. For the first time I really want their noise around me. The only thing is, I don't know how I'm going to break the news to Daddy and Mama about Joe and me being separated. They're going to be absolutely wild when they find out.

February 14, 1979

I was room mother for Philip's class party today. All the room mothers got homemade Valentines and bouquets of paper flowers as a thank you from the class. Philip was so proud of his card; I tapped it on the refrigerator so we could all see it. Watching Philip with the other children was a very revealing experience. He's very different at school from the way he behaves at home! He seemed almost shy. I think I'll see if he'd like to play Little League Ball this year. It would be good for him to do something team oriented and competitive. He needs to get out and be one of the guys.

April 5, 1979

I finally got Mother to go to bed. She's been running on pure adrenaline for the last two days, trying to be the perfect hostess naturally, as if it were her responsibility make everybody feel better... my Father is dead. Just seeing the words makes me cold all over. He always seemed indestructible to me, to all of us really. I guess I thought he'd always be here to take care of us. Philip and Jamie don't really understand what's happened yet, but they've both been very sweet trying to be extra good and helpful, and hugging Mother and me when we've been crying. Joe came to the funeral home, even though he wasn't sure he'd be welcome. I'm glad he was there. It felt right to have him beside me. I've asked him to come with us tomorrow for the funeral services, and he said he would if it was all right with Mother. Of course it's all right with her. As far as she's concerned, our separation was a big mistake from the start.

April 17, 1979

Mother listed the Condo with a Realtor today. I wish she hadn't insisted on selling so soon - I think it's a mistake, but she's never been one to dwell on the past, and she's determined to get on with her life without Daddy. I'd rather she stay here with me and the boys for a while longer, but Aunt Lillian has asked her to come to Topeka to stay with her, and that's what Mother has decided to do.

April 24, 1979

We saw Mother off to Aunt Lillian's this afternoon. Philip and Jamie went wild at the airport; there was so much to see - Philip has now decided he's going to be a pilot when he grows up. After Mother's flight left Joe took us to McCloskey's for ice cream. I invited him to stay for supper - and he accepted. The first time we've had dinner as a family since Christmas!

May 7, 1979

Joe filed the closing papers on the sale of Mother's condo today. He brought her copies over just as I was leaving to take Jamie to pre-school. He rode along with us, and after we dropped Jamie off he and I went for a drive. We ended up at Druid Hill Park over in Baltimore. We had a long talk and he finally said he wanted to come home. I was beginning to fear he might never say that. Of course I said yes! We drove straight to Scotty's and picked up his things. By the time Philip came home from school, Joe was moved back in. I can hear him now, in Jamie's room, refereeing a pillow fight. He's supposed to be putting the boys to bed - some toughie he is! It's a nice sound; his voice and theirs all mixed up together.