Personally I think all the jokes either suck or don't make sense.
But that's not the point. The jokes are here mainly for losers who find then funny (myself not included).
Anyway anyone who makes a joke insulting a instrument in the band is a loser. So there. And by the way, the midi playing now is Dance of the 8 Little Swans, from Swan Lake, composed by Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky. Nice right?
Bassoon
Q: What is the definition of a half step?
Two bassoonists playing in unison.
Q: What is the definition of a major second?
A: Two baroque bassoonists playing in unison.
Q: How do you get an bassoonist to play A flat?
A: Take the batteries out of his electric tuner
Q: Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?
A: The bassoon burns longer.
Q: What is a burning oboe good for?
A: Setting a bassoon on fire.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from the bassoon recital.
Q: How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation.
Q: Why did the bassoonist go around telling stupid jokes?
A: I don't know; you tell me.
Q: How do you get a bassoonist to play softer?
A: You can't.
Q: Why are there so few bassoon jokes?
A: None of the other instrumentalists are smart enough to think of any. (Hey, I like this joke!)
Q: What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes to jump on the trampoline.
Q: What's the nickname for a bassoon?
A: A farting bedpost.
Top ten reasons to play bassoon:
10. Sightreading is so much easier.
9. You can play as loud as you want; nobody hears you anyway.
8. Tons of solos.
7. Hanging out with the baritone saxophonist.
6. There's so little competition.
5. It's an excellent excuse to get out of marching band.
4. It's easier to tongue than on a flute.
3. That pleasant "new reed" feeling.
2. Showing up the trombones.
1. There are so few bassoon jokes.
Five reasons not to:
5. It takes so long to set up.
4. Reeds are so expensive.
3. Nobody hears you.
2. Being barred from jazz band.
1. Just try fitting it on a bus.
Saxophone
Q: What's the difference between Kenny G and an UZI?
A: The machine gun repeats only 50 times.
Kenny G gets on an elevator and says "Wow! This rocks!"
Q: How many alto sax players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Five. One to do it, and four to comment on how Kenny G would have done it.
Q: What's the difference between a lawnmower and a tenor sax?
A: You can tune a lawnmower. And, the neighbors care if you don't return it.
Q: How do you make a chainsaw sound like a baritone sax?
A: Add vibrato.
Q: What do a saxophone and baseball have in common?
A: People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
Q: Why did the lead alto player play so many wrong notes?
A: Because she kept ignoring the key signature -- thought it was a suggestion. (Hope Alison never sees this)
Q: What's the difference between a tenor sax solo and a bottomless pit?
A: It's reasonable to hope that a bottomless pit won't go on forever.
Q: What's the difference between a tenor and a bari?
A: The bari holds bigger plants.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a crushed sax in the road?
A: Skid marks before the skunk.
Q: What is the difference between a soprano sax and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop a soprano sax into little pieces.
Q: What's the difference between a saxophone and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug in the vacuum cleaner before it sucks.
Q: How many sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Better get the bassoonist to do it. The saxes are all busy fighting about Kenny G.
Q: How many alto players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They aren't going to. Does God change light bulbs?
Q: How many tenor players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. She'll probably get her girlfriend the alto sax to do it.
Q: How many bari players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Well, if it takes and IQ of ten to screw in a light bulb...Two Hundred.
A man goes into a second hand shop.On the shelf is a brass rat.
"How much?". "I'll take it".
He walks out with his brass rat heading for home.
After half a mile he hears a scampering noise behind him.
Looking round he sees a large black rat following him.
A hundred yards further on and he is joined by hundreds of large black rats all following him.
He comes to the town square and passes a number of busking saxophonists.
Past the square he turns down a side street.
The rats are closer now and he is becoming frightened. He runs. They run.
He turns left down the river bank and in panic throws the brass rat into the river.
All the black rats vere off and jump into the river and drown.
The next day he passes the second hand shop again.
He goes in and enquires if they have for sale a brass saxophone?
Q: Hey, did you hear about the bari player that graduated high school?
A: Me neither.
"The only reason President Clinton is still appreciated is because he plays the sax."
Q: Why can't you hear a soprano on a digital recording?
A: Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated.
The alto saxophonist, not being smart enough to use birth control, says to her bari saxophonist lover, "Honey, I think you better pull out now."
He replies, "Why? Am I sharp?"
Q: Why don't tenor players play hide-and-go-seek?
A: No one will look for them.
Q: What do altos use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.