Unique Toasts. Collection of the toasts raised by non-professionals."

EXAMPLE OF TOASTS

submitted to the annual contest

“The Best Toast of 2002 Year”.

1. (Family. To writers of good stories. Toast of a frustrated wife who complained that husband does not talk to her as much as she wants. Submitted by J.B., Kharkov, Ukraine.)

“When a husband comes home early, he thinks: “What should I read?”

When a husband comes home late, he thinks: “ What story should I tell?”

Let's drink to the writers of good stories.”

2. (Business. Busy life. This toast was raised in the response to one of our friends’ complaint that he was overloaded with a job and could not finish it in time. Submitted by Ms. S.K., Baltimore teacher of music, USA.)

“God sent an angel to the Earth to perform many tasks. The angel worked very hard and came back to Heaven tired and frustrated: he did not complete all tasks given to him by God.

On the next day God gave the angel new tasks to perform. And again the angel came home tired and frustrated without completing some tasks.

Every day God gave the angel more tasks to perform and every day the angel came home tired and frustrated.

We, too, are often overloaded by the tasks placed before us by life.

I drink this wine with the wish that you have days when you can come home having completed all the tasks that you place before yourself.”

3. (Sex. The power of acting. The actor told this toast to prove that the power of acting affects the personal being of the actors. Submitted by T. R, retired actor of Volgograd, Russia)

The rich woman told her servant: "I want to make love to Mr. A., the famous writer!"

The servant could not arrange Mr. A for her mistress so she employed the actor Mr. D. to play the role of the famous writer. The night passed and the woman was very satisfied.

Then the woman asked her servant: "I want to make love to Mr. B., the famous wrestler."

The actor Mr. D. was employed again to play the role of the famous wrestler to satisfy the wish of the servant’s mistress. The night passed quickly - the woman was very happy.

The third time the woman wanted Mr. C., the famous politician. The actor D. played the new role of the politician to the great satisfaction of the woman.

Then the woman ordered the famous actor Mr. D.

Mr. D told the servant: “I am sorry, but I cannot make love to your mistress. I am impotent.”

My toast is to the tremendous power of art!”

(AP: I have had this toast in my collection since 1961. It is still in use with the small variations.)

4. To wife. Mr. L. S., Baltimore Symphony Orchestra violinist, pronounced this toast in honor of his wife. Submitted by his friend, Washington, D.C. USA)

“I am raising my toast to the Girl of My Dreams and to the Woman of My Whole Life! To my wife, to you my dear G!”

5. Birthday of aged woman. Toast was given at the birthday party of 90-years woman with the very energetic nature, very active in the local community life and with the interest in the political life in the USA and other countries. Toast was given by D., grandson – in law on 08/18/01.)

“Jewish folklore has a story about one aged woman who came to the doctor with a minor complaint about her health. Doctor examined her, prescribed her medicine and said,

“Dear Granny! Only wine gets better with age! I am not a miracle man! I cannot make an older woman younger.”

“Who asked you to make me younger?” responded woman. - “ I want to grow much older and without any complications”

Dear Granny, I wish that you grow older for many years ahead and if you need to visit doctors, that you will visit them with the minor complications only! Have a good, healthy and active life for many years!”

6. “Emergency call”

(The toast was given on 09/11/2001. We came to celebrate the birthday of our friend but it was not the celebration but mourning on the lost lives in the terrorist act in New York that happened in that day. All conversations were around the tragic event that hit the nation that day. Toast was given by F. S. of Baltimore. Recorded by A.P.)

Number “Nine eleven”! That is the telephone number of the emergency service. Millions of people in America remember this number and use it.

Today is September 11^th! Today is 9/11. The emergency service 911 got several telephone calls today: “Our plane is hijacked!” So, what is new about that?

But then … the news followed! The emergencies of a few planes was turned into the emergency not only people of America, but people of all over the World. Hijackers turned those planes in the bombs aiming them into the world’s administrative and financial buildings and taking thousands lives of peacefully working people. They put the fear into the hearts of millions of people around the world: who would be next? Hijackers did not choose a time when the buildings were empty. They choose a time when people were coming to work. They choose to kill not military people but civilians.

For the first time, Americans got the same fear that Israelites have had for years: who or whose relative would be the victim of the next terrorist act.

Today is 9/11. People all over the world will remember this number from now on. Not only emergency service got those calls but all civilized countries: wake up, stop to talk – respond or get more pains and no one knows, who will get it, where, when and why. Respond or your people will be killed!

I raise my toast in hope that Nations will unite to take global emergency measures to prevent the terrorist-acts not only in the USA but in Israel, Great Britain, Russia and many other countries where madmen kill innocent peaceful people in an attempt to get what they want.

By raising this toast we are expressing our condolences to all people who lost their relatives and friends in the horrible terrorist acts that happened today, 9/11.

(F.S. sipped wine and continued.)

Let us have a moment of silence in memory of the lost of innocent lives in New York and Washington. God bless their souls.”

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