(name) Agent Scully
(quest) To seek the TRUTH
(question)--------------------------------------------
What was your club doing on the night of the 19th when those strange lights appeared over the campus?
(answer)--------------------------------------------
Was that the night when there were two games running, and the phone started ringing in 506.... we went in there because no one answered it and... and ... the gamers were... GONE!... the pizza, soda, game books, and dice were all there untouched... as if the people had just disappeared!
(note)----------------------------------------------------
This actually did happen. We found and questioned the group a few minutes later on their return to the club. They *seemed* fine. They just had to go somewhere.

(name) Someone Else
(quest) To Understand the Fundamental IDEA Behind Reality
(question)---------------------------------------------------------
Given: Toast, butter, glue, a tabby cat, a 5-story building
Procedure:
1. Butter one side of the toast
2. Attach the toast to the back of the cat
butter-side-up using some glue or other
suitable means of attachment which the cat
cannot undo.
3. Throw the cat (with toast attached) off the
fifth floor balcony of the building.
Question:-----------------------------------------------------
Will the cat land on it's feet?
(answer)------------------------------------------------------------
No. Should you have properly followed the above procedure, you should now be in possesion of a small, furry, purr-capable antigravity device. It has been theorized that this is how alien spaceships drives are constructed. Should this be the case, it would explain the "purring" sound associated with UFO's.
How this Works: Buttered toast always lands butter side down, and cats always land on their feet given enough space. A balance between butter-floor attraction and cat-twisting will cause a floating cat since neither side can hit the floor. Lift can be provided by scaping off some butter, and landing by cutting off cat-legs.
Note: This method of achieving antigravity is not very humane. .
Note 2: Should the cat somehow manage to lick the butter off the toast, the entire device (and anything supported by it) will come crashing to the ground.
Disclaimer: MaGiK does not endorse tying buttered toasts to cats. This is a thought experiment only... just ask Schroedinger

(name) Confused
(quest) To find a worthwhile Quest!
(question)----------------------------------------------------------
If
Real Men cast Fireballs,
Real Role-Players cast Find the Path,
Real Loonies cast Otto's Irresistible Nose-Picking, and
Real Munchkins cast Smite Ruler and Transfer Loyalty of Populace,

what does that leave me to cast?
(answer)---------------------------------------------------------------
Detect Gamer.
Similar to Detect Evil/Good, but you might actually want to know the results.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
*ding* You have detected two gamers in the vicinity.

(name) Annoyed
(quest) To Kick the !!@#@! of someone who really deserves it.
(question)----------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is it that every time I try to get people together for a roleplaying game there is at least one really immature player in the group who eventually winds up spoiling it for everyone?
(answer)-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Unfortunatly, this does tend to happen in an open club, like Magik. But, fear not Valient Gamer! There are some things that can be done (other than hiring Mafia hit squads, or paying Nunzio and Guido to be your "gaming buddies").
Note: Most of these solutions involve invoking the deity-like powers of the GM/DM. Should said annoying personage be the G/DM, I suggest you run. Run faster. Then tell all the annoying gamers where there is a Great Game!
Note2: Do not confuse "Newbie" with "immature player". I've seen people who've never RPGed jump straight into being a Real Roleplayer and I've seen gamers that have been RPGing for 20+ years that are still in the Munchkin/Monty Hall stage.

For the curious, The stages of Gaming as I've seen them are:
1. Munchkin/Monty Hall. Quote: "Can I have a magical +5 sword of Dragon-slaying at first level?" *whining*: "Why can't I play an Avatar of ->insert powerful God/Goddess here<-?"
2. Rules Lawyer. Quote: "But it says right here on page 62 that I can use ->insert item/spell/etc here<- to slay the Evil Arch-Lich Tribble of Doom. It should have taken xpoints of damage and had to save Vs. stun!"
3. Pro From Dover. The characters played at this point actually have flaws, but they are The Best in the World/Realm/Universe/Little Shoehouse at one particular thing.
4. Real Role-Player. At this point, the character is fully fleshed out with flaws, a detailed history, likes, dislikes, etc. The character may not be the best in the world at anything, s/he may even be a complete clutz, but the character is played because it is truly *loved* by the player. Enjoyment is gained, not necessarily by killing evil kobalds, solving the mystery, but by *playing* the character.
This is only my take on the stages. If you know some more that should be added, Ask The Prez them to me and I'll add them. Special Note#15.575: peoples do not neccessarily go through these stages in chronological order. As previously stated, some gamers go straight to #4, some regress, some stay there, some start in the middle, some at the begining. But evidence of the stages provides hope to those of us that are presented with "Wow! So I can pretend I'm anything in the world? Can I play an invincible fighter who's very touch causes instant death... unless its with a girl he really likes??"

Things to do with Annoying Players (AP):

1. Take AP under your wing. We all had to start somewhere. "Now Grasshopper, I shall teach you the Role in Role-playing. Pay attention! I said Role, not Roll!"
2. Talk to the AP about his/her/its behavior and explain how it is disrupting the game.
3. Talk to the G/DM (if that is not you, if so you can talk to yourself about it. Should this be the case, it would work more productively to do so in front of AP. If AP doesn't flee due to G/DM exhibiting signs of psychosis, then s/he may get the *hint*.)
4. Do not use "subtle hints" or manipulation to change the AP's behavior. Gamers tend not to be subtle people and may not notice the hint, and no one likes mind games.
5. Have a game with "Experienced/Serious Role-Players Only"
6. Have a game with "Mature Players Only"
7. Talk to the AP *again* about his/her/its behavior and explain how it is disrupting the game.
8. Should the previous warning not work, after a suitable number of chances (my favorite is three: 1. umm there is a problem. 2. Now look you if this isn't fixed... 3. implement attack plan TTDWAP Alpha X.) You can send the message more directly by:
9. Should the player Also be annoying in character, the party may have suitable excuse to kill the character.
10. The GM can kill the character. This definatly shows that the GM means business. A lightening bolt is very effective, but a small band of kobalds can be quite frustrating to a Munchkin.
11. Politely ask AP to leave the game.
12. Talk to the Prez (me), the VP, or the Sgt. @ Arms (his names not Guido, but it is part of the job discription to deal with troublemakers.) ahhh, the benefits of playing at the club!
13. Please do not be mean to AP. Nasty comments, rudeness, and insults are all uncalled for. (Well, except for: "Nei!" or "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!") Chances are the AP is a perfectly nice person, just dreadfully immature. Time can do wonders for that. Especially in college where a few months can cause a drastic change. You do not want someone to feel alienated, etc. We've all been there. Please do point out that you have nothing against AP personally, just that his/her behavior ->insert here<- takes away from the game.


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