SAUCE
by Scott K. Jamison
(Standard Disclaimer)
Chapter Six: Not a Dream Sequence
(Scene: Scott's apartment, one minute later. Shampoo is tucking
her implements away in her pockets; Scott's hair looks much nicer than
usual. Ranma and Akane are still in front of him, trying to look
innocent.)
Ranma: I thought we could take a weekend off from trying to get you a
girlfriend. Go on a quick vacation.
Scott: You know, that sounds like a good idea. I feel more refreshed
already.
(Shampoo giggles.)
Scott: Yes?
Shampoo: It nothing.
Akane (holding up a brochure): We made reservations at a bed and
breakfast place out in the suburbs. The prices are decent and it's on a
bus line.
Scott: Wow! Wait a minute, you already made reservations? With whose
credit card?
Akane: Um, my sister Nabiki set one up for me.
Scott: Oh. What's the name of the place?
Ranma: The Legend Inn. It's a Mom-and-Pop type place.
Scott: Nice name. Okay, why not?
Shampoo: Shampoo can use break from share apartment with Ikki. He
number one strange. Want Shampoo wear green wig and pink outfit with
chains. Then violent nasty boy just stand there breathing funny.
Akane: At least he's not attacking you, right?
Shampoo: True. There times when outsider law very inconvenient.
Shampoo not want marry just *any* man who defeat her.
* * *
(The lobby of the Legend Inn, a Tudor mansion-style place that's
been converted into a bed-and-breakfast. It looks busy, with people
checking in and out. A brown-haired woman with large round glasses that
give her an owlish appearance is handling registration.)
Desk Clerk: And you're in Room 23. Enjoy your stay, Mr. and Mrs. John
Smith.
(Mr. and Mrs. Smith have no luggage.)
(Ranma and Scott, on the other hand, are both loaded down with
half-a-dozen suitcases each. Shampoo and Akane are each carrying a small
valise.)
Scott: I could have sworn they didn't have this many clothes in the
apartment! And we're only staying three days!
Ranma: You'd be surprised how many outfits a girl needs to get through
the day. Lord knows I was.
Desk Clerk: May I help you?
Akane: Yes, we're the Jamison party. We have reservations. (rimshot)
Desk Clerk: Um-hmm. Here we are, four adjacent singles. (Blinks)
None of you are a couple?
Shampoo: Ranma Shampoo's husband! (Grabs his arm.)
Akane: He is not! He's *my* fiancee, even if it wasn't my idea! (Grabs
his other arm.)
Ranma (trying to keep his balance with two strong women and six pieces of
luggage hanging on him): I'm not marrying anyone! Especially if you two
tear me apart!
Scott: I've never met any of these people before in my life.
Desk Clerk (with a very Kasumish smile): Ah, one of those "long story"
things. I quite understand. Sign here, please.
(Scott drops a couple of cases and signs the register. Shampoo,
Ranma, and Akane continue to struggle and eventually collapse in a heap.)
Shampoo: Aiyah!
Desk Clerk: Papa!
(A friendly-looking man in his early thirties walks over. He has
brown hair, a mustache and is for some reason wearing a pith helmet.)
Papa: Yes, Mama?
Mama: These nice young people will be staying in rooms 11-14. Could you
help them with their luggage, dearest?
Papa: Of course, honey.
(They kiss over the counter. Papa then takes two cases each from
Scott and Ranma and leads them away. He's obviously had a lot of
practice carrying luggage.)
* * *
(Short silent sequence where the comedic possibilities of four
adjacent bedrooms, two young women in love with the same young man, and a
semi-innocent bystander are exploited. See a good Marx Brothers film for
an idea of what I'm talking about. Heck, just see a good Marx Brothers
film.)
* * *
(Next morning, the Inn's breakfast room. Scott enters, dressed
more casually than usual. Despite last night's chaos, he looks
well-rested. He meets Akane and female Ranma, who are both in cute
tennis outfits.)
Scott: Morning, kids. Finished breakfast already?
Ranma-chan: Yup, good food and plenty of it.
Akane: Eight helpings!
Ranma-chan: At least Pops wasn't here to grab it!
Scott: What's with the outfits?
Akane: We're taking tennis lessons this morning, and that was the only
suitable outfit Mr. Brain packed. Honestly, Ranma, how many times do I
have to tell you, boxer shorts don't go with miniskirts!
Ranma-chan: I happen to be a guy, okay?
Scott: Where's Shampoo?
Ranma-chan: She went out for a bicycle ride. Good weather for it.
Enjoy your breakfast!
Akane: See you!
(They go off. The hostess, a pretty pink-haired woman with
"Peaches" on her name tag, escorts him to a small table. The place is
filling up, and Scott pulls out a manga volume while waiting to be
served.)
(The hostess comes back.)
Peaches: Excuse me, sir, but all the tables are full. would you mind
sharing yours?
Scott: Not at all. (Continues reading.)
(Peaches brings over a young woman and seats her opposite Scott.
The new woman is rather average-looking if perhaps a touch heavy.)
Peaches: Your breakfast will be out shortly!
Scott (not looking up): Morning.
Woman (not really looking either): Good morning.
(Peaches serves the breakfast, a heaping helping of pancakes,
bacon and toast with apples on the side. The diners begin chowing down.
Eventually, Scott tries to turn a page while simultaneously spreading jam
on his toast. The manga falls to the floor. Simultaneously, the woman
drops her napkin. They reach down and bump heads.)
Scott & Woman: Owch!
Scott (rubbing head): 'Scuse me, should've watched where I was going.
Woman: That's all right. No harm done. Is that Shonen Jump?
Scott: Yes, an old issue. Catching up on--(doubletakes)--You know what
Shonen Jump is?
Woman: Sure! I just moved to the area; I didn't know there were any
manga fans here.
Scott: We are kind of thin on the ground. I'm Scott K. Jamison, by the
way.
Woman: I'm Daisy, Daisy Ross. Pleased to meet you. Your name seems
familiar. Have you ever heard of Champions?
Scott: I wrote "Allies" for it.
Daisy: Neat! I loved Zen Team.
Scott (putting hand behind head): Gosh, thanks. What do you do?
Daisy: I design avionics. Learned in the Air Force.
Scott: No kidding! I was Air Force too. Where were you stationed?
* * *
(Some time later, out on the lawn. Scott and Daisy play chess
while talking constantly. From behind a bush, female Ranma, Akane and
Shampoo watch intently.)
Akane: I think it's working!
Ranma-chan: I can't believe one of our plans is finally working!
Shampoo: How come chubby girl no treat Scott like dirt?
Ranma-chan: I haven't the foggiest. Maybe our new partner did
something. I just hope it holds. Speaking of holding, leggo my butt,
Shampoo.
Shampoo: Shampoo no touch Ranma.
Akane: Oops. (Blushes, removes hand)
Ranma-chan: Who's the pervert?
* * *
(Checking out. Ranma and Scott are once again buried under
suitcases. Shampoo and Akane compare tans.)
Mama: Did you enjoy your stay?
Akane: Yes, Mama. Your place is very nice.
Ranma: So, who's the girl I saw you with? Looks like you spent a lot of
time together.
Scott: Her name's Daisy. I think she likes me. She gave me her
telephone number!
Ranma: Did you score?
Scott: Ranma! We just talked a lot. She's very interesting. Maybe
we'll have something, maybe not. I'll just take it slow and see how it
develops.
* * *
(The Renaissance Festival in Shakopee. Scott and Daisy are
chowing down on turkey legs while watching a pink-haired female juggler.
Suddenly, Ranma runs by, followed by Akane, who's waving a wooden battle
axe.)
Ranma: Uncute tomboy!
Akane: Weirdo jerk!
(They run off.)
Daisy: Shouldn't we stop them?
Scott: Nah. They do that all the time. They'll make up, or at least
calm down, in an hour or two.
Daisy: At first, I didn't really believe they were...you know. But
watching them, it's pretty obvious. Why are they staying with you?
Scott: They've been, um, helping me with some things. They got me that
newspaper column job and suchlike.
Daisy: That's nice. And they certainly make life more interesting.
Scott: You could say that.
* * *
(A mall. Scott and Daisy are facing away from each other,
looking angry. Akane and female Ranma look on, appalled.)
Daisy: Lazy irresponsible twit!
Scott: New Age Gen X flake!
Ranma-chan: I have the strangest sense of deja vu.
Akane: Y'know, we really should try to set a better example for them...
* * *
(Scott's apartment. Toddler versions of Scott, Ranma and Daisy
chase each other around the room while a frazzled Akane tries to keep
order. Shampoo looks at a vial and scratches her head.)
Shampoo: ! This not Passion Spice either!
Akane: EPA or no EPA, as soon as I get a free moment, I'm flushing those
furshlugginer herbs of yours!
Daisy: Whee!
Akane: No, dear, Auntie Akane's socks are staying on, thank you...
* * *
(The apartment again, with a Christmas party in progress. With
most of the Ranma cast in attendance, it's standing room only. In fact,
Tsubasa has taken refuge on the ceiling as a light fixture, dangling a
sprig of mistletoe. Ranma and Akane maneuver Scott and Daisy under the
mistletoe and point up. There's some scuffling and blushing and suchlike
cuteness before Scott finally gets up the nerve and they kiss clumsily,
obviously a first kiss.)
Various: Yay! All right! Banzai! Finally!
Ranma: Yo, Ryouga. Two things. First, thanks for helping me out
against that sewage monster. We make a good team.
Ryouga: No problem. They ever find out where it came from?
Ranma (eyeing Akane): It's a complete mystery.
Ryouga: Ohh... and the second thing?
Ranma: You and Akari are up next. (push)
* * *
(Valentine's Day, Scott's apartment. Scott and Daisy are
cuddling while watching Wedding Peach. Akane and Ranma slowly slide
small boxes towards each other. Akane opens hers to find a bead
necklace, Ranma finds chocolate in his.)
Ranma: Thanks, Akane. These aren't...homemade...chocolates, are they?
Akane: You're welcome, and thanks for the necklace. Try them and find
out.
(Ranma hesitates, and Akane punches him lightly.)
(The door crashes in, revealing Shampoo. She's lugging a
chocolate heart larger than her head. Including hairstyle.)
Shampoo: Nihao! Shampoo show how much she love Ranma!
Scott: And how little you value my damage deposit...
* * *
(Early spring, Loring Park. Snow is still on the ground, but
it's a sunny day. Scott and Daisy stroll along the path until they find
a reasonably dry bench. Strangely, Scott is wearing a straw hat and
Daisy is carrying a parasol. They are followed at a not-quite-far-enough
distance by Ranma, Shampoo and Akane. The latter three duck behind a
hedge.)
Akane: You think he's really going to do it?
Ranma: Well, he said they wanted to be alone today, so it's possible.
(Scott goes down on one knee and takes off his hat.)
Shampoo: Why Scott do that?
Akane: It's a Western custom for proposing, kind of old-fashioned.
Ranma: He's really going to do it!
Scott (sings): Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do;
I'm half-crazy over the love of you;
It won't be a stylish marriage,
I can't afford a carriage,
But you'll look sweet, upon the seat,
Of a bicycle built for two.
(Oh c'mon, you *knew* this was coming the first time you heard
her name!)
Daisy (twirling parasol, sings): Scott J, Scott J, here is my answer
true;
You may be crazy, but still I'm in love with you;
I don't need a stylish marriage,
Or even a fancy carriage,
For love's as sweet, upon the seat,
Of a Bicycle built for two...
(she stands up)
Daisy (sings): Of a bicycle built,
(Scott rises)
Scott (sings): of a bicycle built,
(They hug)
Scott & Daisy (sing): of a bicycle built for two!
Shampoo: When silly couple stop singing about bicycles and propose?
Akane: That *was* the proposal.
Ranma: And she said yes!
Shampoo: Hurray! (Jumps up with her arms in the air.)
Scott (without looking): You kids can come out now.
(the trio gets up and walks over to the happy couple.)
Ranma: Congratulations!
Akane: You knew we were there all along, didn't you?
Daisy: Mm-hmm. Actually, we've been engaged for a week.
Scott: But after all your hard work, we figured you deserved a bit of a
show.
Shampoo: So romantic! So, Ranma sing to Shampoo to propose?
(Everyone looks at her funny.)
Shampoo: What?
TO BE CONCLUDED
Sadly, Daisy is completely fictitious, though I'm still looking...
SKJAM!
"I hope you find love and affection, with someone who cares..."
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