All For the Love of You
chapter 9
by Manille
It was a Saturday.
The first thing that came to my mind when I woke up was ice cream.
The second were cherry blossoms and the lake.
"It’s past the old railroad lines, west of the city," Kaasan told me as we ate breakfast.
Toosan looked at me thoughtfully. "Sooo…are you taking Saikaku with you?"
Yeah, right.
"I have no other choice," I replied, taking a big bite from my tuna sandwich. I tried to keep my voice as flat as I can, but it quivered slightly, hinting that I was thinking about Saikaku all morning. Even my lips were threatening to pull on both sides.
I bit the insides of my mouth, keeping my face solemn. I looked up and saw Toosan and Kaasan staring at me, slightly smiling.
I smiled back, a sarcastic smile. And when I started to smile, I couldn’t stop. My grin began to widen up to my ears. My parents began to chuckle.
Before I knew it, my sides were about to split. I almost choked on my sandwich.
"Ha-ha-ha!!!" Toosan was slapping the table, his face bright red with laughing. "My, that Saikaku could do things!"
"Yeah!" Kaasan agreed, covering her mouth with her hands. "He’s so silly. Our neighbors are going to tease you all about it all day."
"Maybe even for the rest of my life," I said, shaking my head.
"That’s what you think! People out here in Urameshi Misako’s neighborhood, I’m announcing to you all that I’m in love with her!!!"
"By the way, your voice is very beautiful!"
"Good night, my love!"
Who would have thought? All Saikaku didn’t do was to drop on one knee and ask for my hand in marriage.
But strangely enough, I was happy. Very happy, in fact, that I practically felt myself floating all day.
Why was I? Maybe because of Saikaku’s revelation—finally, he plucked up the courage to do it. He didn’t keep any secret from me. Well, thank God he finally told me—and everyone. At least that’s one worry off my back.
But maybe also because…I wanted him to say it. I wanted him to…tell me that he loved me. Because….
I couldn’t exactly put my finger on it.
But another worry set in. He told me that he loved me. Then what? Will we become a couple? Will I…agree on being his girlfriend?
How about the friendship we’ve nurtured for so many years? Will it just vanish, replaced by passion couples often share?
My gaze fell on Toosan and Kaasan. Then I remembered. They were the best of friends when they were young. And now…I’m here, the fruit of their marriage. And another is coming soon.
Oh, no.
Will Saikaku and I…?
"Eh, Misako-chan? You okay?"
"Oh…er, yes."
I was staring into empty space. Spaced out, as Saikaku and I would always say. Not drugged or intoxicated, but just plain spaced out.
Why was it that everything reminded me of him?
For example, the sandwich I was eating. Saikaku usually ate nothing at lunch except for sandwich.
My clothes. My sleeveless blouse was light blue and my miniskirt brownish-black. My blouse was like his eyes in color; my skirt like his hair.
Toosan and Kaasan in front of me. Change Kaasan’s long brown hair into black like mine and Toosan’s eyes into mysterious blue ones and the two of them could have been Saikaku and me a few years into the future.
"Misako, you’re so lucky to have Saikaku."
"Why?"
"Well, your father, even if he was a Reikai tantei, wouldn’t have the nerve to express his love for me like how Saikaku did."
"Well, at least I said it!" Toosan exclaimed, smiling lovingly at Kaasan. "And look at us now."
"Yes." Kaasan gazed back at him, her brown eyes filled with emotions. Even I could see them.
If I had looked under the table, I would have seen their hands held on to each other firmly, unwaveringly. The strength and patience of their love is undying. A world separated them once, but only physically. In their hearts and minds, they were bonded together, with nothing to come across.
Their faithful, fruitful love for each other prevailed.
And it still does, I thought.
Their gaze upon each other was enough proof.
Blueberry cheesecake and rocky road.
I saw two ice cream glasses with a respective flavor. The glasses were set on a table for two.
Sitting on one of the chairs was Saikaku.
His hands were clasped on each other, his chin on top of them. I didn’t see his face clearly for his longish hair covered most of his face.
He didn’t seem to see me either.
Smiling to myself, I opened the double glass doors to the ice cream parlor. Saikaku immediately looked up. Light spread across his face as he saw me.
I walked straight towards him and sat down across him. Still smiling sweetly, I leaned forward, put my elbow on the table and my chin on my fist.
"I knew you’ll come," he said. Although it seemed as if he were indeed surprised to see me. His eyes were wide, but gleaming.
"I couldn’t turn you down. It takes a lot of guts to wake everyone up and…." My words died down. Although I was looking at him straight in the eye, my cheeks began to feel hot.
"Yeah, it did," he agreed.
He pushed the ice cream glass with the blueberry cheesecake flavor in front of me. Thankfully, I took it.
"So, you’re gonna join in that music contest, huh?"
"Huh?" I cocked an eyebrow. "No, I’m not. What made you think so?"
"You were singing last night."
"I always do that, and you know it."
"Well, you haven’t sung like that for quite some time…I was a little surprised to find you sitting on your windowsill, singing your heart out and playing your guitar." He narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, as his voice became softer. "I think you were crying."
Oh, he saw that.
I was singing my heart out?
Yeah, he’s right. I haven’t sung for some time. I was busy with…my stories?
"But honestly…it’s as beautiful as ever."
I found myself swallowing. "Um…what is?"
"Your voice."
I must have blushed fiercely. Why did that Saikaku have to know everything that will make me blush?
"So…why were you crying?"
There was no way out. No lies, no secrets.
And I liked the way it was.
"Last night…is that…."
"True?"
"Yes…?"
Saikaku beamed, his eyes crinkling at their edges. "Of course it’s true, Misako." He ran a hand through his hair, but his bangs fell neatly across his forehead again.
I had never known Saikaku was that gorgeous.
"Was that why you were crying?"
"Yes."
"…And you wanted to know."
"Yes."
Saikaku really seemed to follow my train of thought. All I had to do then was nod and say yes.
"I’m sorry Misako," he told me, reaching out to touch my hand across the table. He then held it with both hands. I could see in his eyes that he was sincere, that he felt guilty for holding something back. His sincerity made me want to reach out as well and hug him, whisper in his ear, assure him that it was all right. "You know I never want to see you cry…and when it’s me who makes you cry, I go nuts."
So many words ran through my head, so many things I wanted to say, so many ways to tell him that I knew he’s sorry and it’s all right with me because he finally told me—and because of these things, I couldn’t utter a single word. I could only smile and nod at him forgivingly.
"How did you…how did you know that…?"
I smiled ruefully. "Oh…well, I sort of opened up your Chemistry notebook out of an impulse. Then I found it written there…."
"Oh, that!" Saikaku slapped his forehead. "Sorry…the Chemistry class was just so boring that I did nothing but to scrawl things. Maybe I was daydreaming."
I shot him a dirty look.
"No, Misako." He was snickering. "Not that way. I don’t know…maybe like this…hanging out in the parlor, knowing that…you already know that…I’m in love with you."
I gasped for breath. I needed it all of a sudden. Hearing those words—those three, prevalent, yet sweet words—made me want to scream. Scream a thousand things I did not understand. I felt my hands clutching each other tightly. I felt my heart swell, trying to jump its way out of my chest that I wondered if Saikaku could see or hear it thumping.
His blue eyes seemed to be trying to bore a hole through mine so that he could see in them what I was thinking and what I felt. It almost drove me crazy. Those three simple words seemed to throw knives on my chest, twisting softly that I could feel all the pain in them. But strangely, I loved to feel that pain…because it wasn’t at all pain. It was a feeling I had never felt before. It was somewhat like the way my heart skipped a beat when I was still head over heels for Hosokawa Ryutaro. But with Saikaku…it was different. My heart was racing against nothing; my breath came out as irregular gasps; but somehow, deep inside…I felt serenity.
I had known him all my life. Yet from the moment I saw the way his eyes gazed at me—really gazed at me—under the cherry tree in our school, in our bench, curtains to his soul started to be lifted up one by one. Now the curtain showed me a different side of him—of Isozaki Saikaku, my best friend, the person I really loved—and the side was just it—the side of him which told me that I, myself, had been holding something back, too.
I knew that my gaze was as intense as his, that my chestnut-colored eyes were wide and full of emotions. And I also knew that he saw it as clearly as I had felt.
And my feelings were never clearer.
I was in love…for real.
The moment of awkwardness—at least on my
part—faded away. For a long moment, neither of us spoke. We finished out ice
cream without saying anything. But the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. It felt
like sitting before a fireplace, huddled in one thick blanket, and drinking warm
chocolate on a cold winter night.
Kaasan was right. It was a beautiful place.
"How come I’ve never seen this place before?" Saikaku asked.
I leaned my head on his shoulder, inhaling the clean air. The scent of cherry blossoms was even sweeter there. No wonder it was special to my parents.
We were out for a long time already, walking around the city, until I told him about this place. And now, it was almost sundown. The bottom of the golden sphere of the sun was starting to dip on the hills at the horizon.
Saikaku held me closer to him. "It’s lovely," he whispered in my hair.
"Yeah. It sure is."
We watched the water as it scintillated in the sunlight, which turned the lake into a golden orange color. Another breeze caught wisps of my hair, sending it flying crazily in all directions.
Saikaku tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear. "You know what? If I hadn’t known you, I’d be like those guys whom we fought with some months ago."
"Which ones?"
"Like…all of them. Or maybe someone like Hosokawa—a…‘girl collector’."
I giggled softly. "So it’s like I tamed you?"
"Sort of." He breathed in my hair. "I’m glad I have you."
"I’m glad I have you." And I meant it.
"Why?"
"Do you really have to ask?"
"No…but I just want to hear."
"Well…I’d also be a different person. Probably left out, some kind of a weird loner who stares into her computer for too long…."
"You still stare into the computer too long. In fact, I wonder why your eyes still don’t pop out of your head."
I laughed aloud. I pushed him over the inclined riverbank. However, he pulled my arms with him so that I would also fall over. We were sent downhill together, rolling on the soft grass like two seven-year-olds playing some kind of a war game.
We stopped at the foot of the hill. We were still laughing hard like crazy.
But when my last laugh died, down, I noticed that he was lying on top of me. His hands pinned my arms to the ground and his body pressed me down so that I could hardly move.
His face was close to mine. Then it came closer until all I could see were his incredible blue eyes that contrasted, yet harmonized with the orange light in them.
"Misako…." he breathed in a voice I had never heard before. It sounded to blend with the breeze. His warm breath caressed my lips softly like a warm seaside breeze in the middle of summer. He was close…so very close that I wanted to reach out and pull him even closer….
Suddenly, I wanted him to kiss me.
And he read my mind. He drew closer. I closed my eyes.
I felt his lips touch mine like it was just another breeze blowing, but it sent tingles all over my body. Fireworks took off inside my head. He grazed ever so softly, so lightly, until the kiss grew more passionate. His hands loosened his grip on my arms and dug in my hair. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him close as if it wasn’t enough.
More fireworks took off and burst right behind my eyelids. I parted my lips and kissed him back as intimately as he did. It was an enchanting, tender, warm kiss, and absolutely no words were necessary because everything were said as we shared that long, wonderful moment. Nothing and nothing else mattered, for all I felt were his lips, his body, my fingers tangled in the thickness of his soft hair. I lost myself in another world that I didn’t know existed, where it was just he and I. The two of us. Saikaku and I.
I never wanted to let go.
I was out of breath, but I barely noticed. I just loved the way we kissed so much that I didn’t notice.
I tried to feel what the kiss was all about.
Remarkably, I felt it. It was knowing. Truthful. Trustworthy. Loving.
Love. I liked the sound of it.
And I realized that I liked the feeling of
being in love.