The "Ranma ½ - Files"...
===== Tendou Akane=====

*Name?

Akane Tendo.

*We'll skip over the next question. Stupid one, really, but they said that with some people you never know. Like that Tsubasa guy my colleague was interviewing the other day. Anyhow...age?

16

*And what are you applying for?

To.....*blush* become Ranma Saotome's.......wife.

*Ranma Saotome? Must be one real popular person. Anyhow...what qualifications do you have?

Well.....I can cook. Real well.

*Really? And what do you mean by 'real well'?

People say it's fresh! Exciting!! It moves...I mean, it's moving! No, sorry, I mean...it moves the spirit! (pause)

*Do go on, Ms. Tendo.

It perks people right up! Really. Would you like to try a sample? (eagerly produces a Tupperware (tm) and opens it.)

*Umm....excuse me, but did something move in there or is it just my imagination?

It's probably the rice settling on the mayonnaise while the melted caramel and chopped up onions mix, you know? Anyhow, try this shrimp!! (produces chopsticks and picks up a....well..something that LOOKS like a shrimp)

*Is this a shrimp, Ms Tendo?

Of course it is. Can't you see?

*Of course I can. Umm....SAY! Who's that I just saw falling past the window?

Where? Where?!

*(dumps the shrimp into a nearby plant and covers it over with soil.) Ahh, it's just my imagination. Anyhow, your cooking was excellent.

Really?! Then try some more!!

*(the plant shivers a bit) Ahh...no thank you, Ms. Tendo. I've already eaten before.

Oh. Alright. (the stuff in the Tupperware moves just slightly, something the interviewer does NOT miss, and Akane clamps the lid shut on it.) Anyhow, I'm a good repairperson too. I have an abundant supply of mallets at hand, whenever I...need them. I can sew and knit real good. In fact, my sewing has been rated 'Industrial Strength Stitching' and my scarves are multipurpose. For instance, did you know they double as fishing nets?

*(the plant starts to mutate and it begins to try and eat the interviewer, although with minimal success.) Ahh....(shoos the plant away with hand) yes, of course. Multi-talented, yes?

Yes!! I'm so glad you understand! Anyhow, that's just about it, I guess.

*(now whapping plant with ashtray, the interviewer is kinda leaning AWAY from the monster-plant) Alright, Ms Tendo. I'll...send you a fax in two days, alright?

Thank you. By the way, what's wrong with your plant?

*Nothing!! (whapwhapwhapwhapwhapwhapwhap) Nothing at all!

Alright. If you say so. See ya!! (she leaves, clutching her Tupperware under an arm)

*(the plant leans in to engulf the interviewer but he scoots out of range, throwing the ashtray at it.) Damned shrimp. Now what am I gonna do?

The UGMA/OLA War Chronicles

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