The "Ranma ½ - Files"...
===== Kuno Kodachi =====

*Umm....don't mind my pet plant in the corner. Name?

Kodachi Kuno. You have a nice plant, Mr. Interviewer...wa haa haa haaaaa!

*Of course. Nice plant...niiiice plant....goooood plant....you won't try and eat me, will you...arrgh!! It just missed me by a few inches!!

Wa haa haa haaa haa ha ha haa haaaa haa haaaa...ahh haaa ha ha ha ha ha.

*Anyhow, we all know what sex you are...

Dare you insinuate the rising young star of St.Hebereke's school of Rhythmic Gymnastics is anything but female? Insolent fool! Cur!

*Gee, you sound like someone I know...ah. Yes. Your brother was in here.

Get on with the interview.

*Ahem. Yes. Age?

Well....this one, named the Black Rose by all who fear her, was sadly imprisoned by an evil ogre in a MH until the age of 9. Then 'she' was reborn into the world. I would now be 7, since my rebirth.

*Meaning you're sixteen. Ok. And what position are you applying for?

Ranma-sama Saotome's wife.

*Really? What a surprise. Anyhow, what qualifications do you have, Ms. Kuno?

I'm an excellent cook.

*So is everyone who had come into this office, except Kuno. (looks nervously at the plant) You wouldn't happen to work for a certain bioweapons division of a certain company, would you?

No, what makes you say such a thing of the great Kodachi Kuno? Wa ha ha ha ha ha haaa haa haaa haaaaaaaa!

*Umm...yeah. (slides sharp pencils, pens, scissors, papers-that-might-give-papercuts, anything, out of her reach) Do go on.

I've been told my cooking makes people SWOON with delight. Or sometimes, they go stock-still with heavenly rapture! Such is my cooking that it can inspire such reactions from those who taste it.

I have an excellent sense of humor, as you no doubt know already...wa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haa haaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Fair Play is my middle name, I'm very honorable! Oh, did I mention how truthful I am? Really. I also have an indepth knowledge of gardening, particularly...'exotic' herbs and spices. (the plant growls and snaps at her) Oh, I do so love your plant, Mr. Interviewer!! Anyhow, I'm also an excellent chemist and I LOVE animals. Especially....'exotic' animals.

*Umm...yeah. Ok. Got all that down.

Now, do I qualify or do I not?

*Sigh* I'll send you a fax in a couple of days.

Unlike my brother, I do know what a fax is. I'll be awaiting your reply, Mr. Interviewer. (stands up and throws off her overcoat, revealing that she is dressed in a leotard. She pulls out a ribbon and twirls it, creating black rose petals out of nowhere)

Wa ha ha ha ha ha haa haaa ahaaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaaa!!!!

You don't mind if I take your pet plant, do you Mr. Interviewer (it growls and snaps at Kodachi and the interviewer)

*NO!! No!! Of course NOT!!! Take it!! By all means!!

(her ribbon wraps about the plant and Kodachi leaps out the window, dragging the overgrown, mutant venus-flytrap behind her. The sounds of her maniacal laughter fade in the distance.)

*Phew. One nut down. Now ONE more to go. Who's this...ah ha. Ranma Saotome. At last, I get to meet the guy who's causing me all these problems!!!!!!!

The UGMA/OLA War Chronicles

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