The "Ranma ½ - Files"
===== Shampoo =====

*Name?

Shampoo.

*Last name?

Shampoo

*Umm...That's your first name.

Shampoo know. Shampoo is Shampoo. Shampoo is NOT Pantene Pro V. Say Shampoo is Pantene Pro V, like last interviewer, and Shampoo KILL!

*OK OK OK OK OK OK!! Phew. Sex?

What you saying? Shampoo no look female? Shampoo no look like girl? KILL!!!

*ARRGH!! OK OK! Female. And age?

Stupid interviewer no can tell Shampoo's age? Stupid interviewer think Shampoo is no 16 years old?? KILL!!!!

*Alright, alright!! Sixteen it is!! And....what position are you applying for, Shampoo Shampoo?

What this about Shampoo Shampoo? Shampoo is Shampoo. Shampoo Shampoo is not Shampoo, Shampoo says. Shampoo is Shampoo's name. You no listen too well, interviewer? You no take Amazon seriously?? KILL!!!

*Alright, alright!! Shampoo. What position are you applying for?

Shampoo want to become Ranma's wife.

* Well, Shampoo. What qualifications do you have?

You no believe Shampoo is perfect wife for Ranma? You still ask Shampoo for....qua-lee-fictations? What word is quarrel-fixations? Shampoo no understand. KILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*NO! NO!! You don't understand!

Shampoo understand!! (pauses) Well....Shampoo no understand and Shampoo understand!! You no want Shampoo become Ranma's wife!!

*You see, this information has to be processed by the subsection 34b/ff of the government, and the resulting form has to pass bureaucratic red tape and sent to the marriage counselling section, particle 445.r/fjkj of the subclause 554.b/g of subsection.....

You make Shampoo dizzy. Get on with interview or Shampoo kill.

* Ahem. Well...what qualifications do you have?

Shampoo can cook. Shampoo know how to make *special* shuumai...make Ranma come back for more!! Shampoo know martial arts. Shampoo dedicated. Shampoo resourceful. Shampoo beautiful...(glares at interviewer) you no think so?

*OF COURSE I DO!! OF COURSE!! YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!!!

You no say that so that Shampoo's heart no break?

* Of course, Shampoo. Do go on.

Shampoo know how wash Ranma's back in bath! Shampoo open. Shampoo.... know how use bonbori! (whips out the bonbori)

*Of course you do, Shampoo. Of course you do. Can you put those bonbori down, please?

(puts bonbori down) That all. Shampoo qualifixate?

*That's 'qualify'.

Shampoo know!!! You think Shampoo not smart? You make fun of Shampoo accent? KILL!!!!

*YEEAAHRGH!! No!! Stop twisting my arm like that, Shampoo!! Shampoo!!

What interviewer say just now? Shampoo Shampoo? Shampoo told stupid interviewer that Shampoo Shampoo is not real Shampoo. Real Shampoo is Shampoo, not Shampoo Shampoo, Shampoo says. Get point, interviewer? (twists some more)

*ARRGH!

Pooh. You no fun. (releases interviewer) Now. Shampoo qualifly?

*I'll get back to you in a couple of days on that, Shampoo.

So Shampoo no qualifry? Do Shampoo's ears deceive Shampoo?

*In two days, Shampoo. 48 hours. You'll receive a fax from me.

Shampoo receive facts from interviewer? This facts for interviewer : If Shampoo no get Ranma, interviewer get meet maker. Is clear?

*Crystal.

Good. Now Shampoo go. (crashes through a wall with bike and takes off)

The UGMA/OLA War Chronicles

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