Wizard of Aahz
chapters 8 - 13
by Mandy / M.E.

Part 8 ~ The Most Scary Birds

The group hikes along. Kurama, Anne, and Jean are enjoying the sights while Dorothy, Foz, and Kuwabara complain about how tiered they are and asking if they can stop to rest soon. In other words, everything is normal. Suddenly, shapes are seen flying across the sky above them.

Foz: Aaaah! Sea gulls! They may have been eating middle school lunch scraps! Run for cover!!!!

Kuwabara: At least it's not flying monkeys...

The birds land on their shoulders and before the group can do anything, they are being carried off by the birds.

Dorothy: Okay... We're being carried through the air by parrots.

Jose the bird: Sm! We are the birds from the Enchanted Tiki Room! Hola!

Foz: AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! Even worse than sea gulls! The horrible singing parrots from the Disney Enchanted Tiki Room!

Kurama: Oh, come on, singing birds can't be _that_ bad...

Birds: Where the birds all sing and the flowers bloom, in the Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki Room!

Kuwabara: Oh. My. God. We're DOOMED!!!!!!!!

Group: Ditto...

The flying and the singing continues...

(note from author: It is my personal opinion that Alfred Hitchcock could have made 'The Birds' better if he had used Tiki Room parrots :P )

The group desperately tries to get away from the awful singing of the birds, but all their violence is for nothing...

Kurama: It's like they're invulnerable, or something!

Foz: I think that's the result of the singing...

Suddenly, an extremely bright light bulb appears over Jean's, ummm, spout?

Jean: I know! We can counter the singing with an even more annoying song! Like the-

Foz: -Stupid sausage song! The stupid sausage song is the most annoying song in the _whole_ world! Sausage, sausage, sausage, sausage. Sausage, sausage, sausage, sausage. This is - The stupid sausage song, the stupid sausage song! Sausage, sausage, sausage...

All 'cept birds: MAKE IT STOP!!!

Anne: Foz, we don't want to hear your stupid song about pork-filled intestines!

Foz: Sniff, sniff. You...you don't like my song! No one ever likes the stupid sausage song. No one ever likes my ideas... WHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

All: *sweatdrop*

Jean: No, we like your song Foz! Really! It's just that, umm, wouldn't the *shudder* Conrad song be much more appropriate? After all, it is from the musical "Bye Bye Birdie."

Foz: Sniff, sniff, I guess...

Jean *clears throat*: We love you Conrad, oh yes we do! We love you Conrad, and we'll be true! When you're not near us, we're blue,

All: OH CONRAD WE LOVE YYYYOOOOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!

Birds: Ahhhh! Not the *shudder* Conrad song! Make them stop! Make them stop!

Jose the bird: Retreat! Retreat!

The birds release their prisoners and quickly fly away. Unfortunately, the group can't fly and they find themselves plummeting towards the fast approaching ground...

Part 9 ~ Hot Air Floats!

Group: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! *gasp gasp* AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! *gasp gasp*

Anne: Ummm, shouldn't we be doing something to keep us from becoming pancakes?

Foz: Mmmmmm, pancakes. You know, pancakes remind me of... SAUSAGE!!!!

All: NO SINGING!!!!

Foz: Gosh darn...

Kuwabara: Do not worry! I, the mighty Kazuma Kuwabara, will save us from a breakfast-food-like fate!

Jean: You know, he could save us.... Say Anne, doesn't hot air float?

Anne 'n' Jean: *malicious grinz*

Jean: Oh Kazuma! Won't you please tell us about the time you saved all your friend's lives and won the eternal respect of pop., the munchkin with the limited vocabulary?

Kuwabara starts spouting some nonsense about how great he is...

Kurama: I don't remember any of this...

Dorothy and pop.: Ditto.

Amazingly, after a few minutes of extremely boring story-telling, Kuwabara starts to rise.

Jean: Quick! Everyone grab a limb!

The group (except for Kuwabara who is to caught up in his fairy-tale that he wouldn't notice a volcanic eruption...) decides that Jean's advice is most wonderful and they act quickly.... The limb arrangement is as follows:

Right arm: Anne and Adrienne (you know, the quiet packing peanut...)

Left arm: Kurama and Jean

Right Leg: pop., the munchkin with the limited vocabulary

Left leg: Dorothy and Foz

Our heroes (and heroines, and hero-turned-heroines) float off into the distance. In fact, in the direction of the Wicked Fairy of the West's summer retreat...

Part 10 ~ Steph, the Evil Fairy

As the ballooning group approaches the summer cottage, they are forced to squeeze Kuwabara's chest to let out some of the hot air and, in this way, descend

Group: *squeeze*

Kuwabara: Gasp!

Group: *squeeze*

Kuwabara: Gasp!

Group: *squeeze*

Kuwabara: Gasp!

Group: *SPLAT!*

Foz: Ewwww....

They somehow manage to sort out all the extra arms and legs, and end up throwing an octopus away...

Steph: Umm, do you have a pass or something? People aren't allowed here without some form of identification...

Everyone groans, Anne mumbles something about customs, but they eventually get out their school ID's... Except for Foz, Jean, and pop., since they don't go to school. Foz, fortunately, has it's bill-of-sale, Jean has her 'Genies Mistaken For Inanimate Objects Support Group' membership card... But, pop. doesn't have ANY form of ID...

Steph: I'm sorry but I'm going to have to take him in for questioning...

Kurama: Huh? But why? He didn't anything!

Steph: Well, yes, I guess he didn't do anything, but it's in the rule book that all people can't be here without an ID, and, well, he doesn't have an ID. I'd like to know how he can be here without any form of identification...

Jean: Rule book? What rule book?

Steph: Ummm, the 'Official Rule Book for Filling in for Wicked Western Fairies'...

Foz: You mean, you're not the Wicked Fairy of the West?

Steph: Naw, I'm just Steph, the Evil Fairy. Wilma, the Wicked Fairy of the West, was on vacation but someone threw some water at her, making her clean. Wilma couldn't stand being clean, and she melted... I'm just filling in the position until a new wicked western fairy comes along.

Anne: But, but then we don't have any reason for being here...

Steph: Huh? What was your reason for being here?

Dorothy: The Wizard of the Green-Tinted Plastic City of Aahz sent us here to destroy the Wicked Fairy of the West...

Steph: Oh. Well, sorry to inconvenient you, maybe next time... Hey, would it cheer you up if I turned you into frogs? Bibbidi, bobba-

Dorothy: NO!!!! It's okay! Were not upset, we don't need cheering up!!!!

Jean: But...

Steph (who is visibly pissed off that she doesn't get to make any amphibians): But what?

Jean: You _could_ turn the Wizard of the Green-Tinted Plastic City into a frog... *grinz*

Steph *evil grin*: Most excellent... Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!

In a big flash of smoke, the traveling companions disappear along with Steph the Evil Fairy.

Part 11 ~ As Jean Has Proven, Revenge is Sweet

There is a large flash. The group appears about three feet above a cobblestone street. Luckily, the wizard is below, and conveniently breaks their fall.

Foz: I'm glad I am slippers, I'm glad I am slippers, I'm glad I am slippers...

Dorothy: I'm glad that I'm on top, I'm glad that I'm on top, I'm glad that I'm on top...

Wizard: Erk.

Sometime later, the pile is sorted out (and another octopus is tossed away, where do those things keep on coming from?).

Dorothy, to Wizard: What's the big idea of sending us off to kill a fairy that's already dead?!

Wizard: I'm sorry! The paperwork was mixed up, I thought she was still alive! Things like this would never happen if people didn't keep on taking me out of my office for fan fics...

Dorothy: Well, are you going to help us?

Wizard: Ummm, I would if I could...

Group: WHAT?!?!? YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T CHANGE US BACK?!?!?!

Steph: Can I turn him into a frog now? Please...

Dorothy: Huh? Oh, sure. Go right ahead.

Steph: YAY! Bibbidi...

Wizard: Wait! What's going on?

Steph: ...bobbadi...

Wizard: Stop that! You can't turn me into a...

Steph: ...boo!

Wizard: Ribbit.

Suddenly the Good Witch appears on her oar. She immediately grabs the frog.

Good Witch: It's so cute! Steph, does the spell wear off?

Steph: Yah, that one does, eventually. I don't think I could get any guys from this group to kiss it...

Kuwabara: Dorothy could kiss it! She's half guy!

The scarecrow is next seen sailing through the Green-Tinted Plastic City, with a newly acquired goose egg.

Part 12 ~ No Way Am I Going to Kiss That!!!

Dorothy: Ummm, so what do we do now?

Kurama: In the book 'The Wizard of Oz', another good witch comes along and tells Dorothy to use the ruby slippers...

Dorothy: Ummm, but we've already found out that all Foz can do is talk, drive people crazy, and be egotistical...

Kurama: Doesn't that all fall under the category of being annoying?

Group: Yesss...

Foz: I resemble those remarks.

Anne: We all know that Foz.

Kuwabara (who has somehow made it back to the group in one piece): So, what are we going to do? Can anyone here work magic?

Jean: I can!! I can!!

Anne: Jean, we all know you're a can, you don't need to tell us again.

Jean: I'm a genie I tell you! A genie! Kiss the can and I'll be able to come out and grant all your wishes.

Dorothy: I thought there was a three wish requirement for genies...

Jean: Actually, it's a one wish requirement. I can grant you each _one_ wish, but you have to kiss the can first.

Everyone looks at everyone else.

All, 'cept Jean: No.

Dorothy: _You_ ought to kiss the can Kurama. It is yours, after all.

Everyone else immediately agrees with Dorothy's wisdom. Kurama sighs and kisses the can, since he really is a nice guy.

*POOF*

A pretty teenage girl stands before them in a blue filmy genie costume (tm).

Girl: Hello, I'm Jeannie the genie.

Everyone else: ...

Part 13 ~ It May be Unlucky, But it's The End

Half an hour later, the group is very happy as they are back in their original forms. Well, except for Foz, who greatly enjoys being a pair of fuzzy orange slippers.

Yusuke: Ummm, now how do we get back to our own worlds?

Kuwabara: We've used up all our wishes...

Foz: No we haven't! I haven't used my wish yet! Jeannie, I wish we were back in Ningenkai!

*Insert loud poof*

Yusuke: Ahhhh, home sweet home!

Adrienne: ITHICA!!!!!!

All: ...

Fred: That Ithica was excellent Adrienne.

Adrienne: Thanks, I've been practicing.

Kuwabara: There's that funny little voice again...

~*~ The End ~*~

-------------------

ME: Ahhh, finally I'm finished with this way-to-lengthy story.

Yusuke: I can't believe you made me a _girl_. You. Are. Dead.

ME: Ummm, I'm sorry... But I did make you the main character...

Yusuke: No you didn't! You made Foz the main character!

ME: No I didn't...

Yusuke: Stupid self-oriented fic writers... mumble... grumble...

ME: But you _did_ get to make Kuwabara fly across the set for the Green-Tinted Plastic City.

Yusuke *grinz*: Heh. Yeh. Say, what was the whole point of that story anyways?

ME: Well, originally it was to release my immense build-up of creativity but then Koenma decided to take control and make it one of his strange team building activities... *grinz* But, as you can see, no one tries to take over a story that ME is writing!

Faint ribbits are heard in the background...

Yusuke: Ummm, but I thought Mandy took over your fic 'And Now For Something Completely Different.'

ME: Please. Don't remind ME of that experience.

Yusuke: Ummm, okay...

ME: Hee hee! I got away with using someone else's plot and got away with it!

Blue Jeans: Actually ME, you changed the plot a lot...

ME: But it still has the same basic concept!

Blue Jeans: Which was...?

ME: Heck, don't ask ME, I'm just the author.

Blue Jeans: Say, ME. I thought Yukina was going to be in this.

ME: She was. Then I thought, 'Do I _really_ want to put Yukina in a story like this?' Kuwabara and Hiei would have probably injured ME if I had.

Blue Jeans: Good point. You know ME, sometimes I almost believe you have a brain in your skull, _almost_!

ME: HEY! I RESENT THAT REMARK! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'M GETTING WAAAY BETTER GRADES THAN YOU!!!

Blue Jeans (through teeth): Yes ME, we all know about your disgustingly good grades. In fact, I think it's time that something was done about them... *knuckle cracks*

ME: Uh, oh...

note from the author: i know that some of you may have not realized some of the various references in this story. for your convenience, i have listed some of the major ones and their origins.

Aahz: from the book 'Another Fine Myth'

Montmorency: from book 'Three Men in a Boat'

Martin the Paranoid Android: from the book 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy'

'Ni': from the movie 'Monty Python, Quest for the Holy Grail'

'Wittles': from the book 'Great Expectations'

Merry Poppy Field: from the movie 'Mary Poppins'

Tiki Room birds: _please_ don't tell ME you don't know where these come from!

'We love you Conrad': from the musical 'Bye Bye Birdie.' Blue Jeans preformed in this

Stupid Sausage Song: written by ME. Usually sung to the tune of 'Spam spam spam spam'

S-word: also know as *shudder* Snyder. This is JAM's history/geography teacher

'Ithica': I believe this comes from the TV show Hercules, though it may be from Xena

If there are anymore important references, I can't think of them.

Comments? Criticisms? Encouragements? Death Threats? Send them to: manda_hunter@yahoo.com

I realize that is was a balant self-inclusion, you know what? I don't care! Most of the fics I write *are* self inclusions.

~Lady Mandy of the Orange Root

aka M.E. (Magnificent Entity)

And that's... it. I guess.

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