Wizard of Aahz
chapters 4 - 7
by Mandy / M.E.
Part 4 ~ Let's Get Some Eats
and Have a Roaring Good Time!
Foz: I'm hungry, my
soles hurt, I feel like whining, no one's listening to me, nobody likes me,
WWWWWAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!
Jean: Oh great, she's
depressed.
Dorothy: Oooo, hunger, food,
yuuuummmm, fooooood. Anyone have some eats?
Foz: I wants my wittles!
All 'cept the most upset Foz:
Wittles?
Fred: It's a literary
reference. Very well Foz, you shall have your wittles, and your friends will get
wittles too. In fact, you may have wittles whenever you preform the sacred rite.
Toodle loo!
All 'cept Foz and Jean: Who
was that?
Foz: That, my fellow
companions, was Fred, the Great Goddess of Weird.
Kuwabara: Who's Fred?
Foz: The girl who's always
looking for Rutherford.
Dorothy: Who's Rutherford?
Foz: The guy Fred's always
looking for.
All 'cept inanimate objects:
Ooooohhhh. That explains a lot. Really!
Dorothy: What was that about
a sacred rite we have to preform to get food?
Foz: To get wittles you must
first get in touch with your inner vegetable.
Kurama: How do we do that?
Foz *grinz*: Allow me. I.V.
WAKE!!!!
(Break for... Fuzzy Foz's
Weapon Lesson!
Foz: The I.V. Wake, short for
Inner Vegetable Wake, immediately causes large groups of organic objects to
start getting in touch with their inner vegetable. It was previously known as
the Orange Carrot Wave but Mandy, ME, and Foz have collaborated to come up with
a new, much more original name.
Zel: Remember kids, this is
dangerous, so don't try it at home!
Foz, ME & Mandy: AND WHY
NOT?!?!?!
Thank you for joining us for
Fuzzy Foz's Weapon Lesson!)
All: Must. Get. In. Touch.
With. Inner. Vegetable.
Dorothy, coming out of
trance: Look! FFFFOOOOOOOOODDDDDD!!!!!!
All: YAY!
Thing lurking in woods:
RRROOOAAAAARRR!!!!
A lean looking lioness (look,
alliteration! i love alliteration!) jumps out from behind some bushes.
Lioness: Hullo, I'm Anne the
lioness. This is private property you're on so therefore this food belongs to
me, the hungry owner of this land.
Foz: Come on Anne, you know
we're hungry. You can get your own wittles by getting in touch with your inner
vegetable.
Anne: If you don't give me
your food, I will say... Ni!
All: Please! Don't say it!
Anything but, but that!
Anne: Will you give me your
food?
Kuwabara: 'Course not.
Anne: Then I will be forced
to say... Ni!
Foz: Oh, the inhumanity!
Jean: Hey Anne, I thought you
got a better part in this fic.
Anne: Naw, I just get to sit
here waiting for you lazy bums. I'm starved, do I have to waste time by getting
in touch with my inner vegetable?
Foz: I can make it faster if
you want...
Anne: No, that's okay, I
don't need your help, really!
There is a faint humming
noise. More wittles are added to the pile. With this, the group abandons all
dignity and jumps on the wittles. All are content (except for Anne because she
doesn't have an excuse to say Ni anymore).
Part 5 ~ Return of the
Munchkin...
Anne: So, Kurama, what are
you doing with this bunch of wackos?
Kurama: I got bored. Very,
VERY bored.
Anne: Oh.
There is a swooshing sound.
The Good Witch of the East appears on her oar.
Good Witch: Ummm, hello
things. I forgot to leave pop. with you earlier so I had to come back.
Anne, Kurama, Kuwabara, &
Jean: Pop.?
Good Witch: Oh, that's right
you haven't met pop. yet. This is pop., our population. Say hello pop.
Pop.: Hn.
Anne: What's he supposed to
be?
Foz: A munchkin with a
limited vocabulary.
Anne: How appropriate.
The Good Witch quickly
escapes on her oar.
Foz: Oh great, please tell me
we're not stuck with the shrimp, please?
Anne: We're stuck with him.
Foz: Noooooo!!!!!!!! This is
definitely _not_ my day.
Kurama: Let me guess, the
slippers don't like the munchkin?
Dorothy: Actually, I wasn't
aware that they knew each other...
Anne: They dated in a past
life.
Foz & pop.: WE DID NOT
'DATE'!
Dorothy: Okay, so it's a
touchy subject
Foz *mumble*: 'Tis not a
subject.
Strange voice: Hey! Have you
read my new story?!?!?!
~silence~
Part 6 –1 ~ The (Merry)
Poppy Field
(note from the author: the
above title compared to the content of the following section is not because i
dislike the movie "mary poppins." i do, in fact rather like it,
especially the 'feed the birds' song.i just wanted to make a bad pun :P )
The group of circus sideshows
(talking lion and scarecrow, aluminum foil man, talking slippers and oil can,
who wouldn't call it a group of circus sideshows?) walk out of the woods. Before
them stretches a field of poppies.
Jean: Oh no! It's the
horrible Merry Poppy field that tortures unwary travelers with her sick,
twisted, perverted, *censored* stories! Spare us the horror, please!
Guys + Dorothy: Merry Poppy
field?
Foz: Merry, the poppy field,
believes that she can write stories when she really can't. Her stories either
drive people to suicide or put them in a deep, deep sleep. We have to destroy
her...
Kurama: Her stories can't be
that bad...
Merry begins to read one of
her stories. Everyone covers their ears and begs her to stop. She continues.
Dorothy: S-Some-one-s-s-st-stop-h-her...
Foz looks pointedly at the
munchkin.
Pop.: What?
Foz: Do your black lizard
thing, it's sure to stop her.
Pop. sighs and does that
black dragon wave thingy. The terrible Merry Poppy field is now just a big,
black, scorched area. Everyone cheers and congratulates the horizontally
challenged population. He responds appropriately.
Pop.: Hn.
Part 6 - 2 ~ The Green-Tinted
Plastic City of Aahz
The group is standing on a
small rise (good thing it is not a grassy knoll, Anne's dangerous around those).
Before them is the Green-Tinted Plastic City of Aahz.
Dorothy: Okay, what do we do
now?
Everyone looks at Foz.
Foz: What?!
Dorothy: You're the one who
said we should go to the Green-Tinted Plastic City of Aahz. We're here. What do
we do?
Foz: Ummmm. I think you go to
see the Wizard of Aahz...
They walk down the hill and
enter the city. Stopping an extremely-ordinary-normal-minding-their-own-buisness
pedestrian, they ask them how to find the wizard (we're off to see the wizard,
the wonderful wizard of Aahz!).
Pedestrian: Ummm, go down
this street, turn left at the fork, then right, then right, then left.
Thanking the poor pedestrian,
the group sets off. They soon discover that there _are_ no forks in the city and
all turns are right turns. Kuwabara sits down on the curb and starts to whine.
Kuwabara: We'll never find
this stupid wizard! The Great Kazuma Kuwabara will have to be a scarecrow
forever!
Dorothy: At least you don't
have to suffer from a sex-change.
Foz: I'm a pair of slippers!
Though this is pretty cool because I can make Dorothy run when she doesn't want
to...
Dorothy: Hey!
Kurama: I'm gonna be aluminum
foil for ever!
Adrienne: At least you don't
have to be a packing peanut!
All: ...
Well-meaning passer-by:
You're looking for the wizard?
All: Yes!
Well-meaning passer-by:
Congratulations! You've found him!
All: ...
Dorothy: You mean...
Kurama: This is...
Kuwabara: A WIZARD?!?!?! BWA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
The supposed-wizard
(previously known as the well-meaning passer-by) is a small, annoying-looking
boy. He is visibly pissed.
Wizard: Yes, I'm the wizard!
And I don't want to hear any wise-cracks about my height and the way I look! If
I do, I won't grant your wish. TTTHHHHBBBB!!!!!
Foz: Well, you can't say he
doesn't act his age...
Wizard: That's it! I refuse
to grant any wishes until you have destroyed the Wicked Fairy of the West!
The wizard disappears.
Everyone starts to step on Foz (except for Dorothy and Foz of course).
Kuwabara: You stupid fuzz
balls! Now I'll never get to be a person again!
Kurama: Ditto!!!
Dorothy: STOP STEPPING ON MY
FEET!!!!!!
Foz: STOP STEPPING ON
ME!!!!!!!
Anne: Hello, peoples/things,
calm down. He said he'd grant wishes after we killed the Wicked Fairy.
Foz: Destroyed.
Jean: Killed, destroyed,
whatever...
Part 7 ~ Whenever You are
Going to Destroy Something, You Must Plan Ahead...
Foz: Okay, if we want to
destroy this Wicked Fairy, we have to plan ahead...
All: How come?!
Foz: Because the title says
so!
All: Oh.
Foz: First lets make a list
of what we have in the way of weapons...
Anne: I can say the 'S' word
as well as... Ni!
Jean: Oh no! Not the horrid
'S' word!
Anne: 'Fraid so.
Jean: I can grant wishes and
distribute oil.
Kurama: I can...
Foz: Ooh! Ooh! I know! You
can do that petunia whip thing!
Jean: It's a rose whip!
Foz: Petunia sounds better.
Kuwabara: No need for your
puny weapons, I, the Great Kazuma Kuwabara, will save you when needed and will
destroy all Wicked Witches!
Foz: Fairies.
Adrienne: I can pack boxes!
All: ...
Anne: There's that funny
little voice again...
Jean: I wonder where it comes
from...
Pop.: Hn.
Jean: Anne, translate.
Anne: He says he can do that
purple lizard thingy and knows how to use a sword... He also says he'll kill the
scarecrow for us... Ooh! I think I'll take him up on that!
Dorothy & Kurama: NO!
Foz, Anne, Jean, Adrienne,
& pop.: Hn.
Foz: Okay, and I can make
Dorothy run away!
Dorothy: Hey! I thought you
were supposed to be _magic_ slippers!
Foz: Have you ever heard
slippers talk before?
Dorothy: Ummm, no....
Foz: Okay then! I'm magical!
All: ...