9th May, 1999

I realise that have had a fullfilling life. I've got a great family, great friends - well, practically a great life.

I spent time with my mum and brother, although I'd rather spend it in the bed but I forced myself to stay awake especially when mum began to recount the memories of my childhood life. I also spent some time out with Yohei and the gang - going to the Pachinko arcades and the movies with full force. When we walked out into the sun, my body got uncomfortable and the shades that I just bought never left my face. Yohei was very much irked about it. He said that it made him feel that he was talking to himself, not being able to see my eyes. I just shrugged and told him that I've had a lot of rough nights. He must've thought that it was connected with Haruko because he didn't press on any more.

He did however made me notice two small red bumps on my neck. I guessed that they were mosquito bites but it wasn't itcy. Yohei wanted to have a closer look but I pushed him away, not wanting people passing by think that we're gay when they see Yohei's head near my neck. He only rolled his eyes prompting a bout of bickering between him and myself. The other three clowns joined in and we were making so much noise and havoc that the people around steered clear of us. That will be another thing that I would miss very much - having good fights with my closest friends who are at ease with the world as I am.

At the end of the week, I visited the Akagis. Haruko's brother, Takenori, was still devestated about the loss of his sister because when we talked his voice would tremble especially when something in our conversation reminded him of Haruko. I'm not surprised. I mean, it has only been less than three weeks that she has passed away and they were so close, as close as a brother and a sister could get. I wish I could tell Takenori that I've seen Haruko and that I'm going to meet her - maybe take care of her if I'm able to get around this Rukawa guy.

I nearly frowned in front of Takenori when I thought about Rukawa. The pale stranger seemed to be the type who's in charge and although I believed him when he said that my strength will 'tenfold', I know that I would still have to put up all that I've got if I want to be in the same level like him physically and mentally.

As the last of the day slipped by I sat all alone in my bedroom and watched the sun set. My eyes had hurt but I had promised myself that I was not going to pass the chance to see the sun for the last time. I felt the warmth of the last rays of the sun prickling my skin but I revelled in it. When the horizon turned dark and the stars began to appear, only then did I leave the spot on the window sill and sat down on my desk to start writing my last entry as a living man.

I bid you good-bye.

11th May, 1999

I'm back! It's been so weird - but it's fantastic!

I've died and now I'm alive! The night when I made the last entry as a mortal was the night I called upon Rukawa Kaede. I was sitting on my desk and shut my mind out of any thoughts except about those of Rukawa. Suddenly there was a strong breeze coming from my window and when I turned around, there he was standing inside my room, his figure silhoutted by the moon behind him. I couldn't move and when I did it was only when he opened his mouth to speak, "So, you have decided to join me?"

"And Haruko," I said, finally founding my voice.

He shrugged caressly and said, "Of course. You will see her later."

"What do I have to do?" I asked.

He walked slowly towards me and I forced myself not to back up. He was a bit shorter than I am, probably 1 or 2 inches shorter but the way he held himself made me feel that he was a larger being than I was.

"Just relax," he said softly, touching my chin. With gentle pressure, he pushed my head so that my neck was laid bare and his other hand lifted to hold me by my shoulders. Then he dropped his head and I could feel his lips grazing my neck. The lips were cold but the way it touched so intimately on my neck, made it felt like it was hot branded iron. When I felt his tongue touch my skin I jerked a little but he held me fast, slipping the arm that was holding my shoulder around me. He started to lick and suck and although I knew I should be repulsed by it, I can't help but become so aroused that I wasn't even aware he was pushing me towards the bed - that is, until he lay on top of me, making the mattress sink beneath out weight.

I tried to voice a protest but my mouth was not cooperating. What came out was a weak moan instead. Then I felt a piercing pain coming from my neck. It hurt but my mind was so much in a haze that I could only gasp in reaction. Rukawa clutched my body tighter to his and I knew that he could feel my heart beating loudly against his chest as he began to drink my blood. That was when I realised what he was doing because I could feel the blood leaving my body quickly. He made a soft sighing sound as he drank and the humm vibrated along my skin making me shiver. Dimly I wondered if he did the same thing for real in those dreams that I had for the past few nights. Stealing into my bed and taking my blood.

After what felt like hours, I thought that he was going to drain me dry, when he suddenly stopped. Both of us were a bit out of breath, especially myself as I lay helpless on the sheets and he looking down at me with his icy blue eyes that seemed to be on fire. He leaned down and gave a last lick on my neck and sat up, pulling me to a sitting position as well.

"Wh..." I managed.

"It's your turn," he said, shifting to sit behind me. He propped my weakened body so that it was leaning against his chest and wound his arms around me. Then he lifted his hands and I could see the pale skin and the long fingernails. It wasn't particularly long as a woman's but it was long, nevertheless, for a man. And they were undoubtedly sharp when he nicked his wrist, making crimson blood flow from the open wound. He held the cut near my mouth and commanded, "Drink."

I hesitated at first but the dark colour of the blood tugged something in me and slowly I brought the wounded arm to my lips and began to suck. As I felt the blood flow into my mouth and mix with my own, I also felt this strong current-like power flowing into me, making my head reel. And I wanted more! I could also feel Rukawa's other hand drop to my chest and slip inside my shirt but he didn't do anything more than lay it where my heart was still beating fast. And I kept on drinking as I could feel his laboured breath blow against my ear. When he made a move to take his hand away I reflexively held on tight to that source of tangy but sweet drug but he was stronger than I was and he managed to break free with only a quick pull. I twisted around and leaned my elbows on his knee to look up at him. His mouth was open to let out short puffs of breath and his lips were red from my blood. He tilted my chin and he thumbed my own bloody lips before he kissed me.

"Lay down," he said, pulling away, "Sleep and they will find you without a heartbeat tomorrow. When they bury you I will come to get you out."

So I slept and I couldn't remember anything else until I woke up in the dark. It was deathly quiet that I could hear the humming silence in my ears. I began to shift but I quickly found out that I couldn't move my arms and legs much. I groped around blindly as much as I could before I guessed that I was in a box. It was a box that covered my full form and my limbs were trapped in the small extra space. Suddenly a thought struck me and I cried in terror when I knew just where I was. It was a coffin and I felt instant panic before I began to struggle to push my way out but to no avail. I was stuck 6 feet deep in the ground.

I began to hyperventilate, when suddenly I heard something from above and then quick scratches against the wood of coffin. I felt like crying in relief when the lid creaked open and there was Rukawa Kaede looking like an angel saviour with those deep, blue fox-eyes and a white halo made by the pale moonlight around his dark head. I had no doubt that he was no angel but when he offered his hand out to me I didn't hesitate a second to accept it.

I gotta go now... Haruko is calling out for me to join her outside. I don't know why I'm still writing here because now that Haruko's back with me I can start telling her my feelings and secrets again.

Ok, so I haven't told her my feelings for her yet...

I guess I do still need to write in here after all.



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