Ch-ch-ch-changes


Journal number twenty-one: I'm trapped living in a haze.


3.21.06
Holy shit. It's me. And I'm in Korea. I've been busy workin and going to school. Life is too short. And so are the lengths of days. Probably spent half my time here so far riding on a subway train though. Takes a minimum of one hour to get to my building on Yonsei's campus.
I'm living in a one room apartment that's literally one room. Well, plus a bathroom. There's a little kitchen type thing with cupboards right when you walk in too. A desk with an attached book case just arrived today ( after a month of waiting for it ). Mini fridge. Wardrobe thing. It took me a long time to actually get things kinda settled here. It still isn't completely done.
I've been spending a lot of time drinking soju and hanging out with Do Won. I haven't really made any friends at school because I don't live in the dorm and I'm not around Shin Chon that much. I tried to have a party at my house last weekend but it didn't turn out as cool as I thought it would be. It was ok though I guess. No major disaster or anything occurred. The bitch of it was that I spent so much money on the pizza and soju. Oh well. I told them originally I would take donations but then I realized I'd be kind of an asshole if I did that.
For those of you who aren't viewing my Cyworld page, I've met all of my Korean siblings in Daegu. It was quite a time to hang out with them for a few days. I spent most of the time with Jae Hyun though. I think he's the business person but he went out of his way to show me around. After he finished working he drove me and our mom around in his work truck since he had recently sold his own car ( he bought a Tiburon though ).
Then he drove all the way up to Seoul from Daegu after he finished work. It was kinda late when he got here. Do Won and I tried to get some food together for him and we drank soju together. After that... I think we went to karaoke or something. Stayed up pretty late. Then Do Won went home around 4 AM. Haha. Jae Hyun woke up around 9 or something and we went to Inchon so we could meet our uncle who lives over there. He's working really hard... he's also the only one who keeps in steady contact with me via SMS messages or actual phone calls. Well, our mom calls me from time to time too to make sure I've eaten dinner and that I'm doing ok.
Right now the floor I'm sitting on is burning my ass. I bet my next door neighbor turned the frigging heat up because he's a pansy. Supposedly he caught a cold cuz it was too cold for him. Well, my ass is flaming and it's kinda hard to sleep cuz I sleep ON THE FLOOR. No matter what temperature it is outside I keep the window open. So there's always one side of my body that's baking and the other side is a popsicle.
THe money situation is kinda funky. I've been keeping up with bills and shit for the most part but I've been reliant on my parents and my Korean relatives ( who have been doling out money every time I see them ) to pay for the big shit like the rent. I'm not sure where the hell all my money is going. Probably I'm "eating it up". Well, take out the quotation marks cuz I'm actually using money to eat everyday. I have a hot plate but about the only thing I can make on there are scrambled eggs or ramyun. I've been eating bread with strawberry jam as well. But every time I want that I gotta wash the ONE knife that I have.
Ever since I moved in here I've been a clean freak. There's no carpet in Korea so every speck of dirt and every tiny hair is a glaring eyesore to me. I invested in a dustpan and one of those sticky roller things. Combined, they're pretty good at cleaning up the floor.
Ok my butt's too hot to keep sitting here. Sorry. I gotta go for a while. -_-;


12.18.05
슬퍼해.... ㅠㅠ The semester is almost over. Tomorrow is my last exam, Japanese. It shouldn't be too hard so I don't plan on studying that much, not like I studied for any of the other tests though. It seems like right when the semester draws to a close is when I suddenly start meeting a bunch of people. It's too bad. And now I'm going to be gone again for another semester. People won't remember who I am... -_-
Well, hopefully going to Korea is worth it. When I come back I'll have to take the placement test for fourth year Korean. Hope I pass it. Ugh.
Going home this Thursday. It's gonna be kinda difficult in multiple ways. One is just that I have to pack up all my crap with a limited number of containers. Actually, I don't have any boxes at all. A lot of the packing up will have to occur when my parents get here. It'll also be difficult having to see everybody a last time. I'm hoping that they'll come and visit me in my hometown though, although I doubt that'll happen because the two hour drive between AA and GR is kinda far. Oh well...
Hmm. Well, at least I can say it was a good semester here. I'm glad it went well despite all initial feelings of apprehension. That's better than feeling all bitter and worn out like last semester.
P.S. Christmas time is also stressing me out because a lot of people have been sending me presents already and I have no money with which to buy them stuff.... barely enough even for a damn card... ugh.


12.1.05
Long time no see everybody! Here I am again... I haven't been writing in here much these days because I'm too busy keeping up with Cyworld and what not. And... school. Right.
So you all must be very curious to know what's been going on in Anna land. Here's a run down:
  1. Started taking anti-depressants for social anxiety
  2. Met my old conversation partner from freshman year, became language partners with his brother
  3. Made yet another Korean conversation partner through Umich
  4. Had a good Thanksgiving with way too much turkey in one week (having had to eat it at perhaps 6 meals so far)
  5. Been drinking, even though I shouldn't mix it with meds
  6. However I've been getting along with other students better this semester
  7. Only have 2 1/2 weeks of school left
  8. Got accepted at Yonsei and have to pick up my acceptance packet at the OIP office ASAp
  9. Keep turning in homework for Korean class late, resulting in an angry Korean woman prof (not cool)
  10. Just cleaned a ton of dishes, rice cooker, and crockpot from yesterday's cooking experiment
Too much huh? Yeah I thought so too. Life's been a little hectic with so many mandatory meetings and appointments. I still don't have any close friends here, but I think this is about where I wanna be at. Plenty of free time with that shining hope that maybe somebody will invite me somewhere.
Apparently my dad is letting me just... have this laptop that he bought. I originally was going to have to give it back to him when the semester was over, but he just decided to buy another one for himself. So everybody in the family has a laptop. Whoo. I'll take this with me to Korea... get it a nice little adaptor... Ah. Well. Since I have a computer that actually works this semester, I've been using it a lot for picture transfers and lightning quick web surfing. Pretty cool, eh? It's lead me to spend many an hour in this basement room since it's finally snowing outside today. I'm running out of money too so this is a cheap way to have fun I guess.
Dad also let me borrow the PS2 for the remainder of the semester at Thanksgiving break. I made the mistake of loaning it out/leaving it at a friend's apartment so he could play a particular video game. Now I have only half the fun cuz I only play Tetrinet on the computer. I was finally getting a hang of FF X too . . . hopefully I'll get it back this week.
I feel a little sad that I'm leaving for Korea. On the other hand, a whole new horizon awaits. But everytime I leave Umich, I have to start making friends all over again. The only person I've kept in contact with since my freshman year is Eunice, but she's graduating next spring... I hope when they take me off the medication I don't turn back into a weirdo. Not like I'm not right now but... I guess a non-talkative weirdo is more specific.
I'm sick of writing for now, but I'll try to write again... for those who still read this thing. Byeeee!


11.3.05 Part II
10:03 AM. So I'm sitting in the school computer lab remembering all the things that I forgot to do earlier this week. I forgot to turn in a Korean assignment last Wednesday that was actually due Monday. I also forgot that I had to upload this project to a website and give the address to the professor for grading. Due tomorrow. She didn't seem to care about that too much fortunately. So I got one more day to do it. Then there was this Japanese assignment that I did totally wrong because I did in the 5 minutes before class and didn't realize I was on the right page but doing the wrong section of questions. How embarrassing.
Well, I have another Japanese "reading and writing" exam. I'm kinda hoping that I'm not missing it right now. I think we're still taking it at the same time as our lecture, aren't we? It's just that our rooms are all different. I think. And I'm in the same room as our usual lecture room. I feel kinda worried though. More worried about that than the actual exam. I didn't study at all. I still have an hour. Wondering if I should study or just kill time here. Hmm. Decisions, decisions.
I've been neglecting this journal quite a bit for the longest time, haven't I? It's because I'm always writing in Cyworld these days. It's a lot more convenient for adding pictures and stuff. Not everybody can access it though because of the Korean font. It's best if you have Windows XP and are using Explorer.
I just wrote everything in this entry up to now in about two minutes. Now what? Go to the friggin library?? It's so far away. And I feel so lazy. And the library is even farther away from the building I have to go to for the exam. Lazy lazy lazy lazy... but I have a somewhat legitimate reason. Didn't go to sleep until maybe 2? I was supposed to wake up at 7 but didn't get up until 8. At that point, I was uber late. It didn't make a difference anyway because the dude I was meeting for an appointment missed my entire appointment time too. So, it all worked out in the end.
Chillin with a coffee. Ah... maybe I'll go walk somewhere. Sounds more productive than sitting in here. It's starting to feel a little too crowded anyway.


11.3.05
My aunt came. We had an amazingly good time... I learned a lot of stuff, although a lot of information got lost due to my inability to speak Korean well. Man, I'm kinda... drunk.... so I'll leave it at that for now. Anyway, everything went so much better than expected. I have a really good feeling about my Korean family these days.


10.22.05
My sweater is so toasty. Mmmm. But itchy. Baaaad. Oh well. Toast overrules itch.
So my Korean aunt's visiting next weekend. I called up my brother and he said he might come too. So we'll have a big family get together it seems.. : D It's pretty exciting. I feel bad though because people always have to come to me since I'm too poor to travel anywhere via airplane. Oh well. I'll start working again over Christmas. Ok. So if those two come here... what should we do? Honestly I enjoy being a tour guide type of person because it makes me feel useful. And fortunately most of the stuff of interest in Ann Arbor is near the campus.
Well, I gotta lot of stuff to accomplish before next Friday though. Better get on it.


10.20.05
Fall break went by like zip-zap-boopity-bop. I got home. I recall eating a bunch of stuff. Next thing I know, mom's dropping me off here again. The first night back was a bit painful for two reasons: one, there was no more food, and two, it came to my attention that there was a Korean presentation DUE the next day. Not just a script... no no no. The whole damn thing. Well praise the heavens, my partner and I were last on the list to present and one group took up about 20 minutes, so we were safe. Safe till Friday. Friday . . . which is tomorrow. Hmm. Well, the happiness I did have were the movies Adam burned onto CDs for me. So I watched "Kung Fu Hustle" and "Finding Neverland." Pretty interesting. Almost went for a third. Till the whole Korean project came out of nowhere and nailed me in the face.
Now I'm just waiting for the weekend. The nice, peaceful weekend. Then the following weekend it seems Aunt Sook is coming. Or, °νΈπ I should write. My birth father's younger sister is here in the States studying English. She just found out about me last Monday from Jae Hyun. I called her. We talked for half an hour through broken Korean and English. Next day she called me and said she couldn't sleep and that she wanted to see me. So . . . since I can't go over there, she's going to fly here. Hmm. Interesting.


10.17.05
I think it was last week Thursday... yeah. Adam and I got into a debate over "what is art." By agreeing to the definition that "art is an expression of human emotion" I backed myself into a corner at which point he began to hurl Tolstoyan arguments at me. I'm just as much a believer in the fact that emotions cannot be defined or pinpointed; however, art is also an aesthetic to which standards can be applied. Even the greatest artists in the history of man had to follow some kind of convention. In the end, I think Tolstoy's argument is that good art is "infectious" and will be understood by people universally as great, and moving. Well. NO. Or maybe I've misinterpreted the "universal" part. So let's just say that art is art only when it moves someone. So what if an artist paints a picture and puts his entire heart and soul into it. A passerby says it's total crap. Actually, not just one, but fifty passerbys say his picture is crap and they spit on it. Is there something faulty with man's emotions? Or are the passerbys faulty? Maybe someone would suggest to him how to make the picture better. The minute someone does that and advice is accepted, there is an agreement that there is some standard to "good" art.
Now, it seems that people need Ph.Ds just to under some types of art. Mostly the modern crap that's being mass produced these days. I remember hearing that a man came on stage with a watch, stood for there maybe half an hour, then left. The point was that music/sound is all around us at any given time. I hope those people didn't pay anything for that. Anywho, I can agree with Adam's thinking in order to prevent a total elitist society that tries to make art an exclusive right. Art is for everybody. Duh. People shouldn't make it so confusing and convolute the original purpose of art in order to put themselves on a high pedestal. But to the common people.. don't take this as an excuse for absolute ignorance either. It's fine if all you want to comment on a piece is "I liked it" or "I didn't like it," but don't flat out refuse further education on a particular topic or say that the study of music or visual arts is fruitless.
In the end, Adam said that over the past two years since he read "What is Art?" by Tolstoy, his opinions have changed. I think we argued over nothing.


10.13.05
It baffles me... why don't I write in here that often anymore. Hmm.
On Wednesday morning, were it not from a random call from my birth mom, I would have overslept through my first lecture and not handed in my paper. That would've been quite an incident. The call did quite the trick though... shocking me awake like that. She was just wondering what I was doing these days. She asked if I was staying in contact with my siblings... to tell the truth, I'm primarily communicating with only one. Even though he's busy finding a house and working, he still leaves messages. The other people... it still seems awkward to talk to them.
Fall break finally begins. Long awaited. I have to start packing up tonight because I don't have much time tomorrow. I still have to take care of some OIP crap because they didn't tell me squat beforehand. Apparently Yonsei has their own list of required materials, including a copy of my passport, a copy of proof of medical insurance, an essay on my study plan, and fortunately some other things I already turned in. The due date is next Monday, but since I'll be out of town at that time I gotta do it tomorrow. Ah yes. Passport size photos. What a waste of money. They need THREE photos and those passport things come in sets of two, right? They're $10.55/pair!!! So I gotta spend over twenty bucks for three lousy pictures. Bastards... OK anyway. Enough of that. Gotta get to work on a couple papers. Man... this week has been hell.


10.07.05
Finally, the journal switch to autumn. Guess I felt today was appropriate since the weather has gotten significantly colder in the past 24 hours. Somebody turn the heat on down here... now it's blazing hot. Oh well. I hate waking up an icecube.
This weekend doesn't look like it's going to be too restful. I got a concert report due, a short paper about uh... sonata form I think due, a physics paper about an "ah-ha" moment that I've had, and to top it off there's a physics quiz/test thing on Tuesday. Even though it's open book, the quiz still worries me since we were never really taught anything about the principles of our experiments until last Tuesday. And I didn't bother to buy the text book because the prof said we didn't really need it. It's available at the physics help room, but . . . I figure I can look online for explanations.
My face is sweating. Not only is it hot in this room but I'm eating shin ramyun despite the fact that I'm not hungry. Hmm.
I'm looking forward to going home for fall break. Paul said one of his German friends is going to be in town so we'll have a little party at his house. It'll be good to be back in GR. It doesn't really feel like autumn until I've driven around East Town, imbibed the fragrant scent of burning wood, admired the brilliant colors of the leaves.. ah..


Journal 20


Changes are no good (after all).



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