Fighting!


Journal number twenty-two: 그렇게 하면 되죠 그죠? 그죠? 그죠?


1.7.09 "For the time being, I've decided to continue writing journal entries. My hope is that this will be an exercise in logical thought as it seems I'm severely lacking in that area these days. I never was one to stay on topic, but my inability to focus for any period of time has been decreasing at an alarming rate. Being surrounded by extremely intelligent people who excel in oratory and writing skills only highlights my deficiency. But realizing that there is a shortcoming is the first step toward correction.
Now the question is... what to write about? I've considered a couple options. The first is to simply write about my life as I have always done. This is the only topic in which I am close to being an expert. The second is to write in an editorial style, discussing newspaper articles or other media."

I was in the middle of writing the above, but decided to end that thought as it is not a very useful or even interesting ramble. I believe in doing things for the sake of utility, so there is no point in drawing out a pointless argument with myself. Keep the good, eschew the bad.
However, I am still interested in self-development through writing. For the past year, I've been mulling over different philosophies, absorbing ideas, but never putting anything down in print, leaving any thought I had virtually incomplete and now, forgotten. With writing, there is the opportunity to review, debate, and reformulate those thoughts. More than ever before, it is important to persevere in this practice. Why? Because I think I'm getting dumber as time goes by. Haha. Being dumb never led anyone to success of any kind, did it?
Just writing this nonsense is sapping my energy. I have a strong urge to start talking about what I ate today, my financial situation, complaining about the Korean education system, how I want to go back home, and how mentally oppressive it is to live in this stuffy country. I don't know what's better: straining myself to write something that sounds learned or to give in to my personal nature. Or maybe this is another pointless debate in which I'm thinking too much about nothing. Or perhaps I tend to dismiss my own ideas too fast before allowing them to grow into something of substance.
What was the topic again? Oh yeah, self-development through writing. See? I'm no good at these kinds of things. But as this is an effort that has only begun, there is a chance my writing could improve in the future. Whoo whee!!


1.4.09
An incredible amount of time has passed, but sadly, there is nothing to show for it. Approximately one year and two weeks ago, I graduated from the University of Michigan with a BA in Asian Studies. Since then I have been an "English teacher" in Seoul, working amongst the ranks of other recent undergraduates. There is absolutely nothing remarkable about this line of work. English is first and foremost a business, not an educational pursuit. How is this apparent? Any school will hire anyone with a BA, sometimes an associates degree if no one else will fill the position. I am ashamed to be doing this kind of work. What makes it even more shameful is that the pay is so good I can't quit. The shattered economies of both the US and Korea makes it difficult to pursue any other profession. When personal principles are stretched to their limits, such as in this situation, I really wish that I could adhere to them. Unfortunately, my stomach cries out and says that it is hungry. My skin feels the pierce of cold. It would be so much easier to just leave the ethics behind and act like an ass to entertain the students, but my innate personality will not allow that. I am experiencing very deep self-conflict in which harsh reality and ideals are in discord with each other.
What nonsense. What is comes down to is this: I need money in order to eat and pay off tuition bills. Even if I hate teaching, for whatever reasons, there is no choice but to continue or physically die. That is reality. Hey, at least I have an option. As I hear, a lot of Michiganders are without a job and have even given up searching due to lack of hope for finding anything else. For once, the grass is greener on this side. Who the hell am I to bitch? [edit: Looking back at this entry, I'm cringing with embarrassment due to my poor word choices. Sorry, sorry.]


12.29.07
I have finally graduated from the University of Michigan. I plan to go to Seoul in February to teach English for the upcoming school year. My life has changed significantly over the past four years and I have my family and friends to thank for all of the good things that have happened during that time. Now, I can confidently move away from the world of academia and apply all that knowledge and positive change to a job, which later will hopefully transform into a career. Whether I will be an English teacher, a worker in a company or government, I hope that the next few years will prove fruitful in financial gain as well as personal growth.


6.16.07
After all this time, after finishing my first semester of my senior year at Umich, I am STILL working at the same Chinese restaurant I've been at on and off for the past four god-forsaken years. Why do I bring this up? Because there's a mandatory meeting tonight for all employees at 11 PM. I got out at 9... and I have to go back at 11. Well, that is indeed when the kitchen closes, but wow. Some people have better things to do (such as sleep).
Well, 2007 has been a rollercoaster ride of academic winnings/failings, although I'd emphasize the failing part. I spent the entirety of the semester trying to catch up with a Faust class that I registered for late because I dropped another course that was quite disappointing. Another course, Asian 361 was a major requirement, and coincidentally, my biggest nightmare. Far from being anything related to Asia, it was actually a methodology class on how to study. Anything. Although if we wanted to occasionally relate Marxism and/or Freud to Asia, apparently we can. I also discovered how overzealous people can get over nothing. Academia is a world for those who really need to prove something. Well, I've never been more relieved in my life that a class has ended.
What else was there... Faust, Asian 381... ah yes, History of Art/Linguistics 262/260. A normal four credit course. For some reason, four credits is a good number. Two lectures a week, one section. This was an experimental course. Of course it had to be... how many classes do you know of that combine art history and linguistics? Doesn't make a whole lot of sense, and it didn't to us (and sometimes to the GSI either).
And finally, the good news. The second half of first-year Japanese. I used to be really into everything Japanese: the language, the culture, all the weird crap they make, video games, etc. Taking this class made me realize that I 1) am not that interested in Japan anymore, at least not as much as I used to be and 2) that I really don't give a flying rip for a class that meets every day.
Well... more to come. I guess. Cuz man... I gotta go to that stupid meeting.


11.11.06
Long time no see. I'm not dead, I just sort of lost interest in writing in this journal since I've been using Cyworld much more extensively.
Ah, my second semester of junior year. This is been the most difficult time of my life academically speaking. I wasn't quite prepared for this considering the easy time at Yonsei (although my grades don't exactly testify to that). Writing papers once every week or two weeks is not fitting for my procrastination style.
Well, it is November which means that Thanksgiving is coming. But until then, I have two papers and an exam. What kind of cruelty is this??? My mind is lost. And though it's Saturday, a prime day for catching up, I'm sitting here writing this and have the TV set to "The Princess Bride," the best movie since ... ever.
I bought some roma tomatoes over at Kerrytown in the hopes of making a delicious pasta. The ingredients are quite simple. Twisty pasty, olive oil, garlic, basil, roma tomatoes... last time I made it sans the tomato and garlic, so it didn't taste very good. Hopefully it'll go better this time. They say you can also eat it as a cold salad. That would be nice... no re-heating required.
Also got a show to go to tonight. Broken Social Scene is in town. The tickets cost an arm and a leg, not to mention Tickemaster's "service fee." Anywho, should be worth it. Now if I could just see Radiohead in concert, concert-going life would be complete.
Ah, so frustrated and bored... yet so many things to do.


3.31.06
Here I am in my "one-room" again Shillim-dong, Seoul, South Korea. I've been here since the night of February 14. Week by week I've accrued more and more items in my room such as a hot plate, dishes, a desk, a chair, a laundry basket, and socks! But ah, the internet was the number one acquisition of them all. No more going to PC rooms at 2 AM to check my e-mail and discovering a billion emails in my Umich box.
My younger brother James over in Okie will come and vision in June apparently. He's already bought the tickets and everything. He'll stay for about three weeks come hell or high water. My primary concern is if he's gonna get bored or not. He's gonna need somebody around to translate for him or at least somebody who's gonna watch out for him (i.e. our big brother Jae Hyun or our mom). But anyway it's gonna be some cool beans for the whole family cuz he's the only one that really looks frighteningly like our father's brothers.
Ah... no plans for tonight. I caught a cold that's getting worse daily and it's making me lazy as hell. Sleep is probably in order because I didn't really fall unconscious last night until 4 AM. Then I overlslept for my first class as a result. Genius. I can't imagine my teacher will give me a very good grade since these teachers seem more interested in giving scores based on how they feel toward the student rather than their actual performance. Although... well I guess skipping class every week isn't very good performance.
Looks like I'll watch some anime that I downloaded then head off to sleepy land in mental preparation for tomorrow's tutoring. Here I go!


Journal 21


Watch out for the elderlies with canes.



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