Character Sketches #1, Sailor Mercury - Part I, "Mizuno the Senshi"
Chapter 2: In which the senshi encounter the fine points of public relations.

TOKYO (UPI)--The infamous Sailor Scouts are scheduled to hold a press conference at 4pm this afternoon at the Tokyo Hilton West, where they are to discuss their take on recent events.

The scouts, who went public some time ago, have said that they were besieged by requests for information, and were holding the conference to "clear up some matters," said Luna, an anonymous woman who called several local papers. She claims to be the Scouts public relations executive and said further, "we would appreciate less scrutiny upon the girls. And remember, they are girls."

Meanwhile, the White House issued a short statement today, saying, "...the President is monitoring events in Japan very closely, and is being kept apprised of things as they happen." When asked if Mr. Clinton sees the Scouts as a security concern for the United States, the press secretary refused to comment.

The senshi, minus Moon, walked to the blue-trimmed table and sat behind their respective nameplates. Looking at the table from the audience, from left to right, were Venus, Mercury, a vacant seat for Moon, Mars, and Jupiter. After some discussion, they had decided that it would be inadvisable to have Luna and Artemis attend, so they were stuck watching at home. After the obligatory blizzard of flashbulbs, Mars began.

"Well, we'd like to thank you for coming on such short notice-" here a bit of tongue-in-cheek humor at the three hundred press representatives who had shown up (they wouldn't have missed this for the Second Coming), "-and we'd like to apologize for Sailor Moon's lateness, she's probably stuck in traffic or something." Stuck in a kitchen more like it, she thought darkly. "OK, um, each of us has prepared a response to the single question we each think is most likely to be asked, and afterwards, we will answer as many questions as we see appropriate."

A number of people cleared their throats; what kind of press conference was this girl running?

"You should already have the release on the history of the Silver Millennium-" here she looked to the back of the room, where a PR flack nodded emphatically "-so we'll start with Sailor Venus."

More flashbulbs went off as Sailor Venus tapped her microphone. In an NHK trailer, a director ordered a close-up of the orange-clad sailor.

"OK, um, I'm Sailor Venus, as you all know, and the question I thought would be asked is this: am I Sailor V? Well, yes!" Here, she gave a trademark Sailor V pose. "I was Sailor V before the others-" gesture to the other senshi "-showed up, and things went pretty much as they did in the movie, except for a few things, which you can find in my book, available soon-"

At this point, Mars decided that this was no time for Venus to plug her authorized biography (ghostwritten by Artemis), and told her in no uncertain terms to be quiet.

But this wasn't the reason for the uproar that occurred just then. Sailor Moon, huffing and puffing, ran into the room to an applause of flashbulbs and cameras. Mars, forgetting her place, took the opportunity to give Sailor Moon a piece of her mind.

"USAGI NO BAKA! Here we are, the most important event ever, and you show up late! What's with you, odango-atama, get caught in a paper bag?" Sailor Mars looked out at the sea of photographers and reporters, who had had virtual orgasms at this development. She seemed to notice them for the first time, and cleared her throat. Fighting to hold on to her dignity, she concluded, "Ladies and gentlemen, Her Highness, Princess Serenity, formerly of the Moon Kingdom, and future Neo-Queen Serenity of Crystal Tokyo."

As if they had choreographed it, the other senshi rose as one and joined Mars as she went down on one knee in respect. To say that Sailor Moon was shocked would not do justice to her state at that time. First the outburst from Mars, then the implied apology, then the invocation of Usagi's royalty, and now the senshi treating her as if Queen Elizabeth had just waltzed in. She genuinely didn't know whether to trade insults, berate Mars for treating her like royalty (which, of course, she was), or sit regally in the center seat reserved for her, and allow the others to sit. Sailor Moon merely stood at the far end of the table.

From their part, the press didn't know what to do either. Their behavior was a strange amalgam of cultures. The BBC and CBC representatives stood and made a bow to Sailor Moon, much as they would to Elizabeth II. The American network people madly took pictures, royalty or not; there was a story here that knocked Fergie into a cocked hat, and it had to be covered. Many of the others, Japanese press included, merely remained silent.

A long minute passed. Finally, Sailor Moon came to a decision. Walking slowly and carefully (wouldn't do to klutz out now, Usagi thought), she strode to the center seat and touched Sailor Mars on the shoulder.

"You may rise."

Mars and the others rose, and resumed their seats, as Sailor Moon sat. After a moment or two of uncertainty, the British and Canadians sat as well, and the room gradually calmed down.

Sailor Mars gestured to her right. Taking her cue, Sailor Jupiter began. "OK, I'll get straight to the point. I'm not stupid, I surf the web, and I'm getting rid of these rumors right now. I. Am. Not. Gay. Nor. Am. I. Bisexual. I don't know where you get these ideas, but I read them, and they're wrong, okay? And some of those lemons--right, I'm finished."

"Bit defensive, aren't we?" shouted someone in the back of the room. Jupiter bristled.

"Look here, turkey," she raged, "you wanna say something to me, huh? I'll-" Here she was calmed by Mars's hand on her shoulder. "Give me your number, and we'll have a few words, pal." The wag shouted a number, at which many in the crowd laughed; they all recognized it as the number to the White House in the United States. Once this was explained to the senshi, they, too, were amused.

"Thank you, Sailor Jupiter. Now, Sailor Mercury."

"Right," said she, blinking at the flashbulbs, "the question I chose was why I don't have any real offensive weapons. Well, I think it's because I think better when I'm not on the front lines. I'm mainly a cerebral person, so I formulate plans of attack, something I think I do fairly well. (Pause) And that's all I have to say, except 'Hi Mom!'"

After the flashes died down, Sailor Mars spoke. "Well, it's my turn. To all those who have called in the last twenty-four hours, no, I will not marry you. Now, our leader, Sailor Moon!"

Now, the flashbulbs were positively blinding. Sailor Moon decided to get it over with quickly. "I have my hair like this because Queen Serenity did. Thank you."

Mars was unhappy; she'd hoped Moon would take longer. Oh, well, she thought. "We will now answer questions-" here she had to shout into her microphone to be heard over the roar of the crowd, "-starting with you, sir," as she pointed at a random face in the crowd.

"Um, why exactly did you--did you stay hidden for so long? Surely it would have been easier to go public along ago."

"We felt that secrecy would afford us the best chance at a normal life," said Mercury.

Sailor Jupiter continued for her. "Yeah, it was like, well, we have to be senshi, but that shouldn't mean that we give up our everyday lives, and not worry about being attacked when we're unprepared. Up until now, we had been getting along rather well like that. Now, I guess we're going to have to get used to life in a fishbowl."

Mars spoke up. "To be short, we hid so we could have a life. Next, please?"

"Yes, Carl Sagan, Astronomy magazine. Why haven't the various lunar expeditions found any evidence of this 'Moon Kingdom' referred to in the FAQ? Surely some ruins must remain, as there is no air to erode significant geological or archaeological features. Indeed, how did you survive without air, water, and heat?"

"Well, in my book I-"

"Our memories of the kingdom are sketchy," interrupted Mercury (she too was getting tired of Venus's plugs), "but I believe a sort of spell was used to preserve an atmosphere and to provide all that is necessary for life."

"Come now," said Sagan in a distinctly patronizing tone, "you don't expect us to believe such a theory as that. 'Magic' indeed. I-"

"I believe, Sagan-san, that our existence would provide sufficient evidence to confirm the existence of some new type of energy, an energy you are at a complete loss to explain. Haven't you ever heard of Clarke's law? And, my personal theory is that a magic similar to that which prevents--prevented people from recognizing us as senshi is also at work hiding the ruins of the Kingdom.

"And make no mistake. They are there. We've been there. And it was...sad."

Sagan was at a loss. Mars decided to give someone else a chance.

"Um yes, Robert Baker, London Times. Could I ask Miss Venus about her activities in England some time ago, and whether or not Londoners, and, I might add, the British in general, were, as some more sensational papers said, in any real danger?"

Sailor Venus thought for a moment, then answered. "I guess I could say yes and no. No, because I was there. I can tell you, everything there was under control." Artemis must be howling right now, she thought. "As long I was there, there was no danger to the public.

"But," and this was a very protracted but, "if I hadn't been there, there would have been some problems. Does that answer your question?"

"Err, yes, Miss Venus, but it raises another. Are we to believe that you received no assistance from your companions here? And is there any connection between that crime wave and the one currently taking place here in Tokyo? What is your evaluation of the current danger to the populace?"

The senshi were stumped by the last question. The first was quite simple, and Venus gave a quick response. However, the second was one they could not truly answer. They didn't know if it really *was* the Dark Kingdom returning with the attacks; Mercury was still working on it. And the third question was undoubtedly the toughest. How could you be truthful without panicking the public?

Sensing the growing awkwardness of the lull, Mars decided to give some double-talk a try. "At this time," she began, saying the words carefully, "we are still trying to figure out who or what is behind the recent youma attacks. Sailor Mercury is in the process of determining that. And, as to your third question...we choose not to answer it at this time."

This was, of course, the worst possible response. The media, formerly sympathetic to the senshi, now saw a bunch of girls holding back critical information pertaining to the safety of the city. Almost instantly, the room erupted with a dozen questions. Mars tried desperately to get things under control, but the damage was done.

It took a full five minutes for things to get under control, during which the broadcast organizations took commercial breaks, and got their news analysts on the line. Finally, things quieted down enough for Jupiter to bellow several very rude words. After that, things quieted down considerably.

Mars set about to salvage the situation. "Now by that refusal, I meant-"

"She meant," continued Sailor Moon, who had thus far been chiefly a spectator at the conference, "that we see no danger to the public at this time, provided that appropriate precautions are taken, such as staying away from youma battle areas, and not interfering with our work.

"For believe me, we have a lot of work to do in the coming weeks, and we do not need continued interference by the media. We will answer questions only when we see fit, and I can assure you that those occasions will be very rare indeed. But as long as people stay away from battles, the people of Tokyo should have nothing to fear."

Silence followed. Serenity, if you like. The other senshi just looked at their leader with a newfound admiration. Sailor Moon had spoken, but the words were straight from the mouth of Neo-Queen Serenity. She often swung erratically from ditz to queen, and she was definitely in a regal mode right now.

Another reporter stood. One thing, and one thing only, kept him from being completely cowed by Sailor Moon's words. His nationality.

"Yes, Peter Vehorsic, ABC news. Why have you focused so much on affairs in Japan, when there are so many other areas of the world which demand your attention?"

Since Sailor Venus was the only senshi who could understand the reporter's English (Mercury knew some English, true, but she couldn't decipher his bizarre American accent), she responded. "Well, firstly, it would be nice to speak Japanese so my friends could understand you! Now, we've always felt that we were a sort of last resort. Things like crime (usually), and so forth, we decided could best be dealt with by the proper authorities. More important, supernatural matters, such as youma attacks, are our turf. And the reason we don't go overseas is mainly because we've never had to. All the attacks have been in Japan, and so for the most part we've stayed here."

After Venus took the time to translate the question, and its answer, into Japanese for the benefit of the other Senshi, Mars motioned for another reporter.

"Why the sailor fuku? I mean, there's got to be a more useful uniform than short skirts. Surely-"

"You're right. Whoever thought them up was either a lunatic or a hentai," said Moon.

"Or both," added Mars.

"Um, I'd like for you to clarify what was meant by a remark you made some time ago. Um, Miss Mars, you referred to Sailor Moon as Queen of Crystal Tokyo, did you not?"

"Uh, I guess I did. Why?"

"I'd just like to know if Miss Tsukino has some claim to rule Tokyo, or Japan. I mean, we've seen your...impressive...abilities, and I believe more than a few of us would like to know if you plan on instating a new government. You are, no doubt, aware that a number of sources have you as readying for a coup d'etat to install yourselves as rulers of Japan. Your comments?"

"Well, ladies and gentlemen, I think it's time for us to be going. The FAQ has been made available: please remember that we still don't know a lot about the Moon Kingdom. Any further questions can be printed in the papers; we will answer them when we can. Good day."

Sailor Moon's reply, though perfunctory, made the point quite clear.

The senshi then filed out into the small anteroom they had been provided with as a refuge from the cacophony of questions coming from the audience. The door shut, allowing the senshi to detransform and collapse into the chairs in the sparsely furnished room, unseen by the cameras.