This suburbanite clone of Evil Dead II starts with a married couple (including the great Fred Willard!) as they are murdered by an unseen killer. The next morning, their son Anton (who shall be referred to as "Scooter") goes about his slacker ways, completely unaware of his parents' absence. According to the news, there's a killer on the loose in Scooter's cozy little town (but he's completely unaware of THAT too), but all he cares about is trying to bang the bitch next door (you know, one of those REALLY fuckable chicks who you'd have to get REALLY drunk and blackmail them before they'd go out with a guy like Scooter in reality).
Elsewhere, Vivica Fox is on the hunt. For what? Bah, if you've seen the previews, then you probably already know, Bosephus! Later on, Scoots and his friends (Seth Green and some fat guy) stumble upon the dead 'rents during a strenuous routine of getting stoned and watching cartoons. All of the clues point to Scoot as being the culprit, and that's when we are introduced to Scoot's Evil Dead II rip-off appendage: his hand is possessed by Satan. It then proceeds to jam a broken bottle into Seth's skull and cuts Fatty's head off with a circular saw blade! Then, Scooter’s hand does what he never had the balls to do: stumble over to Molly's house and goose her! But, lucky for Scoot, Molly's a MAJOR slut and jumps his young bone... I hate that little bastard... lucky little fuck. All I ever get is a spray of mace!
Anyway, Scoot has to tie his hand up to keep it from strangling Molly, but at least he gets a piece of her sweet sweet can (“So Mr. Simpson, you admit you grabbed her can...”)! After he gets laid (probably his first piece ever), Scoot goes home and buries his friends and his 'rents in the backyard. But, Seth and Fatty aren't too interested in the great beyond (they don't get Cinemax in Hell after all), so they both return to their bodies (amazingly decomposed at this point) and are now zombies... boy, this is FAR too Evil Dead II for them to escape copyright infringement! Guess the producers are lucky that Sam Raimi can't afford a lawyer in these pre-Spider-Man days...
Now the three amigos do what they did BEFORE all this happened: sit around and watch TV while getting stoned. Only difference this time is that Scoot has taken up knitting on the advice from a local gear head 80's refugee in a Quiet Riot shirt who told him that "idle hands are the devil's playground". So, in theory, if Scoots can keep his hand busy it won't be able to kill anyone else. This works for about 2 minutes before he kills a pair of cops using a knitting needle and their own tazers!
That's it, Scoots can't take anymore, so to keep with the ED II plagiarism, our hero cuts his hand off (it was cooler when done with a chainsaw, but it's funnier when done with an electric turkey carver heh heh)... at this point, all I could think of was "if he replaces his hand with that turkey carver, I'm shutting it off". After severing the demonic appendage, Scoots fries it in the microwave and Seth reattaches Fatty's head with a BBQ fork and duct tape. But, the hand is STILL alive and escapes to wreak more havoc as Vivica Fox finally makes it to town, enlisting the help of the guy in the Quiet Riot shirt to go mano-a-mano demonico with the unholy appendage. This leads to the school dance, where Offspring is playing (they're THAT desperate for work?!) and Dexter (the lead singer and guitarist) gets scalped!
After a chase through the ventilation ducts, we have the final showdown in the school auto shop, where Seth and Fatty get the hand stoned (with the muffler/bong "Mighty Joe Bong" and a hand puppet), and Fox pins it to Seth's undead chest with a ritualistic knife (will the infringement NEVER end?!) and it goes up in a poof. But, Scoots still winds up crushed under a car! But (x2), he blows off Heaven so he can tap some more of Molly's sweet ass! Fatty and Seth decide to give in though, as they make the ascension, only to become Scoot's guardian angels afterwards.
Like I said, this was an obvious rip-off of Evil Dead II, but at least it was an amusing one. Also, the soundtrack kicked MUCH ass. And I leave you on this note: the only real problem with a possessed hand, is arguing with it over the TV remote. Thank you and goodnight.
The Moral of the Story: Satan likes to dick around random stoners by possessing their hands and making them kill people. Oh yeah, and if you think chicks dig guys with scars, it takes a dude with a stump for a hand to get Jessica Alba's face in your lap.
H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. Rating: 
- It's stupid and unoriginal but it's
fun stupid and unoriginal. It's got jokes that work and an energy that keeps the pace flowing nicely. Gore and violence are always fun too, so as much as my inner movie snob wants to say no, I gotta recommend it!
If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: Evil Dead II or
Bride of Chucky
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