The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl (2005) - Nix Eclipse travels the land of PG childrens' superhero fantasy in Robert Rodriguez's 3-D kiddie movie about a kid whose fantasy heroes come to life to save him from George Lopez!
Aerobicide (1986) - Fistula fends off personal terror and sweaty spandex clad crotch shots when he defends himself from this personal attack by Anubis about a murder mystery at a health spa.
Alien Contamination (1983) - Ragnarok finds oozing green alien eggs in his imported coffee when smugglers start trafficking in gore spewing alien parasites!
Alone in the Dark (2005) - NutJob has an Uwe Boll movies forced upon her by Nix as Christian Slater stars in this horror movie video game adaptation about alien monster conspiracies or something. It's Uwe Boll, that's all you need to know...
The Alpha Incident (1978) - Ragnarok learns that not all Bill Rebane movies are necessarily a death sentence as he takes in this Martian virus plague movie that plays out like The Andromeda Strain... in Wisconsin.
Altered (2006) - Ragnarok goes snipe huntin' with a bevy of hillbillies only to wind up playing Reservoir Dogs with an alien lifeform as the shit hits the fan courtesy of that guy who directed The Blair Witch Project.
The Amazing Screw-On Head (2006) - Anubis witnesses one of the few original Sci-Fi Channel productions not to make his guts twist in agony when the creator of Hellboy brings us another delightful oddity with this animated pilot based on the graphic novel about a disembodied head battling the forces of evil for Abe Lincoln!
The Amazing Transplant (1971) - Dodging Grunge is amazed not so much by the transplant in question (a penis that drives its new owner to rape and murder), but by the daring queen of trash cinema that created this ode to bad taste: Doris Wishman!
Ankle Biters (2002) - Anubis fends off the advances of a small army (in every sense of the word...) of 3ft tall bloodsuckers and their big fat juggernaut of superhuman size and strength as they try to transform the human race into vampires too.
A.P.E.X. (1994) - Ragnarok wades through one of the many "killer toaster from tomorrow" movies those damnable '90s heaped upon us... damn them.
Are You Scared? (2006) - Anubis follows the mysterious Shadow Man as he captures attractive twenty-somethings and puts their lives in danger for fabulous prizes. This is the cinematic version of a Saw 2 copycat killer...
Atomic Rulers (1964) - Ragnarok shakes hands with the Japanese super hero from outer space, Prince of Space Starman, as he battles gangsters and 8-year-olds for the atomic safety of the world!
Ator the Fighting Eagle (1982) - Ragnarok takes up his sword and cute bear cub sidekick to kill evil spider worshippers in the "classic" Italian Conan knock-off!
Attack of the Supermonsters (1982) - Ragnarok travels to a future where puppet dinosaurs battle military super science toys and try to eat animated people! This craziness is followed up with a mini bonus review for an episode of "the Backyardigans"... don't mock it boys and girls, when you're a parent, this kinda shit could save your love life.
Attack of the Supermonsters (1982) - Anubis gives his take on the fire-breathing hand puppets and their battle with the toys and toons of the Gemini Force.
The Attic Expeditions (2001) - Anubis injests black magic, mental trickery and scientific manipulations along with Seth Green, Ted Raimi and the always adjective worthy Jeffrey Combs.
Back From Hell (1993) - Anubis gets a pleasant surprise from a home video horror flick about a lumpy, washed up Hollywood actor who teams up with his long time preacher pal to battle the forces of Beelzebub... and a crotch attacking demon bible.
The Beast That Killed Women (1965) - Ragnarok watches the boobies bounce when an all-women nudist colony is attacked by a (guy in a realy lame) killer ape (costume)!
Berserk! (1967) - NutJob and Joan Crawford try to solve the mystery of who keeps killing off the performers at the deadliest place on Earth: the circus!
Beyond the Bermuda Triangle (1975) - Ragnarok finds himself sadly bored and lacking in boobage when he plops down this Playboy Pictures production starring the absent minded professor and the first victim of the "Diff'rent Strokes" curse: Dana Plato!
B-Fest 2007 (2007) - Ragnarok recounts his time at the 2007 celebration of bad movies known as B-Fest.
B-Fest 2007 (2007) - Fistula gives his recap of the 2007 installment of the annual bad movie festival.
Big Trouble In Little China (1986) - NutJob goes for broke when Kurt Russell and John Carpenter team-up yet again, this time to do battle in an ancient Chinese supernatural gang war! Keep on trucking, kids.
Bizarre (1970) - Nix brings us a movie that truly lives up to it's name as our humble narrator (a centuries old mummy) regales us with weird stories of sexual consequences and titties. Lots o' titties.
Blackadder: Back & Forth (1999) - Anubis travels through time and space with the "Blackadder" crew in this millenium reunion special that puts a final touch on the short-lived classic British sitcom.
Black Christmas (2006) - Nix takes in some holiday cheer (of the prescription kind) and watches yet another Hollywood remake of a '70s cult horror flick, this one about a closet roaming killer and their sorority house stabbing meat.
Black Sheep (2006) - Anubis asks you not to confuse this movie with the David Spade-Chris Farley movie of the same name. This one has a lot more ravenous mutant sheep in it... and it was shot in New Zealand.
The Blade Master (1984) - Ragnarok follows Italian sword-swinger Ator as he heroes his ass through another epic quest through the lands of high adventure, this time without his beloved bear cub partner as he tries to prevent a race of primitive men from discovering atomic weapons!
Blood Beach (1981) - Anubis heads for the beach when people start disappearing, sucked into the shifting sands and pissing off John Saxon and Burt Young!
Blood Freak (1972) - Anubis takes a hit and downs some Tryp before watching this Christian scare film about the horrible mutations caused by marijuana and science!
Bride of Boogedy (1987) - Anubis sleeps through the lackluster sequel to one of his childhood favorites in this horribly overweight Disney feature that sees the return of the evil Pilgrim known as Boogedy.
Bug Buster (1998) - Ragnarok goes through the segmented motions in another big bug flick, this one featuring Randy Quaid, Downtown Julie Brown and half the cast of 'Star Trek'... take that as you will.
Burial Ground (1981) - Anubis wades through another cookie-cutter Italian zombie flick... with one very important and entirely disturbing twist.
Cabin Fever (2001) - Anubis is shocked to find that he actually enjoys Eli Roth's first outing behind the camera... disturbingly so. The sidekick from 'Boy Meets World' and his college buddies go to a cabin in the woods (which never ends well) and find pain and doom in the form of flesh eating bacteria! PANCAKES!
Cannibal Holocaust (1980) - Ragnarok originally did this review on one of horror's most infamous features as a paper for a legitimate college course! Hey, it's only fare that people whould get some kind of credit for watching Ruggero Deodato's cinematic brutality and trying to defend it as a legitimate editorial on the relationship between man and woman in modern society... with cannibals.
Cat People (1982) - Ragnarok gets out the cat nip and rubber mouse toys when a creepy brother-sister couple deal with such modern day "real life" topics as incest and werecats. It's the ultimate after-school special that every parents should use to educate their kids.
The Cellar (1990) - Ragnarok tempts the fury of the Commanche Hellbeast as he reviews this flick from Kevin Tenney: the guy responsible for Night of the Demons and Pinocchio's Revenge... could go either way.
Cemetery Gates (2006) - Nix brings us another example of the old "how the mighty have fallen" adage when Reggie Bannister shares the screen with a mutant Tasmanian Devil... betcha just thought they were found in Warner Bros. cartoons didn't ya?
Cheerleader Camp (1987) - Millionaire Waltz goes away to the summer camp that all the popular kids (and the people who like to violently murder them) go to: Cheerleader Camp! Can the bubbleheaded co-eds figure out who it is that trying to kill them all before he or she can, well, kill them all?!
Cheerleader Ninjas (2002) - Anubis watches the clique wars get dangerous when cheerleaders, bad girls and geeks get embroiled in a plot to subvert the web and turn the world into ZOMBIE SLAVES OF THE INTERNET!
Chillers (1987) - Nix puts up with yet another needless anthology movie, this time suffering through the pointless randomness of five senseless tales straight from the bad movie toilet.
Cigarette Burns (2005) - Ragnarok embraces the dark side of video nasties with this John Carpenter submission for the first season of Showtime's "Masters of Horror" series as rare film collector Udo Kier hires a down-on-his-luck movie fan to track down a Biblical snuff film.
Corn (2004) - Ragnarok finds a creepy incest environmentalist movie in Food of the Gods clothing when scietifically tampered corn leads to FDA nightmares.
Creep (2004) - Ragnarok continues his strangle hold on the letter 'C' with this C.H.U.D. clone from the UK. Avoid any and all mutant albinos when on the subways kids.
Cruel Jaws (1995) - Anubis wrestles man-eating stock footage of a killer shark when a small beach community becomes the buffet for a hungry tiger shark. Can a nerd, a crippled girl, the town sheriff, and a Viking guy who looks like Hulk Hogan's weaker brother hope to stop the monster?!
Dagon (2001) - Anubis loves him a good H.P. Lovecraft movie, but he loves him a good Lovecraft movie even more when it's in capable hands! Probably the only hands to truly fit into this catagory (those of Stuart Gordon and Dennis Paoli) put their magic touch to two of Uncle Howie's wackiest fish tales in Dagon.
Dark Tower (1987) - Ragnarok joins forces with Michael Moriarty to save a corporate exec from the vengeful spirit of her murdered husband... who's possessed her office building!
Death Curse of Tartu (1966) - Ragnarok heads to the everglades to party with some canoodling teens whose burning loins awaken a shapeshifting zombie shaman with a taste for canoodling teens!... Canoodle!
Death Machine (1995) - Nix fights giant corporate killer robots from the future when a disgruntled Brad Dourif unleashes his psycho-death-bot on those who would try go get him fired from his cushy job!... uhm, from the future!
Death Note (2006) - Anubis heads across the pond for one of last biggest yen earners when he reviews this import copy of the live-action movie based on the popular Japanese comic of the same name. What happens when a teenage kid gets his hands on absolute power? Well, why not read the review and find out!?
Deep Space (1987) - Ragnarok falls into Fred Olen Ray's trap when he watches a crappy retread of the crapmeister's Biohazard crapsterpiece. Crap.
Deranged (1974) - Fistula confronts real life killers in this slasher adaptation of the life and times of Ed Gein that just so happened to be released the same year as a more popular Gein influenced tale...
The Devil's Cabaret (1930) - Anubis goes WAAAAAAAAAAAAY back in history to dig up this musical comedy short that follows Satan's number one recruiter Mr. Burns as he tries to drum up some more business for the Lake of Fire.
The Devil's Nightmare (1971) - Anubis goes on holiday in Germany with a tour bus full of souls for Satan's pallet pleasure as seven sinners are killed off for enjoying life a little too much.
The Devil's Rejects (2005) - Nix Eclipse checks out Rob Zombie's sequel to his much maligned House of 1000 Corpses as Captain Spaulding, Otis and Baby are back to lay siege to sanity and good taste.
Doctor Strange (2007) - Ragnarok checks out the animated adaptation of the adventures of the comic book world's greatest mystic when Stephen Strange learns that when the doctor is "in", it mean "in a lot of dangerous demonic shit"!
Don't Go in the Woods... Alone! (1982) - Ragnarok goes camping with a serial killer in a Utah born backwoods '80s slasher, thrust upon him by the deviant NutJob in an effor to make Ragnarok's summer a painful one.
Don't Panic (1989) - Millionaire Waltz joins the Tomb with her introductory review for a Dirty Sanchez of a movie that follows the tried and failed formula of teens screwing around with an evil Ouija Board. Parker Brothers: bringing you gateways to Hell since 1966.
Doom (2005) - Nix Eclipse is pleasantly surprised to see Karl Urban and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson fight Martian mutants on, well, Mars. Based (kinda) on the game o' the same name.
Doom House (2005) - Nix takes a trip to a real estate nightmare in this original short from the fine folks at somethingawful.com about a less-than-capable guy whose new home is haunted by a creepy doll.
Drive-In Massacre (1976) - Ragnarok fights the evils of boredom and the perils of utter crap movie making to bring to you this tale of a drive-in slasher... and a whole lot of pointless nothing.
Dust Devil: the Final Cut (1992/2006) - Nix reaches movie-lover orgasm when a 14 year wait for the director's cut of Dust Devil finally sees the light of day! An African myth comes to life when a shapeshifting demon decides to start hitchhiking across the country. As you can imagine, the plans he has for those stupid enough to give him a ride aren't very pleasant...
Earth Vs. the Spider (2001) - Ragnarok suffers yet another "in name only" type remake in this made-for-Showtime original from trash master Samuel Arkoff and FX guru Stan Winston about a loser security guard who discovers the downside of trying to rip-off Spider-Man.
The Eerie Midnight Horror Show (1974) - Anubis witnesses yet another Exorcist poseur from Italy, this one with a ridiculous title, some crazy visuals, chicks getting whipped with thorny rose stems and one very horny statue.
The Embalmer (1965) - Anubis hits the early days of the Giallo scene with this early Italian murder "mystery" about a newspaper reporter-slash-tourist guide-slash-vigilante who's trying to stop a scuba gear wearing serial killer who stalks the women of Venice... and turns them into life-sized Barbies.
Escape From Hellhole (1983) - Ragnarok plays warden to an Indonesian prison full of women on their way to the ol' sex slave marketplace. Of course there's always gotta be one girl who has to start trouble and rock the boat, so he'll have to keep an eye on her...
Escape From L.A. (1996) - Nix follows muy macho action hero guy Snake Plissken as he's forced to raid the island prison of Los Angeles to stop a new bad guy from shutting down the Earth's electrical systems!
Evil Bong (2006) - Anubis came for Tommy Chong and the cameos by Tim Thomerson, Phil Fondacaro and Bill Moseley, but he stayed to ridicule a Full Moon throw away about a soul stealing bong... and cuz he didn't have anything else to do today.
Evil Breed: the Legend of Samhain (2003) - NutJob travels to Ireland with a stable of disposable twenty-something fodder to wine and dine with incest cannibal Druids!
Evil Dead: the Musical (2006) - Anubis witnesses the funniest, most creative off-broadway horror-comedy show since "Master Sardu's White Girl Torture Revue"! Based mostly on the first two movies (and a little on Army of Darkness in the finale), this is a song-and-dance, blood-and-gore, chainsaws-and-severed-limbs romp that kicks the collective asses of Cats and Les Miserables!
Evil Laugh (1988) - Nix witnesses a train wreck of '80s slasher cinema when Scott Baio's brother Steve shows us his Evil Laugh... and pees on people.
Exorcism: the Possession of Gale Bowers (2006) - Fistula pisses holy water all over this third rate Exorcist rip-off that lives up to the "movies based on 'true stories' invariably eat shit and are about as true as Lindsey Lohan's chest ornaments" creedo.
Fantastic Four (1994) - Nix Eclipse braves cosmic rays, Dr. Doom and Roger Corman himself to sucker punch this unreleased '90s sleeper that could very well have ruined any and all hope for comic book based movies had it been allowed into the mainstream!
Fearless Hyena (1979) - Anubis is pleasantly surprised when he witnesses the directorial debut of Jackie Chan and the Chanmonster also stars in this tale of a lazy, no account young man who learns a hard lesson and gets stabbed repeatedly by an old guy's fingers.
Feast (2005) - Anubis reviews the by-product of "Project Greenlight"'s third and final season, as Clu Gulager's son conveys the tale of a group of strangers stuck in a bar fight off a family of man-eating sex monsters!
Feed (2005) - Ragnarok reviews the exploits of a "plays by his own rules" Interpol agent who treks to the US to stumble through a 90-minute homage to the "Gluttony" sequence in Seven. Fat chicks, internet gambling and completely unlikable characters? How can you go wrong?!
Fido (2006) - Anubis finally gets what he's been waiting for when the "boy & his zombie" reaches his talons. Think of it as Lassie meets Night of the Living Dead. (Manson) Family fun for everyone!
Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children (2005) - Anubis orders yet another dish from the "style over substance" menu and fails to learn his lesson yet again in this animated sequel to the 1997 video game hit.
Fist of Power (1987) - Ragnarok journeys to the land of pasta and other Italian stereotypes to go mano-a-mano with yet another terribly executed rip-off of US cinema. If only someone would have told them that The Karate Kid sucked bad enough in the first place, maybe they wouldn't have gone through all the effort to make it even worse!
Forest (1994) - Nix Eclipse bares his soul to us in this short music-video-of-sorts he made for film school many years ago. Odd, interesting and featuring shadow puppety goodness. It's not often a director gets to critique his own work, so see it now!
Forest (1994) - Anubis (with an assist from Beena and NutJob) tackles Nix's student short film music video thingy in the first instance of one (or rather three) Tomb reviewer(s) critiquing another reviewer's work!
Forever Evil (1987) - Nix fights off an evil real estate agent and a variety of "budget friendly" menaces as unsuspecting friends are attacked by sinister forces in the middle of nowhere. The bad movie created by infamous bad movie critic Freeman "Dr. Freex" Williams!
Frankenstein Conquers the World (1965) - Ragnarok gets the Pay-Per-View event of 1965 when the irradiated heart of the Frankenstein Monster travels to Japan and regenerates itself into a colossal titan of misshapen terror to go mano-a-claw with the burrowing prehistoric lizard-badger thing known as Baragon!
Freaked (1993) - Nix bathes in the monstrous special effects make-up wonder and glory of this cult classic freak show flick starring Alex "Bill & Ted" Winter and a posse of b-list cameos. Fun for everybody!
Freak Out (2004) - Nix learns that it doesn't take more than $10 and some bad movie humor to make a beautiful movie when he witnesses this super-independent story about two morons trying to train a vegetarian mental patient how to be a slasher.
Freddy Vs. Jason (2003) - Dodging Grunge gets front row seats for the commercialized horror movie battle of the century when Elm Street dream slasher Freddy Krueger clashes with super zombie summer camp stalker Jason Voorhees in a slash and smash contest of champions 10 years in the making.
F3: Frantic, Frustrated & Female (1994) - Anubis takes a "hands on" approach to hentai with the first of a trilogy centering around a young woman who seeks the mythical ancient treasure known as the female orgasm.
F3 Part II (1995) - Anubis continues along with young Hiroe on her journey to reach sexual satisfaction. In this episode, she becomes the slave of domineering lesbians!... and there's a lot of confusion of how our heroine relates to some of the characters.
F3 Part III: Night of the Living F3 (1996) - Anubis watches Hiroe's story come to an end. But, will it end in self-indulging pleasure, or just a lot of awkward sex with a haunted blow-up doll?
Galaxy Invader (1985) - Ragnarok plays witness to an exchange of ideas (and buckshot) between great minds when a rubber alien gets stranded in the Heartland in this hillbilly movie that couldn't even afford the proverbial shoestring. Hey, at least they don't show him the Ned Beatty treatment... or do they?!
Giant Spider Invasion (1975) - Anubis faces down his kinda-but-not-really nemesis Bill Rebane as he watches Alan Hale act with his tongue in this Packers lovin' cheeseball festival of, well, just look at the title. It pretty much explains it all.
The Glove (1979) - Anubis discos through the '70s with John Saxon as he hunts the deadliest bounty: Rosey Grier armed with riot gear. He just calls it his "Grier Gear", it's easier that way.
Godzilla: Final Wars (2004) - It's a battle royale of Destroy All Monsters proportions when Anubis reviews a bootleg of the last Godzilla movie. Warning: review written prior to there being a translated version of the movie available and is only an account of what Anubis presumed was going on...
Godzilla Vs. the Sea Monster (1966) - Dodging Grunge introduces himself to the Tomb with his take on the big lizard's classically bad tropical vacation as he plays volleyball with a giant lobster and squashes a terrorist bomb factory! Special guest appearance by Mothra.
The Gore Gore Girls (1972) - Fistula says goodbye to HG Lewis as the Gorefather goes into cinematic seclusion following this bloodsoaked murder mystery about a killer who sets their eyes on none-too-attractive local strippers.
The Gorgon (1964) - Ragnarok unearths one of the oft overlooked gems of the Hammer House o' Horrors when the legendary snake-haired ghouls of lore meet Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing!
The Great Yokai War (2006) - Anubis witnesses the first "kids movie" from Japanese lunatic Takashi Miike as a boy and his phantom associates fight an evil guy who only wears one glove and his army of world destroying killer robot monsters.
The Green River Killer (2005) - Fistula tortures himself with yet another sub-standard "based on a true story" serial killer movie, this time based on the serial prostitute strangler Gary Ridgway a.k.a. The Green River Killer... as if you couldn't figure that part out yourself.
The Greenskeeper (2002) - Fistula takes one for the team when he sticks bamboo chutes under his fingernails... well, he sits through John Rocker and Kip Winger in The Greenskeeper, which is almost as painful.
The Grim Reaper (1980) - Anubis shakes hands with a flaming machine gun of disappointment when he finds out just how "not all it's cracked up to be" this infamous Joe D'Amato video nasty really is. Stranded friends are chased by a crazed cannibal. You'd think that'd be enough...
The Gruesome Twosome (1967) - Fistula sits back and enjoys a little relaxation time with goremeister H.G. Lewis as a mother and son work to keep their wig store well stocked with wigs made of real hair... donated by less than willing colleg co-eds!
Guinea Pig 2: Flowers of Flesh and Blood (1985) - Millionaire Waltz heads to the land of wind and ghosts to expose herself to the supposed snuff film that got Charlie Sheen's panties in a bunch! Is a demented samurai really dissecting a living, breathing woman, or is it really just a movie?... don't be stupid, just read the review.
Guinea Pig 3: He Never Dies (1986) - Millionaire Waltz draws her sword on another entry in the infamous Japanese "Guinea Pig" series! This time a depressive Joe Schmoe type learns that he can neither die nor feel pain and uses his powers for personal amusement.
Guinea Pig 4: Mermaid In a Manhole (1988) - Millionaire Waltz wades through the gore and bile for this fourth installment in the infamous Japanese "Guinea Pig" series that finds an artist looking for inspiration in the sewers instead finding a new, cheaper alternative for acrylic paint...
Halloween (2007) - Nix nukes Rob Zombie's remake of the John Carpenter slasher granddaddy as Michael Myers gets a bad childhood and a psychological disorder to explain his love of murder and mayhem.
Halloween (2007) - Guest reviewer Quill joins his partner-in-crime Nix in the utter decimation of Rob Zombie's career when the horror rock monster mistakenly molests a holy grail of horror.
Harry Knuckles and the Pearl Necklace (2004) - Anubis joins secret agent Spanish Fly on his third death defying mission against a radioactive cyborg sasquatch and *gasp* his evil brother: Fuzzy Knuckles! Now, if only it weren't so damn long...
Harry Knuckles and the Treasure of the Aztec Mummy (1999) - Anubis watches Harry Knuckles and his bloated partner El Santo team-up to battle the evil undead forces of an ancient Aztec mummy and a suspenders wearing corporate powerhouse!
Hatchet (2006) - Anubis wrassles an inbred maniac serial killer in the Louisiana swamps with a group of New Orleans tourists who all die in painful, violent fashion.
Hellboy: Sword of Storms (2006) - Anubis witnesses the first attempt at bringing Mike Mignola's cult favorite spook hunter to animated form as Hellboy heads to Japan to fight two weather controlling demons and a world of Japanese mythology.
Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005) - Nix Eclipse is strapped down by Fistula and forced to watch one of the Hellraiser franchise's worst entries when Lance Henriksen kills sexy teens with a little help from Pinhead and a video game...
Hellraiser Quadruple Feature (2000-2005) - Fistula fights on as he wages battle with all four direct-to-video Hellraiser sequels at once! Inferno? Check. Hellseeker? Check. Deader and Hellworld? Double Check. Bring on the pain children.
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986) - Fistula embraces the dark side in this semi-realistic telling of the life and crimes of infamous pervo serial killer Henry Lee Lucas and the equally disturbing supporting characters in his fucked up life.
Hercules (1983) - Ragnarok gets another taste of Italy when he pours over volumes of forgotten lore with Lou Ferrigno, who takes the legend of Hercules into new territories... Biblical and robotic territories!
Hercules Against the Moon Men (1964) - Anubis travels back to ancient Greece to do Ambrosia shots with the half-human son of Zeus as he works on turning a race of stone golems from the Moon (and their throbbing cabbage) into Fruity Pebbles before they can destory the planet!
The Hills Have Eyes (2006) - Nix Eclipse tastes flesh with a pre-release review of the new update of Wes Craven's classic family values tale of hungry atomic cannibals and the most unfortunate family of travelers this side of the Griswolds!
The H-Man (1958) - Anubis goes hunting with the folks at Toho as they search for a mutant slime monster called the H-Man who torments Tokyo with his snot-like consistency and the ability to dissolve people while leaving behind their clothes, clean as new and smelling like a meadow on a spring afternoon!
Hood of the Living Dead (2005) - Nix and NutJob join forces to double team this miserable direct-to-video feature that tries to blend the semi-popular response to Leprechaun In Tha' Hood with the always amusing genre of flesh eating zombie plagues... and fucks it up entirely.
Horrors of War (2006) - Anubis heads back in time to Nazi controlled France to fight werewolves and zombies with the Allied forces in a movie that shouldn't have sucked nearly as bad as it did.
The Host (2006) - Beena introduces herself to the Tomb with a very happy experience, reviewing the South Korean giant monster comedy-horror-scifi flick that's found it's way into the hearts of many.
House of the Dead (2003) - Based on a shooting game that wasn't exactly rich in plot to begin with, the diabolical emissary of cinemassochism known as Uwe Boll projectile vomits his dead mother's feces all over Anubis in the form of this soul raping tripe about a group of idiot twenty-somethings partying on an island swarming with undead Conquistadores.
House of Wax (2005) - Nix lives out the dream of watching Paris Hilton die! Unfortunately for him though, he also sat through the rest of the movie too...
Humanoids From the Deep (1996) - Anubis fends off mutant salmon death row convicts looking to impregnate unwilling brides alongside a guy who takes his fashion tips from a certain Texas Ranger and a kid who wishes he was Chris O'Donnell. If you thought Roger Corman movies were bad, discover how bad a remake of a Roger Corman movie is...
Ichi the Killer: Episode 0 (2002) - Anubis introduces fans of the infamous Takeshi Miike movie to this animated prequel that shows us just how Ichi came about his deadly moniker. Not as good as the live-action movie, but still worth a look by fans. Featuring the voice of Takeshi Miike even!
Idiocracy (2006) - Anubis finds out if Mike Judge can mix his usual social commentary style of humor with a "Futurama" setting when a mild mannered army man (Luke Wilson) winds up in a future full of morons.
The Incredibly Strange Ceatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies (1973) - Ragnarok heads to the carnival and takes in the sideshow as a man-hating gypsy hypnotizes beatniks and turns them into acid scarred monsters just itching to go on a rampage. It's all a sad attempt to make a movie out of "Steppenwolf"...
Invasion of the Bee Girls (1973) - Ragnarok is seduced by the mutant bee girls who mate before they KILL! Science gone wrong because a lonely scientist just wanted to make some working Spanish Fly...
The Iron Warrior (1987) - Ragnarok tackles the third (and considered by many to be the final) installment of the mighty Italian swords and sandals series of Ator movies. In this installment, Ator helps a kidnapped princess fight an evil sorceress and his own brainwashed killer twin brother!
Isolation (2005) - Ragnarok travels across the pond to be freaked out by bloodthirsty Irish cow worm mutants in a surprisingly good (and not surprisingly disturbing) monster movie from the crap weather capital of the world.
I Spit on Your Grave (1978) - Fistula pits two of the most infamous revenge flicks of the '70s against each other! Who will win, I Spit on Your Grave or Last House on the Left?! Either way, we all win...
I Was a Teenage Vending Machine (1993) - Nix Eclipse reviews another of his own creations, this time in a short about a guy who turns into a vending machine... for some reason... just read the review.
Jabberwocky (1977) - Ragnarok follows Terry Gilliam and Michael Palin as they break away from the norm to do a non-Monty Python feature. This one's about a hapless would-be barrel maker in the dredges of plague-infested Medieval England and a certain escapee from "Alice's Adventures Through the Looking Glass".
Jaws: the Revenge (1987) - Nix Eclipse wrestles with the not-so-great white in this absurd fourth and final entry in the killer shark series that sees "Bruce" follow his prey to... the fucking Bahamas. Poor, poor Michael Caine.
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001) - Ragnarok embarks on a Biblical journey of vampires, a fat masked Mexican wrestler and a newer, hipper Christian savior!
Jive Turkey (1974) - Anubis learns what it's like to be that kid on Christmas who gets coal in his stocking when what should have been an entertaining gangster festival of Italian mobsters vs. African-American hoodlums instead plops against the floor like so much rectal smoothie. WORST BLAXPLOITATION MOVIE EVER!
Jungle Virgin Force (1983) - Ragnarok treks into the Idonesian movie jungles to confront a team of revolting native babes and the tribe of lightning bolt summoning chauvenists against whom they're rebelling! There's some diamond hunters or something in there somewhere too...
Junior (2002) - Fistula reviews what starts off as the potential for a pleasant surprise, only to have it blow up in his face like so much rocketing sewage firing out of an exploding toilet. And here I was hoping the Belgians could make their retarded killer movies as good as their much loved waffles...
Karate Warriors (1974) - Ragnarok stares down Sonny Chiba's crazy kill stare of skull exploding doom as the legendary street fighter returns to beat up drug dealers and a death dealing Samurai!
Kibakichi (2003) - Ragnarok brings us a tale of the far east, as a lupine samurai must save a town of mischief making demons from the flaming right hand of man and his super gatling gun technology! But, are the demons really worth bothering over?
Kottontail (2004) - Nix gets "hopping mad" when he forces himself to sit through this pointless (thouh Easter appropriate) no-budget bunny tale or horror and bad writing. Bring your buckshot!
Kung-Fu Kids Break Away (1980) - Anubis witnesses a true rarity in the movie business: a flick centering on child heroes that doesn't suck! Can the kung-fu kids save themselves and their village from an evil crime boss? Maybe with a little help from their new vigilante pal Eagle they can!
The Kung-Fu Rascals (1992) - Anubis follows Steve Wang (also the movie's director and writer) as he and two friends seek lost treasure and fight a pig man and Les Claypool of Primus! Now with 200% more giant fighting stone idols!
Last House on the Left (1972) - Fistula pits two of the most infamous revenge flicks of the '70s against each other! Who will win, I Spit on Your Grave or Last House on the Left?! Either way, we all win...
The Last Slumber Party (1987) - Nix tests the limits of his cinemasochism with this pathetic home video slasher that makes Evil Laugh seem like a fond memory!
Legend of the Eight Samurai (1983) - Anubis hits up feudal Japan for an epic martial arts fantasy about a princess on the run and the eight warriors of fate drawn to her by 8 glowing marbles to fight the forces of an evil demon queen.
Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (1974) - Anubis heads to Manchester, England to fight the living dead, brought back by experimental pest control methods with a hatred for hippies.
Leviathan (1989) - Nix goes deep sea diving and flounders through an underwater Alien knock-off that, by all rights, shouldn't have sucked nearly as bad as it does...
The Little Shop of Horrors (1960) - Ragnarok heads down to the flower shop to pick up the cannibalistic Venus Flytrap he ordered before it can finish eating Jack Nicholson and the rest of the cast from the Roger Corman horror-comedy classic!
Live Feed (2006) - Ragnarok sits through yet another "Tales of Tourist Trap Terrors" movie when a group of dumbass kids go to Japan and wind up being hunted by the Yakuza for sport.
M (1931) - Anubis travels way WAY back with Mr. Peabody pre-World War II Germany to hang with Fritz Lang and Peter Lorre for this Golden Age tale based on the exploits of real life German child killers.
Maciste In Hell (1925) - Ragnarok trips through the time warp back to the age of silent cinema for this bad-ass Italian flick about the exploits of Dante's mighty Herculean hero Maciste, who throws the Devil himself out of a window when old pointy-shoes gets on the good guy's nerves!
Mark of the Devil (1970) - Nix Eclipse sinks his teeth into the infamously brutal carnival of torture, sex and more torture with Tomb fav Udo Kier!
Mark of the Vampire (1935) - NutJob goes for a little classic flavor when she joins genre legend Bela Lugosi for a standard issue romp through an old world vampire tale of overacting and cheap special effects.
Meet the Feebles (1990) - Anubis checks out Peter Jackson's pre-mainstream documentary on the difficulties and back stage antics involved with putting on The Muppet Show. The names and characters have of course been changed though to prevent a lawsuit, but you know what was really going on...
Microwave Massacre (1983) - Ragnarok checks out the movie he liked so nice that he had to review it twice when comedian Jackie Vernon discovers the culinary flexibility of a microwaved wife.
Mondo Balordo (1964) - Ragnarok wallows through this Boris Karloff narrated "real life freaks" movie from the suck-tastic '60s. Includes a bonus review for the Egyptian drug abuse scare flick, Sinister Menace!
Monster (1979) - Ragnarok heads to the sleepy Colombian village of Chimayo, where unsavory characters stand around their concrete factory until it's time to blow up the local lake monster...
The Monster of Camp Sunshine (1964) - Fistula watches on the edge of his seat when the only thing between a mutated killer and his buxom nudist victims is... the entire US military front?!
Mr. Boogedy (1986) - Anubis relives a highlight of his formative years with this twisted episode from "The Wonderful World of Disney" that features a perverted old Pilgrim who sold his soul to Satan for a magical cloak, then blew up his own house with a diseased little kind inside! Fun.
My Little Eye (2002) - NutJob makes the mistake of picking up a DVD from Wal*Mart that claims to be "The Greatest Fright Flick Since The Exorcist" and consists of nothing more than a lot of cheap reality show slasher crap.
The Neighbor No. 13 (2005) - Anubis witnesses the official down swing of the Asian revenge cinema in this blend of Fight Club and Oldboy.
The Nest (1988) - Ragnarok witnesses the dark side of insect infestation that Joe's Apartment refused to acknowledge (and Mimic seemed to "borrow" from) when Roger Corman's wife brings us a tale of flesh eating cockroach people!
Night Crawlers (1996) - Anubis shows those who called Plan 9 From Outer Space the worst movie ever made what the REAL worst movie ever made actually looks like. It's home video recordings of rubber toys, mutilated paper machet pets and really unappealing people, "touched up" with homemade CGI... cringe.
Night of the Creeps (1986) - Anubis takes a short ride through Happy Land when he rocks along with Tom Atkins through one of the most mind blowing alien zombie ghoul flicks to bear the proud stamp of 1980s tested and approved!
Night Ripper (1986) - Fistula fights off boredom and insanity when Anubis slaps him around with another abominable '80s slasher, this one a shot-on-video craparooni of truly shitty proportions.
Night of the Dawn of the Day of the Land of the Dead (1968-2005) - Nix sits down for an undead four-way when he reviews all of George Romero's ghoul-a-go-go "Dead" movies in a single effort! See the lengths a man will go to in his need for undead flesh!
Night of the Lepus (1972) - Ragnarok joins forces with Deforest Kelley and Rory Calhoun's eyebrows to pace down the cutest little rampage of atomic monsters you ever did see! Never thought of rabbits as a terrifying menace, have you?! Well, you're still safe...
Nude For Satan (1974) - Anubis introduces himself to Satan with psychotropic drugs and evil dopplegangers. Trippy man, trippy.
Nudist Colony of the Dead (1991) - Anubis takes his summer vacation early to attend a Bible Camp bloodbath (sans much blood) at the one-time Sunny Buttocks Nudist Colony... of the Dead! It's not a good place to be proselytizing, trust me.
Nukie (1993) - Anubis is violently assaulted by Ragnarok, who subjects the Death God to one of the stupidest E.T. knock-offs to come out of the '90s... even by kid movie standards. A mentally retarded Boglin from outer space teams up with African twin boys and a monkey in a dress to try and save his equally retarded Boglin brother from the clutches of NASA.
Octaman (1971) - Ragnarok snoozes through 80 minutes of this crappy attempt at remaking Creature From the Black Lagoon with, well, an Octopus man... how did they fuck this us?!
One Frightened Night (1935) - Anubis travels back in time to the 1930s for a rare excursion into the realm of old fashioned crime mysteries to match wits with an old rich guy, a stage magician, a portly sheriff and somebody in a fucking terrifying mask.
The Other Hell (1980) - Anubis matches wits yet again with the human bad movie Pez dispenser Bruno Mattei, this time as the Italian cinema terrorist sends killer nuns, telekinetic bastard spawn of Satan, and a pair of sinister emergency lights to do us all in! Meh.
Petey Wheatstraw, the Devil's Son-in-Law (1977) - Ragnarok mixes his blaxploitation pimp film in with his soul stealing Satan flick and gets something not quite as impressive as a Reese's... Starring the pimpinest mofo in the world: Rudy Ray Moore! Dolemite, bitch!
Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead (1994) - Nix skips the first two entrees of Don Coscarelli's now-classic horror-action series to tackle this third installment that finds "everyman hero" Reggie searching for his pals Jody and Mike and winding up in some kind of "Horror" section version of Home Alone.
Project: Kill (1976) - Anubis goes on the lamb with a pre-comedy Leslie Nielsen as he's pursued by the government super soldier project he tried to escape. What will the Hong Kong mafia have to say about old men who think they know kung-fu? Who cares, that title's AMAZING!
Project Vampire (1993) - NutJob cuts her teeth (pun intended) in the Tomb with this horrendous direct-to-video bloodsucker movie about an evil drug company chemist, some guys who steal something, a guy with an eyepatch and some kind of formula that turns people into, you guessed it, vampires.
Protectors of Universe (1983) - Anubis takes in some swingin' '80s anime from the fine folks of South Korea in this generic giant robot space war "opera" created by nobody and starring no one.
Psychomania (1971) - Anubis returns from the dead with a gang of goofy-toothed British biker yuppies in a half-way decent attempt at creating a non-Hammer Hammer movie.
Psychos In Love (1987) - Ragnarok renews his love for bad movies and finds new hope for b-movie video gems with this long lost horror comedy about killers in love and the cannibalistic plumber who turns their world upside down!
Pulse (2001) - Anubis sees dead people (or at least their likeliness represented in squid discharge) and learns there's more to the internet than porn and bad movie review websites... but not much more, cuz the rest is just depressing and makes you want to shoot yourself in the face. Oh well, back to porn...
Punk Rock Holocaust (2004) - Dodging Grunge is dragged through the sewage that is the Vans Warped Tour when Anubis contractually obligates him to review this ass blasting turd trolley through the land of pseudo punk music when a masked killer makes a hobby out of gutting bands on the sneaker sponsored summer tour.
Puppet Master Vs. Demonic Toys (2004) - Anubis watches his bad movie hopes and dreams stuffed violently down the shit chute thanks to this Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie... starring Corey Feldman and Venessa Angel?! Damn it!
The Quiet Earth (1985) - Ragnarok takes his judgement to New Zealand in search of the letter 'Q', finding this sci-fi flick about a world where (almost) all of mankind has been wiped out and the planet's doomed to a little one-on-one time with the sun.
Race With the Devil (1975) - Anubis, Peter Fonda and the hot nurse from "M*A*S*H*" try to outrun a town of devil worshippers in the wilds of Texas!
Rawhead Rex (1986) - Ragnarok unleashes the Pagan piss beast for a rolicking romp through Clive Barker's "love it or hate it" monster rampage! What exactly is a "Rawhead" anyway?
Razorback (1984) - Ragnarok tackles a bloodthirsty wild pig the size of a van in the Outback with this Australian nature-gone-wild flick from Highlander director Russell Mulcahy.
Re-Animator (1985) - Nix tackles the greatest H.P. Lovecraft movie ever made... to feature a severed head having oral sex with a nubile young college girl strapped to a table. The movie that made Jeffrey Combs a hero to geeks everywhere and Barbara Crampton an eternal fantasy for the rest!
Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis (2004) - Dodging Grunge risks his sanity when he matches wits with the brainless (and entirely needless) fourth installment in the cult favorite zombie series. Some teens break into a top secret research facility, some zombies break loose, you get the idea.
Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave (2005) - Dodging Grunge challenges the limits of cinemasochism further with the fifth (and so far final) of the Return movies. Some kids use zombie juice to manufacture low grade Ecstasy, which they sell to their fellow college students, leading to the inevitable "rave to the grave".
Revenge (1986) - Ragnarok picks up a sequel to an obscure slasher flick when the son of John Wayne clashes with John Carradine and his cult of dog god worshipping crazies! Sounds insane? You'd think so...
Rise: Blood Hunter (2007) - Khaz is welcomed into the Tomb family when he tackles a topless Lucy Liu in this low-budget attempt at creating a female rip-off of Blade that fails on all accounts... with the exception of a topless Lucy Liu.
Rodan (1956) - Anubis hops in his Way-Back Machine and visits the legendary Toho beastie in his salad days, when he not only had a loved one, but also before he was relegated to being Godzilla's bitch.
Rohtenburg (2006) - Anubis delves into the realm of perverse German lovin' when he watches the twisted true life love story of a cannibal and his dinner.
Rolling Vengeance (1987) - Ragnarok reviews one of the greatest concepts in cinemasochist history that can be summed up simply as "Walking Tall with a monster truck"... you read that right, it's a redneck revenge movie that bypasses Beuford's favorite 2x4 in favor of a monster-sized 4x4!
Samson Vs. the Vampire Women (1962) - Anubis joins Mexican wrestling legend Santo (renamed here "Samson" for whatever reason...) as he joins his big geeky professor friend in fighting bloodsucking bitches and their beefcake bodyguards.
Santa Claus (1959) - Anubis exhumes an overlooked holiday nightmare from south of the border as Mexican Santa, Merlin the wizard and a small army of migrant children battle the forces of the devil to save Jesus' birthday!
Satan's Supper (1980) - Anubis delves into the dark side of disco (well, the darker side) as Satan tries to sink his cloven hooves into... Richard Moll's wife!
Saw (2004) - Fistula suffers one more offense from his boss when Anubis injects him with a lethal dose of douche-baggery as the nemesis of Michael Bay must match tolerances with Cary Elwes, Danny Glover, and the darling of the modern mainstream horror franchises: Jigsaw.
Saw II (2005) - Will the sequel of the surprisingly redeemable original be as good? It's rare this is ever the case, but it could happen, right? See if Nix thinks so...
School of the Holy Beast (1974) - Nix has to get his arm twisted to watch naughty Japanese nuns whipping, spanking, torturing and making out with each other. Yeah, I know, we all feel for him, right guys (and the cool girls)?
Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashe (2004) - NutJob tests the limits of her little kid tolerance when she settles in for a viewing of the second live-action outing for Scooby and the gang. Yes, as if the world didn't suffer enough from the first one, those bastards went ahead and made a sequel...
See No Evil (2006) - Anubis finds out what it's like when a professional wrestling organization decides it's ready to start releasing movies starring their ring wrasslin' employees as a big lummox with a violent streak and a penchant for eye gouging does the slasher thing.
Shadow Fury (2002) - Ragnarok watches a corporate super ninja clone of the future take on a tough guy mercenary as two white guys try to make their kung-fu look convincing... and it doesn't.
She-Devils on Wheels (1968) - Fistula favorite HG Lewis tries his twisted little gore whore hands at the biker chick genre with, well, mixed results...
Shocking Dark (1990) - Anubis gets into a scuffle with this Bruno Mattei stinker that tries to pass itself off as an Italian sequel to both The Terminator and Aliens in the sewers of a future Venice... hence why it will never be released in this country!
The Shunned House (2003) - Anubis heads to Italy for this surprisingly entertaining H.P. Lovecraft adaptation that smooshes together three of the author's haunted house short stories.
S.I.C.K.: Serial Insane Clown Killer (2003) - NutJob gets over a fear of clowns to exercise her hatred of one in particular in this extremely bad masked slasher flick that features the incredibly played out plot of friends staying at a cabin in the woods.
Skydivers (1963) - Brother Fistula admits his adoration for Coleman Francis (and his continued hatred for Jerry Bruckheimer) in this '60s revenge flick about skydivers that many a "Mystery Science Theater" enthusiast will no doubt recall!
Slayer (2006) - NutJob heads to South America with Casper Van Dian to fight eco-friendly vampires who are only bad because strip mining and slash and burn deforestation made them that way.
Snakes on a Plane (2006) - Nix tries to find out if the most hyped movie of 2006 manages to live up to even half of it. Samuel L. Jackson. Snakes. On a plane. Just read the review motherfucker...
Snakes on a Train (2006) - Anubis watches a movie whose sole purpose is to attempt picking up some of the spill-over hype from Snakes on a Plane. The quality of work is crap in comparison to the other movie, but the story and climax are more "interesting"...
Something Weird (1967) - Fistula spends some more time with old friend HG Lewis as psychic named Mitchell and his old hag sidekick/lover get wrapped up in murder, intrigue and psychotropic drugs!
The Somnambulists (2005) - Anubis gets a painful surprise of massively hemhoragging disappointment when he tries to watch this cheap-o crapper of a movie about dead people possessing us in our dreams.
Son of Godzilla (1967) - Ragnarok takes parenting tips from the Big G and learns that sometimes daddy needs to protect his kid from giant insects and weather machines.
Sore Losers (1997) - Dodging Grunge discovers an underground cinematic revolution and makes it a point to squirt it into the eyes of anyone who will listen when he meets the guerilla moviemaking might of Mr. JM McCarthy in his twisted tale of outer space G-Men and beatnik road trip murder madness!
Spasms (1983) - Ragnarok fights a big-ass pyrokinetic super snake alongside the star of Easy Rider and the world's greatest drunk! Sadly, crapness ensues...
Ssssss (1973) - Ragnarok takes an acid trip through the serpentine '70s when a mad scientist works to turn his lab assistant (Dirk "Face" Benedict of the A-Team!) into a sideshow man-cobra! Featuring one of the most memorable movie titles in history...
Star Odyssey (1979) - Anubis curses the land of Italy once again, this time at the dirty, sweaty hands of one of the worst movies ever to poison his DVD collection. Prancing heroes, horny robots and lazy old men with telekinetic powers. You've been warned...
Super Ninjas (1982) - Anubis jumps in on some multi-colored pajama action when martial artists seek revenge on the five elemental ninjas, their shiny arsenal of weapons and their evil magic powers that reverse film! FIGHT!
Superstarlet A.D. (2000) - Dodging Grunge revels in the post-Apocalyptic pin-ups of John Michael McCarthy's world when atomic war leaves mankind in shambles and the women rise up to seize power, forming gangs based on hair color and unleashing sex gun violence on each other!
Suspiria (1977) - Millionaire Waltz brings us one of the greatest achievements to come out of Italy since the Speedo when she reviews horror maestro Dario Argento's classic tale of a witch coven and their world famous ballet school.
Tag Team (1991) - Anubis reviews this pilot for a would-be TV show that stars professional wrestlers Jesse "the Body" Ventura and "Rowdy" Roddy Piper as two exiled wrestlers who decide to join the police force with wacky results. In no way associated with the one-hit wonder hip-hop group of the same name. There is no whoomping to be had here.
A Taste of Blood (1967) - Fistula finds out what it's like when the godfather of gore, HG Lewis, attempts to make a legitimate vampire horror flick. The result? Pretty damn good actually!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) - Anubis retreats back into his childhood to review one of the better movies about grown men in rubber suits beating up guys in their pajamas.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: A Family Portrait (1988) - Anubis plods through patchworked interview footage in this documentary-of-sorts that catches up with the original film's "family" nearly 15 years later.
They Saved Hitler's Brain (1963) - Ragnarok trudges through the boredom of one of the greatest titled b-movies in history and Hitler's severed head tries to rebuild his Third Reich from the confines of a big jar.
The Thing (1982) - Nix Eclipse lays down the love for what is possibly the greatest item on the resumes of John Carpenter, Rick Bottin and Kurt Russell when a group of South Pole researchers come face-to-faces with a shapeshifting death dealer from the stars!
The Thirsty Dead (1974) - Anubis bores his ass off with 90 minutes of Philippines based inaction when a blood drinking jungle cult kidnaps innocent women from the streets for their cultist block party committee.
Three Dev Adam (1973) - Anubis lives the kind of 90 minute hell that no fan-boy should ever have to. No, it's not Roger Corman's Fantastic Four or a double-feature of Joel Schumacher's nipple bruising Batman flicks, but something far more... confusing. Ever wanna see Captain America, Spider-Man and Santo in the same movie? You won't after this is over...
The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1977) - Fistula relives the legend of the Phantom Killer of Texas and how his unique fashion sense would go on to influence a certain infamous cinematic serial killer.
Transformers (2007) - Ragnarok officially lives up to his name and brings about the end of the world when he confesses his enjoyment of a Michael Bay movie in a public forum... Meanwhile, can the Autobots stop the Decepticons from acquiring the Allspark and making mankind the next extinct species on the planet?
The Tripper (2006) - Anubis heads into the California wilderness to check out the hippie killing action when a maniac in a Ronald Reagan mask starts chopping down people like sapplings.
Troll (1986) - Nix reviews one of the less bombastic Empire Pictures releases as an apartment house populated by the likes of Sonny Bono, Michael Moriarty, Julia-Louise Dryfus and Phil Fondacaro is taken over by a sneaky troll king who likes to run around disguised as a little girl... at least it's not Troll II, right?
Troll II (1990) - Nix suffers the hands of misery at the residents of the sleepy burg known as Nilbog... yes, yes, we all know what that spells backwards and it sure as shit isn't "troll", so why are we even bothering?! Aw, Troll II, why can't you be more like Troll!?
The Twilight Zone: Five Characters in Search of an Exit (1961) - Fistula digs on this season 3 episode of the Rod Serling classic series that long pre-dates similarly themed stories found in Saw and Cube.
2001 Maniacs (2005) - Fistula has a surprisingly good run in with the modern day sequel to the H.G. Lewis gore festival as a gaggle of teens on their way to Florida for Spring Break find themselves detoured into a town inhabited by pissed off Southern ghosts!
The Ugly (1997) - Ragnarok travels to the beautiful land of the Kiwis for this slick psychological dissection of a convicted serial killer that makes Hannibal Lecter look tame!
Ultrachrist! (2003) - Anubis get a pleasant surprise from an opposing religious side when Christ comes back to Earth to play superhero... kinda.
Ultraviolet (2006) - Nix Eclipse suffers through yet another futuristic "Bad Grrl" action movie as Mila Jovavich would've been better off getting a Cease & Desist order placed on this puppy after the way Charlize Theron suffered following Aeon Flux.
Vampire Hunter D (1985) - Anubis whips out the sentimental value with some violent bloodsucking anime (not) for the kiddies. Can a half-human half-vampire bounty hunter keep his nubile young employer free of an evil Count and his hordes of mutants and monsters? Let's see what his talking hand has to say about it...
Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2000) - Anubis takes in the sights of this sequel, born 15 years after the original... and lookin' 15 times prettier! This time the vampire hunting D must rescue a kidnapped village girl from a pretty boy bloodsucker and the supernatural carnival folk sworn to protect him.
Vampire Hunters (2003) - Ragnarok travels back to dynasty times China to battle a legion of vampire zombies and their Super Vampire master alongside the elemental heroes of the Master!
Vampires In Havana (1985) - Anubis hops the raft down to Castro's backyard for this animated comedy of gangster bloodsuckers and the war they wage over... sunscreen?!
Warning From Space (1956) - Anubis watches the world come to an end when man-sized star fish from outer space arrive to warn Japan of coming global disaster.
Welcome To the Jungle (2007) - Anubis heads down to New Guinea with a pair of semi-hot Aussie lassies (and their bonehead beaus) to search for Michael Rockefeller and hopefully get a million dollar interview before the local cannibals get hungry...
Wild Zero (2000) - Anubis embraces the power of Lock 'N' Loll when Guitar Wolf (R.I.P. Billy) and their number one fan take on a perverted club owner and an invasion of zombie aliens!
Within the Woods (1978) - Nix shakes hands with a pre-Evil Dead Sam Raimi, Bruce Campbell and, yes, his beloved Ellen Sandweiss in this short precursor to horror history.
The Wizard of Gore (1970) - Fistula bathes in blood and entrails when the fiendish showman Montag the Magnificent buzzes through some unsuspecting stage meat in this HG Lewis classic!
Wizards of the Demon Sword (1991) - Ragnarok travels to a fantasy world of Fred Olen Ray's creation to stop an evil sorcerer from destroying the planet with an evil sword and it's demonic owner. Come on, it's Fred Olen Ray, what are you expecting?
Wrestlemaniac (2006) - Anubis heads to Mexico to take in the best amateur porn and face ripping Frankenstein luchadores that the ghost town of God's Blood has to offer.
Xtro (1983) - Ragnarok plays galactic externimator when grasshopper aliens come to Earth to impregnate humans and give one lucky kid magic powers, including the ability to summon evil midget henchclowns and lifesize GI Joe figures to kill for him.
Yongary, Monster of the Deep (1967) - Ragnarok juggles ray guns that causing uncontrollable itching in it's targets, a rubber suit monster with a flamethrower in it's mouth, and fatal rectal bleeding in the original Korean kaiju flick!
Yonggary (1999) - Anubis suffers through an entirely miserable and all together pointless waste of giant monster time and bad CGI as South Korea tries their hand at remaking kaiju ala Tristar's Godzilla.
Zodiac (2007) - Fistula takes a rare trek into the realm of modern movies, not just for a new release serial killer movie from David Fincher, but for a good new release serial killer movie from David Fincher! What'll they think of next, pepper water?
Zombie '90: Extreme Pestilence (1991) - Anubis wrestles with one of the most painful incarnations of unholy soul rape ever committed to celluloid. It's a jive-talking German doctor and his Revenge of the Nerds reject sidekick battling a zombie invasion of the laughable kind.
Zombi 3 (1988) - Ragnarok reviews the movie that killed Lucio Fulci (well, the movie that made him too sick to complete... and was thus taken over almost entirely by fellow Italian zombie guy Bruno Mattei) and brings us a magical zombie plague of gross incontinuity and flying heads straight out of your refrigerator!
All materials found within these reviews are the intellectual properties and opinions of the original writers. The Tomb of Anubis claims no responsibility for the views expressed in this review, but we do lay a copyright claim on it beeyotch, so don't steal from this shit or we'll have to go all Farmer Vincent on your silly asses. © March 5th 2006 and beyond, not to be reproduced in any way without the express written consent of the reviewers and the Tomb of Anubis or pain of a physical and legal nature will follow. Touch not lest ye be touched.
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