I love Anime... if you do not like Anime, then shut the Hell up and let me enjoy my cartoons!
Ninja Scroll is based in feudal Japan (the days of samurais and ninjas and clans and shit, you know, before they made Nintendo) where a young warrior named Jubei beats the snot out of a gang of punk-ass thieves and swipes a mystical sword he was hired to retrieve... all w/o dropping his rice ball!
Elsewhere, a plague appears to be breaking out amongst some Japanese villages. When a group of ninjas goes to investigate they get their asses handed to them (in several bloody pieces) by a big golem guy with some huge fuckin boomerang blade thingy! While the stone giant is in the middle of raping a she-ninja, Jubei pops in to teach him a lesson in rape and plunder etiquette, stabbing him in the eye and then running off with said she-ninja in tow. Stony catches up to them later though, and Jubei kicks his ever-lovin’ ass (but not w/o getting his chops busted in the process)!
According to some legend, myth, or tawdry rumor (I forget which), we find out that there are still 7 other A-1 bad guys out there to bring down, as well as some big-boss kinda guy (the kind of guy you find on the last level of Shinobi) to deal with too. To make Jubei's life all the more worse for wear, an old midget poisons him for refusing to sell his services to the little wrinkle-bag. Now, if Jubei doesn't help out, he won't get the antidote.
The she-ninja joins them and they fight a snake woman (this part is WEIRD!), a shadow man (no, not the comic NOR the game), a hunchbacked living bee-hive (cooler than it sounds), a blind swordsman, a living power plant fruitcake, a human bomb, and Gemma (the boss man). Along the way, we find that she-ninja is immune to all poisons, fucking her will get you killed, and the only way to stop the poison in Jubei's system is to play "hide the egg roll" with her. For some reason Jubei refuses to pop her, and instead plants a simple kiss on her before burying her hot corpse at sea when she's killed. I suppose that one kiss was enough to save Jub-Jub (heh heh, I mean Jubei), and he chases down the ship Gemma's on for the final showdown. Since G-Money’s got this beefed up healing power (that lets him survive even decapitation!) though, Jubei's only chance for victory is to engulf him in a wave of molten gold! “Gooooooldfingaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”
This amazing Anime was followed by the sequel series Ninja Ressurection, which I hope to steal from Saturday Matinee or possibly my local Coconuts store. Till then, I will just enjoy this one… well, this and the pornographic anime, FIII!
The Moral of the Story: Giant rock men are vulnerable to STDs.
Sequels: Ninja Ressurection ; Ninja Ressurection 2 ; Ninja Scroll: the Series
H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. Rating: 
- Animated ninja hijinx are always fun and when you throw crazy monsters and demon beasts into the mix, you can't go wrong!
If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: Vampire Hunter D or
Samurai Showdown
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