When What Lies Beneath was released in theaters, did Alfred Hitchcock roll over in his grave or did he get a big grin on that rotted face of his and start doing the twist? The only way to know would be to dig the fucker up, or I could ask him here in the Underworld. Oddly enough, I can't seem to find Mr. 'Cock, as I believe he's been reincarnated into an ironic situation of some kind, so I'll just go out on a limb. Not only is imitation the "sincerest form of flattery", but it's also proof that the person doing said imitation lacks originality. The imitator in question: Robert Zemeckis. Gathering together box office gold mines Harrison "Don't Call Me Han Solo" Ford and Michelle "Don't Call Me Catwoman" Pfeiffer, Zemeckis (proud poppa of such flicks as Death Becomes Her, the Amazing Stories movie series, and personal "deal with the devil" guy to Tom Hanks) shows off his respect for the films of Mr. Hitchcock with this rip-off... I mean, "homage". Let's debate this while I review, shall we?
Our opening is almost cool, as a wet and naked Claire Spencer (Michelle Pfeiffer, sadly denying any tit shots) exits a soothing bath, then nearly falls to a fatal home accident, TWICE! Jeezus, not 5 minutes into the movie and she's in life threatening situations! What a klutz. Anyway, after fooling around in the can for a while, she enters her daughter's bedroom, where she slaps the lovely young wench on the ass to wake her up... I love the site of girl-on-girl incest in the morning! Next we meet Claire's husband and Caitlin's stepdad, Norman (Clint Howard... just kidding, it's Harrison Ford) as he and Claire see the nubile young Caitlin off to college. Upon arrival to their now empty home, Claire and Norm (NORM!) engage in some loud sexual enterprise. Okay, empty house in the secluded woods of Vermont, on a lake, with the next door neighbors as the only people around for miles... I wonder when Jason will show up. Speaking of those neighbors, the following day Claire has a brief chat with one of them, the wife, Mary. Mary seems to be having a frantic fit of some kind, which concerns Claire, especially when Mary goes back into the house and acts like a frightened animal when her husband Warren returns home. And thus begins the Rear Window "homage", as Claire takes up a hobby of spying on the house next door, more specifically the husband, as it appears Mary's disappeared rather suddenly. That night she also witnesses Warren putting a large sack into his trunk before driving off in haste. This, to build a sense of helplessness, is a perfect time for Norm to go out of town on business, leaving Claire alone with a suspected murderer next door.
However, it's a more supernatural force that begins to menace Mrs. Spencer, as her front door won't stay closed, pictures fall, and the home stereo turns itself off and on. Sounds like a job for Bob Villa! Wait a minute, another startling realization strikes me in the middle of a Bob Villa joke: this does not only take off from Hitchcock, but now it's skeeving on Poltergeist and any other haunted house movies. Also, in addition to the problems with the house, Claire's also seeing some creepy apparition of a dead young woman in her H2O surfaces, namely in the lake and her bathtub (which has become self-filling). To help alleviate her suspicion that it's the ghost of the possibly murdered Mary haunting her, Claire and her schizo pal Jody hold a séance in her bathroom, using a Ouija board and an abandoned sandal found on the neighbors' front porch. Alright, this scene alone has made it official: What Lies Beneath is a chick flick horror movie, plain and simple. When Claire decides she's had enough, and it's time to confront Warren about his wife's whereabouts, she gets the shock of her life, when she learns that Mary's been unharmed the entire time. She was gone because she just needed some time away from Warren, though everything's all better now. Well, except for Norm, who's getting pissed at Claire's bullshit, fearing she's attempting to sabotage his important genetic research stuff at the college. But, if it's not Mary playing phantasm in Claire's tub, then who is it?
Upon accidental discovery of a newspaper clipping about a missing girl named Madison, I believe I've solved this Scooby-Doo mystery. Read on true believers... Upon mentioning of the clipping to Norm, he has a spaz attack, getting seriously uneasy and enraged. Wanna guess what's happening yet? No? Then I'll go on. The cops chalked Madison up as just another runaway, but after some further investigation and another seance using a lock of Madison's hair (stolen from Madison's mother's house), we start to wonder otherwise, when Claire is seemingly possessed by the dead babe! While possessed, Claire/Madison seduces Norm and attempts to kill him, or injure him severely. Norm avoids this, knocking the hair out of Claire's hand, removing the green-eyed monster from her... what? No, not envy you simpleton, Madison's ghost! After this little lovers' spat, Claire continues to search for answers, discovering that, not only did Norm know Madison, but he had an affair with her when he and Claire were having marital troubles. It was a short lived affair, as Norm soon dumped the girl in an attempt to keep the whole sorted incident from Claire. Afterwards, according to Norm, Madison just disappeared. Now, could it be that Madison, in an undead jealous rage has come looking for revenge? Again, read on...
Claire begins to phase in and out of her possession, sometimes in control, sometimes a pawn of the evil Madison. During one such incident, she dives head first into the lake in an attempt to drown herself, but is rescued by Norm. Next they burn the lock of hair, hoping that it will exorcise Mad's ghost from the premises, which actually works... for a while. Having forgiven Norman for his adultery, the two go for a nice little trip to the town of Adamant. What do you do for fun in Adamant, well, "you don't drink, don't smoke, what do ya do?"... sorry, I can never pass up a good Adam Ant joke. Or a lame one for that matter. Claire's womanly intuition gets her in even deeper now though when, after witnessing a jewelry box in an Adamant store window that holds a key similar to one she found at the house, she excommunicates a similar box from the lake. Opening it she finds the necklace worn by Madison in the photos she's seen of her... Looks like Norm's got some 'splaining to do!
With the necklace now around her neck, Claire is once again possessed by Mad, who goes in search of Norm, hoping to kill him as he showers. Thing is, turns out Norman's not about to take responsibility for his murderous deeds, so he attacks Claire/Madison, paralyzing her with a drug that he and his bio-engineering co-workers came up with. Basically it stops her motor functions, leaving her mind aware, but all this was explained in a FAR too revealing scene earlier on. Having turned Claire into a vegetable for the time being, Norm plops her down in the tub and starts the water, torturing her as she can do nothing but sit and watch herself drown. Meanwhile, Norm reveals his next evil plot: getting a little "closer" with Caitlin after her mom's "committed suicide" over the argument between her and Norm... and I thought Michael Douglas robbed the craddle. Sure enough though, Norm's plan begins to fall apart, when a sudden appearance by Madison's nightmarish visage spooks the living tar outta him, causing him to slip and knock his coconut off the bathroom sink resulting in a massive headwound with plenty of bleeding. This gives Claire time to come out of her temporary paralysis and pull off some bullshit "not in a million years would this work" stunt with her loose hot water handle, draining the tub as her body comes out of the shock.
Having pulled the last minute self-preservation act, Claire gets out of the tub (in a blatent nod to the classic shower curtain scene of Psycho) and heads for the truck, prepared to go find the authorities and turn Norm in. Speaking of Norm, that *whack* on the head didn't finish the job, as he jumps up from the back of the pick-up, smashing the Rear Window and attacking Claire, causing the two to go careening into the river. After a struggle in the sinking truck and an appearance by Madison's decayed, fish nibbled body, Norm winds up another victim of the unforgiving seas and Claire lives happily ever after... and it only took 130 minutes to drive me to the brink of madness.
Though obviously borrowing from Hitchcock and a few other genre movies in an attempt to make a classy, big name thriller, I was most disappointed that, after all the attempts at being fancy, What Lies Beneath degenerates into a common, everyday slasher picture. Hell, Norman even pulls the "the killer's still alive" gag and the "how'd he get back there when we weren't looking?" scene, showing that, despite all his intricate planning, he's no better than Jason, except that Jason doesn't have a degree in biology. Along with the Rear Window, Psycho (for fuck's sake, Ford's name was Norman! As in Bates?!), Poltergeist, and Friday the 13th sampling, Zemeckis also borrows from Stir of Echoes with the whole "now she's possessed by a restless spirit, now she's not" idea and even the "their body's dead while their mind watches themselves tortured" concept was displayed more gruesomely in Black Belly of the Tarantula! Aside from the story, even the soundtrack was a carbon copy of Hitchcock's music! As for the supporting cast, for a movie this long there should've been some more focus on the side characters. I like Michelle Pfeiffer and all, and I'd gladly play the old "delivery boy gets paid with something other than money" scenario with her, but I can't focus on her for more than 2 hours... unless she's in patent leather from head-to-toe. On the positive side, at least Zemeckis's directing manages to move the movie along rather smoothly, definitely with style, though it probably would've gone much better had they foregone all the annoying little revelations and simply said that Norman was the killer 30 minutes earlier! All in all, I've never been a big fan of Hitchcock, so I guess I'm not a big fan of Hitchcock clones either.
The Moral of the Story: If you're going to kill your mistress, move into a different house afterwards so her ghost can't find you...
DVD X-tras: Well, after a far too long-winded opening segment, we hit the menu, where we find that this DVD provides us with: the "making of" featurette "Constructing the Perfect Thriller" (though I use the term "perfect" loosely, VERY loosely); theatrical trailer; extensive production notes; cast and crew bios and filmos; and a commentary track by director Robert Zemeckis and 2 producer guys.
H.O.P.E.L.E.S.S. Rating: 
- No, it's not a party movie. It's barely a solo movie! If you're a chick or someone trying to get a chick, you can try whipping it out then. Otherwise, just leave it be.
If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: The Gift or
The Amityville Horror
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