Starts with a promising shot of an eerie ship sailing the seas
with no crew. Cut to the Pepe, a cruise ship with a fed-up captain
(Kennedy). Marshall and his wife and kids are also introduced. His
son has a bladder the size of a damn pea. The Death Ship shows up
on their radar during the captain's dinner and plows into the Pepe,
sinking a model ship in the director's bathtub. The death ship
apparently attacks by leaping from different time zones, as it's
approximately noon on the Nazi vessel and it's night where the Pepe
is.
The next day the survivors are shown floating on a fire door or
something from the sunken ship. Kennedy floats UP FROM THE DEPTHS
THIRTY STORIES... sorry. Anyway, he floats up and they drag his fat
waterlogged ass on board. None of them show any concern that hundreds
of their fellow passengers were just killed. And that ship was hit
supposedly at night. How long was Kennedy underwater? Further proof
of his otherworldly origins. The death ship, huge as it is, sneaks
up behind them somehow, brining with it terrifying perpetual NOON!!
AIIEE! Sorry.
Anyway, they try to climb aboard, and after the ship drops its fire
escape ladder into the ocean and spews oil all over them, they eventually
get on board. And Marshall's son once again has to go, so he pisses
on the deck. Probably a bad idea. A winch grabs the band leader
(Saul Rubirek, another real actor! He appeared in TV's "Frasier"
most recently) and dangles him for a bit before dropping him into the
ocean. He gets caught in the undertow and drowns, probably gets nailed
by the prop too. Still unfazed, the hungry characters go looking for
food on a ship that's been abandoned for fifty years. Yep, it'll
be well-stocked with fresh food. Sure. Weird stuff starts happening
that should tell these morons that there's something besides rust
in this old ship.
Record players play creepy music with no operator. The cobweb
covered (spiders at sea?) phone rings and no one's there. Ashland
has a dream that connects him with the dead Nazi captain. While all
this happens, Nick gets nailed in the head by a flying block & tackle.
While the rest of the survivors are watching Nazi propaganda films
which are all in English (?), Nick and Trevor find the engine room.
Sylvia eats some haunted peppermints and gets turned into corn smut
while Ashlands's possession becomes final. They all decide to abandon
their sick captain to watch a goofy music video (!?), while Ashland
returns to the land of the living and kills Sylvia. He blames it on a
stroke and they bury her at sea. This dumping was accompanied by much
"Coyote falling off a cliff" sound effects from myself and Brother
Fistula.
The rest of the characters lower lifeboats in an attempt to escape,
but they float away before they can get to them. Ashland symbolically
takes the wheel and puts on an old Nazi uniform. He berates Marshall
for not being able to handle captainhood and Marshall leaves him telling
him he's crazy. Nick and Lori go off to have sex, and when they're
finished, the evil shower soaks Lori with blood and she presumably
dies of fright as there wasn't enough to drown her. The kids have
wandered off and are found by Ashland, who proceeds to throw Lori's
bloody body overboard, cinching everyone's belief that he's evil. Nick
and Trevor run from him in SLOW MOTION for some reason and find a cell
full of dead Jewish prisoners. I guess Nick's Jewish because he totally
freaks out and runs screaming. They wind up in the projection room
where the evil projector continues to play Nazi parade footage. Nick at
this point teleports somehow to the deck of the ship and falls in the
hold where Ashland drowns him in a cargo net full of corpses. Trevor and
his family find a freezer full of more dead people, take some survival
gear from them, and make a break for it, lowering an inflatible raft
they found. The kids make it off the ship but Ashland kicks Trevor's
ass and throws his wife in a closet. Trevor comes back to kick Ashland's
ass, rescues his wife, and they jump to the raft and safety.
The ghosts are pissed by Ashland's failure, and they drive him nuts.
He shoots up the wheel room which magically repairs itself, and he runs
to the engine room. He's hit by one of his own ricocheting bullets and
falls into a cog wheel, where he is crushed into slimy pulp. Trevor
and his family are picked up by a Coast Guard chopper, and the evil
ship sails away to find another boat to destroy.
Okay, this movie had a promising idea. It
had the potential for a good creepy atmosphere, and the ship
looked kinda cool. Obviously this is not a GOOD movie by any
means. The Antichrist of Film is in it. But it's still a cool
ghost story. One of the better I've seen, not being a big fan
of ghost stories. Some of the scenes were actually quite
effective and slightly creepy.
