Childhood memories are too often spoiled. Either by losing too
much time to work, stupid family politics around the table at holidays,
or what have you. Well, I wanted a few of those memories back, even
if for ninety minutes. So desperate was I, that we watched Inframan.
It may or may not have been a good idea. I enjoyed it.
A kiddie bus is attacked by a dragon, which promptly disappears and
causes a huge landslide. The kids are evacuated, but the driver gets
buried. Elsewhere, a town explodes for no particular reason. Important
scientisty people are called in to check out the strange goings on.
While the scientists are in their futuristic base with their shiny silver
suits trying to figure out the dilly-o, a volcano erupts after a thousand
years of dormancy to reveal the hideout of Princess Dragon Mom. Stop
laughing, it’s not nice to laugh at ancient demonic overlords. It was
probably a really scary name a thousand years ago. Anywho, she pops up
and tells the scientists she’s taking over the world with her army of
mutant dinosaurs, or something.
The scientist’s base bursts into flames somehow, or maybe I was
digging for a beer at this point and missed something. They hold a
conference, and the head scientist (we shall call him Professor for now,
because I couldn’t catch his name) lays down what he knows about the
invaders. And then, the moment you’ve all been waiting for…the
scientists declare martial law! Whoohoo! It wouldn’t be a Japanese
movie if the scientists didn’t declare martial law.
Back at the scientists’ base (wait, didn’t that just explode?),
Professor takes Rema to his secret lab to show him the Inframan project.
It’s an invincible cyborg who can defeat the monsters and save the world.
It can probably clean bathrooms really fast, too. Meanwhile, Princess
Dragon Mom sends Nemesis and Plant Man to attack. Nemesis attacks a
car and takes Tu-Ming, one of the other scientists, back to Dragon Mom.
Plant Man tunnels under the scientists’ base and attacks it with huge
vines for a really long time. One of the scientists tries to hang one
out at the monster, but to no avail. Just in time to save them, Rema has
completed his transformation into Inframan, and he kicks Plant Man’s ass.
Goofily. Very very goofily.
Back and Dragon Mom HQ, Tu-Ming is brainwashed by She-Demon. At
scientist HQ, the Professor decides that Inframan needs THUNDERBOLT
FISTS!!! Tu-Ming is sent to the lab to steal the Inframan blueprints.
He breaks in, kills a guy who revives long enough to tell Rema that
Tu-Ming is in the lab, and Rema chases Tu-Ming on a motorcycle. They
end up in a quarry, where they’re attacked by some disposeable henchmen
and Bug Man. Rema becomes Inframan and kicks some ass. Fuzz Demon
appears and zaps him into a lake. All the monsters eventually get their
asses handed to them.
Nemesis is sent to blow up scientist HQ. Tu-Ming gets back to
Dragon Mom with the schematic, and she discovers his hands are
vulnerable. Annoying school children talk about being Infragirl, when
Nemesis shows up and ties them to his bomb. Inframan saves them,
and the Professor gives him his new weapon, THUNDERBOLT FISTS!!! He
tests them on a big ball of diamond dust, gets some schnazzy new
infrablades that can cut through anything.
There’s some touching Professor-daughter talk about how she did
a great job of taking over the house when mom died. Nemesis breaks
in and captures her after the Professor leaves. Dragon Mom calls up
the Professor and tells him he must come to her HQ alone to save his
daughter. He’s taken to her on a boat. She-Demon beams his daugher
in and dumps Tu-Ming into a fiery pit to make an example. Dragon Mom
has a plan to cloud the sky and fuck up Inframan’s solar batteries.
Just then, Rema shows up at Dragon Mom HQ and kicks some disposable
henchmen ass. When Nemesis and Lobotomy Fu-Manchu join the fray,
Rema turns into Inframan. The cloud plan fails for no apparent reason,
and Inframan cleans house. He breaks into HQ and gets tossed into the
lava pit, which he escapes. She-Demon tries to kill him with a laser
she stole from a Doctor Who episode called The Talons of Weng Chiang,
and gets thrown into a boiling lake for her trouble.
Inframan tries to thaw out the Professor and his daughter, whom
Dragon Mom froze. The Slinky Twins (the coolest monsters in the movie,
in my opinion) interrupt, and they get their asses kicked too. Dragon
Mom freezes Inframan, but he thaws himself by using his missiles (!).
After trying to cut off Dragon Mom’s head about thirty million times
and it just grows back, he nukes her with his THUNDERBOLT FISTS!!!
Inframan thaws out the Professor and his daughter, Dragon Mom HQ goes
kerflooie, and they drive away happily in a boat. The End.
Well, that was nice. For an hour and a half I was six again. I
loved this movie when I was a kid, and you know what? I still love it.
