Last House on the Left.
I Spit on Your Grave.
Salo: 120 Days of Sodom.

I've sat through all of them. Hell, I saw Last House when I was 14 or so.

But tonight was the night of Mark of the Devil.

Herbert Lom (Pink Panther series), Udo Kier (Blade) and Reggie Nalder (Salem's Lot) star in this film about witch trials. Lom is the head witchfinder and Kier his loyal helper, at first. That all changes when Kier witnesses Lom choking a man to death for calling him impotent. After that, Kier begins to see the trials for what they really are: A way for the church to fill its wallets with land, money, and....well, sex. Oh, and Kier (Whose character is named Christian, of all things.) falls in love with a falsely accused girl, so they frolic in the hills, once. And she has huge breasts. (Watch for the "bouncing on the bed in glee" scene, early on. Actually, just watch for any scene where she moves around, at all.)

Ok, the movie is based on facts and actual cases, although it's designed only to horrify you. And it does that quite nicely, thank you. Nuns are raped at the beginning. Women are punctured with tiny pokers in the face and back. Women are whipped. Women have their fingers crushed. Women are burned, stretched, branded...and in a real show-stopper, one has her tongue ripped out. There's a lot of shit done to women in this movie. That's not to say that men get off easy, just not as many guys get fucked up as girls. A priest is set up for the nun rapes, has a hand cut off and is tarred and feathered, for one. Another is forced to sit on nails and literally has a fire lit under his ass. And Lom, the evil fuck, I can't tell you what happens with him or Kier, as it would ruin your viewing experience. Suffice it to say that it is quite a fucking kick in the nuts for the audience. And I want everyone to share in my yucky feelings. You have to watch it, you bastards.

I guess the reason I'm disgusted by the whole thing is because the church comitted so many innocent people to torture and death back in the day. It got me to thinking about how many of our major problems, sources of violence and hatred, today, are based around religious beliefs. And also, just how willing the human race is to believe whatever our religious leaders want us to believe. Mindless goddamn sheep.

Then again, perhaps another reason I feel so sickened is best summed up by Albino (Nalder): "What about the women? When they're tortured, don't you thrill to it?" And I suppose he's kinda right. Deep down I guess I get a thrill out of watching sexy chicks writhe and scream. But if I want that, I could just buy some bondage porn. I need to call my shrink.

But is there ANYTHING remotely "fun" in this flick? Well, kinda. One of the actors is named Herbert Fux, for one. I'm sure it's pronounced "fewks", but let me have one thing to giggle about, dammit. Oh, and the scroll at the beginning that tries to make it seem like this movie is going to provide valuable insight into "one of the blackest pages in the history of man" made me smile, a bit. I guess you could also find humor in the dubbing that is just the slightest bit off. But those are it and they're gone in the first 5 minutes of the flick and from there on out it's atrocity after atrocity (with the occasional frolic in the hills.)

I don't want this to sound totally negative, so let me say that even with the bad dubbing, the actors do a good job (Reggie Nalder is creepy as hell). Vanessa has a great line during the frolicking scene, too: "This is my truth. What I can touch and feel." For those with dirty minds, she's talking about the world around her. Nature. And I immediately thought of how true it is and how silly the idea is to found beliefs around what amounts to a giant Santa Claus in the sky. Think about it. As long as we're good, he's supposed to give us what we want, basically. Anyway, the music is interesting, the cinematography is good and, like I said, that girl has huge breasts. Look, the movie is well made, it's just painful to sit through.

So, if you're up for graphic torture scenes (Well, graphic in a 70's sense. I haven't seen Hostel, yet) you could check this out. And if you've got a hate on for religious freaks, you'll either be thrilled or disgusted.