You’ve all heard about it. You might have even seen it. You HAVE to of heard the classic line that was generated by the internet geeks (like us), which I will try to quote at the end of this opinion/review/whatever. Ah, fuck it. If you don’t know what it is I’m not gonna bother.

Is the plot even important? It’s snakes on a goddamn plane! Isn’t that enough?

Fine. I’ll give you the set-up, since I’m listening to Wired All Wrong and anything is fun with that shit playing.

Some dumbass sees some lawyer-type guy killed by some drug dealer-type guy and is a total dip-shit and gives himself away by firing up his motorcycle and fleeing from the scene. Good one. Just let everyone know that you’re there, moron.

Well, if he’d just stayed still and not made any noise, there would be no SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE BITCH!

The bad guys figure out who he is and try to kill him, but he’s saved by Sam Jackson who‘s like an FBI agent, or something. Damn! I’d wet my pants if Sam Jackson saved my ass. It would be like a dream come true! Especially if he cursed a lot and shot some fools, which he does, I think. C’mon, did you think I’d watch this thing sober?

They convince the douche-bag to testify and they get on a plane. Didn’t see that one coming, did you?

Next, we’re introduced to all of our other victims….errr…characters. The guy that is afraid of flying, the two kids traveling alone, the new mother with a baby, the…Oh, fuck! Does it even matter? There’s a bunch of people on a plane and there’s about to be some fucking snakes on the goddamn plane!

So, the bad guy somehow rigged a timer to release a shitload of rare and poisonous snakes to be released at a certain altitude (Meaning when they get really high up in the air. Or maybe not. I‘m questioning my own memory about this ridiculous thing. Maybe it was just a simple timer. I dunno.), doused all the “lays” (not the potato chips, the Hawaiian thingies) with pheremones and chaos ensues.

Ok, there is so much stupid shit that happens in this movie. How do the snakes get into everything? Why do they have to grab the controller-thingies when the auto-pilot is activated? Why can’t the snakes get through the shitty luggage barrier? Why the fuck do we even care?

Look, it’s SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE BITCH!

There’s no reason to question its’ existence. It just is what it is.

You got snakes biting tits and eyes and even a penis. That sounds cool, duddunit?

It is! It’s fucking hilarious!

I’ll admit that it’s stupid as hell. But it never claimed anything but that. It’s SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE BITCH! What else did you want?

Only “real” problem I had was that when it was over (And by “over“ I mean the fun shit was done). I didn’t care if they landed. They totally forgot about the snakes and shit. They couldn’t have sucked all of the fuckers out the window and the big anaconda or whatever did not have a visible meal inside of it (Even though it had just consumed an adult male, earlier.) as it was taken away into the wind.