Yeah, there are some who would accuse me of double-dipping by trying to pass off a review for the Rob Zombie Halloween workprint as another review independent of the review I did for the theatrical release version of the movie two weeks ago, but since it's only a Shorty review, I'm sure there are those out there who can forgive me. And for those who can't? I'm thinking of a three word phrase that applies to you. Read my mind and figure it out Criswell...
Okay, much like the majority of the technologically experienced movie viewers of the world today, I downloaded this feature off of the worldwide wasteland. Of course, should any legal representatives approach me about how I got a hold of this, the official story is that I'm not technologically experienced enough to know where or how I would download movies and instead received the movie on a DVD from a friend who disappeared shortly after and is therefore unavailable for persecution. Oh yeah, and I figured that since this was a version of the movie not available for public viewing and thus I'm not taking money out of the hands of the studio, Rob Zombie, John Carpenter, or anyone else attached to the cast or crew, I figured it wouldn't be a problem. Besides, you think I'm stupid enough to take money out of Danny Trejo's pocket?! That crazy Mexican would cut off my thumbs and replace them with my balls! Do I look like I want to be called "Ball Thumbs" the rest of my life?! Let me answer that for you: NO!
The basic framework of the workprint plays out much like the theatrical version: Michael Myers had an abusive childhood. He mutilated furry little creatures, had a penchant for wearing a weird-ass clown mask, and was treated like shit by everyone but his mom and his baby sister until finally one day he snaps, kills some people, goes to a mental asylum, breaks out 18 years later and goes back to his hometown of Haddonfield to kill some more sexy teens and reconnect with his long lost baby sister. Now, as far as the big differences to the story, I've made the following paragraphs the same color as the background so it looks like a big section of dead space. If you've seen the movie already or you couldn't give two shits about "spoilers" with your flicks, just use your mouse to highlight the following paragraphs to make them readable. If you're not into having plot points and so forth ruined for you, then just skip on ahead to the bottom paragraph... though I know you're not just going to skip ahead to the bottom paragraph because, admit it, you can't resist finding out what happened because you're weak and can't deny yourself... trust me, I know my own kind when I smell 'em.
Though there are a number of little tweaks here and there, the big scenes that caught my attention the most in regards to the overall adjustment of the movie itself were these: Instead of Myers making his escape while being transfered to another facility and bashing his way through a posse of security personel armed with shotguns like some unstoppable killing machine (that just happens to know plenty of hand-to-hand fighting techniques for just such an occasion), Mikey's escape goes much differently. One night, while he's going about his usual mask making in his cell, Michael's peace and quiet is interrupted by a pair of security guards who drag a young female detainee from down the hall into Myers' room where they put on some of Mikey's masks and proceed to rape the girl while berating the big goon. This prompts Myers to kill both men by strangling one and cracking the other's skull off of a wall. Though he isn't shown killing anyone else (especially not his only friend in the place, Danny Trejo), we see Myers leaving the facility afterwards and heading to the truck wash station for his meeting with Big Joe Grizzly.
The next change isn't going to mean much to a lot of people, but it's a personal issue that I've had with both the original and the remake so I'm making a point of addressing it now. Originally the retarded sequence of Myers pinning the big teenage guy to a door with nothing more than the end of a butcher knife was thankfully dropped, replaced instead by a simple sequence of Myers stabbing the fucker to death in the confines of the guy's van. Not only does this remove that grating annoyance with the whole "pinning a 200+lb guy to a door with a butcher knife through his stomach" irritation that feels like itching powder poured over my brain every time I see it, but it also removes the problem of why the pseudo-PJ Soles girl didn't hear her boyfriend being murdered not 20ft away in the hallway right outside of the room she was in. As such, this change in the movie alone wins an extra rating point from me... though half of that rating point gets dropped upon seeing the original ending in action...
Before we get to the actual ending itself, I'd like to note that the amazingly funny moment in the theatrical release where Michael drags Laurie from the police car and Loomis spazzes out and shouts, "WHAT THE HELL!?", is no longer funny as Loomis instead says "Jesus Christ, Michael!" in a serious way and non-conducive to unintentional humor. Regarding the actual ending, the cops show up shortly after Mikey takes Laurie hostage, Loomis convinces him to let her go, and as soon as Loomis and Laurie are out of the way the cops open fire on the big lunk and take him out in a hail of gunfire, much to Loomie's chagrin. It definitely takes away the impact and personal touch of the half-murder, half-suicide ending of the theatrical cut where Myers makes his little sister kill him.
As I said, there were a number of little changes made here and there in addition to what I mentioned above, but overall these little changes weren't incredibly important. The workprint cut actually had some extended scenes of Laurie and friends, which were thankfully exorcised for the theatrical version because I hated those obnoxious little cunts and couldn't be happier to see them and their shithead boyfriends violently killed... damn kids. Anyway, the big changes I did go into detail about served to make Myers an even moreso sympathetic character and even an indirect hero of one scene, so if your big dislike of the movie was Zombie trying to make a sob story out of an incarnation of pure evil, chances are you'll like the workprint version even less. As one of the few who actually took a liking to the idea of making Michael Myers a more realistic "misunderstood monster" amalgam of Jason Voorhees and the Frankenstein monster, I support the workprint... with the exception of the ending. Even though it furthers the "feel sorry for the killer" motif, it was predictable and ruined the impact and semi-sweet brutality of the theatrical release's finale.
In a perfect world I'd combine aspects of both versions to make a so-called "ultimate" version, but then I'd only burn it to a DVD for myself to watch and not give anyone else a copy because, well, I'm a dick like that. That reminds me, wait right there while I go get some salt to rub into those wounds of yours...
