Thirty years ago, Wes Craven brought us the story of a typical, wholesome American family that got stranded in the middle of a New Mexico dessert and had to fight for their survival against a clan of Mad Max extras who had been living off the flesh of unwary travelers since their asses had been irradiated by government A-Bomb tests a decade prior. Violence ensued, people died and Michael Berryman gnawed his way into the hearts of b-movie fans everywhere. With the slew of horror movie remakes that have boiled to the surface of the greasy, pizza-like face of Hollywood in the last 4 or 5 years, it’s no surprise that a grisly little cult classic like this should be reincarnated in a more gruesome, “let the blood flow” update with writer-director Alexandre Aja (the acclaimed-but-flawed Haute/High Tension. And unlike most of the other horror movie updates that have been slopped into our little wooden bowls leaving us asking if that was all we were going to get, this one works…
Overall, the cast of characters are very much the same as the original, only now Doug’s a dickhead only masquerading as a tool (in acting school they call that “range”), Brenda’s been updated into a “slut lite” character and Bobby’s been de-aged by a few years, otherwise the family of unsuspecting victims is pretty much the same as they were before. The actors themselves are all competent, put in perfectly fine performances and didn’t bother me at all. I liked them and it’s almost too bad that most of them had to die painfully… note that I said “almost”, as we’d be pretty bored if nobody shook hands with the reaper. As for the cannibals, they no longer look simply like unwashed hillbillies, but more like the genetic mutations and deformities that we were always told exposure to extreme levels of radiation would cause. Though I’ll always hold Michael Berryman’s turn as Pluto close and dear to my soul devouring, black hole dwelling, hell-beast of a heart, I applaud turning the character into little more than a tumor covered engine of destruction. The only problem is that he now looks enough like Sloth from The Goonies that it was impossible for me to watch without spouting the occasional “Give him a Baby Ruth and he’ll leave you the fuck alone!” or “Heeeeeeeey Yoooooou Guuuuuuuys!”. Ya win some, ya lose some and ya laugh at the rest... which reminds me, I never thought I'd have to look at Billy Drago in another mainstream movie ever again. Go figure.
Notable differences of the movie itself? The hill dwellers are no longer just people living in caves, but former residents of a New Mexico mining town that refused to leave their homes when the G-Men types came through in the ‘60s to do nuke tests. I guess this is supposed to make us feel sorry for them, but when they’re trying to eat babies and shooting old women in the stomach, it’s hard to sympathize. I like that the loonies still live in their old test site houses (this stretch being my favorite segment of the movie) and I was glad to see the bombed out craters from said tests make an appearance too, used as a dump site for the vehicles of their victims… though you’d think a passing helicopter might pick up on something like that sooner or later, especially given the number of disappearances that the freaks have been causing in the area over the years…
Technically the direction is much cleaner and more “professional”, which you come to expect given the bigger budget and 30 years worth of advancement in movie technology. The shots of the dessert pull off the whole “desolate and isolated” feeling like they should, but movies that take place almost entirely in the embrace of daylight aren’t so much creepy as they are an obvious fix to keeping the lighting budget low and emphasizing the blood spray by not covering it up with shadows.
Speaking of the violence and gore, as I’m sure you’ve all heard by now, it’s much more prominent than what we slurped up from the original. However, if you’ve waded through the viscous currents of movies like Dead Alive or Evil Dead II, the blood won’t upset you. That’s not to say there aren’t a couple of cringe worthy moments of violence in the flick (gotta give it to whomever thought up the assault potential of a police issue spike strip…) and a definite “HOLY SHIT!” scene or two (including an exploding head!), but if you’ve seen half the movies reviewed on this site (and if you have you really need to get a job or go to school or do something worthwhile with your life, believe me), chances are you’ve subjected yourself to worse than you’ll see here. On the other hand, there are a couple of scenes that animal lovers will want to look away from. Of course this isn’t a Ruggero Deodato movie, so the feathers and furries are fake, but that’s little comfort to certain people and to those people I suggest watching with someone you trust to tell you when it’s over… and not when it’s still happening like I always used to do to my family. Brenda’s rape scene is a little more brutal, but far from graphic, so if you’re expecting torn panties and a lot of futile struggling or animalistic writhing, don’t worry, you’ll be okay.
Overall, what’s the biggest question lingering after it’s all said and done? Where’s the fucking Jaws poster?!
