I don’t know what the hell to do, here. What was this movie all about? I
have not a goddamn clue.
I know that the beautiful Ellen Sandweiss was in it. I think….Yeah. She was.
Let’s see. A husband and wife (Felissa Rose of Sleepaway Camp fame), her
sister (goddess Ellen), Ellen’s baby boy and the couple’s autistic teen son
are all driving through the Jersey woods for….something. I think it was a
family reunion or something. Fuck. I don’t know. Anyway, their car gets
stuck and big fat husband-guy goes to get assistance. (I seriously thought
he was the father of the two women for the longest time, he looks that old.)
There’s this crazy-ass old bitch in an abandoned looking house that lives
with her deaf/mute adult daughter and loony adult son. Everybody from the
car takes their turn going to the house and either being killed or captured.
Oh, and the (off-screen) Jersey Devil swoops around as if it were actually a
camera, which it is.
I just made the movie sound like it makes actual sense, which it doesn’t.
It’s all a big fucking mess. The director claims he wanted to follow
“nightmare logic”. *ahem* I’ve seen good “nightmare logic“. It’s called The
Beyond, The Gates of Hell, Suspiria and Inferno. That’s what “nightmare
logic” is, Mr. Tomaselli. Not a bunch of random shit happening with no
story. You HAVE to have at least the basics of a plot to hold the craziness
together and you, my friend, have nothing to hang your set-pieces on.
I must acknowledge two (I’m tempted to say great, but it may have just been
the overall shitiness of the movie that made them seem so good)
performances. And neither of them belong to the love of my life, Ms.
Sandweiss.
1) Christie Sanford. She plays the “deaf/mute” Judy. At times seemingly
childlike and harmless but snapping immediately to vicious and menacing. A
truly wonderful shift in character to behold.
2) The best acting in the film belongs to Danny Lopes, who plays the
autistic Sean. His performance makes Sean the only truly likable character
in the film. Thanks, Danny. You actually made this thing tolerable.
