It was dead outside.
Pretty hard to believe since just a while ago those same buildings blazed with neon lights and banners. It seems to suddenly disappear and leave a barren space in one face of the earth.
Looking out of his balcony, Jiro watched the sky as the darkened clouds moved by to grant the city of moonlight. Suddenly it doesn't seem to be so dead anymore, only lonely and sad. Melancholy. Infinite Sadness.
Accompany it with guilt, shame, and fright and it will be a perfect match for Jiro's mood. He crinkled his face into a frown and sipped his coffee...he can't sleep, something's haunting him.
The dream.
Jiro closed his eyes tightly to keep the memory from coming, to keep the memory of the dream from haunting him but it was too late. He's seeing everything happen in flashes of scenes...like a movie.
Knife. Blood. Murder.
MURDER MURDER MURDER...MURDER!!!!!
And it involves him...crying out for help, seeking something he knows he couldn't find.
Then there's pain, unbearable pain right in his heart. He put his hands over it, over his chest to minimize the pain...only to find blood. His blood oozing out of his chest. He tried to run as fast as he could but his steps only seem to slow him down, his steps only seem to bring him closer to darkness.
Then a calling of his name. Jiro Jiro Jiro Jiro Jiro...JIRO!!!!!
Everything seems to be blurred...he can't see anything, he can't seem to feel anything.
He seems dead...but not dead. He seems to live only to suffer.
A figure before him, asking him questions he can't make out. Why? Why did you do it? Why did you leave me? How could you do this to me? I loved you Jiro...
I LOVED YOU!
Jiro...Jiro...Jiro...Jiro...Jiro...Jiro...
Blood.
Darkness.
Jiro opened his eyes, his breathing heavily laden.His hands are shaking, his palms are sweaty...the coffee mug has fallen on the floor with bits and pieces of ceramic shards and black liquid all over it. He tried to clean it up...but found himself immobile...he can't move. A stinging pain shot through him, he looked at his hand.
Blood.
A broken piece of mug made a cut in his finger.Blood.
In an instant he picked up his car keys and went out the door, carrying his coat with him.
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The moon shone brightly in his window, providing him with light...he was used to darkness...he doesn't need the light to be able to think.
Hisashi can't sleep, he looked at the stars as he took a long puff out of his cigarette...his eyes glazed over from lack of sleep. Lately, he can't seem to go to sleep...dreams and visions kept coming to him.
This puzzled him though. What are they suppose to mean?
Are they premonitions? Visions?
Do they come to him for what? A warning? A clue?
And it involves two people holding hands, the other one is not him...it was his koi, his one true love.
Jiro.
But the other one...the other one's not him too.
And there's also blood...but it's vague...blurred...he can only make out the hands.
Who is it with Jiro in his dreams?
If it's not him, then who is it?
Who is it? Who who who who who???? Questions bugged Hisashi's mind all night depriving him of sleep.
But of course, he's also waiting for Jiro. He longs for Jiro's warmth to embrace him, for Jiro's comforting words to tell him that he's the only one who matters, he longs for JIro's love, he longs for Jiro's mere presence.
He'll stay awake until Jiro comes, until Jiro offers solace from the doubt lingering on his mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brightness. Purity.
That's what he saw in Jiro. That's what he loves about Jiro.
He left Jiro's pad early to catch up with the closing of the flower shop, just to buy a little something for a wonderful night spent with the equally or possibly more wonderful bassist.
Teru's all smiles while buying the Stargazers.
Stargazers. Beautiful full-bloomed Stargazers. A dozen of them in his arms...
The Stargazers suit Jiro, they smell good, they're beautiful, they're bright and cheery. He looked at the Stargazers in his arms and a memory of Jiro's sleeping face resting against his chest pleasantly passed through his mind. He smiled, walking almost too rapidly back to Jiro's pad...
He stopped in a glass covered store, looking at his reflection...it seems to talk to him...he seems to be talking to himself. He frowned when his reflection asked him a question.
What if Jiro's not there?
The question brought bitter thoughts to his mind.
"Of course Jiro's there...he'll never leave me..."
What if Jiro's in Hisashi's house? What if Jiro left?
"He'll never leave me, Jiro will _never_ leave me."
How can you be so sure? How can you say?
"Because Jiro loves me. Jiro loves me...he loves me...loves me...only me."
Jiro doesn't love you. He loves Hisashi...he doesn't love you.
"Jiro loves me...Jiro does too...Jiro loves me...Jiro loves me...Jiro loves me...Hisashi doesn't exist...Jiro loves only me...do you know that?!"
You're lying. Jiro will never love somebody like you, he's just using you.
"Liar!!!"
His reflection did not talk back.
He smiled again and proceeded to go to Jiro's pad, all the while looking at the Stargazers resting in his arms.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jiro is here.
Hisashi saw Jiro park his car along the curb, he couldn't wait to open the door and see Jiro's smiling face welcome him. He went down the stairs quickly, eagerness to see the other man filled his veins...
The doorbell rang twice and then there was an impatient rapping at the door.
"I'm coming!" Hisashi shouted as soon as he landed on the foot of the stairs.
The rapping stopped. Patience. Typically Jiro. Hisashi smiled.
Finally Hisashi stopped in front of the door and proceeded to unlock it, his wrists twisting the knob so he may grant entrance to the other man.
Jiro's smiling face greeted Hisashi and warmth filled his thoughts.
Solace. Comfort. Assurance is here. Finally.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hi, did I disturb you or something?" Jiro asked, his voice uncertain yet hopeful.
"No, of course not. You promised me you'd
come so I've been expecting you. Maa, you look tired, what did you do
rearrange your pad the whole night?" Hisashi asked, amusement clear
in his voice. He stepped out of the doorway
to let Jiro inside his house.
Jiro plopped down on the couch in Hisashi's living room. "Yeah, kinda. Do you know how my house looked like when I got there? I was a freaking mess! Dusts everywhere...the dishes hasn't been cleaned..."
Hisashi smirked, sitting beside Jiro and snuggling inside the bassist waiting arms. "Now I know why you don't want me to go there. By the way, how's your sister?" Hisashi asked, his brow raised in query and suspicion. Jiro reached out for the remote control and flicked the TV on, all the while smelling Hisashi's hair. "Mmmm...you smell good."
Hisashi smiled but nudged his elbow along Jiro's stomach. "What?" the bassist inquired, obviously clueless as to what Hisashi wanted to hear.
"I asked you about your sister...how is she?"
"Oh her...she's fine. Borrowed a few bucks for that house rental thing she got, I swear it's as if I'm her bank or something" Jiro shook his head, wondering how he made it seem real while his answers are pure lies.
Hisashi placed his hand atop Jiro's. "You love her don't you? Then deal with it"
"Yeah guess so."
Silence loomed over them like a giant shadow. Then Hisashi spoke..."I had a dream again..."
Jiro palms are suddenly sweaty. "Oh yeah? What's it about this time?"
"You were holding somebody else's hand..."
Jiro swallowed then bit his bottom lip, he must answer quickly. Hisashi's fingers are swirling again, as it had the morning Hisashi first told him about the dream.
It was a warning. Jiro should know the right words to say to assure Hisashi that he doesn't belong to anyone else.
"Now Hisa, dreams are dreams...they're not real, they're not premonitions, they're not visions. They just exist because it's on your mind. Dreams aren't real."
"I know."
Jiro sighed in relief when Hisashi's finger stopped swirling. Hisashi languidly got up and stretched his arms above him.
"Ne Jiro, you want coffee?"
"Sure. No milk and -" Jiro stopped talking when one of Hisashi's fingers found it's way against his lips.
Hisashi chuckled, his finger still fused to Jiro's lips to render the bassist mute. "I know...no milk and extra sugar because you don't like it creamy but you like it sweet." Hisashi smirked then replaced his finger with his lips and gave Jiro a loud smack on his pouty kissers.
The bassist grinned, smoothing his fingers down Hisashi's cheek. "You know me well."
"I do, don't I. Wait for me here okay?" Hisashi said as he made his way towards his spacious kitchen.
The corners of Jiro's lips curved upward to form a playful grin. "Better hurry Hisa, I might lose my patience and come after you..."
That remark earned a playful response from the guitarist. "Fat chance koi...I'll compromise you later though."
Hisashi sighed happily as he put water on the kettle. Jiro's brightness and cheerful persona soon got to him.
No more doubts. No more questions. No more suspicions.
Hisashi smiled as he set the kettle on the stove, then waited for it to reach boiling point.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teru opened the door to Jiro's pad with his own set of keys. Despite his eagerness to see the other man he still made it a point to remove his shoes before he stepped in the living area...he knows how Jiro hates it when his floor is dirty. After leaving his shoes on the rack, he proceeded to go to Jiro's bedroom, making sure to put the bundle behind him in a lame but cute attempt to hide his present for the bassist.
He slowly approached the bed where the figure seemed to be sleeping, when he's at the foot of bed, he reached out and clawed the sheets off the figure and whispered...
"Wake up, I have something for you."
Only to see there's no Jiro in the bed, only bunched up pillows and sheets.Where could he be?
Teru walked out of room, his face contorted with disappointment and bafflement. He headed towards the kitchen in dire hopes of finding Jiro making coffee but found the bassist to no avail. He looked in other parts of the pad but Jiro isn't anywhere to be found.
He sat down on the couch the Stargazers in his lap, he leaned back and stared at the blank-looking ceiling...suddenly a voice invaded his thoughts.
Jiro is not here because they are together...Jiro is with Hisashi.
Teru blinked, his hand blindly groping for the bundle resting in his lap.
He took hold of one flower.
And crushed it into pieces.
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*I'll wrap my wire around your heart and you're mine...you're mine forever.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teru reached for the phone by the nightstand.
And dialed Hisashi's number.