Hisashi walked to the practice room, his footsteps light, as he hummed softly to himself. A smile graced his handsome face, a smile that wouldn't leave his face ever since last night. And thinking about last night only made the smile grew wider.

It had been one of the best nights he could remember. A walk in the park, cuddling together in his living room, talking about nothing and everything. Thinking and reviewing their relationship, laughed at all the fights and stupid things they'd done, smiling and gushing about the sweet, wonderful times they'd had together. Talking about the hopes and promises they had for each other.

It was so wonderfully sweet. Those years ago, he would've thought about it as sickening and boring, but now that he had done it himself… it was wonderful. And Jiro had just been being the sweet and cute baby that he was.

His baby.

Heck, he knew he sounded like a teenager in love but who cares. He was just so happy.

It had been six months already, his relationship with Jiro. Six months of emotions, of ups and downs, of anger and happiness, of sadness and laughter… of everything that made the relationship between him and Jiro so wonderful.

He honestly had never thought that they'd last this long. But he was glad and thankful that they did last this long. Contrary to his first thought, Jiro was the best of a lover he could ever hope.

He could still hear his koi's cries of pleasure from last night, and he had to restrain himself not to giggle.

Damn, he could never get enough of that boy.

Too bad he couldn't show his love openly. There were those times where he wanted so badly to hold or kiss Jiro but had to restrain himself from doing that because there were other people. Jiro said that he was still afraid of other people's reaction about their relationship.

And truth to be told, Hisashi was scared too. He was scared of rejection, especially from Teru and Takuro.

But really, now was not the time to worry about that. So far, no one suspected anything, so far so good.

He didn't want to worry about nothing right now. He was so happy and he wanted to feel the happiness as long as possible.

He reached the practice room's door and swung it open. He spotted Takuro sitting on the sofa, his face troubled. Dark. Angered.

"Ohayou, Takuro," Hisashi greeted brightly, putting his guitar against the wall and took off his coat. "Whoah, it's been pretty cold, this autumn. Winter is so close, ne?"

Takuro looked up and stared at him, and Hisashi could see anger flashing in the other guitarist's eyes. "Don't "Ohayou Takuro" me," Takuro snapped. "Don't act as if nothing happened".

Hisashi was surprised with Takuro angry voice. He eyed Takuro curiously. "Ne, Takuro… something's wrong?"

"You tell me what's wrong!," Takuro replied angrily. "Don't give me what-the-hell-are-you-talking-about shit!"

"Look," Hisashi replied calmly. "I have no idea what you are so angry about…"

"Don't lie, Hisashi," Takuro gritted his teeth. "Don't lie, there is no use to"

"Heck, I have no idea what you…"

"Well then look at *THIS*!!," Takuro yelled angrily, throwing him a newspaper, which smacked Hisashi on the chest and fell to the floor before he could grab it. "Look at *THAT*, and do tell me that you don't know anything about that!!"

Annoyed because his happy mood had been broken so soon, Hisashi picked up the fallen newspaper, intending to found out what had made the usually calm and rational Takuro so freaked out.

It only took him a glance at the headline to make the air knocked out from his lung and the blood to leave his face,

He held the newspaper with shaking hands, and stared in disbelief at the big picture on the first page. And stared. And stared, wishing that it would only be a nightmare, that it actually wasn't happening.

But it was indeed reality.

Printed on the first page of the fucking newspaper was a large pic of him and Jiro… kissing.

Hisashi felt like fainting.

"What would you say about *that*?," Takuro hissed angrily, but Hisashi was not really listening.

His mind was a sudden chaos, everything, every thought swirled into one. Distantly, he noticed that the pic must have been taken last night. It had been in the park, last night, under the moonlight, he kissed Jiro.

It might have been a careless action, now that he thought about it, but he hadn't really thought about it last night. He hadn't really considering the thought that there might be other people seeing them. He hadn't… oh God… and now the pic of him and Jiro kissing was printed on the first page of one of the leading newspaper in the whole Japan.

Sure in the pic they were kind of shadowed by the night, but it was painfully clear that the two people in the picture were Hisashi and Jiro. Everyone would notice that. Everyone… God, the whole Japan… no, the whole world now knew that they were gay.

Hisashi shut his eyes tightly, trying to collect himself as soon as possible. There was no use to run away from this. He braced himself for more of Takuro's onslaught.

"Okay, make me happy," Takuro spoke again. "Do tell me that that is only a manipulated pic done by someone who wanted some sensastion or whatsoever. Tell me that it is not true"

Hisashi took a deep breath and lifted his face, staring at Takuro straight in the eye. "It is… the truth"

"This is not happening, this is not happening," Takuro chanted under his breath, but he stared at Hisashi and he saw it in the other guitarist's eyes. That it was indeed the truth. "This is not happening!!"

"… It is, Taku--"

"Not to me!! Not… Oh, good LORD, I don't have … I don't have any band member who is gay, much more sleeping with each other!"

"Well, you have now!"

"…You couldn't possibly love him, right?"

"I love him"

"You couldn't be! It can't be possible!"

"Why's that??!!," Hisashi's anger flared. "WHY? Because he's a man too, like me??"

"YES!! FUCK, YES!"

"WELL, SCREW YOU!!!" Hisashi yelled, barely able to contain himself anymore. "I love Jiro. Period. The hell with you and your antipathy to gay relationship whatsoever!"

Takuro banged the table furiously. "It's not whether or not *I* can take the relationship between you! Shit, it's about whether or not the *community* can accept that… abnormal relationship between you!"

Hisashi fell silent at Takuro's words. Yes, not only his band mates, everyone might not approve their relationship. Everyone might as well go against them. He fisted his hands and clenched his jaw tightly.

Hisashi was about to reply when suddenly Teru stormed into the room, redfaced, breathless, shocked, horrified, all rolled into one. "Takuro!!," he said breathlessly, waving *the* damned newspaper in his hand. "Takuro, have you seen…". He stopped dead when he noticed the atmosphere in the room and then he saw Hisashi. "…Hisa…"

Hisashi stared back at Teru and they locked glance for a moment before Hisashi hastily tore his gaze away.

Takuro took a deep breath, trying to regain control of himself. "Look," he spoke up, looking straight at Hisashi. "You were not -- *are* not - thinking clearly right now. Let's just…"

"No matter what you say and about to do, it won't change anything," Hisashi bit back coldly. "My feeling still hasn't changed. You may say I'm delusional, or crazy, whatever. But I. Love. Jiro"

"GODDAMIT, HISA!" Takuro yelled frustatedly, raking his hair. "Do you ever *think* about the consequences? Do you *ever* think about it? People may hate you. You can be isolated from the community"

"I don't…"

"Well, I DO care!" Takuro cut off. "I care about you, I care about *us*. About our *future*"

"What Takuro mean," Teru spoke up. "Is that have you ever considered that your relationship with Jiro can deeply affect the future of Glay?"

"…No," Hisashi answered reluctantly. "I haven't thought about it because I didn't expect that our relationship would be discovered this soon"

"How *smart* of you!" Takuro retorted. "You know that having the abnormal relationship like that, you have to know the consequences first, and I thought that you were…"

"For once, I don't want to think about consequences!" Hisashi snapped. "I just want to enjoy it, every minute of my relationship with him, without mulling over the what-will-happen shits! Fuck you, guys, you don't know how hard it is to have a relationship like this! Do you think we enjoy sneaking behind your back? Do you think it's satisfying to only be able to be with him in those few, rare, spare times when we don't have activity?"

"Then why didn't you tell us earlier?" Teru asked. "We could've… done something"

"Like what? Getting angry? Separating us? We didn't tell you because we knew that you would react this way! Because we weren't ready for your reaction!"

"And you are ready now?"

Hisashi glared at Takuro. "No," he hissed. "I'm not ready and I know that Jiro's not ready either. That's why we want to keep this as a secret longer"

"You can't think that even if you keep this longer, the reaction would be different"

"Yes, but that time we'd be readier and maybe we could find a way to make the others accept us"

Takuro shook his head. He couldn't believe what was happening to him, to Glay. He was acutely aware that the affair between Hisashi and Jiro could bring danger to Glay. To their future, to the relationship between them. "Hisashi, you know what will happen if you keep up your affair with Jiro, especially when the public now know about it. I can't think of anything else to save Glay but you have to break it up with Jiro and tell the public that…"

"I'm NOT giving Jiro up for anything," Hisashi spat. "I won't let him go, even if…"

Takuro lost his patience at Hisashi's words and he grabbed the front of Hisashi's shirt and yanked him roughly. "Listen," he said, his voice low and dangerous. "We have sacrificed so much to make Glay like it is now. It has been a fucking long road and I can't imagine what will happen if Glay falls". He tightened his grip on the guitarist's shirt. "I. Won't. Let. Glay. Break. Apart. Just. Because. The. Two. Of. You. Understood?"

Hisashi stared defiantly into Takuro's eyes, challenging the fury that blazed from their depth. He wouldn't back down. Not at whatever cost. He didn't want Glay to fall eaither, but he wouldn't give up on Jiro at any cost.

The door swung opened suddenly and Jiro walked in, bright-faced and happy, humming lightly to himself, unaware of the bad news that would come soon. It broke Hisashi's heart to know that in less than a minute, that happy expression would vanish completely from Jiro's face.

"Are…?" Jiro stopped suddenly, as he saw Takuro gripping Hisashi's shirt furiously and the atmosphere in the room registered in. "What happen…?"

Takuro let go of Hisashi and took a deep breath, running his hand through his hair, trying in vain to regain control of himself.

"Is there… something happen that I should know?" Jiro inquired innocently, and Hisashi caught Jiro's gaze, locking it with his own, trying to send a warning throught his gaze.

Jiro frowned as he caught the message in Hisashi's unusually frantic gaze. He broke the gaze as Takuro wordlessly threw the newspaper at him. Jiro caught the newspaper, and Hisashi heard sharp intake of breath as his blonde lover spotted the damned picture.

"Do you realize how it can affect Glay?" Takuro asked.

Jiro bit his lips, his face paled, and he looked up, staring at his lover, then at Teru, then Takuro. "…Yes…" he whispered.

"Good. Then you know what has to be done," Takuro said, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "To save Glay. To save us"

"I know… but I won't do it" Jiro lifted his face. "I know you will tell me to choose between Hisashi and Glay but… I can't"

"Jiro…"

"I love Hisashi," Jiro said. "And no matter how much I want GLAY to not fall, I won't ever give up on Hisashi. Not when I love him. Not when I know that he loves me too"

Hisashi smiled, hearing Jiro's answer. Just what he felt. That time, hearing Jiro's answer, he felt his love grew bigger, the fondness, the affection, the trust. Everything.

But Takuro couldn't take it anymore. "You guys are sick!" he spat out.

Something snapped inside Hisashi, hearing Takuro's words. His hand fisted and without wasting any second, he punched Takuro. Hard. "Fuck you," he snarled. "You have no right to say something like that to us!"

Takuro staggered back, taken aback by the sudden blow. "You…!!" he hissed. Anger flared in his eyes as he raised his fist to attack Hisashi, but Teru stopped him in time.

"Takuro! Calm down!" Teru said, grabbing Takuro's arm to prevent him from hitting Hisashi. "Calm down, okay? You're starting to scare me!"

Takuro paused for a moment at Teru's words then, hissing, he snatched his hand roughly from Teru's grip. Wordlessly, he grabbed his guitar case furiously and stalked towards the door.

"There's no practice for today!" he yelled angrily then slammed the door furiously.

Teru sighed heavily while Jiro kept staring at the door and Hisashi leant to the wall, his eyes shut tightly.

There was a very heavy silence hanging between them. Silence that had never been there before.

"…What now…?" Hisashi murmured. He felt tired. Gone now his happiness and energy that he had had earlier this morning. He felt sad, angry and… somewhat empty. At Teru's reaction. At Takuro's reaction. At everything.

And he saw his feeling clearly mirrored in Jiro.

Teru huffed. "Now? Well… I guess we'd better go home… Takuro said no practice for today…" He grabbed his coat and started to walk to the door.

"…Ne, Teru…," Jiro spoke up, stopping Teru at the door. Teru stopped and turned his head a little, in a silent inquiry. "Do you… about me and Hisa… do you feel that way too? Like…. Like Takuro, I mean…"

Teru stalled a bit, trying to find some other thing to say to them. Something that wouldn't hurt them. But in the end, he said the only thing that was in his head. "I just wish… there was any other way," he whispered. With that, he closed the door behind him, leaving Jiro and Hisashi inside.

Jiro stared sadly at the closed door. He honestly couldn't really blame Teru and Takuro for their reaction, but… he couldn't help but wishing their reaction had been different. He turned to Hisashi, looking just as weary as himself. "What… should we do now, Hisa?" he murmured.

Hisashi could only stare back helplessly at Jiro. "I… don't know, Jiro…" he whispered.

And that was the truth. He didn't know what they should do now. Nothing in his turbulent mind could give him an answer.

What he knew was that from now on, it would be a very hard road for him and Jiro.

~end of part 1~

part 2