Extended AIM Profile

5:00am: McDonald's, Garner's Ferry Road, Columbia, SC

"Don't ask them to dinner or breakfast or brunch, cause girls just wanna have lunch." - Weird Al

I'm still confused at this whole 24-hour concept. What's the official time where they decide "Okay, its too late for cheeseburgers. Time for sausage biscuits." I mean officially breakfast lasts from 6 until 10:30. So why is it I can't get a double cheeseburger at 5am?

"Why does it always rain on me, is it because I lied when I was 17?" - Travis

5:04am: Garner's Ferry Road, Columbia, SC

Fuck me. My window won't roll back up.

8:00am: Home, Sumter, SC

Here I am. Tired as shit. Damn sun hurting my eyes. Smelling like cigarettes and cheap women trying to fix this damn window with pops. Well, at least its better than smelling like meat.

1:13pm: Home, Sumter, SC

"What you know about I-26 to 385? I got a stuffed monkey bitch chillin' in the ride" - T_Piddy

When the first thing you see when you wake up is a message from a pretty girl saying "hey, you should come to Clemson." You think about grabbing your bags and going, but then you come to your senses. Its 3 hours away. Then you think about the fact that she doesn't have a gag reflex and that there was a good chance of her displaying her talent that night. Hell, she even talked about most likely doing so in her message. You really think about going. Then you go - shit, this is a 6 hour round trip and I have to work Monday. Then you roll over and go back to sleep.

2:30pm: Sumter Mall, Sumter, SC

I got my WCW belt engraved. Nothing funny/interesting to report here. I do wish I had a camera tho when I told the lady I wanted "T Piddy" engraved on it. She gave me a weird look, but took my $10 and did her job. Quite a nice one at that. I'll have to show it to you guys one day.

4:00pm: Clark United Methodist Church, Oswego, SC

"At 15, there's never a wish better than this when you've only got 100 years to live." - Five for Fighting

Man o man. I should have been struck by lightning soon as I stepped on the church ground. I mean considering it hadn't even been 12 hours since some girl's ass was in my face. I think I was spared only because my grandma was beside me. I don't think The Big Guy was aiming for a 2-for-1 deal for that one. Anyways, we were there for this lady's seventy-fifth birthday. That's impressive to live that long. I'm only 21 and I'm like "wow, that's another 54 years I could potentially live. Thing is I hope I make good decisions for the majority of those 54 years. It would suck to get that old and be like "man, I really haven't done anything beneficial to myself, my family, or my friends." I mean its good to enjoy life and be "young and stupid", but at some point and time we're all gonna have to start being productive on a consistent basis.

6:00pm: Clark United Methodist Church, Oswego, SC

Mom calls me a gentleman for something I did. I'll let the irony of that speak for itself.

8:00pm: Home, Sumter, SC

"OH MY GOD!!! I THINK BENOIT JUST BROKE SABU'S NECK!!!! ONLY IN ECW!!!" - Joey Styles

Looks like its gonna be a slow night. Terence'll enjoy this. Guess I'll break out the Chris Benoit 2-DVD set. 15 hours of matches spread out over 6 hours. This is gonna take some time to watch. And yes, Benoit really did break Sabu's neck (it was an accident). Hence his nickname, "The Canadian Crippler."

9:30pm: Highway 378/Garner's Ferry Road, Somewhere between Columbia and Sumter, SC

What'd I say about always keeping the cellphone charged? Another call from BGJ. "Goin' to Five Points around 11. If you down, come on." Quick dab of cologne and its back to Da Metro.

11:15pm: Outside of Sharky's, Five Points, Columbia, SC

It was a slow night in 5P. Mostly a sausage fest in all the bars. Seeing as how I was the first one out of the group to get there I decided to park it outside a bar w/ a cold Bud Light. While there, some girl w/ a nice ass walked by. I looked, as did the guy beside me. We talked about it. Later on to pass the time we just started shootin' the shit. Quick info on this cat - Name's Lewis, graduated from The Citadel, chillin' in Columbia for the weekend. Anyways, we started talking about stuff and I figured I'd share some of it.

Dancing - Why do girls go to clubs to just dance with their girlfriends? They can do that at home. I mean they get all dolled up and dance with only the people they came with - who happen to be all female. Then they complain when they get home saying there weren't any guys to dance with, they were all at the bar. Well shit, we don't go out to dance. We go to drink. Dancing is just an added bonus only because we get to touch girls.

DUFF - This smokin' girl walks by with her HUGE friend. I go, "man, I'd hate to be wingman in that situation." Lewis' response "Yeah, that's one DUFF no one should ever jump on the grenade for." Considering I had only heard this term used once (thanks Jen) I was kinda surprised that it's been in circulation. For those like me who didn't know, DUFF: Designated Ugly Fat Friend - used as shark repellant when a hot girl goes out.

College Degrees - Worthless, but not. Worth something because they allow you to get a good paying job. Worth a lot more if you have a highly technical major (like engineering or CompSci or something). Worthless in that most people have careers that are no where related to their major and/or the job they have is so simple they could have easily done it straight out of high school with a little bit of training.

Low Cut Shirts - Girls, if you don't want us to look at your cleavage, then don't wear low cut shirts. If you neck line is closer to your nipples than your neck, there's a good chance you're gonna get lots of attention, whether wanted or not. Same thing goes for short skirts/shorts.

Logic - Girls don't use this. I'd discuss the details of this conversation, but Terence has already gone over the majority of what was said in a RAW column. It was just good to hear someone else with the same viewpoint.

Surfing - Yeah, I've never been anywhere near a surfboard, but we had a good conversation as if I had. Ditto about wakeboarding and water skiing and such. Sometimes you just have to pretend you know a lot about something when having a conversation just to get to a topic you actually know something about.

Girls - The perfect girl is of Hispanic descent. For the record I did not bring this up, Lewis did. I just wholeheartedly agreed with him. It's something about their skin complexion that just drives guys wild. Lewis thought that Asian girls are the second hottest. I prefer white girls over Asian chicks, but I can definitely see where he's coming from. Also, he thought skinny girls are highly overrated. Girls with a little bit of tummy are really cute. Just a small amount of 'pooch' is damn near perfect. Once again, I agreed. Then I went and got another Bud Light.

Age - "21 year old" girls who are really 16/17/18. Bouncers really should do a better job of not letting these girls into clubs. It makes you feel kinda dirty after grinding up on them. Its good to look but not touch. And sometimes its not even okay to do that. Also 40 year old women should not be let into a club. No one wants to dance with someone's mom. (Talk about what turned out to be some mean foreshadowing…)

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